Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the archives one of my discussions of life in the Navy
30 years ago when people lived on ships in port, there were
no women aboard, there were still urinals in the heads, and
sailors didn't wear camo uniforms.
From Mitzi
Interesting article
http://www.hmm-
I was not able to either affirm nor negate this article on snopes
but it
makes a good read.
buffalo says Let me assure you that these items are true but only
from a negative point of view and I will add a few comments.
************
my nephew, a marine, sent this to me. He did NOT enjoy his
months aboard a ship.
How to Simulate Shipboard Life
For Our Members Who Miss "The Good Old Days"
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a
curtain. Three hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open
the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry,
wrong rack."
b. Your bunk or rack is a place to sleep and maybe read a book. You
eat on the mess decks, watch TV and play games in the lounge. It is
private, dark, air conditioned, and cozy and designed for one
occupant.
2. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your
bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take
showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
b. Water usage is a critical matter with cleaning, laundry, cooking,
and the operation of the ship sharing the eight gallons per man
produced daily by distilling plants. I found the showers to be
similar to those in college dorms just that you were only allowed 2
gallons of water to shower.
3. Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking
chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous.
b. Merchant ships rock, cruise ships rock, your bass boat rocks. You
adapt and it doesn't bother you after awhile. If you have terrible
motion sickness, the Navy is probably not the place for you.
4. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to
"High".
b. Gross exaggeration. Leaks are fixed quickly and ventilation
changes the air in most spaces in a matter of minutes.
5. Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night. Also,
have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different
one.
b. In addition to TV lounges, many people have laptops and portable
DVD players and you can probably find tons of movies to watch. I
noticed on the Reagan they had Plasma screen TVs in the ready rooms,
this is a far cry from a screen set up in the hangar bay or
forecastle to watch a movie that had to be approved by the chaplain.
6. Leave lawnmower and/or chainsaw running in your living room
twenty-four hours a day for proper noise level.
b. They were remodeling our berthing compartment and we were given
temp living quarters on the 03 level directly under the arresting
gear during carrier qualifications. 50,000 pound plane catching the
wire at 150 mph will wake you up the first couple of times. A lack
of
noise will wake you much faster.
7. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
b. Ship's servicemen operate the barber shop and there is a barber
school at Norfolk. There are still good and bad barbers just like in
the civilian world.
http://www.navy.
8. Once a week blow compressed air up through the chimney, making
sure the wind carries soot across onto your neighbors house. Laugh
at him when he curses you.
b It is necessary to blow soot from the tubes on boiler powered
ships to improve efficiency and prevent stack fires. Nuclear and gas
turbine
propelled craft have no need for it
9. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up
garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
b. Ships are cleaned and trash emptied daily. Compaction is only
done on plastics melting them into a gigantic Frisbee which is
stored onboard till the ship gets back to base. Glass and metal are
ground so they can sink and paper
trash is made into a mulch which is thrown overboard.
10. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich on stale bread and a cup of green Kool-Aid.
b. Mid rats for the 0000-0400 watch vary between brunch and a normal
evening meal and all that are hungry are fed. Life onboard ship is a
24/7/365 affair and people have to eat. Watches and work schedules
can be 6 on 6 off 12 on 12 off or 4 on and 8 off depending on number
of people qualified.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grow your own delicious blueberries with Blueberry Giant.
Produce up to 4 pints of juicy blueberries daily- 16,000 blueberries
from a single plant.
Buy 2 plants for $10.00 and get 1 on us.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murray had a new flame, and before long they had a difference of
opinion. "I don't like the way you're carrying on with other guys,"
he
ranted, "That must stop!" "Calm down, Murray," she replied, "There's
no reason for you to flip. Listen, don't I always let you take me to
shows?" "Yeah." "And to dinner?" "That's right." "And don't I let
you
buy me flowers and clothes, and other gifts?" "Yeah." "So what are
you
getting excited about," she assured him, "I only use the other guys
for love-making.
