[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

 
 
 
 
 
 
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
 
 
 
 

Millions long for immortality who do not know
what to do with themselves on a rainy
Sunday afternoon.
 
 
 
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

YAHOO NEWS
WASHINGTON – Motorists are driving less and buying less gasoline,
which means fuel taxes aren't raising enough money to keep pace with
the cost of road, bridge and transit programs. A federal commission
created by Congress to find a way to make up the growing revenue
shortfall in the program that funds highway repairs and construction
is talking about increasing federal gas and diesel taxes. A roughly 50
percent increase in gasoline and diesel fuel taxes is being urged by
the commission until the government devises another way for motorists
to pay for using public roads.

If you are wondering why you are paying
the price you are for a gallon of gas, forget about the law of supply and
demand. Its bullshit. The real motivator for what we pay at the pumps is
decided by greedy law makers in Washington. And other bureacrats
such as OPEC who want to decide the amount of production. If we are
smart, we can forget about the economy cars and start buying the gas
guzzlers again like we used to, because one way or another, we are
gonna get it up the shaft. If the arabs don't
do it to us the Washington bureaucrats will.
 
===============

In a few short days, an African American man will move from his private
residence into a much larger and infinitely more expensive one owned
not by him but by the taxpayers.  A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and
many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest
of us but the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house
should make us all stop and countour blessings - because it proves
that we live in a nation where anything is possible.
Many believed this day would never come.  Most of us hoped and prayed
that it would, but few of us actually believed we would live to see it. 
Racism is an ugly thing in all of it's forms and there is little doubt
that if this man had moved into this house fifteen years ago, there
would have been a great outcry - possibly even rioting in the streets. 
Today, we can all be both grateful and proud that no such mayhem will
take place when this man takes up residency in this house.
This man, moving into this house at this time in our nation's history is
much more than a simple change of addresses for him - it is proof of a
change in our attitude as a nation.  It is an amends of sorts - the
righting of a great wrong. It is a symbol of our growth, and of our
willingness to "judge a man, not by the color of his skin but by the
content of his character".
There can be little doubt now that the vast majority of us truly believe
that this man has earned both his place in history and his new address. 
His time in this house will not be easy - it will be fraught with danger
and he will face many challenges.  I am sure there will be many times
when he asks himself how in the world he ended up here and like all
who have gone before him, the experience will age him greatly.
But I for one will not waste an ounce of worry for his sake - because
in every way a man can, he asked for this.  His whole life for the past
fifteen years appears to have been inexorably leading this man toward
this house.  It is highly probable that that in the past, despite all
of his actions, racism would have kept this man out of this house. 
Today, I thank the lord above that I am an American and that I live
in a nation where wrongs are righted, where justice matters and where
truly anything is possible.
Who is this man you ask?  You think you know, don't you?
See below.
 
 
If you are like a lot of folks, you are probably wondering how to cut down
your expenses in a struggling and scary economy. Me and the war
department are rather frugal, but we did manage to find one way. We
were paying a lot of money out to our cable tv provider. and the ironic
thing was, we were not getting that much out of it. So, we got rid of it.
At first I was a little bummed by it, as I am in the house all day, but then I
found out how to save money by using the puter to watch
the shows I want to...
 
 
 
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We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
 
THE COMICS
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
a surprise for dad
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___________
 
 
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that
your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the
burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was
yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar.
'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
_____________
 
Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Applebee's  

10. Waitress asks, "Would you like to hear about our  
 
selection of half-finished meals?"

9. "Lo-cal Salad" consists of shredded straws and napkins

8. Walls are covered in whimsically framed health code   violations

7. It's a dollar extra if you want your milk shake boneless

6. Coffee isn't bottomless, but the busboy is

5. Take-out delivery involves your address and a giant   slingshot

4. All you hear from the kitchen is, "Here kitty, kitty,   kitty"

3. Only dessert option is a packet of Sweet 'N Low

2. The chef just washed his hands...in your french onion   soup

1. Waiter asks you to touch his riblets
__________
 
A guy dies and goes to Hell,when he gets down there its nothing at all
like he thought it would be its just like the beach clear
blue sky about 85 degrees sandy beach and waves as far as the eye can
see. As the guy starts walking along the beach he comes upon an old dude he
knows who died a few years back the old dudes laying on the beach with
this super hot little hardbody blonde all wrapped around him and a
large cooler chest of beer at his feet.
The young guy askes in amazement,This is hell?
yeah the old dude responds,wanna beer?
sure the young guy says as he grabs one from the cooler turning the can
of beer over several times he cries Hey theres no hole in this beer!
Yeah the old dude says pitifully,theres no hole in this blonde either
THIS IS HELL!!!
___________
 
Postal clerk to elderly customer: "That will be $2.40 for Priority Mail or
$1.30 for Parcel Post." "What's the difference?" "Priority Mail is faster."
"There's no hurry, just so the package is delivered within my lifetime."
"That will be $2.40, please."
___________
 
Signs You Bought a Lemon for a Car
 
1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out
with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.
 
2. You notice that the car phone they threw in "for free"
has a direct line to Moe's Towing Company.
 
3. The booster cables are not in the trunk but are
permanently soldered to the battery.
 
4. The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for
quick and easy opening.
 
5. The "Purchased From" sticker at the bottom of the rear

license plate has been removed.
6. You get a "Good Luck" card from the previous owner.
 
7. As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic
opens the big door to the service bay and waves you in.
____________
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an
alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital's more attractive nurses. While
manipulating the man's body they noted that the word "tiny" was tattooed
on the head of his wiener. Some months after the man's discharge, Mary,
one of the nurses, told Joan, the other, that she had dated their former
patient. "How could you go out with a man that had 'tiny' tattooed on his
love stick?" exclaimed Joan.  "How could I indeed!" said Mary. "It said
'tiny' when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled: 'Tiny's Delicatessen &
Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!'"
_________________
 
When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to."
The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted.
"We say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house,
and she knows how to cook!"
_____________
 
A doctor was transferred to a very tough Marine commando base.  On the first day, three soldiers arrived to see him.  The first soldier marched in and snapped to attention. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I've got piles, Sir!" shouted the soldier.
"How have you been treating them?" asked the doctor, as he examined the soldier. "I've been rubbing my ass with a wire brush until it bleeds, Sir!"
"And what is your ambition in life, soldier?"
"I just want to serve my country, Sir!"
The doctor was amazed that a soldier in so much pain just wanted to
do his duty.  Just then another soldier walked in.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I've got gonorrhea, Sir!" shouted the soldier.
"How have you been treating it until now?"
"I've been rubbing the end of my penis with a wire brush until it bleeds, Sir!"
"And what is your ambition in life, soldier?"
"I just want to serve my country, Sir!"
Again, the doctor was amazed that a soldier in so much pain just wanted
to do his duty.  Finally, a third soldier walked in, and the doctor asked
him about his problem.
"I've got ulcerated gums, Sir!" the soldier bellowed.
"Let me guess.... You've been rubbing your gums with a wire brush
until they bleed, right?"
"Yes, Sir!" replied the soldier.
"And your main ambition in life is to serve your country, right?"
"No, Sir... to be the first to use the wire brush, Sir!"
________________

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair
 
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
 
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.
 
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
 
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
 
6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.
 
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software".
 
4. Lipstick on the mouse.
 
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
 
2. The fax file is filled with pictures of someone's butt.
 
1. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear. 
_____________
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a  nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
 
 
 
 
 

 

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