Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
In two days the Kitty Hawk will be decommissioned, the last of a
breed gone because fuel oil became an obsolete technology
just as black oil, coal, and sails went before her. I feel obsolete
too without the knowledge to walk into a fireroom anymore and
say I have the watch but because of all I have learned there is
still
a purpose for me... right here just another old sailor.
OLD SAILORS
Old sailors sit and chew the fat
'bout how things used to be
of the things they've seen
and places they've been
When they ventured out to sea.
They remember friends from long ago
and the times they had back then
of the money they've spilled
and the beer they've swilled
In their days as sailing men.
Their lives are lived in days gone by
with thoughts that forever last
of cracker-jack hats
and bell-bottom blues
and the good times in their past.
They recall long nights with a moon so bright
far out on a lonely sea
and the thoughts they had
as youthful lads
When their lives were unbridled and free.
They know so well how their hearts would swell
when the flag fluttered proud and free
and the stars and the stripes
made such beautiful sights
as they plowed through an angry sea.
They talk of the bread ole' cookie would bake
and the shrill of the boatsun's pipe
and how the salt spray fell
like sparks out of hell
when a storm struck in the night.
They remember mates already gone
who forever hold a spot
In the stories of old
when sailors were bold
and lubbers were a pitiful lot.
They rode their ships through many a storm
when the sea was showing its might
And the mighty waves
might be digging their graves
as they sailed on through the night.
They speak of nights in a bawdy house
somewhere on a foreign shore
and the beer they'd down
as they gathered around
cracking jokes with a busty whore.
Their sailing days are gone away
never more will they cross the brow
But they have no regrets
for they know they've been blessed
'cause they honored their sacred vow.
Their numbers grow less with each passing day
as their chits in this life are called in
But they've nothing to lose
for they've all paid their dues
and they'll sail with their shipmates again.
I've heard them say before getting underway
that there's still some sailin' to do
and they'll exclaim with a grin
that their ship has come in
and the Lord is commanding the crew.
Larry L. Dunn
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,
USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic
expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the
few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance
of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I
know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired
to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your
shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault
in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may
have
worked
for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn
it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your
glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-
green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad
proof of
the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change
without
you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender
my
resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you
to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is
"I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
the next
couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do
it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently
saved
when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms
like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's
birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen
such
odd
acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to
correct
your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation
on
my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never
mess
with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do
with all
that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Sally
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Nimble goat
http://able2laff.
Ballsy Juggler
http://able2laff.
Counselor
http://able2laff.
Infection
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Auditions
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Old-Fashioned
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely
Caucasian baby boy. 'Congratulations,
parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two
Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong.
Two old dears having a coffee, one says to the other, "Did you come
on
the bus", "Yes", she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma
attack"
A man recovering from a heart attack asked his doctor how long he
should wait before having sex. You can have sex right away," the
doctor answered, "but only with your wife I don't want you to get
too
excited."
There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had
mastered
the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems
afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and
asked
what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next number."
When
he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His father was just
walking in the door from work, heard only the question, and he
replied, "Listerine!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
No Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alternative ways to say no :
I'd rather have my nipples chewed off...by a pack of wild
dogs.
I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose...until the back of
his head caves in!
I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater.
I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of
alcohol.
I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest.
I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while
being bitch whipped by a fat, mustached geek named Spyros.
I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.
I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine..
forest fire.
I'd rather suck cow snot...through a straw.
I would rather sandpaper a wildcat's ass.
I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle...
in the nude.
I'd rather bungee jump...with the harness tied to my penis...with
your mom lying naked in the landing zone.
I would rather dry fuck a polar bear....in a phone booth.
I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back...and
then
find out it's the wrong one.
I'd rather cram my dick in the ass of a bear with
inflamed hemorrhoids.
I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the
NFL play tug of war with my nut sack....each side of 5
pulling a separate nut in a different direction.
I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter...
not
a twist off either.
I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer...and
then wear wool socks...in August.
I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass...after he just finished
taking a shit.
I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs ... with a
dull barber's razor...and no water or soap.
I'd rather french kiss a barracuda.
