Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
My football season is pretty much over now that San Diego has
been eliminated even though I will probably watch the Super
Bowl. Perhaps the Lions with a new coach and quarterback
will turn things around completely next year, but I am not holding
my breath.
Since I got Noggin which is pre-school for children on cable TV
last summer, Eva and I have been watching a show late at night
called Oobi. It is a puppet type theatre but it uses hands with a
small pair of eyes like the GEICO commercial and has stories
about Oobi and her family and Granpoo who is her grandfather
and they sing songs and Eva is really thrilled with the show. This
morning we were watching Disney together and eating blueberries
and I took two large blueberries and stuck them between my
fingers and said, " Granpoo says hi Oobi." She thought it was the
neatest thing she had ever seen and immediately had a couple of
berries on the back of her hand. I hope you all take every advantage
to play silly games with the children in your lives. It is fun for
the both
of you and they are the easiest audience you will ever encounter.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good woman died and went to Heaven. When she arrived at the Pearly
Gates, St. Peter offered to take her on a tour of the facilities. As
they walked past the halo depository, she noticed a sort of fence
off
in
the distance
Intrigued, she asked St. Peter if they could look at it. "What's a
fence
doing up here?" she asked.
"Oh, that's not exactly a fence," he replied. "It's a balcony
railing.
You see, some folks arrive here and find that certain friends or
loved
ones aren't here, and realize they must have gone to Hell. So we
have
an
arrangement with the Adversary whereby our folks can stand at the
railing and look down and find their loved ones."
So they approached the railing, and the woman looked down. She
spotted a
group of people wailing and tearing out their hair while demons
poked
them with pitchforks. "What's the matter with that group?" she
asked.
St. Peter took a look. "Ah," he said. "Those are Southern Baptists
who
went to dances."
Then she noticed another group, screaming while they walked on
red-hot
coals. "What are they being punished for?" she asked the saint. He
looked and replied, "Those are old-style Catholics who ate meat on
Friday."
Another group caught her attention. They were being whipped with
scorpion tails, and screaming. "And their sin?" she asked. St. Peter
looked and said, "Oh, those are Episcopalians who used the wrong
fork."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Ann can't shaddup
http://www.thepostm
Frosty
http://www.thepostm
eight years
http://www.thepostm
Got in to you
http://www.buffalos
Got the Job
http://www.buffalos
Fly me
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What Do You Call A Woman That Works Like A Man??
A. A Lazy Bitch.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Throwing Her Bills In The Fire?
A. Bernadette
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Can Suck A Golf Ball Through A 20
Ft. Garden Hose?
A. `Darling', `Sweetheart'
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Has Lost 95% Of Her Intelligence? A.
Divorced.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Knows Where Her Husband Is
Every Night?
A. A Widow.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Puts Her Diaphragm In Crooked? A.
Mother
Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Uses To Much Contraceptive Cream? A.
A
Spermicidal Maniac.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With A Bit Of DNA On Her Head?
A. Jean.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With A Wooden Leg?
A. Peg
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With Both Legs The Same Length?
A. Nolene
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With ESP And PMS?
A. A Know-It-All Bitch.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With One Leg Longer Than The Other? A.
Eileen
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With Two Brain Cells?
A. Pregnant.
Q. What Do You Call A Woman With Two Toilets On Her Head?
A. Lulu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubbles Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to
conduct a survey. So it wouldn't be a boring project, he chose to
find
out peoples' favourite pastimes.
The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he
started
out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the
university.
He knocked on the first door and a man answered. "Sir, what is your
name ?" asked the student. "John," replied the man. "Sir, I'm doing
a
school study and would like to know what is your favourite pastime
?"
"Watching bubbles in the bath," Came the reply.
He liked the esoteric answer and continued down the hall, until he
came
to the next door, when he asked again. "Sir, what is your name ?"
"Jeff," said the second man. "Sir, Would you please tell me your
favourite pastime ?" "Watching bubbles in the bath," was the answer.
Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people
in
the building and all of them had the same pastime "watching bubbles
in
the bath."
He left the building and walked across the street where there were
several row houses to continue the survey. At the first house, he
knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door. Our surveyor
starts again - "What is your name?"
"Bubbles!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor tells his patient: "Dianne, I have some
good news and some bad news."
Dianne asks for the good news first.
"Well, the test results are in, and the good news is that you
aren't suffering from Pre-menstrual Syndrome, as you'd feared." "And
the bad news?" Dianne asks. To which the Doc replies: "I'm afraid
there's no cure
for being a natural bitch."
