Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For some reason the new coffee makers such as Mr Coffee don't have
enough room in the brew baskets to hold all the coffee needed to
make a decent cup of coffee. And what is the purpose of the coffee
filter? As you know a good cup of coffee is eaten as much as drank.
True story. Summer of 67, in the Med, under way on steam. Had a
guy in the galley whose one and only job was to see that the first
bridge watch had coffee when they came on duty.
Like most humans he enjoyed those few extra minutes of sleep each
day. He found out that the boilers always had hot water that he
could pour through some coffee grinds and get "instant" coffee
without having to get up and spend time boiling water.
After two days at sea the entire first watch all came down with the
runs. As in sick bay, very bad.
Seems there was a chemical added to the water that went into the
boilers to reduce boiler scale. Not fit for human consumption.
That was 43 years ago and I think that guy is just about half way
finished his time cleaning the heads.
Jim
buffalo says Back in the old days Navy Boiler Compound was added to
the water to make it alkaline so it would not attack the tubes and
disodium phosphate as a wetting agent to help with heat transfer and
to make the dissolved crud in the water settle out so that it could
be removed. Although it was highly diluted lye and disodium
phosphate is not really good for you and can kill off the normal
bacteria in your stomach. Another chemical, phenolphthalein, was
used to make solutions for telling the ph value of boiler water. It
was also the major ingredient of Ex-Lax and some people thought it
was funny to add a little to a coffee pot and watch their buddies
make a run for the bathroom. Sometimes even the drinking water was a
laxative. The potable water was chlorinated to 2.0 parts per million
to kill off any bacteria. If someone miscalculated on the amount of
HTH to add to the water at 12 ppm it could start killing off the
good
bacteria and you were headed for the bathroom. On the good side
though the laundry didn't have to use as much bleach to do the
whites.
To get back to the coffee, a Mr. Coffee wouldn't have been much good
to the average sailor who drank 10 cups of coffee during a four hour
watch. Even a thirty cup coffee maker seldom gave everyone in the
machinery room their first cup of coffee as there was about 15
people
to a watch down there and many drank out of large mugs or like me
a beer stein. It gave you an incentive to get to your watch station
a few
minutes early to guarantee a fresh cup of coffee. No one wanted to
drink that stuff on the mess decks because you didn't know
personally who had made it or how old it was and it was usually weak
and overcooked.
Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon Bonaparte."
Boy: "Great, isn't it?"
Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."
Boy: "And that is?"
Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."
~~~~~
The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and
said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street."
"And how much do you suggest I give?" he asked.
"It depends," she smiled, "Entirely on how long you want to keep her
off of it."
~~~~~~~
I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you
wanted a day off?
You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little
fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's
sermon. What...? Say that again?... I'm cured?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two manufacturers requiring a private secretary called in a
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After testing more than thirty applicants, the psychologist
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but three of them.In the final test, the first girl was called in.
"How much is three and three the dome-prober asked.
"Six," she replied.
The second girl was asked the same question and replied, "It could
be thirty-three.
could be thirty-three.
psychologist turned proudly to the partners
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You noted that the first girl had the obvious answer, the second
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Now which
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conferred briefly and then announced their decision. "We'll take
the busty blonde in the tight sweater."
Patricia
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100 Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting
every docker he sees that his guy can make love to 100 women in a
row, without pausing, and satisfy them all. Bets are made, and they
agree that they'll meet the next day. The next day, 100 women are
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without pausing: 1.. 2.. 3.. on and on he
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49.. 50.. 51.. He slows down somewhat: 83.... 84.... 85.... but he
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satisfied: 97..........
before he can get to the last woman, he has a heart attack and dies.
The manager scratches his head in puzzlement and says, "I don't
understand it! It went perfectly well at practice this morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans got caught sneaking
into Mexico .
Mary and Sue hadn't seen each other for years. When they finally sat
down to lunch, Mary was stunned at how trim and healthy Sue looked.
"My God," she said, "What do you do to stay so fit?" "Well,"
answered
Sue, "I've found that nothing keeps me trimmer than having affairs."
"Really!" exclaimed Mary, looking her friend up and down. "You
simply
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it will
avoid you.
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you
liar!" cried the irate wife. "I heard you come in and the clock was
striking three." "Well, stupid," said hubby, "isn't three a quarter
of
12?"
We're a fastidious couple... I'm fast.... She's tedious.
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!
