Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Those of you that went through boot camp at Great Lakes may
find the following interesting. The Navy did a study and discovered
they were wasting two and a half hours a day just getting recruits
back and forth to the mess hall. To recover some of that time the
Navy is constructing a mess hall in each of the barracks, a total
of 16 chow halls. This is not surprising as many university dorm
complexes have their own cafeteria. I think the most time was
spent standing in line instead of marching back and forth.
The larger of the two mess halls serves 4800 people at a time
with another company entering every five minutes. It is designed
to give you exactly 10 minutes from the time you sit down to the
time you get up to leave and then someone is clearing your table
for the next group that will be there. We ate the same way aboard
ship though and our wives wonder why we are done eating and
ready to go watch TV while they are still having a salad.
Even though there are still Mess Management Specialists in charge
of everything there is actually very little cooking done in the
kitchens
at Great Lakes as most items are purchased already prepared. The
actual cooks are hired from Goodwill Industries freeing up more
Chefs
to spend their time on ships and smaller stations.
Currently the bussing of tables and scullery functions are done by
recruits in the fifth week of their nine and a half week boot camp.
I
believe my service week was the ninth week of 13 weeks. This is
coming to an end too and soon the cafeterias will be staffed totally
by civilians. I don't really care for this idea because even though
I
never had to mess cook except for one day in the Navy ( I spent
my week handing out projectors and driving a buffer) I think service
week gives some of those kids that have never had a job in their
life
a glimpse at what shipboard life is going to be like. Most of the
high school kids that came to work in the factory didn't even know
how
to use a mop or a swab and a buffer would eat them alive.
The Hotel and Restaurant Association grades the mess halls at all
bases the same as they do civilian establishments. Overall the
mess hall at Great Lakes currently has a 4 star rating
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sports Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Was sitting in a restaurant this weekend. They had the
TV turned to ESPN which was televising a college girls' softball
game.
Oh it was so sad. It was so . . . "girly."
I swear, I'm not making this up:
* They actually HALTED the game because the pitcher
broke a fingernail.
* The pitcher had a wild pitch and grazed one of the
batters. Did the batter come out of the batter box swinging? No. The
pitcher LEFT THE MOUND, walked to the batter, and GAVE THE BATTER A
HUG!
* The center fielder caught the batter's ball and put her out. On a
MEN'S team, the guys on the bench would have said to the batter, "Ya
lozer!" and smacked him on the arse.
But on this GIRLY game, everyone on the bench gave the
batter "high fives" and "You go girl!" I KNOW for a fact at least
one
of 'em said to her, "You know that center fielder is a stinky ho and
is TOTALLY a d*ke.. You did right when you snatched up her
boyfriend."
Ladies: if, in sports, you're not gonna strut around in little white
tennis skirts so we can see your panties, we're not gonna watch you
do the "Ya Ya Sisterhood" crap on the playing field. Either draw
blood . . . or draw us a beer and get off the field.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Damn Great Dane
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AHHH!
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Bentley
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Hidden kisses
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Hot Dog Stand (naughty alert)
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AOL fans
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psych Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jon, Brian, and Amanpreet were all locked away in a mental
institution for many many years. (Where they belonged, mind
you.)
One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he
wanted
to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent and free
to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd be locked
away for another five years of observation.
All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the
hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor
leads the patients up to the diving platform, some 60 feet in the
air.
The doctor motions to Jon. "Jump."
Without hesitation, Jon leaps off the platform, right into the pool,
breaking both arms in the process.
The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Brian, "Jump."
Also without hesitation, Brian flies off the platform into the empty
poll, breaking both of his legs.
After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Lizard
Pecker, "Jump."
Amanpreet shakes his head. "Naw. I don't think so."
The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and
says, "Congratulations, 'Preet. You're a free man. Just tell me one
thing. Why didn't you jump?"
"Easy," Amanpreet says, "I can't swim, Asshole ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
Patient: I don't do drugs.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life.
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some
drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends
------------
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to
begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman
replies, "Yes.
Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
------------
A kid had cut open a golf ball and had *eaten* the liquid centre.
