THE POSTMAN'S CORNER One must not hold one's self so divine as to be unwilling occassionally to make improvements in one's creations. by Ludwig van Beethoven  Congratulations! You've been selected to receive a FREE '09 Honda(R) Ruckus(R) Scooter! The '09 Honda(R) Ruckus(R) Scooter is the hottest scooter on the market! Equipped with Dual-Headlights, a 49cc Engine, V-Matic(R) Automatic Transmission and 1.3 Gallon Tank, this scooter is sure to make a ruckus on the road! Act now to get your new scooter for FREE! http://www.thepostm  Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and windows saving you money on your energy bills. Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your home as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as dust, pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin Draft Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage and the damp chill from the basement. http://www.thepostm  It is the most successful program in the history of the U.S. Mint. And today it is nearly impossible to collect all the coins comprising this landmark series. Until now! Here is your opportunity to own all 50 coins in the historic U.S. State Quarters Collection—one individually designed coin for each state. And these coins are even more desirable because each is guaranteed to be in Brilliant Uncirculated condition, richly layered in Pure .999 Fine Gold and encased in a crystal-clear acrylic capsule. A custom-designed showcase, suitable for wall or tabletop display, is yours at no additional charge. http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Once again, gas prices are doing strange things. Crude oil fell just in the last couple of days to less than 40 bux a barrel. But I could not help but notice that this last week, per gallon price on fuel jumped by about 40 cents here in West Michigan. Our so called experts tell us that its because of the conflict between Gaza and Israel.Personally, I don't think that the oil shieks and Opec robbers need much reason to jack it to us on costs. However, I have read about a great idea. Why not take the excess fat leftover from all the Liposections done in California, and then convert it into oil? Then we would have an unlimited supply of fuel available and we could thumb our noses at Chavez and Opec and everybody else. And the money we would save could be used on our next plastic surgery. Sounds good to me. If the plan failed, perhaps our new president elect might consider sending a squadron of Black Hawk helicopters to the next OPEC summit, or a sniper team of US Rangers to Venezuela. I wouldn't lose any sleep over either option. But I somehow think President O. will opt for a more diplomatic solution. That's probably also one good reason why I'm just a joke teller and he is the president. I have been remiss in telling you about the after Christmas sale at the postman's Ink cartridge store. They kept the sale going after Christmas because so many of you support the effort. All proceeds from the sale of the cartridges go to finance the expenses of The Postman's Corner. And lets face it, you gotta buy your printer cartridges somewhere, right? So why not put the bux to good use and support the page? Now the best reason yet, however, to do that, is because of the incredible bargains. Right now, if you stock up on your cartidges and toner, you can get 3 for the price of two. And you really can't lose on a deal like that. Please support this page and buy your cartridges at:  Tired of paying way too much for your ink and toner? Then you're in luck, because at ClickInks we're obsessed with saving you money! With our buy 2 get 1 free offer on select cartridges, free shipping on orders over $50, and a 100% money back guarantee you've got nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain! http://www.thepostm We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS green house effect http://www.thepostm being in love http://www.thepostm Ann can't shaddup http://www.thepostm eight years http://www.thepostm she used to say http://www.thepostm the walk in closet http://www.thepostm running like cock roaches http://www.thepostm the bull wins http://www.thepostm Johnny Carson http://www.thepostm big screen tv http://www.thepostm cat fur sweaters http://www.thepostm best chocolate cake http://www.thepostm everything you need to know how to do in windows http://thepostmansc A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian from New York fumed, 'What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!' The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!' The Chinese businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'!!! The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.''Excuse me, Sir!' Said the Catholic priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.' The Indian doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.'The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the Firefighters Union in honor of these brave souls!' The Italian from New York said, 'Why the fuck can't they play at night?' ____________ On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust."You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.' ____________ A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She said, "You have the biggest dick of all your friends!" ____________ One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?" "No," he answered, "I'll stick with K-Y Jelly!" ____________ The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza." ___________ Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes. Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? A: He felt his presents! ____________ BUFFALO Bill Leaf Blower http://www.buffalos HEAR many standup bits from famous comics while you surf. Hit forward to skip what you don't want. There's HOURS of bits here. http://able2laugh. Accident (wait for it...) http://able2laff. Road Kill Cafe http://able2laff. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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