The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase
pistol too. Little Jimmy raised his hand, and after being
recognized,
said "The Lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful indian
companion and his pistol too". Very good says the teacher. Little
Johnnie raised his hand, and after being called on said "Down at our
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You know, if guys had a period, they'd probably brag about the size
of
their tampons.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Arab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a trip to the USA, a wealthy Arab fell in love with Susan. He
begged her to marry him, but she refused, saying that she had no
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Immediately, the Arab bought several grand homes across the USA,
from New England to California, and he took Susan on a tour of the
homes, flying her from place to place in his private jet.
Susan was impressed, and she agreed to marry him.
Six weeks later, in tears, she phoned her father and asked him to
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"Whatever for?" asked her father.
"I've married a pervert," she cried.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Just come and take me
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So her father drove to her New England home. Arriving there, richly
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He climbed the solid marble steps to huge doors, at least twelve
feet tall, and there he met his daughter, waiting for him with her
two bags packed and ready to go.
"Oh, father," she cried. "Take me away from here at once. I cannot
bear to stay a moment longer."
Her father could not believe that she should want to leave such
splendor.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asked.
"The man is a pervert!" she exclaimed.
He asked his daughter to explain this perversion that was upsetting
her so.
"When I married him," she sobbed, my ass-hole was as tight as a
penny piece, and now, it's as big as a half dollar."
"Nay," said her father. "Surely you're not go to leave all this for
the sake of forty-nine cents!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to a whorehouse and asks the lady at the desk for a woman
with a fantastic tan with no tan lines. The lady at the desk says,
"That will be $500.00." So the man gives her the money and she tells
him to go up stairs and knock on the third door on left. A voice
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said, "I paid $500, so I want you to take your clothes off and lay
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you," and starts to leave. She said, "Is that all you wanted?" He
said, "Yes my wife is painting the house brown with pink shutters
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Three cellmates in a Cuban jail compared notes. "I was jailed for
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said that proved I had an American watch."
I carried my date, slung over my shoulder, into my parent's house.
She
was passed out. "Liquor?" asked my dad.
"Nope, but banged her four times." I replied.
Q: What is the diffrance between a frog and a horny toad?
A: The frog sets out in your yard at night going ribbit, ribbit,
ribbit. The horny toad sets outside your bedroom window all night
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Q: Why shouldn't you suck a twelve inch dick?
A: You could get foot in mouth disease.
Q:Why was the broom late?
A:Because it overswept!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
But I could Be Wrong
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Cabbies Worst Passengers
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Candle In The Wind
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Card Trick Joke
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CC
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Copperfield Hans Betsy
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Costa Rica Vacation
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Cyril takaya Matrix
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and
he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.
"Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention
that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our
fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one
virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order
to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."
Not a woman stirred.
The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young
lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is
necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are
truly virgins."
And still not a woman stirred.
Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing
a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the
Almighty: Let all virgins stand!"
And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the
rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.
The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young
woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand."
And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you
expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Short Of A Threesome
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Second Opinion
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2 Thongs
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young gypsy girl Rose
With obsessions for gentlemens' hose.
Up her pussy, her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe runs into Mike at the hardware store. "I heard you're dating
Carol
lately," says Joe.
Mike replies, "That's right; I am."
Joe asks, "Man, how can you stand to look at her? I'm sorry, Mike,
but that gal is UGLY!"
Mike answers, "That's okay, Buddy! All I ever see is the top of her
head,
and she has pretty hair!"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He
was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was
playing herself furiously.
He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help.
She welcomed his help, and so the man started playing her like
crazy.
When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go
back to work on herself with both hands.
Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly.
"Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1311
Katherine at Heart
Sandi: What are you working on Katie?
Katie: I am making father a belt.
Sandi: What is the material?
Katie: I am tree bark.
Sandi: Interesting, I have never seen a belt made from tree bark
before.
Katie: Do you think he will like it?
Sandi: I think he will be speechless.
Katie: It should go with his shorts I made. They are made from
tree
bark also.
Sandi: Ouch, that might be a bit much.
Katie: Why?
Sandi: Let's just say that bi-peds are a bit more soft than us
quadra-peds.
Katie: Really, I thought father was all tough and manly.
Sandi: He is our Daddy and sweet.
Katie: Oh, there you go again. So the bark shorts will not work?
Sandi: I think not, let me see them.
Katie: Here you go.
Sandi: Why they are nice. They are smooth, how did you get them
to be so smooth?
Katie: I had to bark at the bark.
(drum roll please)
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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