Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Life in Boot Camp began at Camp Barry, the older WWII style barracks.
My trip to Camp Barry started at AFEES Detroit about 1500.
I was there on a Monday because on Tuesday I was supposed to report
for an induction physical. My birthday was 39 in the lottery and they
were pulling 1-50 in my county. I had tried the Coast Guard and Army
recruiters first and the Coast Guard wanted me to lose 20 pounds
first but the Army had some great offers. With 4 years of JROTC and
two years of college they were more than
willing to offer me a job as a helicopter pilot. Once I considered
the life expectancy of helicopter pilots, I decided to go talk to the
Navy recruiter instead and he offered me E-3 and OP specialty which
had three Seabee ratings in it. Of course when we got to
classification they were only hiring BT's and Nuclear Machinist Mates
that day and I didn't have the desire at the time to go for a six
year hitch.
But anyhow back to Camp Barry, we landed at O'Hare at about 2000 and
by the time the bus finally got there and hauled us to Great Lakes it
was about 0100 and we were told to make ourselves
comfortable because no one would be there till morning. They also
pointed out an amnesty barrel in the corner and read off a list of
illegal and contraband items that we should discard. It included
alcohol, drugs, guns, knives, pornography, etc. I spent my first
night in the Navy sitting in a chair napping.
First thing in the morning we did our paperwork, got our billet
numbers got haircuts, chowed down several times, and towards the
evening they issued us our uniforms and after changing and packing
our
civvies into a box to go home we were introduced to our barracks.
Generally the stay there was short with classification, testing,
shots, swim test, etc. but being as we hit there just before Memorial
Day
weekend we spent over a week there. The old wooden style barracks
were what I expected having watched the old films, the bunks were
comfortable, the food was as good as the MSU stuff I had been eating
for the past two years, and I was used to the hazing so I was really
comfortable.
I had a new found bad habit that I had started on the way to Great
Lakes in that I had bought my first pack of cigarettes. I wasted a
lot of work time over the next 24 years taking smoke breaks or
telling someone I would start something as soon as I finished a
smoke and the Navy used it as a punishment / reward thing. Camp
Barry's buildings were a fire waiting for a place to happen though
and the only time you were allowed to smoke was in the center of
one of the bays around a bucket of sand with a fire watch present. It
was commented that if a fire started it would consume a building in
three minutes.
Around Memorial Day one of the barracks caught fire upstairs and
burnt down over half of the building. Rumor had it that some of the
recruits in our company had been smoking pot in the second deck
of one of the unused buildings and had set some mattresses on fire
to test the theory. Never found out whether that was true but three
guys were pulled from our company about the same time. But anyhow
rather than standing a barracks watch I had a couple of days of
standing fire watch in the burnt out buildings which was fine by me
because others were stuck in the scullery during that time washing
pots and pans.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Cold Was It? It Was So Cold....
- kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom,
my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"
- when kids go outside to play, they can only go as far
as the extension cord will allow.
- if you pee'd your pants, you'd either have to have them
chiseled off or be stuck in them until the spring thaw.
- groping in crowds was considered acceptable as long as
you were wearing big woolly mittens.
- we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could
get out of our parkas.
- Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans.
- perps wouldn't take off their mitts when they were
arrested.... their fingerprint charts were just big
mitten smudges.
- the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with
every new pair of eyeglasses.
- the Statue of Liberty was seen sticking that torch
under her robe.
- you need the wallpaper steamer to get undressed.
- "blanket suffocation" is now the number one cause of
fatalities.
- Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women
would take their clothes off.
- the computer store was selling giant keyboards so
people could type with mittens.
- "hot pants" started selling again.... until people
figured out they weren't.
- kids had to stay inside all week.... parents are now
organizing a "teacher appreciation day."
- anyone with a body temperature near 104°F was in danger
of being hauled out of their sickbed and used as a heater.
- firefighters couldn't convince people to get out of
their houses when they caught fire.
- we had to chop up the piano for firewood.... but we
only got two chords.
- we didn't clean the house, we just defrosted it.
- the lights would only go on in the house when someone
opened the door.
- I tried to take the garbage out, but it didn't want to go.
- we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled
inside it to warm up.
- when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
- I chipped a tooth on my soup!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Left Lungage
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Spiderman
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the
bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which
is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs
but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the
mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty
space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I
apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER
a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out
empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum
physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come
into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the
proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear
there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't
you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you
could buy HER a drink? Never know --she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely
is THAT to happen?"
************
A woman was walking along pushing her new born
baby in its pram when she was approached by an
old friend.
The woman leaned over, peered into the pram and
said, "What a beautiful baby boy! Little Jesse looks
just like his father."
"I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked
more like my husband!"
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Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man dies and finds himself in a small room furnished with a couch
and TV.
There's another guy sitting on the couch, watching the screen.
"So, is this heaven or hell?" he asks the guy on the couch.
"Well, there are no windows or doors, and no apparent way out," the
man answers. "So it's hell?"
"I don't know," says the other guy, without looking up. "They did
give us this nice big TV." "So maybe it's heaven."
"Maybe, but it has only one channel," the man counters.
"Oh, so maybe it's hell?"
"Well, the station it gets is pretty good...it's PBS."
"So maybe this is heaven after all?"
"Yeah, except for one thing," the other guy says sadly. "It's always
pledge week."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thorn was trying real hard to get the best-looking cheerleader in
school to go out on a date with him. She finally agreed, but only on
condition that he arrange a date for her best friend too. That was
fine with Thorn, but when Friday night came around he hadn't been
able to line anyone up so he asked his retarded brother Futhman if he
would help him out. "Why sure," said Futhman, "but you know, I've
never been out with a girl before."
