[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Tues

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I was reading online that a woman delivered 8 babies yesterday
in Bellflower Ca. As much as I enjoy children 8 would be a severe
case of overkill. Even a military supply officer would have problems
with the logistics of keeping 8 children clean, fed and changed. Due
to volume breast feeding would be out of the question and the stock
shares if whatever formula company they choose will probably take
a jump today. Later on they would probably be better off buying a
couple of dairy cows. On the good side can you imagine the income
tax deductions that the family will have next year. I realize that
the
babies were born 6 weeks premature and they will be spending a
time in the incubator. I wish them all good health and a long life.

Speaking of Bellflower, those of you in Southern California probably
remember and maybe are still the Cal Worthington Ads that were
broadcast on late night Tv to bring people to the Long Beach area
to buy a car. Cal would have to be at least 85 by now but he would
be on there with his dog Spot hawking the quality used cars on his
lots. I remember Spot as being at various times a tiger, a chimp, and
even a water buffalo. Cal was the icon of the shyster used car
salesman
though and I knew quite a few sailors that were unhappy with purchases
that they made there that broke down before they even made the first
payment.

I found a website for Spot on Google http://www.mydogspot.com/

Enjoy the chips ... buffalo

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Random Chips
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"The Clintons released their tax returns. Over the past eight
years, they have donated over $10 million to charity. When
they asked Bill Clinton why he gave so much money to charity,
he said, 'She's a really good dancer.'"


"They still haven't revealed the contents of that note Bush
left for Barack Obama, but I have it: 'dear Brak, I took
Clinton's porn.'"


A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the United States
Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming
ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried
and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators,
the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they
proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males
castrated, then let loose again...and thus the population
would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the
Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's association by Sierra Club
and USFS.

Well, all the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for
a couple of minutes. Finally, an old boy in the back stood
up, kicked his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you
understand the problem." These coyotes ain't F$#^in' our
sheep....they're eatin' 'em."



A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for
my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to
shoot him!"

Q. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she got into the back seat.

Did you hear about the new douche they've made for women?
It's made of Marijuana, Arid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!

Have a good day
Myron

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Find the banannas (naughty alert)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=006Fruitx006.jpg

The Ass Family
http://tinyurl.com/afw9h5

Holy sheet!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=006HolyShit.jpg

Gopher Hole
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32112.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32112.htm "> Here!</a>

Camping
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32110.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32110.htm "> Here!</a>

I'm No Drive In Bank
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32111.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32111.htm "> Here!</a>

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Party Chips
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I was traveling between Phoenix and Ajo the other day south of Gila
Bend when a tire blew out.

Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat.

My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to
the next town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the
window, "Need a lift?"

"Yes, I sure do," I replied.

"You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man.

"Democrat," I replied.

"Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same
question.

Again, I gave the same answer, "Democrat."

The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my
strategy,
since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to
be few Democrats.

The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful
blonde.

She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.

"Republican!", I shouted.

"Hop in!", replied the blonde.

Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous
woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair,
perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and
higher up her thighs.

Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car."

She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car
stopped,
I jumped out.

"What's the matter?", she asked.

"I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Republican
for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."

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Short Chips
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The learned judge looked down from the bench at the young woman who
was suing her husband for divorce. "Your Honor," the young woman
said, "I just can't live with my husband anymore. He's a
hobosexual."
"Just one moment," interrupted the judge, considerably confused.
"Don't you mean homosexual?" "No, your Honor," insisted the
woman. "I
mean hobosexual. He's a bum lay!"

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave
the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts,
floatation
devices, etc... Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip
while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to
your
destination." Old Joe, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,
"Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?" When the attendants
came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right?
Is
the captain a woman?" "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, the
entire
crew for this flight is female." "My God," said ol' Joe, "I'd better
have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those
women up there in the cockpit." "That's another thing sir," said the
attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit, now it's the 'box
office'."

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and
asked
a guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that
I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her
out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good
thing
because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh! You're a
lawyer?" He said, "Why, yes I am!" So they went to his place. When
they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been
a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

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Random Chips
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I'm not saying that my wife was naive when we got married, but she
thought "kinky sex" involved her wearing hair curlers to bed.

One determined young woman finally got so fed up with her shy
boyfriend's fumbling advances she decided to put him in her place.

What does a Jewish husband call a water bed?
The Dead Sea

"Mother," the young woman asked, "remember when you told me the way
to a man's heart was through his stomach?" "Sure," her mother
answered. "Well," the girl went on, "last night I think I may have
found a new route."