~~~
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a
substitute
for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck
of
the bottle."
~~~
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a
local
newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement in the
'Lonely Hearts' column. "Well, madam," the assistant said, "we
charge a
minimum of $1 per insertion." "You don't say," said the spinster
"Well
then, here's $20 and to hell with the advertisement!
~~~~
A California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where
breast
augmentation surgery is done on an
outpatient basis in about 30 minutes.
... They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel.
If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've
been sick and unable to clean.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they
asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "What
do you need?"
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away
from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you
suppose they know that we don't?
I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet...
he said "postage dew".
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why
it was put up.
The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee
is spilled coffee.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're
in deep water.
Odd that when a house burns down, the only things
left standing are the chimney and the fireplace.
Only in America do we shop at places with limited
parking, overpriced items, and long lines and
insultingly, call them convenience stores.
We"re going to have a terrorist attack, but we don't
know where or when. I think you could say the same
thing about tornadoes.
I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this
much, he doesn't like it when you join in.
How dangerous could a fax be, if the pen is mightier
than the sword and a picture is worth a thousand
words.
My husband has suggested a candlelight dinner at
home for our anniversary. Is he being romantic or
just cheap?
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining,
the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and
the lawn mower is broken.
There are two types of roads in our country. One
is under construction and the other is under repair.
The president has said that inflation has been arrested.
He should check . . . I think it's out on bail.
The next time you pay your property taxes, remember
every local politician who went to Hawaii on your dime.
You know times are tough when the school system is
recruiting school bus drivers in the lobby of traffic court.
Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, today is
getting from one to the other.
When life seems like an uphill climb, take comfort in
the fact that you're mooning everyone behind you.
People with true character show it when nobody else
is present.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for
patience.
What will today's younger generation tell their children
they had to do "without"?
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
Gas now costs more than milk!
As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn't let me
play with.
If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.
People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.
No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.
My country invaded Iraq, and all I got was this expensive
gasoline....
You've got to spend money to lose money.
Hermits have no peer pressure
Never trust a story that has been told more
than twice.
It could be worse: there could be 35 teachers
for every student.
A promise is a debt.
It is not the lofty sails but the unseen wind that
moves the ship.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Priest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council
conference. Shortly into the trip, one pries says, "Well, we've all
worked together for many years, but don't really know one another. I
suggest we tell each other one of our sins."
They look nervously at each other, but nod OK. The first priest
says, "Since I suggested it, I'll go first. With me, it's the drink.
Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and
drink myself blind for a few days. Get it out of my system."
They all look each other again nervously, but the next priest slowly
starts, "Well....with me, it's gambling. Periodically, I snitch the
money out of the poor box and go to the races. Spend it all! I get
it out of my system."
The third, who is really nervous now, reluctantly says, "This is
very difficult. My sin is worse. I take off my collar and go into
the red light district, pick out a lass, and spend a week with her,
fucking her every which way. I REALLY get it out of my system."
They all look at the fourth priest waiting. He doesn't say anything.
Then one of the four speaks up saying, "Come now, brother, we've all
told our innermost faults. It's your turn." He looks at the others,
obviously not sure whether he should say anything, and then suddenly
blurts out, "Well ... I'm an inveterate gossip, and I just can't
wait to get off this train!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Heartprints
http://silverandgol
John w/ The Hawaiian Wedding Song
http://heavens-
Carol w/Meet Me At the Merry-Go-Round
http://www.carolspo
Angel Falls
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We wanted to let you know right away that you never have to pay
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Surfin Surfari
Astronomy Picture of the Day
http://antwrp.
Razzies.com - Home of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation
http://razzies.
Whale Rescue
http://www.shangral
Online Alarm Clock
http://kukuklok.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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If you are over 18 years of age, then we want to give you a -FREE-
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Now, we only have 197 memberships to give away. So if you DO NOT
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then do not accept this membership that we want to give you for no
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If you DO want to have a LOT of fun with singles that are awesome to
look at and even better to make meet in real life, then take
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Press here to join for NO COST:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PC Inspector File Recovery -
http://www.pcinspec
Java Software
http://www.java.
Hardware Help
http://www.computer
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
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right way.
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://recipes.