I'd rather poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass...with a short
stick.
I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake.
I'd rather nail my dick to the middle of a 2x4 and set
both ends on fire...and try to get loose with a butter
knife.
I'd rather stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass...and jog
a mile.
I would rather have sex with Pee Wee Herman in the
daylight, without a bag to put over his head.
I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank...of
the 700 pound man next door.
I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.
I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my
penis... then tie it in a knot.
I'd rather lick an elephant's asshole...after he had
just dropped a load of steaming diarrhea.
I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden...then
jump into a pool filled with chlorine.
l would rather lie under an elephant with diarrhea...in
August...with
my mouth propped open.
I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert...with snapping
turtles attached to my nipples.
I'd rather be tied to a chair...and forced to listen to
Barry Manilow tunes..while having my tonsils removed with
a rusty spoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest lecturing a teenage boy told him, "IThe Golden Rule is,
Love
thy neighbor as thyself." "Huh?" the boy said. "Am I supposed to
jerk
him off, too?"
A man was boarding a plane on his way back from visiting family over
the holidays when he heard another passenger shout to a man in the
crowd waiting to see him off, "Good bye. Your wife was a great lay!"
After the plane was in flight, the first man walked over to the one
who had done the shouting and asked, "Did I hear you correctly? Did
you actually have the audacity to tell that man his wife was a great
lay?" The other man shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't really true,"
he
said, "but I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Miss, would you help me?" a customer at a department store asked a
female clerk. "I would like to purchase a birthday gift for my
brother. What do you suggest for a man who has everything?" The
clerk
offered, "My phone number?"
BANKERS do it with interest but pay for early withdrawal
A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to her priest that she often
had sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now, my
daughter," consoled the priest, "I'm sure if you think about it,
you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you
are
right," replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more comfortable
in the backseat."
An old professor got up one morning feeling like a 20 year old
student, but he couldn't find one on campus who was awake that
early.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The One Touch Cordless Knife is the portable, lightweight
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some one had written on the bathroom wall: "My mother made me a
homosexual." Underneath it somebody else had written: "If I send her
the wool, will she make me one too?"
A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if "hard on" was
hyphenated. The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you
writing home about!" The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad
about the project we worked so 'hard on'."
The trouble with my wife is that she has a wait problem. Every time
I
want sex, she says, "Wait."
A new couple were making love in the dunes. When they were done he
said, "How lucky for us that you brought a condom with you." She
said, "We're even luckier than you think because I found it here in
the sand."
Man to woman in car: "They were out of tampons so I bought you a
cork"
Two men were talking. One said "I'd love to be casseroled by a
redhead." "What's that mean?" his puzzled friend said, "Casseroled
is
a cooking term, meaning to be done slowly for a long time." The
first
man shrugged. "Exactly." he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Collective Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR PHYSICIANS
1. A Spread of Gynecologists
2. A Buttload of Proctologists
3. A Supporting Cast of Orthopedists
4. A Hive of Allergists
5. A Press of Dental Hygienists
6. A Carvery of Surgeons
7. A Golf-cart of Private-physicians
8. A Growth of Oncologists
9. A Vision of Optometrists
10. An Insanity of Psychologists
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Foil Art - Just Peel, Press, Stick and Play
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Forever Friends
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John w/ Teach Me Tonight
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Blessed Child (remake)
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cat fish for dinner
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Heroes Truck
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Surfin Surfari
LYNYRD SKYNYRD KEYBOARDIST BILLY POWELL DIES AT 56
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TCM 31 DAYS OF OSCAR Via Dianne
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Top Ways To Stay Healthy
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Web-tv
http://www.wtv-
Button Banner Text
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Banners
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.loveyour
Kitty Korner
http://www.catster.
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Movie Chips
Internet Cyber
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Ah L'Amour
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Alabama Death Penalty Execution
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Aussie Beaches
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Baseball Flash
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Chinook Water
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Cincy Choir
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Does This Happen To You In The Morning
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Domaci Mazlicek
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Drum Girls
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
A student who had recently been diagnosed with multiple personality
disorder went to the campus medical center. "Doc," he said, "I think
one of my personalities may be gay." "And this is causing you
discomfort?" the doctor asked. "Yeah," the student replied. "It's
kind
of a pain in the ass."
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A man married a woman who had an identical twin, but less than a
year
later he was in court, filing for a divorce. The judge said, "Tell
the
court why you want a divorce." Well, Your Honor," the man said,
"every
once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and
because she and my wife look so similar, I'd end up making love to
her
by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two
women," the judge said. "You'd better believe there's a difference,"
the man said. "That's why I want a divorce."
Two sweethearts wanted to fly United on the way back to campus after
spring break, but the flight attendant wouldn't let them.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pup Light
PupLight - Keep Your Pup Lit Up Keep you and your pet safe at
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.thepostm
http://www.thepostm
http://www.thepostm
Last Time!
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
I.R.S
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
A Matter Of Taste
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shoes Under - Space Saving Shoe Organizer
Shoes Under stores twelve pairs of shoes under your bed, saving you
valuable closet space. It's the perfect solution for coordinating
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Order now and we'll DOUBLE your order!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jenny taught erotic correction,
Told her student "To get an erection,
Put your dick in my mouth,
Move it north, move it south,
Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
Her instructions were very explicit,
And more than a little illicit:
"Please fill up my cunny,
With fresh clover honey,
And butter my buns like a biscuit."
"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
And I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
I'll put on some feathers,
And laces and leathers,
And wiggle my ass while you spank it."
"Now that your fingers are stinky,
Tie me up in some chains that are clinky...
Bring in some goats and a sheik,
Give my big titties a tweak,
And now, we can start getting kinky!"
"Forget what the chain and the whip meant,
Get the straps and the slings and a shipment
Of high-grade Vaseline,
And a strong trampoline,
And all of that other equipment!"
"Now, when we get the bedsprings a strummin',
That's when I'll start in a hummin',
Then quickly, my dear,
Put it into my ear,
So I can hear the sound of it comin'!"
"I don't know how much this is costing,"
Said her student, still covered with frosting,
"But I can say with affinity,
That I've lost my virginity...
Quite frankly, my dear... you're exhausting!"
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Margaret decided she wanted to become a nurse. Her first day at the
hospital she was given several patients to bathe and change their
beds. Her instructor arrived in the room just in time to hear the
male patient give a howl of pain. The teacher took Margaret to one
side and said. "When we make the beds, we gently turn the patient to
one side and push the sheets up against his back. We then roll him
over on the other side and pull the sheets firm. We do NOT pick him
up by his penis and shove the sheets under him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and
rechargeable electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task
for the day is to each stand up in turn, speak their name, and admit
to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first
prisoner
stands and says, "My name is Gabe and I'm in for murder." Everyone
gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his
wrongdoing. The next guy stands up and says, "My name is Rich and
I'm
in for armed robbery." Again, there is a round of approving looks.
This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands
up and says, "My name is Eli, but I'm not telling you what I'm in
for." The group leader says, "Now, come on Eli, you have to admit it
to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did." "OK then," agrees
Eli, "I'm in for fornicating with dogs." Everyone is disgusted. One
in the group shouts out, "That's sick! How low can you go!?!"
"Chihuahuas,
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up
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Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
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It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the Archives last year when we had global warming
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1214
Airing Your Differences
Diana: BJ just look at your dogs.
BJ looks at Rudy, Sandi and Katie all are laying on the floor on
their
backs paws up in the air, sacked out.
BJ: So?
Diana: It is sixty degrees outside, they are healthy, they should be
outside playing.
BJ: Point being?
Diana: Wake them up, and get their lazy butts outside.
BJ: Okay...guys, up and at 'em.
Rudy: What the...?
Katie: I was about to catch that rabbit.
Sandi: I had this six foot pizza I just had delivered to my house.
BJ: Sorry guys but to the dog run.
Dogs: Grumble, mumble, mutiny.
Later..
Diana: Before we head to town, let's see how they are doing.
BJ and Diana walk to the dog run and see...Rudy, Sandi, and Katie..
on their backs, paws up, laying in the sun..snoring to beat the
devil.
Diana: Ack!!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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