Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was beautiful, at a glance. The sun was shining and if
you didn't go outside you didn't notice the 40 mile an hour wind
or the fact the temperatures had dropped into the thirties. Then
without the sky even darkening these big snowflakes started
falling and continued through most of the afternoon. It was
like someone had taken spring and put it in a snow globe and
kept shaking it. Of course with the exception of a little collecting
on the hoods of vehicles none of it stuck on the ground but it was
pretty unusual for the middle of May. On the good side the 12
packs of Coke we picked up on sale that are in the hallway don't
require any chilling before drinking as we are still waiting for the
temperature to get into the forties today.
I mentioned the disparity of gas prices the other day, but have no
fear it only took the rest of the gas stations a day to catch up.
They
can tell us that the switchover to low emission fuels are causing a
shortage that made the price of gas go up but you know it is all
bull. If you are using the least amount of gas in the past 8 years,
they had plenty of time to prepare for the changeover and to build
up reserves so there would be no shortages. It is a given that every
year they are going to raise the prices for Memorial Day and use the
same lame excuses, but with fewer people than ever having a job to
go to there will be less vacations and less travel for work so we
should
be seeing surpluses everywhere at least till the economy picks up.
On the good side this week last year we were paying 4.00 a gallon
so there is a bright spot in everything.
Enjoy the chips and send them to a friend... help brighten their
day..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fast, simple and affordable way to clean your car
Wash Wizard power washer has hundreds of soft-touch, microfiber
cleaning pads that spin inside the powerwash head, gently cleaning
and polishing without scratching. The Wash Wizard is the
professional power wash wand that makes cleaning your car a breeze.
Order now to get a professional car wash without the hassle
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs.....
10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."
9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?"
8. "Cumin here often?"
7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?"
6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?"
5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?"
4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes.....
come
to a full boil!"
3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee.....and less drippy."
2. "Get the buttah."
And the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs...
1. "Uh, yeah.....I invented Spaghetti-O'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Nice Tattoo
http://www.buffalos
Ten second vasectomy
http://www.buffalos
Magners
http://www.buffalos
Porsche
http://www.buffalos
Naive
http://www.buffalos
12 Items or less
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doggie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful young lady goes to new doctor
for an annual exam. After completing his
exam the Dr. asks the girl to get dressed
and wait outside.
After a while he calls her back and tells her
that all her tests came out fine, she was in
perfect health.
"There was just one thing that bothers me,"
he said. "Its those calluses on your knees. "
The girl began blushing and said, "That has to
do with my love making!"
The doctor was confused and asked, "What
has love making to do with your knees?"
She replied, "I do it quite often, and always doggie style."
The Dr. replied, "Don't you know any other style?"
The girl said, "Oh yes, of course I do, but the dog doesn't!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Awsome Auger - Introducing the worlds's most powerful yard tool.
The Awsome Auger is great for mixing paint, mixing concrete,
planting, cutting roots, hard rock and clay, removing rocks, digging
holes and making weeding easy!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 viagra advertising slogans
10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there
overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
And the unanimous number one slogan......
1. This is your penis. THIS IS YOUR PENIS ON DRUGS. Any questions?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leak Ender 2000 - Fixes any leak we promise.
Leak Ender 2000 is a specially formulated liquid rubber compound
that completely fills any crack or separation as it hardens, sealing
it water tight.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Biology class, the professor was discussing the high
glucose levels found in semem which gives the sperm all the
energy for their journey.
A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand
you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in
sugar, in semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going onto to add
statistical info.
Raisng her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized
exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the
class, never to return.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's
reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her
question.
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness
are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.
Have a good day!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Canada Green Grass -- All-Season Green Grass Seed
Grass starts growing in just 5 days in any climate- Canada Green
Grass tolerates extreme temperatures, heavy foot traffic while
resisting bugs and weeds.
