THE POSTMAN'S CORNER There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent, or hinder, or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.  Shoes Under - Space Saving Shoe Organizer Shoes Under stores twelve pairs of shoes under your bed, saving you valuable closet space. It's the perfect solution for coordinating not only shoes, but socks, belts, toys and more! Shoes under has a protective clear, zipper see-through cover keeping dust, moisture and bugs out. Just slide and store - it's that easy! Order now and we'll DOUBLE your order! http://www.thepostm  A good sleep is key to getting the most out of the rest of your day.Stay healthier, manage stress, and do better at work or at school. Made from natural ingredients, our easy-to-use strips will get you to sleep in 15 minutes or less. We stand by our product with a money-back guarantee... REST EASY!  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One day I called my brother and got his secretary insted. I left word for him to give me a call. Our phones had both call forwarding and call holding. I then transfered my phone to my brother's number. Now, everytime he would try to call me it would roll oveer to him and he would get the bleeps indicating he had an incoming call. When he tried to answer it there would be no one there because he was really calling himself. It took him some time to figure out what was going on and he came over to my building and gave me a thorough dressing down for it. I'm not sure he would ever have caught on if he had not have been receiving my calls also. Lloyd has a really good one and I think he wins the prize... (I'll send you a check tomorrow, Lloyd, hehehe) The town was very small and didn't have a police department. What we did have was a town constable. The poor old fellow was bedeviled each Halloween by us evil young people soaping every piece of glass in town. This activity apparently generated a lot of complaints from the local merchants so he vowed that "this" Halloween it would NOT happen. He came to the high school during an assembly and told us it would "NOT" happen in pretty strong words. He bragged that he was mounting a watch on Halloween eve with a number of his friends and anyone caught soaping windows would be in a world of trouble. Well, what red blooded American boy wouldn't take that as a challenge? However, we did put the soap away. That night we reconnoitered the city building. It was a small brick structure that housed the Mayor's office, The constable's office and the town's one piece of fire equipment. (I told you it was a small town.) The lights were on in the Mayor's office so we sneaked up and peered thorough the window. Inside the Mayor, the Constable and the Volunteer Fire Chief were playing poker around a table with a phone in the middle of it. Apparently ready to spring into action the moment they heard of any of our nefarious deeds. We left two of our cohorts on look out and the rest of went around to the side of the building where the town's one and only police cruiser was parked. We carefully jacked up the back of the cruiser and slid two concrete blocks we had brought along for the occasion. under the axle. When we took the jacks out the rear wheels rested a scant quarter inch off the pavement. Then we sent "Billy" the undisputed mountain goat in the gang up to the Lutheran Church to scale the bell tower and ring the bell. We figured at one o'clock in the morning, this would have some effect on the town folk. It did, and shortly all three men came running out of the city building and jumped into the cruiser..... a loud discussion among the three "town fathers" about what could be wrong and a lot of accusation and finger pointing about the mechanical condition of the cruiser. They finally all jumped into the mayor's private car and went to investigate the long since quiet church bell. When they returned and after more discussion, a wrecker was called. They got the town's one wrecker driver out of bed. He, after only a quick inspection of the not running machine, informed them of the problem in rather condescending tones. Of course, by the next day the "incident" was all over town courtesy of the wrecker driver and the three town fathers were the butt of a good number of jokes......which did NOT make them any better disposed toward the town's juvenile delinquents. never told a soul. I think some of our parents suspected but they were also enjoying the Mayor's and friends discomfort. I tell the story now because I'm the only surviving member of "The Halloween five," and I believe the statutes of limitation has run out. We'll have a couple more good pranks tomorrow hope you enjoy it. Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS wanna see 2 tons of crack? http://thepostmansc Leroy follows mom's instructions http://thepostmansc sorry lady http://thepostmansc individuality http://thepostmansc my husband http://thepostmansc the scottish farmer http://thepostmansc student loan http://thepostmansc  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES great moments are worth waiting for http://thepostmansc when the time is right http://thepostmansc the kitten and the electric tooth brush. http://thepostmansc don't mess with him http://thepostmansc that is some car crash. not for the feint of heart http://thepostmansc puzzles and mazes http://thepostmansc Gaza's underground economy http://thepostmansc how stuff works http://thepostmansc coach, that's grose! http://thepostmansc exploding nipples http://thepostmansc Fire marshall Bill visits the space station http://thepostmansc the frisky climber http://thepostmansc New Year's eve jump http://thepostmansc pretty awesome http://thepostmansc terminal velocity http://thepostmansc ____________ Headlines On This Date 4 Years Ago: "Republicans spending $42 million on inauguration while troops Die in unarmored Humvees" "Bush extravagance exceeds any reason during tough economic times" "Fat cats get their $42 million inauguration party, Ordinary Americans get the shaft" ------------ Headlines Today: "Historic Obama Inauguration will cost only $120 million" "Obama Spends $120 million on inauguration; America Needs A Big Party" "Everyman Obama shows America how to celebrate" "Citibank executives contribute $8 million to Obama Inauguration" Yep. There's just nothing like fair & unbiased coverage of the news !!! ____________ One afternoon, Bob and his boss were on a roof pounding nails. Bob would pound a nail in, then pick up another. He was holding the nail upside down. After looking at it, he suddenly tossed the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded it into the roof. He eventually tossed so many upside down nails away, that his boss came over."Bob, what are you doing? How come you're tossing away all these nails?" he asked."Well, they're upside down, " Bob replied.Shaking his head, his boss looks at Bob and yells, "You idiot, save them for the ceiling!" ____________ A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed. I've been telling you for the last half hour, I'll be ready in a minute!" ____________ A couple goes to bed to sleep for the night. In the middle of the night, the wife wakes up laughing and laughing and laughing. Her husband groggily asks, "What are you laughing about?" She tells him that she has just had a dream and she dreamed that she was at a cock auction. She said, "They had BIG ones there that were 12 inches long and big around and they were being auctioned off at $10,000 dollars. She went on to say that they had some 10 inch long ones that were slightly smaller in diameter and they were going for around $8,000 dollars. The husband is excited by now and asks "Honey were there any at the auction like mine?" She says, "Why yes, they were over on the souvenir table and they were selling at 2 for a quarter..." He disgustedly turns and goes back to sleep. Well about two nights later, the husband wakes up in the middle of the night just laughing and laughing and laughing. The wife asks him, "what in the world are you laughing about?" He goes on to say that he dreamed he was at a pussy auction. He said, "They had little tiny ones there that had no hair at all and they were selling for $50,000 dollars. He went on to say that they had some with just a little bit of beginning hair and they were a little larger, but going for $42,000 dollars. The wife is excited by this time and asks, "Honey did they have any there like mine? He said "Gosh honey, I am sorry, no ... WAIT... they had two. They were cooling beer in one, and throwing empties in the other!" ____________ As the Broadway showgirls were dressing for a performance, one of them noticed her friend was no longer sporting a flashy engagement ring. "What happened, Lilly," she asked, pointing to the bare finger. "The wedding off?" "Yeah," Lilly admitted. "I saw him in a bathing suit last week, and he looked so different without his wallet." ____________ A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up."That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!" ____________ THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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