THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first,
the lesson afterward."
GOOD MRONING POSTMAN FANS!
The so called "Swine flu" pandemic continues to raise its ugly
head. Oh. shhhsh...we're not supposed to call it a pandemic yet.
Maybe nobody will be worried about it if we don't. 3 schools here
in West Michigan have now closed after students were reported with
"flu symptoms." the news reports say 150 thousand children nation
wide have now stayed home for fear of this latest strain. That makes
a lot of sense doesn't it? Lets keep our kids home from school to
protect them, right? And now with time on their hands, they'll go
to about 3 or 4 malls all day. Guess what? reall good disease control.
I have to laugh at the reporters on the morning news shows. They are
all screaming at every health official and politican they can interview.
"Why don't you close the border to control the spread of the flu to the
US?" Apparently no one told them its a little too late for that.
On a little more upbeat note, I want to thank all of you for your
kind words of support with my battle with the cigarettes. Its been a
up hill battle, but I have to admit, it was the support of "the war
department" that helped me with the extra edge I needed to beat the
habit. Fact is, she bought this speciallighter that went a long ways
towards helping me...
you will want to check it out at:
http://thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/g2270.gif
And a special note to Lloyd D who bales hay.
Haven't been able to respond to your emails, every time
I write to you it bounces back to me. you might want to
check your mail filters and make sure I am white listed.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
H1N1
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a031.html
wish I was a 2 year old again
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a032.html
hot summer outfit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a033.html
no one told us
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a034.html
nurse got it wrong, or did she?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a035.html
a good book
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a036.html
a lover needs practice
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a038.html
mermaids
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a039.html
spring fashion
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a040.html
__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
funny pool
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5438.html
Jay Leno. O.J., George, Michael, and Bill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5439.html
Cheers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5440.html
crabs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5441.html
Alaskan airways
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5442.html
walk through walls
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5443.html
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see
her license.
After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates
here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."
"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.
"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the
officer. "You're getting a ticket."
________________
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben
and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down
the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the
ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before
the had taken three steps.
The second threw his watch and made only two steps before
hearing his watch shatter.
The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down
the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and
walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.
"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
______________
Mohammad entered his school classroom. "What is your name?" asked the
teacher.
"Mohammad," answered the boy.
Here in France, there is no Mohammad. "From now on your name will be
Jean-Francois," replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammad returned home. "The day went well Mohammad?"
asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammad. I am in France now and my name is Jean-
Francois.
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to disown your
parents???
Your heritage ??? Shame on you!" ...And she beat him.
Then she called the father and he beat him very hard.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him
with all the bruises she asked : "What happened my little Jean-
Francois?"
"Well, Madame, two hours after becoming French I was attacked by two
Arab terrorists."
___________________
There once was an proud Irishman named Pat, who went to heaven and saw
St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked, "Who are you?" Pat
replied, "My name is Pat, I'm an Irishman, born on St. Patrick's Day,
died on St. Patrick's Day, marching' in the St. Patrick's Day parade."
St. Peter said to Pat: "Yes, this is true! Here's a little green cloud
for you to drive around heaven in and here is a harp that, when you
push this button here, will play 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.' Enjoy
it, Pat. Have a good time in heaven."
Pat jumps on his little green cloud, punches the button, and heads out
with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. He's having a
wonderful time in heaven, driving his little green cloud around. But
on the third day, he's driving down Expressway H-1 with the harp
playing full blast when, all of a sudden, a Jewish man in a pink and
white two-tone cloud with tail fins roars past him. And in the back of
this cloud is an organ which is playing all sorts of celestial music.
Pat makes a U-turn right in the middle of the Heaven Expressway and
charges back to the Pearly Gates.
He says, "St. Peter, my name is Pat, I'm a proud Irishman. I was born
on St. Patrick's Day, died on St. Patrick's Day, marching' in the St.
Patrick's Day parade. I come up here to heaven and I get this tiny,
insignificant little green cloud and this little harp that plays only
one song, 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.' But, there's a Jew over
there. He's got a big, beautiful pink and white two-tone cloud and a
huge organ that plays all kinds of celestial music and I, Pat the
Irishman, want to know why!" St. Peter stands up from his desk. He
leans over and motions Pat the Irishman to come closer. Then he says:
"Pat, shush! He's the Boss's Son!"
__________________
Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said
that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first.
Little Johnny obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next time his
grandmother turned around he was gone. She panicked and looked
everywhere for him, but he had disappeared.
Finally she went to the customer service desk, intending to have them
announce his name over the PA system. To her relief he was already
there waiting for her. The woman at the desk said, "He wanted us to
announce your name over the PA system, but he didn't' know what your
name was. We asked him what his daddy called you, and he replied
'mom', next we asked him what Grandpa called you and he replied
'sugar'. We were almost out of questions for him when another lady
suggested that your daughter-in-law might call you by your first
name." "We were so happy to see you show up at the desk," she continued,
"because when we asked him what his mommy called you, we were out of ideas!"
"Well," asked Little Johnny's grandmother curiously, "What did he say?"
"He said," she replied, "that his mother called you 'A BITCH'!"
____________________
20 Foot Backflip
http://tinyurl.com/c6rg8u
Balloon Shooter
http://tinyurl.com/cjohej
Lions Eat Sloth
http://tinyurl.com/d8oxgk
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Indian teacher explaining the word fuck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90205.htm
Jihadist Trainees
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90206.htm
Jingle Balls
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90207.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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