Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have never been big on the social networking sites as many of
them seemed to be aimed at teenagers, take up too much time,
or make indiscriminate use of a person's address book. I did
have a basic Yahoo page for awhile but that lost favor and Yahoo
dropped them after only about a year. When Facebook came
along I got a few invites asking if I was one person'd friend or
another and the way it is set up you can't view their page without
at least a basic page of your own so I built one. As time went on
I approved a few close friends and one buddy I hadn't seen since
high school. That left me with a list of people, some who sounded
familiar and others I had never heard of sitting there unanswered.
Finally today I decided that whether I knew them or not I would
approve them and see what happens. I got messages from a few
old friends from the herd and a few new ones, wrote on a few walls,
and even joined the Fox News Fans list. Don't let that scare you
away if you are an Obama supporter because I watch all the major
news channels and unless you have political humor, there are better
things to talk about. Anyhow if you are on Facebook and want to visit
my wall and leave a message, here is the link.
http://www.facebook
Have a good Sunday and there is only a week to go till the
Super Bowl.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Snow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY....but aren't! (Snowfall Edition)
- I got over nine inches last night.
- Man, that white stuff is covering everything. I can barely see my
own car!
- I love when it lands on my tongue.
- Go on. Lick that pole. I dare ya.
- I got so wet playing with it.
- Don't rub that in your sister's face!
- Dammit! You got it all over my new pants.
- It's even soaked through my shoes.
- This isn't the soft, fluffy kind. It's hard, wet and you can pack
it down.
- Once it gets all dirty and mushy, I get sick just looking at it.
- Sometimes when I get hot, I rub some down my neck.
- My children love rolling in it, but I make them wear gloves so they
don't catch anything.
- It's so deep now, you can tunnel through it.
- Don't yell too loudly. It'll all come down and cover you. We'll
have to call in some dogs.
- Don't put your tongue on it or it'll get stuck. You want your Mom
to see you like that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Clownfart
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Carwash
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Worried
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hangover Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a
massive hangover and can't remember
anything he did last night.
He picks up his dressing gown from the
floor and puts it on. He notices there's
something in one of the pockets and it
turns out to be a bra. He thinks to himself,
"Uh oh. What happened last night?"
He walks towards the bathroom and finds
a panty in the other pocket of his gown.
Again he thinks, "What happened last night.
What have I done? It must have been a wild
party," making his best attempt to conclude
and accept the evidence.
He opens the bathroom door, walks in and
has a look in the mirror. He notices a little
string hanging out of his mouth and his only
thought is, "If there's a God, please let this
be a tea bag."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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trucking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three truck drivers die and got to meet God for admittance.
God asks the first driver if he had ever cheated on his log books,
taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He replied that he would never
consider such conduct and that he was a good man. God told him to go
stand on this big X on the floor.
God asked the second driver if he had ever cheated on his log book,
taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He replied 'Oh No I would never
do any such thing" God told him to stand next to the first driver on
the X.
God then asked the third driver if he had ever cheated on his log
book, taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He explained that as much
as he regretted it he had falsified his log book, and taken some
little white pills because there was the cutest little blonde honey
in Dallas that he had ever seen.
At this point God pressed a button and the first two drivers fell
through a hole that opened under them. The third driver, startled,
asked what happens now?
God said "well those two liars are going to Hell and you and me are
going to Dallas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister is a flat chested girl.
I'm quite a joker, and one day i said to her "Would you
wear gloves if you had no hands??"
She said "No".
So i said "So why do you wear a bra then??"
At this point i thought it advisable to run away, before
she threw something at me.
~~~~~
Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the
local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he
weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the missus.
"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the
bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't waken the neighbours."
"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinnes up the stairs" he shouted.
"Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted down
"I can't" he said "I've drank it!"
~~~~~
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said
to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly
"It's true, straight up no bull!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chuck Norris Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
- Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster
than Death can process them.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet
for Chuck Norris.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
- Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"
- Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
- Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50
states in order to legally wear pants.
- Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
- Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back
the fuck off.
- The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck
Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
- Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger had a testicle contest and
Chuck Norris won by 4.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called this girlfriend of mine and asked her if she was free
Saturday night. She said no, but she would be reasonable.
As I checked my daily assignment, I saw that the head nurse has me
emptying bedpans again. When am I ever going to get off this woman's
shit list?
"I had to go again today to have blood test done." "Oh, I hate
that!"
"I do too, but I try to make jokes about it. When the technician
says, "You'll feel a little prick," I come back with, "Well, hell, I
could have stayed married for that!"
I explained to the proctologist that my wife and I were making love
on the couch and the channel changer just got in the way, but he
said
the odds were pretty remote.
Lesbian Cocktail Lounge: A Her-She Bar
There's a story of a dog who sat too close to the railroad tracks. A
train came along and cut off his tail. When the dog tried to bite
the
train, he got his head cut off for his trouble. The moral of this
story is: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.
As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never.
"Dolly, the famous cloned sheep, got pregnant in the old-fashioned,
conventional way--by a shepherd."