Kitty Korner
http://www.lovethat
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
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Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Chips
High Fireman
http://www.buffalos
Milt Show
http://www.buffalos
1426
http://www.buffalos
Mrs Hughes
http://www.buffalos
Priest off
http://www.buffalos
Pump News
http://www.buffalos
Fragrance
http://www.buffalos
Crash Auto Route
http://www.buffalos
1-555-GET-A-
http://www.buffalos
Bungee
http://www.buffalos
Ben Stein
http://www.buffalos
10 Up, 10 In
http://www.buffalos
3rd World Bomb Squad
http://www.buffalos
Kind so Flucky
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excess Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From "Brain Droppings" by George Carlin:
PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE PHASED OUT
- Guy's who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday."
- People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making
self-conscious remarks about their advancing age.
- Guys who wink when they're kidding.
- Men who propose on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium.
- Guys in their fifties who flash me the peace sign and really mean
it.
- People with a small patch of natural white hair who think it makes
them look interesting.
- Guys with creases in their jeans.
- People who move their lips when I'm talking.
- Guys who want to shake my hand even though we just saw each other
an hour ago.
- A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain
Forest.
- Guys who wear suits all day and think an earring makes them cool
at night.
- Old people who tell me what the weather used to be where they used
to live.
- Men who have one long uninterrupted eyebrow.
- Guys who wink and give the peace sign simultaneously.
- People who say, "Knock, Knock," when entering a room and "Beep
Beep" when someone is in their path.
- People who have memorized a lot of TV-show theme songs and are
proud of it.
- Women who think it's cute to have first names consisting solely of
initials.
- People who give their house or car a name.
- People who give their genitals a name.
- Guys who can juggle, but only a little bit.
- Actors who drive race cars.
- Men who wear loafers without socks. Especially if they have
creases in their jeans.
- Athletes and coaches who give more than a hundred percent.
- Guys who still smell like soap even in the late afternoon.
- Guys who wear their wristwatches on the inside of their wrists.
- Any man who wears a suit and a tie to a ball game.
- Guys who flash me the thumbs up sign. Especially if they're
winking and making the peace sign with their other hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanging Around
http://www.buffalos
Happy Halloween
http://www.buffalos
Headless
http://www.buffalos
Heart treatment
http://www.buffalos
His and Hers
http://www.buffalos
Horse Pants
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Perfect for cell phones (since you always carry it around)
But also great on Ipods, Cameras, Wallets, Closets and anywhere you
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The catlite is the perfect flashlight, ready when you need it and
right at your fingertips
You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
Not available in stores!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Nelly,
Whose tits would jiggle like jelly,
They could tickle her twat,
Or be tied in a knot,
And could even swat flies on her belly.
George Carlin is really a wit,
With his seven words that give censors the fit(s),
They are Shit, Motherfucker,
Piss and Cocksucker,
And don't forget Cunt, Fuck, and Tit(s)!
On the day of his wedding, the male
Should not peek at his bride, says the tale
So try as he might
To keep her in sight
It all really is to know a veil
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out
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Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
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as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
Draft
Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With all the publicity on bird flu a recent directive was sent to
all health care providers to so that they may be able to recognize
the some signs and symptoms of this dreaded malady. Please read the
following carefully...
Symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the
following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
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Click here to hear more or buy now:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Being a virgin, Bob was very nervous about his wedding night,so he
decided to seek the advice of his friend John.
"Just relax, Bob," counseled John. "After all, you grew up on a
farm.
Just do it like the dogs do."
The morning after the wedding night, the bride stormed over to her
mother's house in tears and announced that she wasn't going to live
under the same roof as Bob for even one more night. "He's totally
disgusting! He doesn't know anything at all about how to be
romantic,
how to make love... he just smelled my butt and lifted his leg on
the
bedpost!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1500
Adjusting To Middle Age
Sandi: Here Rudy I want you to wear this scarf when you go outside
it is
chilly.
Rudy: I am not a senile old dog woman.
Sandi: Did you take your medicine this morning?
Rudy: Why do you ask me these questions?
Sandi: Did you?
Rudy: Well I was going to take them later.
Sandi: Take them now so you will not hurt. You need your thyroid
pill
and your pain pill.
Rudy: Grumble....
Katie: Do you want your bifocals today Rudy?
Rudy: I do not need bifocals Miss Katherine.
Katie: Yet.
Rudy: By the way Katie, is that a white hair amoung your red hair
on your
back?
Katie: Of course not, I am too young.
Sandi: Hmm, looks like a white one, or a grey one to me.
Katie: Oh no... I must see my hair stylist... zoom!
The herd in Guthrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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