[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun





Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Yesterday was a catch up day for me. I had been procrastinating
on a lot of things during May and decided I better get them done
before things caught up with me. I jumped out of bed early
yesterday and whipped through the lists and got them out before
0900 and went back to bed for 30 minutes for a power nap. I
had been up till 0300 so it's not like I am oversleeping. I got back
up, showered and ran to the Credit Union for funds and then headed
to the hospital for bloodwork for next week's doctor appointment.
Good time to get lab work done on Saturday as everyone is home
asleep and I was able to find a parking spot across from the
entrance and be in and out in 15 minutes. Then I went to McDonald's
and had a sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffin and went to
Quaker State and got a full service oil change on the Jimmy and ran
it through the car wash as it seems to have become a target
for all of the flying rats in the neighborhood.

Those jobs done I sat down and put together some plans for painting
the kitchen, recaulking the tub, and finishing spring cleaning. The
load
to the dump helped reduce some clutter last week and we are starting
to be able to see the floors again.

Busy watching a two day marathon of Ice Road Truckers on the History

Channel which is a welcome break from multiple marathons of
Deadliest
Catch on Discovery Channel which had a Man vs. Wild marathon
yesterday
which I would have liked to watch too. Today is a little lazier,
watching the
Tigers as I work on the lists with a new Ice Road Truckers tonight
and
another Breaking Bad to watch. It is too cold for much else as we
won't
see sixties for another week or so.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Fish Chips
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The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of
his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that
Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch
fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father,
that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good
as a Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary
inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a
Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of
a Bitch?"

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the
taste of a Son of a Bitch."

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the
Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What
are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
Bishops' dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish".

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go
with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let
me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The
Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine,
and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get
it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a
special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big
smile crept across his face as he said, "You fuckers are my
kind of people."

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Wild burros
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Wild-burros

Horse racing
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Hey You...
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Big Fart
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Big Fridge
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Big Mcmac
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000180.html

booty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f001.html

after fire
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f002.html

this text
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f003.html

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Hangover Chips
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Hangover Rating System

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively
well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still
feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is
only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is
some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds
you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you
to
drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water, 3
iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
and
has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but
that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
(For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your
hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about
five
shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone
who
enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out of
every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
the
remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have
the
foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
this
morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
discharge
of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole
purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Breast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Approved Nicknames for Breasts

1. Democrat Catchers
2. Pastor Baiters
3. Mounds of Shame
4. Communion Woofers
5. Pearly Weights
6. Hooteronomies
7.The Daughters of Lactiticus
8. Racks of Lambs of God
9. First and Second Mammalonians
10. Pamela 36:D

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Quiz Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sexual Tension Quiz

What's on your mind these days? Is it in the gutter as usual? Let's
find
out! (Answers Below)

A. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
(What Am I?)

B. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
(What Am I?)

C. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
(What Am I?)

D. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
(What Am I?)

E. You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
(What Am I?)

F. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
(What Am I?)

G. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
(What Am I?)

H. All day long, it's in and out.
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
(What Am I?)

I. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
(What Am I?)

J. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It's my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it's news.
(What Am I?)

K. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
(What Am I?)

L. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
(What Am I?)

M. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
(What Am I?)

N. I make some guys shoot in the air.
I usually have a little pecker.
I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
(What Am I?)

Answers:

A. Nose
B. Peanut Butter
C. Crane
D. Titanic
E. Tent
F. Dentist
G. Wedding Ring
H. Elevator
I. Chewing Gum
J. Newspaper Boy
K. Glove
L. Arrow
M. An attorney
N. Bird

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Short Chips
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Doctor Jones, to his new patient: "Patient Valerie, I'd like to give
you
a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes."

Valerie: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results.
Dr.
Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday."

Doctor Jones: "So he told me . . . so he told me."

A gentleman was much surprised when the good_looking young lady
greeted
him by saying, "Good evening."

He could not remember ever having seen her before. She evidently
realized that she had made a mistake, for she apologized, and
explained.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the
father of
two of my children."

She walked on while the man stared after her. She did not realize,
of
course, that he was unaware of the fact she was a schoolteacher.

The American Mathematical Society used to grant its members a
25_percent
discount on all books it published. Its catalogue gave the list
price of
each book, leaving to its members the task of calculating the
discount
price. But the mathematicians made so many errors in those
computations
that the society had to start printing both the list price and the
member price.

If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their
fathers,
it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.