Get lush, green lawn in just 10 days
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agreement Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FEMALE PRECOITIAL AGREEMENT:
I, the undersigned, agree that:
1. In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
you've
drunkenly rolled on top of me, as is entirely normal and in
accordance
with the natural order of things, and pumped away for two minutes, I
shall politely fake one. It'll be a really good act too, with me
saying
stuff like "Oh, you're so good, you're the best" and howling like a
cat
that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.
2. Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like
those
ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow
tie
and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even
look
at you in a way that suggests they are all "funny".
3. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship
is to
take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your
football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific
equation
incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't
there.
To demonstrate my understanding of this principle, I will prepare
your
favourite meal or, in the event of not being able to cook, take you
out
for a few pints at my cost.
4. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will
tell
them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and
that
have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does matter.
5. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
6. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will
not
expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will
I
let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances will
I
attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.
7. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Any
references
to this hallowed appendage will be prefaced with words such as
"mighty",
"huge" or "the thunderstick"
8. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual
position
you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie
there, grinning.
9. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and
inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies.
Then
I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they
have
to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an
indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do
not
already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the
earliest opportunity.
10. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends
or
colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet.
And
if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you
have
"ruined me for other men".
11. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games,
barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate
them,
so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover and
the
washing machine, of course.
Signed ____________
Date ____________
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produce up to 4 pints of juicy blueberries daily- 16,000 blueberries
from a single plant.
Buy 2 plants for $10.00 and get 1 on us.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Divorce Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Divorce Letter
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last
straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went
straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love
me
Anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband
and
wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;
whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P. S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice,
I didn't comment . And when you cooked my favourite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from
me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit
my job
and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were
gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
QuickLawn - Just Sow It and Grow It
Get beautiful green grass all year round. QuickLawn works in the
toughest terrain from sandy soils to high traffic areas. It costs as
little as 1 cent per square foot.
Keep your lawn's color and texture through every season.
Get 2 bags for only $19.95 + S&H.
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Another Victory Won
http://www.silveran
~ Falling ~
http://www.lisaswis
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Lowest Gas Prices
http://gasprices.
What American accent do you have?
http://www.gotoquiz
How Hybrids Work
http://editorial.
Roadside Emergency Kit
http://editorial.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Imaging Theater Via Sally
http://www.wtv-
s/Introduction.
Use Videos As A Screensaver Or Wallpaper Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Free Printable Recipe Cards Via Wesley
http://www.freeprin
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.photocar
Kitty Korner
http://hyacinth.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
FREE*- DATING SITE and DATING COMMUNITY!
Are you still SINGLE? Last week we sent you an email to notify you
about our new dating network that is -FREE- to join, and not only do
we have thousands of single women and men located right in your
city, but we have the EXACT SINGLE women and men that you would want
to meet and date this week!
PRESS HERE TO JOIN FOR NO COST (MUST BE 18 and OLDER):No Credit Card
Required:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
months, then your computer may be infected with "Ad-Ware" and
"Spy-Ware"!
Advertisers use downloadable music as a vehicle to "legally" add
"Spy-Ware" and "Ad-Ware" to consumer PCs. If you're suspicious that
Internet Advertisers have added "Ad-Ware" or "Spy-Ware" to your
computer, then here's your chance to scan your computer at no
charge.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Clips
Crazy White Man
http://www.buffalos
Crime Scene Technology
http://www.buffalos
Cubs Game
http://www.buffalos
Cucumber Sandwich
http://www.buffalos
Dancing With A Man
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was
pregnant?
A. The kid stutters.
Two rabbis, one Reformed and the other Orthodox, were discussing
their respective congregations one day.
The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader, "Why don't you let the
men and women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my
temple?"
The Orthodox rabbi, known for his sense of humor, replied, "If you
want to know the truth, I don't really mind them sitting together at
all. But, you see, my sermons aren't that interesting and I just
can't have them sleeping together"
One mom was complaining about having to go to the athletic store to
buy an athletic cup for her young son, who was seven years old and
just starting the *soccer* league.