What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods?
Finger paint.

"It really is true," exclaimed the satisfied young woman to the man
lying beside her. "Nice guys finish last!"

At cocktail parties the men usually stand around getting stiff, and
the women are usually tight, but when they get home they frequently
find that neither is either.

Why is pubic hair curly?
If it was straight, it would poke your eyes out.

All girls are born good. Experience makes them better.

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Pup Light

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Honeymoon Chips
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The wedding date was set and the groom's three
pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were
deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their
wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed
would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with
alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly
grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later,
each of the grooms buddies received the following
note:

"DEAR FRIENDS, WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS
BEING SAWED. THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY
A MINOR SETBACK. BUT I SWEAR BY GOD ALMIGHTY,
I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVOCAIN IN
THE K-Y JELLY!"

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Oreo Chips
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Why Oreos Are Better Than Men
(compiled by little Keebler elves)

10. They don't scream if you twist them too hard.

9. They don't get drunk and throw up in your bed.

8. They are always good.

7. They go away when you want them too.

6. Rather have chocolate in your teeth than hair.

5. Don't have to worry about the last person who ate one.

4. It's always fun to swallow.

3. They never talk.

2. When it makes a mess in your bed, it's easy to clean.

And the # 1 reason is....

1.The creamy white stuff tastes good.

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Tobi Steamer

Throw away your ironing board for good!
To steam away wrinkles in seconds, just hang the garment on
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The heat and moisture get rid of wrinkles in seconds.
Turn the lighted switch to ON.
You apply no pressure. Just touch the garment lightly, and
move the nozzle up and down. It's easy - even fun!

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Words Of Life
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/W_L.html

Rick w/ My Little Friend Charlie
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ram/Charlie.html

AN UNDERSTANDING HEART
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/ANUNDERSTANDINGHEART.HTML

Jesustree
http://www.alighthouse.com/jesustree.htm

John w/ I'll Fly Away
http://heavens-gates.com/country/illflyaway.html

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Surfin Surfari

Vintage Jewelery
http://montesredesign.com/ghosts/OLDTIMEGEMS/OLDTIMEGEMS

Alive Or dead
http://www.whosaliveandwhosdead.com/pda.asp

Rotten Neighbors
http://www.rottenneighbor.com/

Unusual Museums
http://www.museumstuff.com/museums/unusual.php

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Midis
http://domania.us/mawberri/Pages/Midis.html

CODES FOR MYSPACE
http://www.freecodesource.com/

Sidebars
http://www.angelfire.com/ca/discogirl1/sidebars1.html

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.crazyfordogs.com/

Kitty Korner
http://www.cutelittlekittens.com/

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Movie Chips

The Wood Spider
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axxxssw.htm

Thirsty Monkey
http://www.buffaloschips.com/acdfdd.htm

Tricky Chick
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdeew.htm

Vizella
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdfrrr.htm

Water park
http://www.buffaloschips.com/agtyyt.htm

Baxter Black So Lucky To be An American
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012105.htm

Bending Trial
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012106.htm

Bobcat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012107.htm

Both Ways Barack
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012108.htm

Bowl
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012109.htm

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Pick-up Chips
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- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted?

- For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Bruce, but
then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.

- When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the
pony.

- You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing,
she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.

- You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.

- I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat-hanger
to the metal plate in my head and was using it as antenna to read my
thoughts.

- No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.

- My most painful memory? Hmmm... That would have to be when those
three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.

- Who can blame Woody Allen?

- After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit
of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it turned
out to be food poisoning.

- I'm not free Sunday. I'm going to help OJ look for the real killer.

- If I was a woman, I'd have Rush Limbaugh's baby.

- How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil
refinery? The fumes will give you a really cool buzz.

- Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were
at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human head.
Would you call the cops?

- I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant. Have you
ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?

- I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med school,
so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my own
stirrups.

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Shoes Under - Space Saving Shoe Organizer

Shoes Under stores twelve pairs of shoes under your bed, saving you
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Toon Chips
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http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/l081.html

http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/l082.html

http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/l083.html

Low Carb Diet
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11411.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11411.htm "> Here!</a>

Know Your Foods
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11410.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11410.htm "> Here!</a>

Meaty Myths
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11409.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11409.htm "> Here!</a>

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Limerick Chips
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"I love ORGANS," she said, "Even kidney.
I've had sweetbreads from Brisbane to Sidney
A good serving of liver
Will set me aquiver,
Just like Tom and his organ: Well, didn' he?"

