THE POSTMAN'S CORNER If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends,you' safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue  Obama Commemorative Coin - Change Has Come to America Layered in genuine 24k gold, this Franklin Mint exclusive coin is one of a kind. An incredible work of art protected inside a crystal clear acrylic capsule. Each coin includes a certificate of authenticity signed by Jay W. Johnson, 36th Director of the U.S. Mint. http://www.thepostm  Get the trendiest fashions of the season! Go shopping with your FREE $500 Kohl's(R) Gift Card! Update your wardrobe this season with a FREE $500 Kohl's(R) Gift Card! Whatever you need, you'll find it at Kohl's(R) in more colors, styles, brands and sizes than ever before! Act now to get your FREE $500 Kohl's(R) Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  The ShamWow is a revolutionary, multi-use cleaning cloth that holds over 20 times its' weight in liquids. It's like a towel, chamois and a sponge all in one! The ShamWow: - Cleans up spills fast - Will not scratch or damage any surfaces - Machine washable - Perfect for house, boat, car and pets - Guaranteed to last for 10 years Act now and we'll double your order. You'll get 8 ShamWow towels for only $19.95+s/h! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Several of you wrote in about my story on the "snipe" I was quite surprised to learn that my friend Floyd states there actually is such an animal... Floyd says: The Wilson's Snipe (Gallinago delicata) is a small, stocky shorebird. Their breeding habitat is marshes, bogs, tundra and wet meadows in Canada and the northern United States. They nest in a well-hidden location on the ground. The eastern population migrates to the southern United States and to northern South America. It is a year-round resident on the Pacific coast of the United States. Adults are 23-28 cm in length with a 39-45 cm wingspan. HrtofJoy tells how she was the recipient of a prank snipe hunting joke: HrtofJoy says: When I was about 11 yrs old, a neighbor kid who was older, took me for a ride on his scooter to the end of the road. I was always bugging him to give me a ride. It was getting dark and he asked me if I had ever been snipe hunting. Of course I had never heard of such a thing. So, he gave me the bag, told me he would chase it around the bush and to catch it. Same story of the teeth, etc. I was scared to death and when he got on that scooter and hightailed it out of there, I was ready to kill him. Especially since I had t o walk home a couple of miles, in the dark! Have I got time to share one more story from yesteryear? What the heck, I'm gonna do it anyways. We lived in a very small town where everyone knew everybody else. Usually that made it pretty difficult to get away with much trouble at all. Anyways, one night, we were sitting down at the drivein after a football game and munching on our burgers. About that time, a car load of kids pulled in from the other team and placed an ORDER! Now, that just is not something you do in small town rural America. So, me and my buddies did the expected thing. We went and got ourselves a large supply of waterballoons. Well, they happened to be in a Impala convertible. And I can tell you one thing, that top came down awfully quickly and they left in a hurry ...I'm sure they didn't finish their burgers and we chased em out of town. I happened to be the one driving and had my Daddy's Pontiac Catalina. The local sheriff happened to see us, and he didn't bother to give chase. He recognized daddy's car and unbeknownsed to me, called my father, knowing that my dad would deal with the issue. Well, I thought I was being pretty slick as we took the Catalina over to the car wash and washed off left over balloons from the fenders and hood, etc. and then drove home, and even walked in the door five minutes before curfew was over ...But it does make a kid pretty paranoid when he learns he is in trouble even before he gets home. I never did learn how the old man found out until he told me many years later. Got a good prank story that you played when you were kids? If you would like to share it, feel free, I'm always up for a laff...who knows, I might even publish it! We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS a drinking problem http://www.thepostm rich or good lookin don't matter none http://www.thepostm the breakup http://www.thepostm a peep show http://www.thepostm ever notice http://www.thepostm intelligence is sexy http://www.thepostm doesn't matter http://www.thepostm one hell of a shotgun (full auto) http://www.thepostm Frankie Avalon http://www.thepostm rednecks havin fun http://www.thepostm the knife test http://www.thepostm hold your breath http://www.thepostm good vibrations http://www.thepostm ____________  POWER POINT DISPLAYS have you got the habit http://www.thepostm have you seen the new Harley Davidsons? http://www.thepostm excersize scares me http://www.thepostm Clever advertising http://www.thepostm Warren Buffet http://www.thepostm ____________ Top 15 Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex with You 1. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin. 2. She yells out her own name. 3. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook more easily. 4. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along. 5. Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?" 6. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too. 7. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file. 8. During the act, she screams, "Oh, baby, yadda, yadda, yadda!" 9. You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead. 10. You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show ____________ I asked this girl to go to a movie with me, and she said, "No, I won't go to the movie with you because I know what you will do! You will unbutton my blouse with one hand, and have your other hand on my leg!" I said "I wouldn't dare do that! Why people behind me could see us!" She says, "That's right, so could we get there early and get seats in the back row!" ____________ Q. What do you get when you cross a porcupine and a goat? A. A kid that's hard to handle. Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive. The best measure of a woman's honesty isn't her income tax return. It's the zero adjust on her bathroom scale. Q. To what question can you never answer yes? A. "Are you asleep?" ____________ A young innocent girl is about to go on her first date and is given some word of advise and warning by her mother: "Look darling, they all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him; 1.) kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will shrivel, 2.) or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can shatter, and 3.) never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a "GRILL" and will burn everything coming to touch it." The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits and waits until just after midnight when she's back. "How was it?" asks mom. "Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!" "Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?" "Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely careful not to hurt or harm me!" "What do you mean careful, did you let him do something?" "Not exactly mom, see it was like that. First he wanted to kiss me and I told him what you said, and he stopped. Then he went to touch my breast and again I told him what you said, and he stopped. Then he slowly went under my skirt close to the private part, and I told him what you said, and he then took his hands out and said; "What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice piece of "fillet" and would love to put it in your "grill" to cook!!"" "WHAT?!?" screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no different to the others. You hopefully stopped him there too, didn't you?" "Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be careful and was very careful not to "burn" his fillet. Every now and then he took it out and had me "taste it" to see if it was cooked or not." ____________ Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the chocolate I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber), I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt... I said to myself, as I only can, "You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!" So, away with the last of the sour cream dip. Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip. Every last bit of food that I like must be banished Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie, not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have pancakes, or raisin bread, or pie. I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore... But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet. ____________ A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa. She takes Cuddles, her faithful aged poodle, along for company. While on safari, the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says. 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! ============ BUFFALO Bill Smallest bikini (smut alert) http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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