She said, "The man asked me what size of an athletic cup I needed."
"I shrugged and held my thumb and index finger about an inch apart
and said, 'he's about this big.'"
The man behind the counter said,
No, ma'am, what's his *waist* size?'"
Q. Why is giving a Blow Job a win/lose situation?
A. He may have you on your knees, but you have him by the balls!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ab Coaster - The Fast Track to Great Abs
The Ab Coaster system will get you incredible abs faster than ever.
It's the revoluntionary fitness product that is changing the way
you'll work your abs. No more crunches, no more getting on the
floor, no more strain on your neck or back.
Try it today for 30 days.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
wet dreams and electric blankets
http://www.thepostm
why women despise sports
http://www.thepostm
Supertan
http://www.thepostm
Barbed Wire Fence
http://www.sydesjok
Bare Patch
http://www.sydesjok
Bargain Vasectomy
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Banjo Minnow - As Seen on TV Fishing System Get everything you need
to catch all fresh and saltwater species in virtually any water
condition. Designed to trigger the genetic response that makes fish
instinctively attack and eat their prey. Get the most lifelike lure
ever created. Order today
Banjo Minnow - As Seen on TV Fishing System
Get everything you need to catch all fresh and saltwater species in
virtually any water condition. Designed to trigger the genetic
response that makes fish instinctively attack and eat their prey.
Get the most lifelike lure ever created.
Order today
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This young couple have been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't
having any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks
Frank, the husband.
"What's 'ejaculate'?
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained
the doctor patiently.
The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then asks, "Do you
mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's icky...
so I shoot it into the pillow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't just marinate it, Zoom it.
Marinating can take hours, but not with Zoom. Just add marinade and
instantly the 50 flavor pins tenderize the food and penetrates deep
inside within minutes. Zoom is great for barbeque and it's
dishwasher safe.
Enhance your meat, fruits and vegetables with Zoom today.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sailor on leave was paying his bill at a fashionable hotel.
Looking
at the girl cashier who was taking his money, he asked what she had
around her neck.
"A necklace of course. Why did you ask?"
"Well," said the sailor, "everything is so high around here I
thought
it might be your garter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TITAN Peeler - The World's Best Peeler!
The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting,
dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades
help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft
cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to
cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order
yours today!
What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time.
*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called UPS about an insurance claim I had filed on a package. I
knew the automated voice response system wouldn't be able to handle
this issue so I immediately said, "customer service."
It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and then insisted
that
I first pick from its menu, none of which items bore any resemblance
to insurance claims. I tried "track a package." It recited the
status, followed by "Can I help you with anything else?" I said,
more
insistently, "customer service," at which it complained that that
was
the most recent shipping information. Exasperated-
curious--I said, "Damn you," and after the little computing noise,
it swiftly transferred me to customer service.
A blonde and her boyfriend were sitting at home one night and became
bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find
me."
"What if I can't find you?"
"I'll be behind the piano."
Mary: Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?
Jill: Really? I wish I could do that. I'd like a change for the
better.
Mary Well, you can always do what she did.
Jill: What's that?
Mary: Don't wear panties to the interview.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1599
El Scorcho
Ding dong!
Tami: Hello! Oh hi guys.
Katie: How is your bike?
Tami: It is will lubed and ready to go.
Sandi: Your canoe?
Tami: I have it ready at the dock.
Rudy: Have you trained well for your ten mile run?
Tami: I think so. Will you guys still run with me?
Katie: Of course. We have entered so we will be there to help you
Miss Tami.
Rudy: Never fear Rudy is here.
Tami: Then what can go wrong?
Sandi: We need to leave it is time to head for the starting line.
Tami: Can I go with you?
Katie: Sure, Sandi is driving her old UPS van.
Rudy: I have some special vitamins you should take Tami.
Tami: Okay..
Gulp!
Sandi to Rudy: Those were dog vitamins.
Rudy: They should be okay.
To be continued
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment