Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I want to thank everyone for the kind words and for sharing your
lives
and humor with me over the past year. It is always a pleasure after
I have brushed aside the annoyances of the day to open my mailbox
and hear from you. I am ready to face the new year and hope that
you will all be beside me as we see what the next 365 days have
in store. There will be hopes and dreams, tears and fears, and
change galore but with each other for strength and humor in our
hearts we will make it or end up in Heaven trying. Welcome to 2009.
For those who have waited 31 days to see what we have to give
us reason to imbibe or take a moment to rest and contemplate
here is this month's list of weird holidays.
1 New Year's Day
1 First Foot Day
1 Polar Bear Swim Day
1 First Cheese Factory Opened
2 Drinking Straw patented
3 Festival of Sleep Day
3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
4 Trivia Day
4 Tennis Day
4 Flower Basket Day
4 National Spaghetti Day
5 National Whipped Cream Day
5 Bird Day
6 Bean Day
7 Old Rock Day
7 Panama Canal Day
7 Typewriter Patented
8 Rock 'n' Roll Day
8 First Computer Patented
10 Peculiar People Day
10 Volunteer Fireman's Day
11 Secret Pal Day
11 International Thank You Day
11 Pharmacist's Day
11 National Milk Day (milk delivered in bottles for first time-1878)
12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day
13 Stephen Foster Memorial Day
14 National Dress Up Your Pet Day
15 Hat Day
15 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Birthday (born 1929)
16 Hot and Spicy Food International Day
16 Religious Freedom Day
16 National Fig Newton Day
16 National Nothing Day
17 Pig Day
17 Ben Franklin's Birthday (born 1706)
18 Winnie the Pooh Day
19 National Popcorn Day
19 Archery Day
19 Robert E. Lee's Birth Anniversary (born 1807)
20 Cheese Day
20 Basketball Day 21 Hat Day
21 National Hugging Day
23 National Handwriting Day
23 National Pie Day
23 Measure Your Feet Day
24 National Peanut Butter Day
24 Eskimo Pie Patent Day (by Christian Nelson in 1922) 24 Gold
discovered in California (Sutter's Mill in 1848)
24 National School Nurse Day
25 Opposite Day
25 Observe the Weather Day
26 National Popcorn Day
26 National Peanut Brittle Day
27 National Chocolate Cake Day
27 Australia Day (the day Sydney, Australia was settled in 1778)
27 National School Nurse Day
28 National Kazoo Day
28 Bald Eagle Day
29 National Rattle Snake Roundup Day
29 National Puzzle Day
29 National Corn Chip Day
30 Escape Day
31 National Popcorn Day
31 National Backwards Day
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pizza Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following appeared in the "Ask Isadora" column of our
local "alternative" newspaper for the week of April 6-12.... Isadora
is a "Sexologist" who publishes a Q&A column weekly. This is for
real-
-this is not a joke. This is not a test....
"Q. I am a healthy 30 year old male. My girlfriend and I enjoy a
happy, active sex life. Recently we discovered a new twist we both
enjoy. We bake an 8x10 foot pepperoni pizza in sections, assembling
it on our living room floor which is covered with sheets of black
plastic. My girlfriend goes into the living room, shuts off the
lights, and activates a life-sized animatronic figure of the pope
which stands at the end of the room. The pope's eyes light up and he
begins blessing the enormous pizza and my girlfriend, who reclines
thereon clad only in slices of cheese. I am outside the room at this
point and the doors are closed. I can hear the theme from ROCKY
being
played within as I wait, dressed as a huge clove of garlic. When the
music reaches its climax, I burst through the door and hurl myself
upon my girlfriend and we copulate madly at the feet of the robot
pope while I shout, 'Poperoni! Come on, Tony! Not a phony!
Poperoni!'
Anyway, my question is this: could garlic pizza sauce be hazardous
to
human genitalia? Could you recommend any particularly arousing
brand?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Greeting Cards
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Why You Need To Pay Attention http://www.buffalos
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Wipe Your Mouth
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Who Let The Dogs Out?
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We Apologize
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Learning English
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trans Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Transvestite definitions
Trans-sister - a cross-dressing nun
Transformation - A cross-dressing rocky outcrop.
Where do cross-dressing vampires come from? Transylvania.
What do cross-dressing steeples do? They transpire.
Transport - cds' favorite wine.
Transporter - cd wino.
Transfer - cd's politically-
Transcontinental - rich cd's car.
Transmigration - pilgramage to San Francisco.
Transmute - A cd who can't speak
Transceiver - A cd's ham radio set.
Transmit - A cd's baseball glove.
Translate - A cd who's never on time.