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Dying Chips
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A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed
and
said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your
affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into
the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate
when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I
have
cancer.
Let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre.
There
were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached
by
some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the
two were
celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
'I've
been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered,
'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just
told
your friends you were dying of AIDS.'

The woman said, 'I don't want any of them sleeping with your father
after
I'm gone.'

Now, that's 'Putting Your Affairs In Order'

Peggy

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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Sweet Parakeet
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Surfin Surfari

Healthy Food Chart Via Sandie
http://www.thepowerhour.com/news2/healthy_food_chart.htm

Staying Cool without Air Conditioning
http://www.wikihow.com/Cool-Yourself-Without-Air-Conditioning

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley

Free Avatar Directory
http://www.avatarsdb.com/

Turn Pictures into Paintings - Very Cool
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HTML Symbol Codes
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Aww Animals 4
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Movie Clips

Lunch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ahuio.htm

Lynx Air
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akjio.htm

Making A Good Taliban
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfrf.htm

Male Invention 478
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Mans favorite Tool
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Lays Potato Chips
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Lightening Strike Caught On Tape
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Little Belgian Lad Saluting Canadian Troops
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Lizard
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Loading A Bike
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two die-hard golfers, Mike & Steve, are out playing a round when a
thunderstorm comes roaring in. On the third tee, a bolt of lighting

comes down and strikes both golfers dead. Arriving at those pearly
gates, God comes down to talk to the two men. "Sorry, but we made a

mistake" says God, "it seems that it was not your time to die. Now,
I
can send you back, but you have to go back as someone different.
It's
just too confusing since they already had the funerals. In fact your

wives are already dating" After the two golfers have a little talk
they approach God and make their request "We decided we want to go
back as a couple of dykes." says Mike, "Good looking dykes if you
please" says Steve. "That's no problem," replies God "but I must
know
why you guys want to be dykes" "Well we figure if we go back as
dykes
we still get to have sex with woman." says Mike, "Plus" adds Steve "

we get to play from the ladies tee."

Stan Kegel

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anniversary
http://www.buffaloschips.com/oi23j.htm

Annoy Someone
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Another Planet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/09u3.htm

Another Quarter
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Anti-Telemarketer
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Anivirus
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a hooker named Gail
Who had her price tatooed on her tail
Also if you are blind
Also on her behind
It's written in braille

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a guy named Herby
who 's girl wore a bowtie and derby
Like it or not,
She had a clean shaven twat
I guess there's no furby for Herby

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When a horseplaying golfer named Trey
Goosed a girl in the rough one fine day
He found her, though willing,
Just barely fulfilling....
"I would rate her," said Trey, "a par lay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away
to
his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
honeymoon'... He carries her across the threshold, and they get into

bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain

never been with a man b'fore." "WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his
little bride softly shakes her head... Billy-Joe jumps out of bed,
grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck... down
the
mountain.... straight to his parents house... rushes inside
screaming
"Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .... His father rushes downstairs and
gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here? "Billy-Joe, still
breathing
hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the
cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a man' afore....
so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back here... quick as I could! "

His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says
"SON,
Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her
family,
she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"

Stan Kegel

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one
day. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for
the
most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out
and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
" First Place" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the
strongest
man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and
they ask him, "How did you make out?"
" First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the
greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he
returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is this Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.


Ray

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1609

The Frightful Flight

The plane takes off and is flying quite well.

Rob is laughing: Remember when the old Ford Tri-motor would only
fly about 80 mph at times and the cars on the ground were going
faster
than we were?

Tami: Yes, I grimly remember.

Rob: This plane should put that one to shame. They say you have
never flown until you have flown in a DC-3.

Tami: Here comes Rudy with a hat in his paw, let's see what he
wants.

Rudy: I am taking donations for petrol. We may have enough to make
it or we might be short. This is not required, but if you wish to
donate..

Tami: This is absurd!

Rob: Here ya go Rudy, here is fifty dollars.

Rudy: Thank you Rob and blessing be with you.

Tami: How could you Rob?

Rob: Do you want to arrive or arrive short of our destination?

Tami: Gulp! Rudy, I have one hundred dollars for you.

Katie: Sandi will be landing in North Carolina and gas up at a
Shell
Station on Highway one. You guys might want to buckle up.

Tami: Highway one!!!! Not an airport?

Katie: No, we don't have a real license yet to land at an airport.
Gus
has flown a head and told us about this gas station. He said the
traffic on the road shouldn't be too bad.

Tami: Ack!!!!

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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