THE POSTMAN'S CORNER May your best day of 2008 be your worse of 2009 !!!  FREE 14 DAY TRIAL-ANTI AGING The Secret to Immortality Attention !! This email can save your life * Miracle Anti-Aging Drug" * UNCORKING THE SECRET TO A HEALTHY LIFE * All the benefits of red wine with out the alcohol * Why do the French eat what they want but stay SKINNY * How can the French eat fattening foods but have low heart attack risk * The super ingredient in wine that can prevent cancers and Alzheimer's The super ingredient in wine that can help prevent http://www.thepostm  Wrap up your holiday shopping. Get a $500 gift card to a top retailer, FREE http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You've been selected to receive a FREE $500 Wal-Mart(R) Holiday Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  Get a FREE* Silver Motorola Razr V3m Silver Motorola Razr V3m Cellphone!!! Key Features: - Integrated VGA camera with 4x zoom - Picture Caller ID - 3D Graphics Engine The Motorola RAZR V3m offers the ultimate combination of brains, beauty and best of all - your favorite tunes! Motorola's thinnest multimedia phone, the RAZR V3m is a beauty captured in refined metal housing and a sculpted clamshell shape, accompanied by a sophisticated set of multimedia functions. Offering a large color screen and EVDO technology, the Motorola RAZR V3m is the ideal way to keep connected and entertained on the move complete with integrated music player* and up to 1GB of removable memory. Fusing the best in multimedia, design and power, the Motorola RAZR V3m is the ultimate blend of style and function http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! One of the things that keeps me going every day to grind out this daily gibberish, is the kind words and email that I receive from all of you. It gives me the added energy to keep plugging when I would rather just roll over on a cold winter morning and go back to sleep. What is especially surprising to me is how many of you tell me how much you enjoy my introductory stories and comments. Most of you say it is your favorite part of my mail. And as you know, it typically involves what my family is doing, and etc. Usually me and the war department do not have much of an exciting life. For example, New years eve? we were both in bed by 10:30, oblivious to the revelry around us. So I usually do not have much that is exciting to talk about. Most of it doesn't amount to much. we are just a quiet family who pretty much sticks to ourselves. For myself, I started doing this little project about 15 years ago, mostly because I like a good joke. I would probably be doing this, even if nobody wanted to read it. The fact that so many thousands of you have signed up to laugh along with me, is an added blessing, and I have so many online friends. I can only hope that the year 2009 brings more and more blessings and humor to share. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS better than bridge http://www.thepostm a quick study http://www.thepostm new year resolutions http://www.thepostm an honest online relationship http://www.thepostm too much fun http://www.thepostm nudist club http://www.thepostm air bags http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES candid camere booty dress http://www.thepostm why men need a shed http://www.thepostm the Marlboro man-wav fil http://www.thepostm Be careful around your wife http://www.thepostm Santa Clause boot camp http://www.thepostm give you my all http://www.thepostm black kitty knock out http://www.thepostm art of Europe http://www.thepostm photo galleries http://www.thepostm 40 unusual websites http://www.thepostm free online games http://www.thepostm I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Dewey, having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked. "She said she was going to have a shower. Just a second, I'll check." Dewey went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above. Dewey calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yep, she's in the shower." ____________ "Honey, I was checking your caller ID log on the cell phone and it shows there was 1784 calls from . . . *Diane* at 555-6969!!!" "Babe, I didn't answer it a *single* time." "But your ringer is set for 'Orgasm'!" "Hon, it never meant a thing. I was thinking about you every time the phone buzzed!" "Oh, I just bet you were, mister. Then tell me why you have the intensity level set to . . . 'Get Everyone Out Of The Office And Enjoy THIS Call, Bucko!'" "She was crazy, baby. She got one of those free nights and weekends and 500 anytime minutes deals and one thing led to another . . . she wasn't responsible for her actions." "Bullshit! Admit it! You STAR 69'd her, didn't you?!?" (Sigh), "Yes, I did. I STAR 69'd her right here on the desk." "You *bastard*! What's the matter? My analog not as good as hers?" "She's digital, all right? Digital. Do you know how long I've been asking, hell, *begging* you to go digital?" "Only *sluts* are digital!" "That's not *true*! Your *mother* is digital!" "You . . . and my MOTHER??? You *bastard*! I'm taking you off my speed dial and I never want to hear from you again!" "Baby, it was good while it lasted. I didn't want it to end this way. I though you were ready for a new connection, but I see you're really a rotary at heart." ____________ The father watched through the window as his young daughter made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say:"I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." ____________ A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. "How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber. "Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back." ____________ Things Not To Say During Sex * Hurry up, the game's about to start. * You're so much like your sister . . . * Your best friend does it much better. * Stop moaning, you sound so stupid. * Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me! * It's OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger. * (phone rings) Hello? ... Oh nothing much. You? Just hanging around ... ____________ Women are just like orange juice cartons. It's not the shape or the size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those dang flaps to open! ____________ A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore!... He is!" ____________ "In a recent interview, Michael Jackson said he wants to have 10 children. He also said he wants to be a father again." - Conan O'Brien Tongue Tricks http://www.buffalos Happy New Year Fart http://tinyurl. A Safe New Year http://tinyurl. ============ Swipe This Snake, Rattled and Rolled http://www.funpagee No Child Left Behind Pushes Forward http://www.funpagee Deodorant Commercial Accurate http://www.funpagee A Safe New Year http://www.funpagee The Grater of Destiny http://www.funpagee A Horse Gets Shoed http://www.funpagee Payment Goes to Pot http://www.funpagee Death or More Death? http://www.funpagee Microsoft Merger With McDonalds http://www.funpagee Still Not Parent of the Year http://www.funpagee THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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