A transvestite who abuses newsgroups? A crossposter.
Transformer - cd's ex-wife.
Transpose - what she caught him doing in front of the mirror.
Transcendental - cd tooth "fairy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT MEN SHOULDN'T SAY AFTER SEX
1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."
2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"
3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"
4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?
5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear, OK?"
6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"
7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"
8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"
9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."
10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is ?"
11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."
12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."
13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every
Tuesday night or something?"
14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"
15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before !"
16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately------
17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave ?"
18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED
in
there!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men who make obscene phone calls have sexual hang-ups.
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying
home because she is not feeling well. 'What's the matter?' he asks.
'I
have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice. 'What the
hell is anal glaucoma?' 'I can't see my ass coming into work today.
Man half undresses with beautiful girl in hotel room when she says,
"You heard me, pick a card. What kind of trick were you expecting
for
five bucks?"
"I took my girl for a ride in my new used car. It was a nice night,
so
we went out to Lovers Lane. Just before we got there the car stalled
and my girl and I got out to push, and while we were pushing
somebody
stole the car."
Two old dears having a coffee, one says to the other, "Did you come
on
the bus", "Yes", she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma
attack".
If there were only three women in the world, what would they be
doing?
Two of them probably would be off in a corner somewhere, talking
about
the third.
If there were only three men in the world, what would they be doing?
Running themselves ragged trying to find the three women.
Why are men like trains?
They always stop before you get off.
What can you say to a girl you see riding a bike?
"Does your mother know you're peddling your ass all around
town?
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
AARP Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are
interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the
basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those
wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term
memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they
enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.
SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, right?
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Favorite Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a list of my favourite things to do.....
Well, there's sex, you can have sex, sexual intercourse, a quickie,
consummate a marriage, couple, copulate, coddle, or commit the act
of
procreation. You could be making whoopee, making love, love making,
scrogging, slapping skin, or sweating to the oldies.
You could sleep with someone, sleep together, sleep around, fool
around, whore around, screw around, or just screw, shag, shank,
score,
fornicate, fork, pork, pump, poke, plank, pound, boff bonk, bop,
bone
bang, or boink. you could be dancing between the sheets, doing the
horizontal bop, the horizontal mambo, the prone boogie, or even the
hunka-chunka.
You could be humping, bumping, humping and bumping, bumping uglies,
the ol' bump and grind, or making the two backed beast. You could
play
doctor, hide the salami, hide the sausage, because dammit, it's the
most fun you can have with your clothes off. You could break in a
new
mattress, or give the old one a workout. You could be squeaking the
springs, annoying the neighbours, or making a big mistake.
You could get them in the sack, get little action, get a little
nookie, get a piece of tail, get a piece of ass, get it on, get
some,
get frisky, get lucky, get laid, get all hot and sticky, or just get
it wet, and, I'm not making this up, get a little sticky steak up in
this bitch.
You could be mounted, mounting, rutting, breeding, starting a
family,
pulling the train, slamming the stack. Two for me, none for you. Not
going anywhere for a while? You could turn a trick, or take pity on
the poor bastard and give it away.
Happy hammering, hammer, nail, sow your wild oats, lose your
virginity, or induce pregnancy the old fashioned way. Take a roll in
the hay, a trip to the tunnel of love, or a trip to paradise if
you're
taking the scenic route. Hit a home run, hit the twizzer, knock
boots,
tap that ass, shoplift the pootie, plunder the booty, count the
ceiling tiles, ruin a friendship, or close the scrote.
Do the wild thing, do it, doing it, doing the nasty, the nasty, the
old in-out in-out, dip the wick, dip the stick (or if you're with a
moron you could stick the dip). Wet the noodle, check the oil, check
the temperature, give her the pork sword injection, or the hot beef
injection, depending on your religion. Or perhaps even commit
assault
with a vein laden meat pipe (that's my favourite)
You could give in, give it up, go for it, go for the gold, go for
the
gusto, go for broke, or even go all the way, after all, it is the
fastest way to the top. You could engage in a fluid transfer,
relieve
some tension, relieve some pressure, or experience a hormonal
episode.
it's a labour of love, hanky panky, and as a friend of mine once
said
"the noblest of all causes."
Or.... you could just FUCK.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
Join me in wishing Melissa a Happy Birthday on January 2nd
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
He Is God Via Peahen
http://d21c.
carolyn w/ Happy New Year ~Elvis
http://carolynsprec
Inspiring Irish Blessing - E-Water
http://www.e-
Ringing In The New Year Via Ang
http://www.spiritis
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Surfin Surfari
I Am The New Year
http://www.lisaswis
New Year's Resolutions
http://www.allthing
Another Year Has Gone By
http://gabbiash.
