THE POSTMAN'S CORNER "We Americans were damn tired of being thought of as dumb, by the rest of the world. So we went to the polls in November and removed all doubt."  Now you can own a piece of history! Celebrate the victorious election of our 44th President of the United States, America's first African American Commander, with the commemorative plate from the American Historic Societyª. The Historic Victory Plateª is a priceless work of art featuring the triumphant President-Elect surrounded by the American flag and spectacular fireworks celebration. This first collectors issue plate celebrates with the inscription "Change Has Come" scripted in 22K Gold text. The back displays the seal of the American Historic Society and documents the historic electoral and popular vote totals on Election Day. http://www.thepostm  Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably. The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece. http://www.thepostm  Worried that your baby diapers and baby supplies are running a bit low? Now you can stop worrying! Stock up on baby diapers, baby supplies and accessories with your FREE $1000 Visa(R) Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been selected to receive a FREE pair of the hottest Jessica Simpson designer Shoes to hit the streets http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS Some of you might remember that I had ear surgery a few weeks ago? well I went in yesterday to have my hearing test and it had made a big difference for me. I somehow had gotten a punctured eardrum. The doc performed a little bit of surgery magic and sealed it up. Now that its had a chance to heal, the test shows that my hearing has made dramatic improvments. It may not be perfect, but it certainly much better than it was. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  THE COMICS screensaver http://www.thepostm the new dental plan http://www.thepostm another hot flash? http://www.thepostm some kind of tool http://www.thepostm the research shows http://www.thepostm something burning? http://www.thepostm something between us http://www.thepostm the lucky arab http://www.thepostm life is short http://www.thepostm did you forget? http://www.thepostm titties n beer http://www.thepostm cheap car from China http://www.thepostm idiot stunt 10 highest lakes on earth http://www.thepostm on the food channel http://www.thepostm the invisible web http://www.thepostm earth photography http://www.thepostm top recipes of 2008 http://www.thepostm My Dad said to my Mother, "You should go bra-less." She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky enough?" He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of your face." ____________ Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is. "Well" said Eric. "I ran afowl on one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old fat and wrinkly." "That's easy" said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will.'" "Yeah" said Eric. "That's what I did; except I said: 'Of course I do'." ____________ Two coal miners (Ernie & Rich) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Ernie pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you got dere?" Ernie says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle." Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one." That night Rich goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Ernie pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you got dere?" Ernie says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle." Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one." That night Rich goes home, but forgets what it is called again. Well Rich really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is. The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Ernie pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you got dere?" Well, by this time Ernie's getting pretty upset. Every day Rich asks what it is and never remembers so he decides to just make up stuff since Rich isn't going to remember anyway. So Ernie says, "Dis is a contraceptive. Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one." And he writes it down. That night Rich is in the neighborhood drug store and the pharmacist sees him walking around and says to him, "Can I help you?" Rich says, "Ya, I'd like a contraceptive. And the pharmacist says, "Sure, what size?" Rich says, "Give me da 2 quart size, I'll be working in da hole all day!" ____________ Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge. GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT! 'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!' ____________ Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word 'ears', that he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnny.' Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?' Yes', the mother re plied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great,' said Little Johnny, 'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses ____________ A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. 'How much do you weigh?' she asks. '115,' she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140 (I wish). The nurse asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 8,' she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5'. She then takes her blood pressure And tells the woman it is very high. 'Of course it's high!' she screams, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!' ____________ Two guys strike up a converation at the local tavern... One guy says to the other, "Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced." "Did you see a lawyer yet?" asks the second guy. "No," replies the first, "I got married." PAPA Thorn Saucy Mona...wait for it... http://able2laugh. American Beauty http://able2laugh. Never loses his keys http://able2laugh. BUFFALO Bill Spotlighting http://www.buffalos Elmer At The Playboy Mansion http://www.buffalos Ol Rex http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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