Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives, my Navy ghost story.
The Navy in order to keep a better eye on the propulsion area of the
ship
created an in-port watch, called a roving patrol, to inspect each
space
every half hour. They divided the six spaces between two men as you
had to
go up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to each space. I went down
into
the first machinery room on the 0000-0400 watch and stopped by the
operating
station to sign the log book. The cold-iron watch was pouring two
cups of
coffee and I asked if he had another person on watch with him. The
watch
said, " No, this cup is for the ghost." That immediately piqued my
interest
and he started to tell me about a fire that had happened long before
he had
reported onboard where several sailors had died. One had been
trapped by the
main reduction gear and the imprint of the body was still visible on
the
metal if you chipped the paint off. He sat one cup on a platform
next to the
reduction gear and took the other cup to drink as he went down to
finish a
valve he was repairing on the lower level. He also told me about
another
body whose imprint was on the deck plating and that it had disturbed
so many
people, they had finally replaced that particular plate. I finished
my tour
of the space and left the watch to his work and hurried off to
complete my
rounds, but not without first walking past the cup of coffee by the
reduction gear which was already empty. I always wondered if what I
had seen
was really true or if someone had managed to play a trick on me, but
awhile
back I was researching the Constellation cruises and found the story
of a
fire just after she was built that had been caused by a broken fuel
oil
line. This fire had happened on one of her shake down cruises and
four
engineers had died and 8 more had been injured. I spent numerous
cold iron
watches in that space, all alone and you always felt secure, thirty
feet
below the water there were plenty of odd noises as the hull expanded
and
contracted and many nights after having been relieved from watch I
curled up
on the deck plates with a handful of rags for a pillow, eager to get
a few
hours sleep before work in the morning. I guess the ghosts watched
over us
because deaths in a fire room that felt like the bowels of Hell were
few and
far between.... Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ocean Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Children Writing About the Ocean...
1 ) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would
whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get
pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has
just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels
can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where
I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it
makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't
drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the
ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and
married my mom. (James, age 7)
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
NO!!!
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on his high horse
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did you know
http://www.thepostm
Get Away
http://www.buffalos
Leaf Blower
http://www.buffalos
Self Filling
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Let her find out on her
own
that she's made a really bad mistake.
A Japanese scientist has invented a spray-on Viagra. And if you
thought the
cosmetic clerks at the mall were annoying before when they spritzed
you..."
Viagra is the work of the devil. Now we girls can look forward to
having sex
with really old guys, for a really long time. I can see it now. He's
screaming, 'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy? I can't
remember.
What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?'"
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Becuase there are twenty of them.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.
How can you identify the Polock at a Cock fight? He's the one who
brought
the duck.
How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? He's the one who
bets on
the duck.
How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight? If the
duck
wins, they are.
What's worse than an achy breaky heart? an itchy bitchy wife!
a word of advice..... NEVER commit a crime with an accomplice that
can't
run!!
I know a lingerie buyer who gave his wife the slip.
I love oral sex. But, it's the phone bill I hate.
Why don't cowboys make good lovers? Because they think a good ride
is
eight
seconds.
President Bush is the first U.S. President to spend the night in
Buckingham
Palace, at the request of the royal family. As he was showing the
President
around, Prince Charles asked Bush if he wanted to see Big Ben, and
Bush
replied, "Whoa, I'm from Texas; don't try any of that funny stuff
with me."
What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great Lawyer? A
good
lawyer knows the law and a great lawyer knows the judge.
What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
Porcupines have
pricks on the outside
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pizza Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three brothers, one was 19, one was 16, and the youngest,
Little Johnny, was 9. Johnny walked into the living room one day and
saw his big brother having sex with his girl friend. Johnny said
"Big
brother, whatcha doing?" Big brother says "Oh, uh, we're uh, making
pizza." So Johnny said, "Oh, okay," and then walked off. A little
later, Johnny walked into the middle brother's bedroom and found him
having sex with his girlfriend. Johnny said, "Brother, whatcha
doing?" The middle brother answered, "Uh, we're making pizza. Yeah,
that's what we're doing." Little Johnny said, "Oh. Okay," and walked
off. Well a little later, Johnny was walking with his girl friend,
and he said "Hey, wanna go make pizza with me?" The little girl said
"Sure." They walked back to Johnny's house, went into his room and
started having sex. Well, after a while the little girl said, "Uh, I
think the pizza is done." Johnny asked, "How do you know that?" She
answered, "Cuz the cheese is running down my leg."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seminar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had just returned from a weeklong seminar. His boss, instead
of
asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely
terrible.
"Well..." said the man, "I met this blonde and turned out she was
taking the
same training I was and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to
another
and we ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sex all night."
"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are
your eyes so red?"
"Well..." said the man, "turns out she was married and had a baby at
home.
She started crying with remorse, and I started thinking about my own
wife and kids, so I cried too."
"I see." chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come
you
still appear so ragged?"
"Well..." said the man, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day
for four days and not look like this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. How can you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
You can touch the ceiling with your nose.
2. The Polack was getting friendly with the woman at the bar. She
rubbed up against him and, to her surprise, she felt something thick
and rock hard.
She invited him back to her place and took him into the bedroom.
but when he pulled off his pants, she was shocked to see a foot long
length of steel pipe between his legs. "How did you get that?" she
demanded. The Polack said, " A couple of months ago I noticed my
prick was dripping." She asked, " So you went to a doctor?" "The
doctor was too expensive. So I called a plumber."
3.The city slick was spending some time with his country cousins.