Mary, despite her good looks and charm, had still never dated any
boys
at the age of 19. Today she was asking her aunt Martha for advice
with
boys. "Aunt Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing
Tommy and I need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to
dribble on my boyfriend." "Swallow." Her aunt advised. "This will
make you even more popular later on."
The English teacher of the girls school used to fail all her
students
who did not put a full-stop at the end of their sentences. I guess,
she really hated it when her girls missed their periods.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
how romantic
http://www.thepostm
the 20th hole
http://www.thepostm
be afraid
http://www.thepostm
No screwing in public restrooms
http://www.buffalos
Work For head
http://www.buffalos
Wicked Picture
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Affair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took
off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.
Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening
around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told
the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through
the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his
shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he
entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and
didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You
lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
QuickLawn - Just Sow It and Grow It
Get beautiful green grass all year round. QuickLawn works in the
toughest terrain from sandy soils to high traffic areas. It costs as
little as 1 cent per square foot.
Keep your lawn's color and texture through every season.
Get 2 bags for only $19.95 + S&H.
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress
had
been selling her body for 100 dollars a night. The agent, who had
long
lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily
obtainable.
He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much
he
wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have
to
pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even
get
my agent's 10% as a deduction?"
"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay
full
price for it just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a
local
nightclub. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the
lights.
At 1 a.m., she was awakened again. And again, she was vigorously
done.
In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made
love
to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.
"My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile. I
never
realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the
door
selling tickets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ab Coaster - The Fast Track to Great Abs
The Ab Coaster system will get you incredible abs faster than ever.
It's the revoluntionary fitness product that is changing the way
you'll work your abs. No more crunches, no more getting on the
floor, no more strain on your neck or back.
Try it today for 30 days.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wealth Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A well dressed man went into a bar ordered
a double whiskey. He stood there sipping
his drink when another man came up and said
"Is that you Pete??"
Pete said "My name is Pete, but I don`t
think I know you"
The second man said "You do, it`s me,
Martin we used to work at the same factory
together before it closed down"
Pete said "Now I remember you, but what
happened to you? You are all in scruffy
clothes. We got good redundancy money when
we finished. What happened Martin??"
Martin said "I blew it all on cars women
and drink. I'm totally broke now, but look
at you Pete. All in the best clothes and
I've seen your posh car outside. How did
you do it??"
Pete said "Well I wanted to make my money
work for me. So I thought if you have some
money, London is the best place to do that.
I bought a three story house. On the first
floor there was ordinary sex - just men
and woman. On the second floor homo sex
- you know, men shagging men- , and on
the third floor paedophile sex for them
who like shagging children. I must say I
made a fortune. Mind you it was hard
work : just me, the wife and the kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Banjo Minnow - As Seen on TV Fishing System Get everything you need
to catch all fresh and saltwater species in virtually any water
condition. Designed to trigger the genetic response that makes fish
instinctively attack and eat their prey. Get the most lifelike lure
ever created. Order today
Banjo Minnow - As Seen on TV Fishing System
Get everything you need to catch all fresh and saltwater species in
virtually any water condition. Designed to trigger the genetic
response that makes fish instinctively attack and eat their prey.
Get the most lifelike lure ever created.
Order today
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email Abbreviations Defined
Abbreviation #1: whrthfckuben?
Previously long phrase: "Goodness, it's been a long time since
we've
chatted, hasn't it?"
Abbreviation #2: utypliksht
Previously long phrase: "Say, have you heard that there is a new
Evelyn
Wood's speed-typing course?"
Abbreviation #3: ugoturhdupyrass?
Previously long phrase: "Are you sure about that?"
Abbreviation #4: sowenugtoutofjail?
Previously long phrase: "So, what have you been up to lately,
Bugs?"
Abbreviation #5: tkurabbrevsandshuve
Previously long phrase: "Wouldn't you rather just type the whole
phrase
out?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't just marinate it, Zoom it.
Marinating can take hours, but not with Zoom. Just add marinade and
instantly the 50 flavor pins tenderize the food and penetrates deep
inside within minutes. Zoom is great for barbeque and it's
dishwasher safe.
