THE POSTMAN'S CORNER We come into life with whatever we've got. It's ours to do with. It took me a while to figure that out — that my life isn't just what happens to me, that I could take hold of it. Liz Strauss  Calling all laundry Experts! Which laundry detergent does the best job at getting out those pesky stains? Vote for Tide(R), All(R) or Cheer, and we will give you a FREE $250 Visa(R) Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  Have you ever splattered tomato sauce on your favorite shirt while out on a date or attending an important business luncheon? Were you embarrassed by the spots on your shirt? Then act now to prevent that from happening again. Participate in our promotion to get a FREE* Clorox(R) Bleach Pen(R). With this portable cleaning tool, you can quickly erase stains anywhere http://www.thepostm  The '09 Honda(R) Ruckus(R) Scooter is the hottest scooter on the market! Equipped with Dual-Headlights, a 49cc Engine, V-Matic(R) Automatic Transmission and 1.3 Gallon Tank, this scooter is sure to make a ruckus on the road! Act now to get your new scooter for FREE! http://www.thepostm  The economy is in crisis and everyone is saving where they can! If the cost of groceries, gas, bills and clothing are making your financial situation harder we can make it easier! Act now to get a FREE $1,500 Visa(R) Gift Card for your mortgage or rent payment and take one less financial worry off your plate! Learn how to get your FREE $1,500 Visa(R) Gift Card below http://www.thepostm GOOD AFTERNOON POSTMAN FANS! Here are 10 Ways to get a life and start living it. 1. Give yourself permission to claim your life.. That's right — Permission. You're the only one who can decide you are in charge of Your life. Even though it feels like you're not supposed to do so, Turn off the internal editors, the old tape recordings, the "shoulds, Have to's, and musts", and the rules that didn't come from you. 2. Define what living means to you. It's not as hard as it sounds. Just picture yourself at the end of your life looking back. What words Would you want to describe how you lived your life and who you are as A person? 3. Stop living in the future. Every time you think "someday" or "when I have time I will," stop. Ask yourself, "Why not now?" Think about This sentence, "I always wanted to, but never did." Start doing the Things you always planned to do. Choose your life every morning. Plan One thing you will do that day to feel alive. 4. Surround yourself with people who enjoy living. They've obviously Discovered how to have a life and live it. Why not hang with the pros? 5. Lay down your pain and your anger. Carrying them around makes Living harder and less fun. It doesn't bring anything, and it steals a Lot. 6. Let the losers win. Don't argue about things that you don't care About. Unless there's some real threat, let the folks who have Something to prove, prove what they need to. Why waste your living Time trying to fix what's wrong with them? 7. Create energy.. Jump to forgiveness and love, then figure things Out. Most conclusions we jump to are not only wrong, they're negative. Negative conclusions lead us to prepare a defense. Being on the Defensive isn't living. It's hiding from life. 8. Learn the physical symptoms of when your head and heart become Disconnected. We know when we're having a knee jerk reaction, when We're feeling sorry for ourselves, and when we're being blind to people's feelings. We can remember how it felt physically while we Were behaving badly. Get to know those symptoms, and you can stop the Behavior. Living life will feel a whole lot safer because you won't be In danger of shooting yourself in the foot. 9. Take small risks that push your boundaries in every way. The joy of Life is packed in learning that matches our skill set. When we stretch Just a bit intellectually, physically, emotionally, we grow. Living is Growing. Even your cells know that. 10. Value and protect the people and the places you care about. A job Isn't a life. It's just a part of one. Let the people you care about Come first, and let everyone know that you do.. Re-read numbers 1 and 2. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman Did you hear? they found that engine from the US AIRWAYS jet that sat down in the Hudson river? Guess what? Tests conducted by the FBI show that the engine trouble was actually caused by terrorists! Here are the suspects...  Comics cell phone drivers http://www.thepostm you smell good http://www.thepostm intoxicating beauty http://www.thepostm have another glass http://www.thepostm ____________ We have heard reports that the first day in the whitehouse for President Obama did not go so well...  Lets go to the movies the Llamas and the stag http://www.thepostm Rent a car-wav file http://www.thepostm the Javelin vs the T72 tank http://www.thepostm Japanese pacman http://www.thepostm freedom of speech http://www.thepostm workin out http://www.thepostm __________ the new cabbage patch doll for Illinois residents  INTERESTING STUFF great moments in presidential speeches http://www.thepostm gypsie drinking song http://www.thepostm Habitaflex - The foldable home http://www.thepostm Watch all the latest movies http://www.thepostm Growing stocks of unsold cars around the world http://www.thepostm Lion shows the audience who is king of the jungle http://www.thepostm the best of SNL's celebrity jeopardy. suck it trebek. http://www.thepostm Obama's acceptance speech http://www.thepostm machine gun shoot http://www.thepostm ____________ POWER POINT DISPLAYS what every woman needs http://www.thepostm Edward S Curtis http://www.thepostm a better nursing home plan http://www.thepostm One summer, the company Dave worked for transferred him to another city, and Dave was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor. All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Dave had the smallest dick he'd ever seen. "Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?" the doc asked. "Shit, no," Dave said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and a great sex life. But I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime." "What about at night?" the doc asked. "Nights are no problem," Dave said. 'cause there's two of us looking for it then." ____________ A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients". "Yes, sir..." answers Ole. The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?" Ole tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL.""Bravo! Ya, Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole. "Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this and what; about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman enters like a flame. She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!" And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor. "I put eye drops in her eyes." ____________ Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married. "What!" shouted the boss. "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?" "Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my whole vacation." ____________ Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, ' You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.' The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems... ____________ TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. Fat clothes 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow 3. Eyelash curlers 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN ____________ The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law? "I recognized the laugh!" he replied. ____________ chat up lines: 1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away! 2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special! 3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in! 4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them! 5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up! 6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away! ____________ BUFFALO Bill Damn Great Dane http://buffalosjoke FUN PAGES from Lorraine 3D Basketball http://tinyurl. Super Babysitter http://tinyurl. PAPA Thorn Holy Halo http://able2laugh. Horny babe http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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