Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The big news from awhile back was that GM had chosen
LG Chem to make the Lithium Ion battery for the new Volt
electric car and Michigan was in the running for a battery
plant which would bring in a lot of jobs. I try to keep up with
technology and looked into Lithium Ion batteries. Here is
what I found out.
The Lithium Ion batteries in a car will be different than the ones
in your laptop in that instead of using cobalt as the second metal
they will use iron phosphate. Reason being is the cobalt if the
charging rate exceeds a certain point or the discharge rate is too
great the cobalt battery overheats and catches fire or explodes.
It is even worse because these batteries use Ether as an electrolyte
which is highly flammable. Your laptop batteries have temperature
sensors designed to shut the battery down and a little computer
built into the battery. No wonder they cost so much and there
are so many recalls.
Lithium is used in a lot of things from air conditioning to glass
but we don't have much naturally in the United States as it is
found in Brine Pools and the one source appears to be Nevada.
We depend on Chile and Argentina for our supplies although
China is developing a source there.
Lithium currently sells for about 40 dollars a pound and there is
about
800 dollars worth in a battery. There are estimates by the year 2015
that with production in the millions of vehicles that the demand
will drive
the cost up to perhaps 10,000 dollars per vehicle. This makes Li-ion
a transitional technology meaning we will be looking for another
type
of battery to power future vehicles. It also means that when you get
your
20,000 or so miles out of your cars battery that the replacement is
going to be worth more than your car is.
Personally I do not think that the auto manufacturers would be using
this technology except for the fact that we have made billions of
dollars
available to the Big 3 to develop it. Up until recently everyone was
working
on metal hydride batteries but once GM went with the Li-ion everyone
went in that direction. It does appear that like 8 track tapes,
Betamax,
and Laser discs Li-ion batteries won't be around for long and
hopefully
the next technology will fit your Volt or it will make a nice
planter in your
yard.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yellow Flower Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids
talking about the yellow flower. He decides he wants to find out
what it is. He gets to school and says to his teacher, "I was on my
way to school and I
heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?" His
teacher says, "I will not tolerate that kind of talk in myclassroom!
Go
to the principal's office!"
The little boy goes up to the principal's office, and the principal
asks him, "What are you doing up here, son?" The little boy replies,
"I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the
yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent
me up here. What is it?"
The principal says, "I will not have that kind of talk in my school!
You are expelled from this school and every other school in the
state! Get out!" So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, "What
are you doing home so
early?"
"I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the
yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to
the principal's office, and the principal expelled me from every
school in the state. What is the yellow flower?" His mother says,
"Go up to your room! You're going to bed without dinner. I'll send
your father up to talk to you when he gets home." So the little boy
goes up to his room, soon after, his dad gets home from work. He
goes up to the boy's room and says, "Your mom tells me you've been a
bad boy. What did you do?" "Well, I was on my way to school and I
heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher
what it was, and she sent me to the principal's office, the
principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent
me to bed without dinner. What's the yellow flower?" His dad says,
"Get out of my house son! I don't ever want to see you again!" The
little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later a
policeman stops him. He asks him why he is walking by himself so
late at night. The little boy says, "Well, I was on my way to school
and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my
teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal's office, the
principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to
bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. Can you tell
me what the yellow flower is?" The policeman says, "That's enough of
that! You're going to jail for 99 years!" 99 years later, he comes
back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the
yellow flower is. So he heads to his old school where it all
started. As he is crossing the street, he gets hit by a car and
dies.
What's the moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Damn
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Shoplifter warning
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No messy deaths allowed
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Speed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johhny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that
his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because
of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make
sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He
asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called
on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand
furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our
bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited
for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew
this.
Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs
on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Jesus Christ! Are you still in
there!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Proposal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should
consider carefully before proposing marriage.
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square
thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic
surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattoed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on
her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old
boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green
Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House
of
Painful Delights?
When to Accept a Proposal... Or Not
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should
consider carefully before accepting a proposal of marriage.
* On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you could
help with his laundry?
* To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call the local
adult bookstore?
* Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's
Island" at least four times?
* Is it unclear to some people whether that's a mustache or just a
lot of unruly nose hair?
* Is his idea of a classy restaurant one where every table has its
own stack of ketchup packets?
* Does his car get more than sixty miles per gallon?
* Does the label on his deodorant include the phrase "Industrial
Strength?"
* Has he memorized the telephone number of at least one
bail-bondsman?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yarn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abraham is an old Jewish guy who is a yarn merchant. He lives next
door to the biggest anti-Semite in town.
One day the anti-Semite calls up Abraham and says, "Hey Jew!!!... I
need a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of your
nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow."
Abe says, "OK."
The next morning the Anti-Semite is awakened at 7am by the sound of
running engines. He runs outside to see a row trucks lined up one
after the other, dumping truckful after truckful of orange yarn in
his front yard. Soon ,his yard is a 5-feet deep sea in orange yarn.
Abe then presents a bill for $18,000 to the anti-Semite.
The guy starts yelling and screaming at Abe. "What is this, Jew?
This
is not what I asked for! I told you I needed a piece of yarn from
the
end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place! What
do you have to say for yourself?"
Straightfaced, Abe replies "I'm very careful when I deal with people
like you, that's why I got a few witnesses here with me. I may be
off
by a few miles, so I gave you a 2% discount; but... the tip of my
penis was left in Poland after my circumcision!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
David is the same as ever." gossiped his wife on the telephone. "All
he ever thinks about all day long is sex... sex... sex."
"Now that's just not true at all." called out David, relaxing in his
recliner. "For the past half-hour, I've been laying here thinking
about you."
~~~
One day, a mom was cleaning her son's room, and in the closet she
found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She
hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it, and handed it back to her without a word. She
finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said "Well, I don't think you should spank
him."
~~~~~
Q: What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
A: I'll see you next period.
~~~~~
I can understand why men don't like vasectomies. My uncle
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the bill, and the finance company came over to his house and knocked
up my aunt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Drinking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How drunk are you? Official drinking test.
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you
really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below
truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer
values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a
final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she:
(a) the most beautiful woman alive;
(b) a beautiful woman;
(c) attractive;
(d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it:
(a) the best job on the planet;
(b) a good job;
(c) a decent job;
(d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you:
(a) find it impossible to stand up;
(b) fall after standing up;
(c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face;
(d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in:
(a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo;
(b) a brand new car;
(c) a used car;
(d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am:
(a) invincible;
(b) stronger than anyone in the bar;
(c) as strong as the average man;
(d) a weak and pathetic being.
Question answer values
For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
For every question answered with a B, add five points.
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score. For
every question answered with a D, subtract five points. For every
question answered with an E, add one hundred points.
Results
For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations.
You're over and above the normal drunk.
Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option.
An e option does not even exist on this test.
You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol
poisoning.
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many
beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is,
if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think
about standing up.
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too
many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate.
Standing up will probably result in injury.
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop
drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive
unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop
drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability
to stand up.
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just
be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In
terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and
are walking to the bar this very moment.
This document was written by the employees at Glowport.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sisters Of The Heart
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John w/ A Wonderful Time Up There
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New Beginnings
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ALWAYS LOOK ON THE INSIDE
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Walking In Power
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Surfin Surfari
Internet Slang Dictionary & Translator
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Things You Never Noticed
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Test Your Geography Knowledge
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Aled Lewis Illustrations
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Heart Zips
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Bars
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Shopping Lists
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Animal World
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Movie Chips
Best Pool Shot By A Naked White Chick
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Best Work Boot Commercial Ever
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Blonde Arm Wrestling
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Blonde That Started It All
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Boy And His Train
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Escape Rescue
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Ever See A Snake Yawn
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Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent
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Fedex Castaway
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Femme
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve
your
garden. Come on, if that was true, wouldn't frat houses be like
tropical rain forests?
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to re-think her
plans to nurse.
Fireman Bob rushed into a burning building and
rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only
in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He
carried her in his arms down three flights of
stairs and saved her from her sure demise.
As they arrived safely a wash of gratitude rushed
over her. She looked at him with great fondness
and admiration, then said, "Oh, you are wonderful!
It must have taken great strength and courage to
rescue me the way you did."
"Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to
fight off three other firemen who were trying to
get to you first!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll Be Home Soon
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Euthanasia Show
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Love Hurts
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Long One
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Female Companionship
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Last Erection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from Cheam
Who tried out a breast-growing cream
She awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
Another had grown in between!
All Hail to the glandular Girlie...
The sight of whose bust makes you squirlie
It is never too late
to MANipulate
And, of course, it is never to early!
There was a young lady of Gloucester,
Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
She wasn't much hurt,
But he dirtied her skirt,
So think of the anguish it cost her
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're
walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock
on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The
first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a
drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then
sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second
man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she
will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full
of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it
out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied
and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man
calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give
them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that
buttered corn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a small Irish town, a poor, unwed girl was
about to give birth.
Since she was destitute, the hospital bill was
paid by the town treasury.
Subsequently, the parenthood was determined,
and the alleged father was penalized with a heavy
fine.
When the treasurer's report was read at the annual
town meeting, it was disclosed that the township
had realized a handsome profit on the unfortunate (?)
event.
One of the town officials then rose and announced,
"Eh...I recommend we breed her again."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1513
Crisis
Diana is watching TV when she notices Rudy running by wearing a
fireman's outfit... followed by Katie wearing a nurse outfit and
lastly
is Sandi in tears wearing an EMS outfit.. they are gone in a flash.
Diana: What the???
Diana heads outside and sees them get into their van and head off
tires
spinning.
Diana gets into her car and follows.
Diana notices Sandi has put on a flashing blue light on top of her
van..
"Where are they going in such a hurry? They best be careful on this
ice."
A few minutes later she sees their goal. BJ's car is off the road
on the
interstate, turned around and facing the wrong direction. "How did
they
know? We never received a phone call."
The Van bounces across the median and parks by BJ's car. BJ is just
starting his car and appears to be okay...
Sandi is out with her medical gear...along with Katie. Rudy is
hosing down
the car...even though there is no fire.
Diana pulls up: What happened?
BJ: Ice is what happened. I went 360 and then another 180. But I
did not
hit anything and I am allright.
Diana: How did you doggies know about this?
Sandi: We have a daddycam built into his car and saw what happened.
Rudy: As soon as he spun out of control, we went into action.
Katie: I had my first aid kit ready to go.
Diana: I think we can all go home now.
BJ: Yeah just drive careful.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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