Enhance your meat, fruits and vegetables with Zoom today.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Squeeze Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ten Commandments of Love
I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor
badmouth
me behind my back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too darned weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me
embarrassed to be seen with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about
it if thou knowest what's good for thee.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my purse/wallet while I am in thy
bathroom,
nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my
telephone.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our
friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's
house.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze, nor son or daughter,
nor
stereo, nor BMW.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hogan Grills Best
Hulk Hogan's Ultimate Grill includes 2 grill plates, 1 skillet,
Hogan Knows Grilling Book and 60-day money back guarantee. Cook
anything from steaks to vegetables to cookies. It's dishwasher safe
making cleanup a breeze. Now you can grill every meal to perfection.
Now with easy payment plans - order today.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Jewels
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
"MOTHER'S DAY 2009" by SCARLET
http://piratevoyage
For A Child
http://www.loratrue
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari Via Wesley
Each Grain of Sand Is a Tiny Work of Art - { Great Website }
http://discovermaga
-of-art
Bypass Automated Answering Machines
http://www.dialahum
VW Genius
http://www.flickr.
Online Music Chart
http://wearehunted.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Data Recovery
http://webtrickz.
Keyboard Shortcuts
http://support.
XP Tweaks
http://www.kellys-
Auslogics Disk Defrag
http://www.auslogic
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.marvista
Kitty Korner
http://www.safehave
*+*+*+*+*+*+
FREE*- DATING SITE and DATING COMMUNITY!
Are you still SINGLE? Last week we sent you an email to notify you
about our new dating network that is -FREE- to join, and not only do
we have thousands of single women and men located right in your
city, but we have the EXACT SINGLE women and men that you would want
to meet and date this week!
PRESS HERE TO JOIN FOR NO COST (MUST BE 18 and OLDER):No Credit Card
Required:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
months, then your computer may be infected with "Ad-Ware" and
"Spy-Ware"!
Advertisers use downloadable music as a vehicle to "legally" add
"Spy-Ware" and "Ad-Ware" to consumer PCs. If you're suspicious that
Internet Advertisers have added "Ad-Ware" or "Spy-Ware" to your
computer, then here's your chance to scan your computer at no
charge.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Clips
Benny Hill Wishing Well
http://www.buffalos
Be Quiet
http://www.buffalos
Best Casino Ad Ever
http://www.buffalos
Best First Dance At A Wedding
http://www.buffalos
Best Video Of The Year
http://www.buffalos
CCR Lorraine
http://www.buffalos
Cell Phone
http://www.buffalos
Chick Em
http://www.buffalos
Child Proof Drawer
http://www.buffalos
Children Fire Alarms
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The third
grade teacher was teaching her English class. She
repeated to her student,
"Mary had a
little lamb, whose fleece
was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb
was sure to go."
The teacher
explained that this was an example of poetry, but
that it could be changed
to prose by changing the last line
from, "The lamb was sure to go" to "the
lamb went with her."
A few days later, the teacher asked for an example of
poetry
or prose.
Little Johnny
raised his hand and recited,
"Mary had a
little
pig, an ornery little runt. He stuck his nose in Mary's clothes,
and smelled her little..."
He stopped
short and asked the teacher if she wanted poetry or
prose. "Prose!" the
teacher said weakly. So Johnny continued, "asshole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fix Stretch Marks in a SNaP(TM)!
Give stretch marks the 1-2 punch
with STRIATION(TM) - Active Stretch Mark Cream
- Decrease striping and ridges by 30%
- Reduce stretch mark causing enzymes by 69%
- Increase collagen by 62% to regain natural elasticity
Try Striation for FREE*:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ride a Fat Boy
http://www.buffalos
Bum Fuck Egypt
http://www.buffalos
Good Spanking
http://www.buffalos
Backside Of Mount Rushmore
http://www.sydesjok
Bad Attitude
http://www.sydesjok
Bad Bedside Manners
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was an odious brute
Who made love in his Sunday-best suit.
The result, as you'd guess,
Was a wet, sticky mess,
And a very chaifed maiden to boot.