The first morning the farmer said,"We need some help today. I'd
sure appreciate it if you could take the bull to pasture three to
breed with the cow there."
The city slicker agreed. Six hours later, he staggered back to the
farm house, his clothing all torn and disheveled. The farmer took a
look, then asked,"The bull give you a problem?" "Hell, no. the bull
was eager and raring to go." "Then why did it take you all day?"
"Because," the city slicker replied, "The cow fought me for hours
before she'd roll over on her back."
4. The old geezer was watching tv when he screamed,"Martha, get in
here right now. You wouldn't believe the perverted thing they're
showing on TV."
His wife walked in, took a look, then said, "Put on your glasses,
you old goat. That's just Castro eating a banana."
5. Dozens of candidates and their staff members had flown into town
to address the vererans' convention when a woman called the local
police dept.
and complained, "There's a Democrat standing by his open hotel
window masturbating.
over. But how do you know he's a Democrat?" The woman replied, "If
he were a Republican, he'd be out screwing somebody."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Isaac Asimov was lecturing on "Clones" at the University of
California in Berkeley and his friend and fellow science fiction
writer, Randall Garrett, was in the audience. During the lecture,
Garrett had an usher deliver a note to Asimov. It contained the
first
verse and chorus to this song. Asimov read it, then read it to the
audience and then extemporaneously composed and delivered to the
audience the other 4 verses of the song.
This parody is to be sung to the tune of "Home on the Range,"
Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y-chromosome changed to X
And when it is grown
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.
(Chorus)
Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-Chromosome changed to X
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.
Oh, give me a clone
In my sorrowful moan
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's an X
Of the feminine sex
Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.
(Chorus)
My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shown
When alone with my own little X
And after we've dined
I am sure we will find
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.
(Chorus)
Why should such sex vex
Or disturb or perplex
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don't you see
Since we're both of us me
When we're having sex, I'm alone.
(Chorus)
And after I'm done
She will still have her fun
For I'll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They'll be both of them male
And they'll ravage her by and by.
(Chorus)
(By Randall Garrett and Isaac Asimov)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
carolyn w/Can't Help Falling In Love ~Elvis
http://carolynsprec
Page To Share From A Dream And A Smile
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John w/ Your Cheatin' Heart
http://heavens-
Sands of Time
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
44 Presidents
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Drums Of Switzerland Via Peggy
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Makestuff.com - how to make your own microwavable heating pads
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Find and Share Free Sound Effects and Loops Via Dianne
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Lots of Blank Tags
http://d21c.
TV Commercial Wav's
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.geocitie
Kitty Korner
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Chips
Momma Is Santa
http://www.buffalos
Morning Peepers
http://www.buffalos
Moshonov
http://www.buffalos
Mother's Day
http://www.buffalos
Home Alone
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Home Security
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Hoppalas Turnen
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send
my dog out to see if there
any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm
not going hunting." so he sends
the dog out to the pond, The dog came back and barks twice, Chester
says. "Well I'm not going
to go out. He seen only two duck out there." Earl says, "Your going
to take the dogs bark for the
truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When
he gets back he said, "I don't
believe it!. Where did you get that dog.? There are only two ducks
out there!." Chester says. "Well,
I got him from the breeder up the road. "If you want. If you want,
You can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his
friend Cheater has.
The breeder obliges, and Earl brings the dog home, and tells it to
go
out and look for ducks.
Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in his mouth and starts
humping Earl's leg. Outraged,
Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, This dog is a
fraud.
And I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. Earl tells him that when he
sent the dog out to look for
ducks, it came back with a stick in his mouth and started humping my
leg. The breeder says, "Earl he was trying to tell you that there
are
more F_ _ _ _ _ _ ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toughie
http://able2laff.
Proud owner
http://able2laff.
Dopey-Kenobi
http://able2laff.
Fudd For President
http://www.buffalos
Full Arsenal
http://www.buffalos
Gesundheit
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you
to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably.
The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed
to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a woman from Buffalo
who challenged a fellow to show
that he could pee
higher than she
How could the stout fellow say no?
So they went on out back of the pub
She put her puss on the wall and said "Bub,
I'm goin' first
I'm about to burst"
then proceeded to let go a flood.
She managed about three feet high
So the bub whipped open his fly
grabbed hold of his thing
but the "lady" did sing
"The rules are no hands by the by!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in
northern Minnesota were listening to the radio. They heard the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the
street, so the snowplows can get through."
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street,
so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and
moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good
wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street
do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who
are married exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't
you just leave it in the garage this time?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several
of us were standing around in our leotards
chatting about fitness and diets. One woman
said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking,
gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same
time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could
possibly do this without acquiring at least one
other undesirable habit for compensation, I
jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well,
my sister is pregnant now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1498
Panic!
Sandi: Daddy come fast, something is wrong with Rudy!
BJ: I am coming..
Sandi: Oh hurry!
Rudy is lying at the front door whimpering and in obvious pain.
BJ: What is the matter Rudy?
Rudy: Don't know but I hurt a lot.
BJ: I need to get you in the house... can you walk?
Rudy whimpering..
to the bone.
Sandi: Can you do something daddy?
BJ: We can get him warm and I will take him to the vet first thing
in the
morning.
Rudy: The doctor! Oh no... I am feeling better all ready...
see.,... Owww!
Sandi: You will go to the doctor first thing.
Rudy: Okay.
BJ: He must be hurting if he wants to go do to the doctor.
to be continued.
(alas poor Rudy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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