Happy New Year Via Juanita
http://www.mamarock
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Happy New Year Via Juanita
http://www.angel9oh
Happy New Year Via Carol
http://www.dobhran.
A New Year Prayer~
http://www.wtv-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Jihadist Trainees
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Jingle Balls
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Kangaroo
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Pancakes
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Paris breaks out
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Taxi Please
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Ten Quarters Ten Glasses One Throw
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Trucks
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prostitution is a hole sale business.
The custodian of a church quit, and the pastor of the church asked
the
organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary.
The
organist thought before replying, "Do you mean that I know have to
mind my keys and pews?"
Sometimes a woman attracts a man with her mind, but more often she
attracts him with what she doesn't mind.
The church service was over. The pastor stood at the door shaking
hands with the people as he left. A woman shook his hand and said,
"You know what? I don't think I'll come back anymore. Every time I
come, either you sing 'He Arose' or 'Silent Night, Holy Night.'
In the days of Queen Elizabeth I, some ladies-in-waiting liked to
curl
up with a good book, while others were satisfied with one of the
pages.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting old
http://www.thepostm
Clark Kent
http://www.thepostm
Before marriage, after marriage
http://www.thepostm
Why It Takes Time To Dress http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Mean Bear
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Dryer Broke
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Feel Up
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Horny Pack
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Exit Only
http://www.buffalos
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her.
To cry, when you came,
"Oh dear! What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over."
____________
A cock of a fellow named Randall,
Shot sparks like a big Roman candle,
He was much in demand,
For the colors were grand,
But most girls found him too hot to handle.
A wanton young lady from Wimley,
Reproached for not acting quite primly,
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsim'le."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Reality of New Year's Resolutions
As we all start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so
important New Year's Resolutions. I have faithfully made such
resolutions in the past, and while I haven't been able to keep all
of
them, I have tried my best to continue making progress on them year
after year. Following is my revised list of "New Year's Resolutions
-
2008 Edition":
Resolution #1
2005: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2006: I will not leave Marge.
2007: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2008: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.
Resolution #2
2005: I will go to church every Sunday.
2006: I will go to church as often as possible.
2007: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2008: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
Resolution #3
2005: I will not let my boss push me around.
2006: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of
suicide.
2007: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2008: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.
Resolution #4
2005: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2006: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2007: I will read 5 books a year.
2008: I will finish Airport.
Resolution #5
2005: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my
baldness.
2006: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my
toupee.
2007: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a
girdle.
2008: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.
Resolution #6
2005: I will get my weight down below 180.
2006: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2008: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
Resolution #7
2005: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2006: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2007: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2008 : I will not miss any AA meetings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was staying with my Uncle Jimmy. One day he came in and
told me, "One of the chickens has just died. We'll have roast
chicken for dinner."
I said, "Terrific."
The next day he comes in and said, "One of the pigs has just
died. We'll have roast pork for dinner."
I said, "Sounds good to me!"
One of the ducks died the next day. He said, "We'll have
roast duck for dinner."
I said, "That's cool.
Then the next day he came down all dressed in black. He
looked at me in a sad face and said, 'Your Auntie Margaret's just
died.'
I said, "Don't worry. I'm not staying for dinner. I got a
hot date tonight!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1492
The Surprise Party
BJ arrives home from work, he walks into a darken house when....
The lights come on and noisemakers make their racket.
Happy Birthday!!!
BJ: Thanks everyone!
Sandi: Sniff sniff, I have this present for you Daddy.
BJ opens it: Gee thanks, what I always wanted a can of people food.
Katie: I got you a present also.
BJ: Let's see...oh...Katie you shouldn't have and I mean it... a
baseball
cap that says Katie on the front.
Rudy: I have something for you to Pops!
BJ: I am almost afraid to see this one...Oh boy a six pack of
Rudy's Beer.
This must be your new brew.
Rudy: Right!
BJ: Thanks Rudy.
Pearl: From us cats.
BJ: Oh golly, a sack of Tootie Rolls, I hope they are the real
ones.
Pearl: They are.
Diana: Here is my present.
BJ: The best for last....oh goodness gracious. Two tickets to see
The Lord
of the Dance.
Diana: There is more.
BJ: Oh more tickets...Two tickets to see the Gaithers...and two
tickets to
see The Lion King. I have scored big time.
Diana: Happy birthday..
Sandi: Here is your cake with all 64 candles...lit.
Katie: I hear sirens...
Rudy: It is the fire department.
Diana: Put out the candles...they set off the smoke alarms, too
many
candles, too much heat.
BJ: Good grief!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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