George Carlin is really a wit
With his seven words that give censors the fit(s)
They are shit, mother fucker
Piss and cock sucker
And don't forget cunt fuck and tit(s)
I found a young harlot named Tessa,
Introduced her to our professor,
"Now prof, to learn more,
About sexual lore,
The first thing to do is undress 'er."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TITAN Peeler - The World's Best Peeler!
The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting,
dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades
help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft
cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to
cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order
yours today!
What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time.
*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Chinese laundry man complained to the doctor that he was very
constipated. The doctor gave him a prescription for a good physic.
"Come
to my office in a few days," said the doctor, "and let me know how
it
works."
A few days later, the Chinaman visited the doctor.
"Have you moved yet?" asked the doctor.
"No sir, me no moovee, me no moovee."
The doctor scratched his head and then gave the man a prescription
for
twice as much. Three days later, when the man reported to the doctor
again, he said that he still hadn't moved and the doctor gave him a
triple dose, and he said, "Come back to see me in two days and let
me
know just what is happening."
Two days later, the man came back.
"Well," said the doctor, "have you moved yet?"
"No, sir, me no moovee yet. Me moovee tomorrow, though. House full
of
shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relaxity - Feel Calm, Sleep Better and Deal with Stress Naturally
Relaxity is Naturally Different.
Relaxity is a natural, whole food based supplement that is made with
a proprietary blend of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA, naturally
produced) and ancient adaptogenic herbs provided in an easy to
swallow capsule.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Primal Urges
A high-ranking general attended a national ceremony. During the
recess,
he was introduced to three ladies, who acted as ushers. One of them,
brought the general to a "rock-hard" condition. So he had to hug
each of
them as an excuse to make contact with the lassie. The lady detected
the
condition the general was subject to and shoved the general away
from
her, stating, "Mr. General, sir, I abhor the thought that a man of
such
stature cannot extend his respect to a woman by, at least, taming
his
primal urges." This embarrassed the general so much that he excused
himself. He went to the john, and thinking no one was inside, he
scolded
his tool, "If you don't control yourself, I'll feed you to the
dogs!" In
the stall next to him, someone immediately barked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Probiotic Immune Boost
1. Enhance your Immune System
2. Help with Disease Prevention
3. Maintain Peak Energy
4. Maintain a Health Colon
5. Promote Good Digestion
Why take Probiotic Immune Boost?
A healthy "Intestinal Flora" contributes to a healthy immune system
and digestive system. Since disease-causing bugs in the intestine
must compete with the "normal" microbes already in residence, daily
ProBiotic Immune Boost is an effective way to help keep the balance
of your intestinal flora tipped toward the positive. Your immune
system is your body's defense mechanism against the millions of
bacteria you consume each day. Stress and changes in diet can lead
to a general compromise of your overall health. ProBiotic Immune
Boost supports the immune system and enhances health by improving
the balance of intestinal flora. ProBiotic Immune Boost plays a key
role in nutrient absorption. When your intestinal lining is weighed
down by uneliminated waste, the body can no longer absorb the
nutrients it needs to maintain health. ProBiotic Immune Boost helps
eliminate that waste allowing the body to properly digest and absorb
our foods.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1594
The New Job Part 3
Ring
Ring
Ring
BJ: Hello...
Sandi: Sorry to wake you father but we have a slight, minor
problem.
BJ: Oh what is it Sandi?
Sandi: We are totally lost.
BJ: Where are you?
Sandi: We do not know where we are. We picked up the papers in the
dark, threw a lot of them on twisty roads and here we are, lost in
the
jungle of the city. Our sniffers do not work well here.
BJ: Any street signs?
Sandi: Yes, we are at the corners of Stonebridge Court and
Stonebridge
Street and Stonebridge Terrace, three streets meet here. One block
over is Stonebridge Avenue. Help us Daddy.
Rudy: A-roo!
Katie: I am scared, there are probably monsters out there in the
dark.
Waah!
BJ: I will find you. I will phone the police and find where the
roads are
and come get you. Don't leave the area, okay?
Sandi: Okay daddy.
Rudy: A-rooo!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment