THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
~Josh Billings
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The war department was checking out her figure in the mirror
and commented that she had lost a couple more pounds. A remarkable
achievement, considering she is over 50, had 3 kids, and really
does not have anything to lose. She does have an admirable figure,
I'd have to agree. Of course, then she said it. "How come YOU are not
losing weight?" glaring pointedly at my paunch. I have learned some
times that its best to ignore some statements. Helps when you are
married some 30 years for longevity purposes. Anyways, she seemed
to be intent on pursuing the matter. So I offered her my thesis.
"Well hon. It's the metal fillings in my teeth."
"Huh??? wtf...does that have to do with it."
"Simple," I explains.
"See, you got them silly magnets on the fridge."
"What about it?"
"I have metal fillings in my teeth.
Well, the magnets pull my face to the fridge, cuz of my fillings.
That is why I cannot seem to get away from food."
Somehow, she just did not see the logic.
Go figger.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
THE COMICS
your lawyer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e030.html
any ideas
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e031.html
a gift
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e032.html
I'm sorry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e033.html
breath smells
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e034.html
great Santini
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e035.html
for a good time
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e036.html
snuffed him
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e038.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Nando's chicken
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5610.html
another Dr. Doolittle
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5611.html
steal a car with a plunger
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5612.html
Push!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5613.html
wrong bag
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5614.html
what to do with your old vcr
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5615.html
Adam and Susan
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5616.html
__________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
poolside beauty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2377.html
Tsunami
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2378.html
we thankyou
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2379.html
bottled water
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2380.html
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up the start menu. Now type the letter 'P' to
bring up the Program list." Customer:
"I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
______________
Thorn asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours,
Martin. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"
Martin says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm
around his shoulder and pull him close to me so that only he can hear."
"Then I'll say, 'Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's my only
daughter and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching,
kissing or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just
remember, I don't mind going back to prison.' "
________________
There is this American tourist on a trip around
Ireland. When the tour arrives at Belfast he decides
to go for a stroll with the aim of taking in this
new culture. After he's been walking for a while
someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his back.
The person says to the tourist, "What are you,
Catholic or Protestant?"
The American thinks to himself "Great -- if I say
I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant.
If I say I'm Protestant, he's sure to be Catholic.
Either way I'm dead." Then he has a brain wave
and says to the guy, "Actually I'm Jewish." This,
he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe.
The guy behind him then replies, "Gee, I must be
the luckiest Arab in Ireland."
____________
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health
and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would
you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top
of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
____________
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got
a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'"
she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner.
"But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.
"I don't think so," replied the man,
"but it's as close as I want to get."
___________
Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked
by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway,
towards you, what would you do?"
"I would get in my helicopter and fly away," said Douglas.
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get the helicopter from?"
Douglas replied, "Same place you got that dumb train
______________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Real Crimes: The Unicorn Killer
http://tinyurl.com/qpvfvo
Saloon Shootout
http://tinyurl.com/czhgr3
Squirrel Car Crash
http://tinyurl.com/da6u2k
_________
BUFFALO Bill
Home Paternity Test
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aiou.htm
Homemade Water Slide
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azxdc.htm
Homer Koehn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/avcf.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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