THE POSTMAN'S CORNER We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.  Now you can stop wrestling with stubborn bra straps and give your cleavage a firm, youthful lift thanks to Strap Perfect(tm): The ultimate bra strap solution/concealer! You'll never risk another fashion faux pas with any bra again with Strap Perfect. The Strap Perfect(tm) kits includes: - 2 clear clips - 2 nude clips - 2 black clips 6 total, a color for every bra for only $19.99 and $8.95 shipping and handling. Plus, as a special free gift, we'll also send you 10 strips of Invisible Fashion Tape Absolutely FREE! http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a $500 JetBlue Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  Fashionistas! Go shopping with your FREE $500 JC Penney(R) Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  EZ Combs - Stretchable Double Combs Create dozens of dazzling hairstyles instantly with your very own set of EZ Combs. What are they? EZ Combs are what they say they are -- EZ. * Simply slide in one end of the EZ Comb. * Stretch the EZ Comb around your hair. * Slide in the other side, and there you have it. A Perfect Hairstyle in 3 EZ steps. Create a variety of hairstyles for all types of occaisions, including Weddings & Formal Events, the Office, Nights out on the Town, Working Out, and even in your bed. EZ Combs are soft & comfortable. http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! President Bush gave his farewell address to the nation last night. The media has branded him as one of the most unpopular presidents in history. You can beat him up about Katrina(altho the media forgets that Federal aid was on its way 48 hours after the governor declared a disaster). Blame him for the economy if you want.(altho the media forgets that signs of a downturn were already occuring during the Clinton administration, after the signing of the NAFTA bill) Crucify him over the Iraq war, etc. (alto the media is fast to point out that no wmds' were found, they are slow to remember the persecution and torture the dictator Saddam did on his own people.) But the one significant factor that you cannot deny: The president vowed after 9-11 to protect this country against another terrorist attack. And that, my dear friend, is exactly what he did. Altho I am doubtful, I hope President Obama can do as well. Last week "the war department" and me were at the grocery doing our weekly thing. It had sorta been traditional that me and "the war department" buy a large bar of chocolate to share as a little treat,each week. I am a diebetic, and she follows a glutten free diet and also tries to avoid dairy products because she suffers arthritis and watching what she eats helps to reduce inflamation. Thus, we indulge in sweets and snacks sparingly. Anyways, she announced that she was no longer eating chocolate as it was now concidered "taboo" for her dietary concerns. Its kinda hard to keep up with what she will eat and what she will not as it changes every week, depending on what health article she has read recently on the web. so, I then announced, "Fine suit yourself, I'm gonna get me one and eat the whole thing myself." And after a couple days, I'd managed to devour it rather quickly all on my own. so, yesterday, I very fortuitously stopped at the store and got me another bar of chocolate. Brought it home and that night she says, "You still have that bar of chocolate you bought?" Where I proudly brought it out and with a flourish shared a bit or two of it with her. You think I should tell her I ate the first bar all by myself or should I just let her believe I was being kind and considerate, waiting to share it with her? :) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  THE COMICS Suck faster, Lois http://www.thepostm reasons to take up smoking http://www.thepostm wonder if she knows http://www.thepostm blame yourself http://www.thepostm the new night gown http://www.thepostm I think that must be Turk http://www.thepostm the height of embarrasment http://www.thepostm Christmas is over http://www.thepostm another reason to quit smoking http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES that had to hurt http://www.thepostm Amazing Grace-flute solo http://www.thepostm the chicken song-wav file http://www.thepostm INTERESTING STUFF a very stupid man http://www.thepostm cheese cake brownies http://www.thepostm I love giraffes http://www.thepostm 10 dangerous foods http://www.thepostm Dr. Seuss does Star Trek http://www.thepostm Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit schooland work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He neverlearned to read, so when he married and started a checking account,he signed his checks simply "XX". Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered. He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank."Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check.We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've beensigning your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed withthree XXX's..." Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that sinceI've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name." ____________ Little Johnny and his dad were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a lady in the front turned around, slapped Little Johnny's dad, and then left in a huff."That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said. Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe ... so I pinched her ass." ____________ In America the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are? In England they say "Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock do you know where your husband is?" In Poland they say Its 11 o'clock do you know what time it is?" ____________ Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window. Defendant: I did it without thinking, your Honor. Judge: Thats no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing at the time? ____________ To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah) ------------ Posted to Craig's List Personals: Reply to: pers-982078099@ craigslist. org [?] Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex BUFFALO Bill PAPA Thorn Find the 5 horses http://able2laff. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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