Women are just like orange juice cartons. It's not the shape or the
size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting
those
fuckin' flaps to open!
I felt a bit uncomfortable when my girlfriend took a job
moonlighting
at the local deli. Sure we can use the extra money she brings in,
but
that place is such a meat market.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Talking Dogs
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God's Splendor
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carolyn w/ Always On My Mind ~Elvis
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Different Time
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Trash Shadow Art
http://www.shangral
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Surfin Surfari
Stonehenge Beneath the Waters of Lake Michigan Via Mojo
http://bldgblog.
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Pakastani Arms
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Scenes From Antarctica Via Dianne
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Captured - Party Time in DC
http://blogs.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Some keyboard shortcuts for:
Windows
http://support.
Windows 2000 http://labmice.
XP
http://support.
office 2000 http://www.fgcu.
Microsoft Products
http://www.microsof
Firefox
http://www.mozilla.
Mozilla
http://www.mozilla.
Mac OS X
http://docs.
Opera
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Gmail
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.homestea
Kitty Korner
http://www.catcam.
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Movie Chips
Satin Sheets
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Saying Goodbye
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Speed Bump
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Terrorist Attack
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That Look
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Italian Police Motorcycle Drill Team
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PD Budget
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Great tequila Commercials
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It Looked Like A Parking Space
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Kind So Flunky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gray-hared, middle-aged, friend of mine was sitting at the evening
dinner table yesterday along with his spouse, when she startled him
by telling that she'd had a memorable dream the night before.
He was slow to ask what she'd dreamed about. So, she quickly went
on to tell him that it had included both of them, without any of his
prodding. "I dreamed that you found a much younger woman,
and that you threw me out!" She blurted out impetuously. Then
adding in a sort of a cynical way, "Of course in just a few days,
you
came crawling back, and asked me to come back, tired of her whiny
ways!" "And of course I told you to bite it!" She added forcefully.
He paused a minute before saying "That wasn't very nice of you!"
After a minute, he thoughtfully asked her "How old was she?"
"How old do you want her to be?" She responded nastily.
"Nineteen!" He quickly answered.
"Okay, she was nineteen!" She meekly returned.
He thought about that for a long moment, before asking again
"What did she look like?"
Now becoming just a little frustrated with him and his cavalier
attitude, she answered, "I wasn't focused on that, I was thinking
about my own situation and my own feelings" as she looked intently
toward him.
He rolled back in his chair, staring into space and said, "Hell, if
she's
nineteen, who cares what she looks like!"
Karl
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flaming Fanny
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Brain Waves
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New Years Resolution
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Was A Young Man From Australia,
Who Went On A Wild Bacchanalia.
He Buggered A Frog,
Two Mice And A Dog,
And A Bishop In Fullest Regalia.
A Young Bride And Groom Of Australia,
Remarked As They Joined Genitalia:
Though The System Seems Odd,
We Are Thankful That God
Developed The Class Mammalia.
"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's balls to a car's battery
cables will
save one Texas GI's life, then I have just three things to say,
"Red is positive"
"Black is negative"
"Make sure his balls are wet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The assembly line ground to a halt. The supervisor had found some
white sticky stuff on some of the nuts and bolts that held the
product together. A painful investigation revealed what the
substance
was and the problem was traced to Tom, the newly hired, eager young
handyman. The result was told to the supervisor who found it hard to
believe that this could be the problem. He called Tom to his office
and screamed - "Tom, are you fuckin' nuts?"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ...
you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts
with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better
as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really
staring you down, and that's when you realize,
you have been listening to your Ipod.
Jim Tenn
A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're
white?"
His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember
about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1509
The Diner
Rudy and BJ are at the local diner behind them is an older couple who
are not aware that Rudy can speak.
BJ: So this is a once in a year treat Rudy..what do you want to eat?
Rudy: Steak, pretty rare, just warmed up on each side and serve it
bloody.
Man on other side to wife: He likes his meat pretty much raw.
Wife: Hrumpt!
BJ: I don't know how you like your meat so raw.
Rudy: Well look at the other meat I eat.. Heck that rabbit I killed
and
ate in our front yard was nothing. The blood was still warm when I
ate
it.
Woman: Discusting!
Man: He must be true hunter.
BJ: How about that other thing the week before.
Rudy chuckling: Oh that coyote.... Well it was okay. I had to stick
my
head into it's stomach before I could get any good food though.
Woman: How inhumane!
Man: He is a bit frightful.
Rudy: I remember the armadillo that Sandi killed and we both ate as
being
a bit tough.
BJ: Yeah, I noticed you didn't eat all of it... like you did the rat.
Woman: What kind of people are these...next I expect them to say they
are dining on humans!
Rudy: Did you notice how the Newspaper man ran away from the house
after he saw me and Sandi sitting in the yard in the pile of bones?
BJ: I can understand his way of thinking..
Woman: Henry, I need to leave. This person is hungry..we are here
and
we need to leave.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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