"There are giblets that go in a stew,
And chittlin's appeal to a few
You can start with some heart
And end up with the part
That's best shared just between me and you."

"The stores will no longer sell lung,
nor cojones from a bull that's well-hung;
And there isn't much hype
About kidney or tripe,
But I truly ADORE some good tongue!"

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Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
electric shaver.

The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.

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Parting Chips
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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon
a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing
that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get
married." The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply
said, "Yes, Father." About 10 years later, the priest was in his
study when a young man in his early twenties came in. "Yes, my son?"
said the priest. "Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years
ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the
advice you gave then." "And what was that, my son?" "Well, you told
me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when
I get married," said the young man. "That sounds like something I
probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my
advice?" "Yes I did, Father, but there's only one problem." "What's
that, my son?" "Well, I have a 55-gallon drum of the stuff in the
back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I
supposed to do with it?"

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Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up to
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Bonus Chip
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The first thing Fred says as he sees the doctor is
"Please don't laugh".

Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a
professional.

In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his
trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen.

It couldn't have been the size of a peanut.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started
giggling, then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet
and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor, "I really am.....
I don't know what came over me.
On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman,
I promise it won't happen again.
Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

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The Original Lens Doctor is the quick and easy way to fix scratches
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1511

A Nice Story

Sandi is reading:
This is a story called

SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME
By Saralee Perel

Gracie, my beautiful 13-year-old shepherd/collie mix, has found her
purpose.

Six years ago, when I came home from a Boston hospital after my
spinal cord injury, I was wearing a huge rock-solid brace that went
from my chin to the middle of my chest.

When my husband Bob helped me to our couch, Gracie hopped up to give
me her usual 3 million "Yippee you're home!" kisses. But before she
landed her sloppy tongue on my face, she abruptly stopped herself
upon seeing my brace and, I believe, sensing my pain.

And in that instant, I was no longer her caregiver. I was in her
care.

Ever since then, Gracie's reason-to-be has been to watch over me.

Although she's nearly deaf now, she feels the vibration on the floor
when I get out of bed. She rouses herself from her heated doggie bed.
As I head to the bathroom, she leads the way as if saying, "I'll
protect you, Mom. Just stay behind me." If there is anything such as
a slipper in my path, she will come to a stop, turn sideways to block
me, and then wait until she's sure I've seen the obstacle.

Lately, I've been re-learning how to walk. And just recently I made
my first trek to walk with her at her favorite spot - a woodland path
around a pond. I used to walk there with her every day . . .
before.

It was emotionally brutal seeing my old dog amble so lamely now. With
her head down, she tried her best to walk a straight line, but she
couldn't.

The next day something wondrous happened. Gracie remembered her
calling. Renewed as if granted a second life, she became happy and
purposeful in her ever-vigilant new role as "Grand Protector of My
Mom."

If another dog jumps up to greet me, I fall. So, on that second day,
a dog about 30 pounds bigger and many years younger than Gracie raced
in my direction. Gracie, barking, "I'll get him!" moved as fast as
she could to shield me. She planted her old, weak body right in front
of me as a barrier.

She faced the large, spirited dog. Then she barked a loud
warning, "You better stay away from my mom!" The dog tried to get
around her to reach me. Gracie growled, which I have not seen her do
in over 10 years, "I mean it!"

The dog backed off. Gracie has taken on 4 dogs at once, to stop them
from getting to me.

You see, she has shown me something I had not known before. Gracie
would give up her life for me.

A verse from the song "Mr. Bojangles" haunts me.

He spoke with tears of fifteen years
how his dog and him just traveled about.
His dog up and died.
He up and died.
After twenty years he still grieves.

Today, I said to my wise reverend friend Connie, "Do you think that
having Gracie is worth the pain of losing her?"

Connie said, "Oh yes. Your sadness is so deep only because your love
is so deep. What is a life without love?"

And so, I knelt on the floor next to my Gracie. "Thank you for taking
care of me - for protecting me from all of the evils you think could
ever come my way." I rubbed her bony hips and shoulders. "You have
done a great job." I kissed her golden forehead. "I will always love
you." She sighed, then fell asleep, tired from a long day of watching
over me. I whispered so as not to wake her, "You are my true friend."

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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