The stuff in this case was a thick, dark fluid, and the child's
mother naturally assumed that it was some petroleum product. She
frantically called the family doctor, and as she was rushing to the
doctor's office with the apparently poisoned kid, the doctor was
rapidly flipping through the "Common Household Poisons" book. There
was no mention of golf balls in it. The doctor called up a golf
ball manufacturer and explained the situation; but they said that
their golf balls had a solid core. "I wish I'd asked the name of
the manufacturer!
helpfully named their sole competitor that made balls with liquid
centres. Another quick phone call, and the answer: the centre was
made of cod liver oil.
------------
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two
kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself,
"What the heck have I done?" He began to ponder, "How am I going to
bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a while and
decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the
surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loads them into his
van and off he rushes to the local hospital. He walked up and down
the hospital and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor,
"Doc, how are they doing?" The doctor replies, "Comfortable, sir!"
------------
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to
paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected,
sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably
distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the
doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat,
and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his
wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have
you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor
replies, "but not framed like that."
------------
After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live
alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well
cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed
her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a
while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two
attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to
the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back
upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see
how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
------------
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the
window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before
take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two
attorneys.
The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, "I think I'll
get up and get a coke. "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get
it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the
physician's shoe and spat in it. When the physician returned with
the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll
have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and
while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and
spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat back and
enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the physician slipped
his feet into his shoe sand knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our
professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes
and peeing in cokes?"
------------
Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were
discussing the population explosion in the world. One physician
says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad
that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa
gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!" The other doctor
replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tobi Steamer
Throw away your ironing board for good!
To steam away wrinkles in seconds, just hang the garment on
a regular hanger. No board or flat surface required.
The heat and moisture get rid of wrinkles in seconds.
Turn the lighted switch to ON.
You apply no pressure. Just touch the garment lightly, and
move the nozzle up and down. It's easy - even fun!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was standing on a train platform seeing the train off and he
observed someone near him shouting at one of the departing
passengers, "Goodbye. Your wife was a great lay! Your wife was a
great lay!"
He was stunned. After the train pulled away, he walked over to the
man and asked, "Did I hear you correctly? Did you tell that man his
wife was a great lay?"
The other man shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't really true," he
said, "but I don't want to hurt his feelings."
The recently married bride was perplexed when her husband announced
that he had found a new position.
"What's that, honey?"
"We lie back to back."
"But, what kind if position is that?"
"You'll see. Another couple is joining us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shoes Under stores twelve pairs of shoes under your bed, saving you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Red Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a sweet, cute, darling little girl named
Little Red Riding Hood who was going to her grandma's house at the
other end of the forest. Along the way, she meets a Big Bad Wolf who
asks in a polite voice, "Little girl, where are you going on this
nice fine day?"
"Well, actually, my ma told me not to talk to strangers," Little Red
Riding Hood says. "But since you are such a nice wolf, I'll tell
you. I'm going to my grandma's house at the other end of the
forest."
"It's so sad, but I'm not going by that way; see you some other
time!!!" And with that, the sneaky, no good, Big Bad Wolf dances
away to grandma's house at the other end of the forest, chuckling to
himself, "Hee hee, kids nowadays, little do they know..."
So Little Red Riding Hood slowly proceeds, arriving at her grandma's
house late in the afternoon. The door is ajar, and a strange deathly
silence permeated the air. "Oh grandma, I'm here to visit you!!!"
"Ooooh dearie, I'm inside, sick in bed," a gruff voice replies.
Little Red Riding Hood enters the house, only to see a huge *thing*
lying on the bed.
"Oooh grandma, what BIG ears you have."
"Better to hear you with dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oh grandma, what BIG eyes you have."
"Better to see you with dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oooh grandma, what BIG teeth you have."
"(hee, hee) Better to EAT YOU with..." And the Big Bad Wolf leaps
hungrily out of bed, ready to pounce on poor, cute, defenseless, and
darling Little Red Riding Hood... Only to see her rip out a .44
Magnum from under her basket and unload four rounds, point-blank,
into his belly.