"No problem," said Thorn. "Just do everything I do."
Off the four of them go to the drive-in, and when Thorn started
kissing his date, Futhman followed suit. Soon Thorn had the
cheerleader'
was feeling inside her panties, but when Futhman tried to follow
suit, his date told him to quit.
"Why?" asked Futhman, anxiously noting that his brother was getting
quite a head start in the front seat.
"I have my period," she said.
"You're what?"
"I'm bleeding down there," she explained, blushing.
"This I gotta see," said Futhman. He turned on the headlights,
dragged his date out in front of the car, and pulled down her pants.
White-faced, he said, "Hell, I'd be bleeding too, if my dick were
chopped off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood
received this testimonial from a little old lady who lived on a farm
in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the woman wrote, "I was
too
tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton. But after only two
bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become the best cotton-
picking hoer in the county.
At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at her
husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!" Then, turning to the
counsellor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five
times a year!"
They made a movie about my wife's sex life --"The Night of the
Living
Dead"
At cocktail parties the men usually stand around getting stiff, and
the women are usually tight, but when they get home they frequently
find that neither is either.
Girls believe in love at first sight; men believe in it at first
opportunity
"How is it I find you sleeping with my daughter?" stormed the
outraged father. "I ask you, you little bastard, how is it?!" "Why,
just great, sir," replied the calm young man, "just great!"
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about
condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly
approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper
order
when she died, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened
to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the
following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN,
LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the
funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the
tombstone
that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the
tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording
that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could
fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited
space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience
as
a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was
finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Majesty of the Sea
http://silverandgol
A Plea From The Past
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JESUS HOLD MY HAND/NEW PAGE
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Magical Place
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Check Out Southbreeze'
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Surfin Surfari
Dollar Tips
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The 25 Most Commonly Misspelled Words Via Dianne
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Veggie Art
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(MLK) A Class Divided
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Signing Internet Petitions Facts
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IP Tools
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Graphics
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Buy A Dog
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
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Finish Jackie
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Flirting Garbage men
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Football Season
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Love 2008
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Love Boat
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Lucha
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Luckiest Man On The Planet
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Lucky 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kosher Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old man Blumberg was getting on in years, and his son, Sol, who had
done well financially in ladies' underwear, asked his father if he'd
like to go down to Miami Beach. He thought it would be good for the
old man to have companionship and warm weather in his declining years.
The old man was pleased but consented to go only if he could be at a
kosher hotel.
So Sol made reservations at the finest kosher Hotel and put his
father on a plane to Miami Beach.
Once a week, Sol phoned him to see how things were going, and all
seemed to be going quite well.
Then, a few weeks later, when Sol had to make a business trip, he
decided to drop in on pop unannounced and surprise him.
When he got to the hotel, however there was no sign of his father.
He asked the desk clerk if he had any idea where his father might be
and he was told he might try room 2201 at a nearby hotel.
Sol hopped into a cab and headed for the hotel.
There he learned at the desk that room 2201 was the room of one Ms.
Karen McMerty!
Sol rushed up to the room and knocked on the door.
Imagine his surprise when it was opened by a tall, barely dressed,
redhead!
And there, in the bed, was his father!
Sol was furious!
Unable to contain himself, he screamed, "Papa, I'm shocked! I don't
know what to say! A religious man like you! And at your age! Not to
mention your insistence on staying at a Kosher hotel!"
The old man looked at him as if he were crazy and said, "Sol, what
are you getting so excited for? It's not like I eat here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome To Ontario
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Crowded Beach
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Tin Can Phone
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accounting
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a butt girl
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desperate moments
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A strange young fellow from Leeds,
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass,
Sprouted out of his ass,
And his balls were covered with weeds.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs."
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
There was a young student called Jones,
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By his wonderful knowledge,
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Of nineteen erogenous zones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers
did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse,
businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristicall
the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well my
mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes
in front of men and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if
the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay
with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin
aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your mother?"
"No," the boy said, "She works in public relations for the Obama
transition
team , and her job is to make President-Elect Obama seem like a
leader,
but I am too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bald Guys Pickup Lines
"You're beautiful, and that's not just the Rogaine talking."
"I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying
shampoo."
"Your eyes are sparkling -- or maybe that's just the glare off my
head."
"Wanna go back to my place and see my squirrel?"
"Wanna buff me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1504
The Presidential Branch
Sandi: Burp! Are you guys ready to hear about the next
branch of government?
Rudy draws closer: Sure.
Katie leans in: I am all ears.
Sandi: The Presidential Branch is another part. It is very
complicated.
Rudy: I thought is was just one person.
Sandi: Not really.
Katie: They just had an election and voted for the president.
Sandi: It is more complex than that. Think about it. There is a
president
of Pizza Hut, a president of McDonalds, A president of KFC and a
president
of Walmart and a president of the USA and on and on.
Rudy leaning back...: Wow! I never thought about that...it makes my
head
hurt.
Katie: Which president is the most important?
Sandi: It depends. The presidents of the companies if they do bad,
can
make the president of the USA look worse.
Rudy: That doesn't make sense.
Sandi: It happens though.
Katie: I saw father's paper once and he was President of some Junior
Chamber of Commerce.
Sandi: See, Daddy is a member of the Presidential Branch. He was
also
an umpire so he was a member of the Judicial branch.
Rudy: Is that legal?
Sandi: Daddy can do anything because he is daddy.
Katie: What is the other branch Sandi?
Sandi: Yawn... after my nap.
To be continued...
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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