"Arrrghh," the Big Bad Wolf cries in pain. "Kids nowadays. I shudaff
known."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ward Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nervous young guy was walking up and down the waiting room at the
Maternity hospital, and he looked at a cool, and calm older man, who
was reading a magazine.The younger man said, "I guess you have been
here a few times." "Yes," said the older man.
The young wanted to know, "How long after the baby is born, can you
have sex with the Mother?
The older guy equitably replied,"It depends on whether she's in a
public ward or a private ward."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Buy 1 Get For Nothing!
Bonus - Led Book Light
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Alone and Homeless
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week!
http://ministry-
A CHILD'S PRAYER
http://www.wtv-
JOHAN'S NOAH'S ARK!
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
NASA Earth Observatory: Home Via Dianne
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NTC San Diego
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Weather Calculator
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Good Reads
http://www.goodread
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
MASH - Microsoft Agent Scripting Helper Via Wesley
http://www.bellcraf
Open Office
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Burn Aware Free
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
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A Tale Of Two Cockatoos
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Taking A Catnap 2
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Chips
Man In Line
http://www.buffalos
Mechanic
http://www.buffalos
Men's Locker room
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Magic Finger Find The G Spot
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My new Philosophy
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Mary Did You Know
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Math 911
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Max Porta Potty
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McDogo
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McElway Basketball
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ho Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because of the recent incidence with Don Imus, Al Sharpton and
others are insisting that changes take place in our country.
Santa Claus will be banned as he utters the clearly racist and
misogynistic exclamation, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Pirate movies will be censored if they contain the phrase "Yo, ho,
ho."
All references to the Seven Dwarfs will be punishable due to the
song "High-ho!" which is offensive to sex workers of enhanced
stature.
Any mention of farmers will cease due to their use of hoes, a
racist, sexist farm implement.
The Lone Ranger will be eliminated from popular culture because he
uses the patently offensive phrase, "Hi Ho Silver"
All "Ho-downs" will be terminated as a racist affront to
non-Southern White Christians.
All travel to Ho Chi Minh City will be banned.
The phrases "Heave-Ho," "Gung Ho," and "Tally Ho!" will be expunged
from the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
wanna see 2 tons of crack?
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Leroy follows mom's instructions
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sorry lady
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Understanding
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Coffee
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Smoke
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and
rechargeable electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
And the back she's a Parker House roll.
There was an old sculptor named Phidias
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie---
Which startled the purely fastidious.
There was a young girl named Dalrymple
Whose sexual equipment was so simple
That on examination they found
Little more than a mound
In the centre of which was a dimple.
A gallant young Frenchman named Grandhomme
Was attempting a girl on a tandem.
At the height of the make
She slammed on the brake,
And scattered his semen at random
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up
to
30 bills on one side and up to six credit cards on the other.
Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
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It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,
no questions asked.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled
LSD?"
Granny replies, Fuck the pills!! Have you seen the dragons in the
kitchen?!
Have a good day
Myron
An old and favored servant of two maiden ladies had been frequently
reprimanded by them for his free behavior with the female servants.
Caught one day in 'flagrante delicto,' he was summoned to their
presence, and while the girl was sacked, he was told that if he did
not do better and turn over a new leaf, much as they valued him--his
next escapade would be his last. He promised amendment and matters
went on very well for a time. One evening, he was not to be found
when wanted, and, on a search being made, was discovered in the beer
cellar, buggering the page boy. "How now," he was asked, "is this
your amendment? You promised to turn over a new leaf." "So I have"
said he, "only I have begun at the 'bottom of the page!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turn anything into a flashlight and never be left in the dark again!
The world's thinnest flashlight that fits anywhere!
Perfect for cell phones (since you always carry it around)
But also great on Ipods, Cameras, Wallets, Closets and anywhere you
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The catlite is the perfect flashlight, ready when you need it and
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You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
Not available in stores!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I asked this girl to go to a movie with me, and she said, "No, I
won't
go to the movie with you because I know what you will do! You will
unbutton my blouse with one hand, and have your other hand on my
leg!"
I said "I wouldn't dare do that! Why people behind me could see us!"
She says, "That's right, so could we get there early and get seats
in
the back row!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
Your kids and loved ones will have hours of fun and competition.
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Click here to hear more or buy now:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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