[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sat




Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Thirty- seven years ago today was my first morning in boot camp at
Great Lakes Illinois. I had visions of being dragged out of bed at
0500 by some screaming company commander but to tell you the truth
we hadn't even been assigned to a barracks yet and my first night at
boot camp was spent sitting in a chair in a processing room and
filling out some of the necessary paper work. After being assigned
a billet number, which we were urged to memorize we got our first
Navy breakfast. I knew right away I was going to like this place as
it tasted good, had good variety and you could take as much as you
wanted.

From there we were given our first Navy haircut. I had already had
mine all but shaved before leaving for boot camp but still had to
sit in a chair and choose the type of hair cut I wanted. My hair
was shorter than the attachments on the clippers but I guess they
had to ask anyhow. Next stop was clothing issue and it was a major
disappointment. I had worn bell bottom dungarees at college for the
past two years and was excited that the Navy was going to give me a
sea bag full of dungarees and a new pea coat to replace the one I
had lost at a dorm party. No such luck as the CNO's wife was a
clothing designer and we were one of the first companies to receive
the utility uniform with its pull over shirt and straight legged
jeans. I later bought regular dungarees which were considered an
alternative uniform and I think still are. Contrary to popular
belief the clothing all fit comfortably and we changed into our
uniforms with a Navy watch cap to show the world that we were
recruits. We were given boxes for our civilian belongings, as
except for your wallet you were only allowed to keep navy issue gear
and the Navy sent the box home for us.

The other item we were issued was a ditty bag, which was a cloth bag
with a drawstring. It contained soap, a soap holder, tooth brush,
shaving gear, laundry ties and a book of chits of varying
denominations to use for haircuts and sundries until you got your
first paycheck. You were allowed to purchase cigarettes also but
not to carry them with you as smoking was only allowed after hours
and in lounges but in the old wooden barracks of Camp Barry, that
was allowed only around a sand-filled bucket with a fire watch set.
Camp Barry was our temporary home while we were waiting to be
assigned to a permanent company and after a quick lesson in making a
bunk we were finally allowed to go to sleep. I slept like a rock.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Driving Chips
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Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for
every C. Tally up the points and consult the list at bottom of page.

1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn

2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in

3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car

4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone's car

5: The "bright" setting on your headlights is for...
a: dark, poorly lit roads
b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c: revenge!

6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to...
a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise
b: get it head banging loud for my Metallica CD
c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet

7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last
year?
a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver
b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks
c: before or after they took my license away?

8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving?
a: "go ahead"
b: "thank you"
c: "@#!*&%^!"

9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should...
a: be aware of them
b: speed up and get past them
c: open the door

10: Your rear view mirror is for...
a: watching for approaching cars
b: watching for approaching police cars
c: checking your hair

11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you
should...
a: pull off to the side of the road and rest
b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or
Mountain Dew
c: drive faster

12: The Highway Patrol exists to...
a: ensure the safety of all motorists
b: issue as many tickets as possible
c: keep donut shops in business

13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change...
a: 50 feet prior
b: 25 feet prior
c: right after you do it

14: If I had a lot of money, I'd spend it on...
a: a minivan
b: a really cool sports car or 4-wheeler
c: bail

15: The best thing about a chauffeured limousine is...
a: I don't have to drive
b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink
c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at people.

Scoring The Quiz:

Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for
every C. Tally up the points and consult the list below.

15-24 Points
You're a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and
observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And
since you drive so safely and so politely, you'll live a long time.
Longenough to decelerate with each passing decade until you're one
of
those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit
in
the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off.

25-35 Points
Hey! Joe Average! You're a decent driver without being boring. You
get
where you're going fast without too much danger. In fact, you're the
type of person we all like to ride with... Well, all of us except
your
mother, because "you're going too fast! Watch out for that car in
front
of you! You're going to kill us all!"

36-45 Points
Remember in driver's education class when they told us to drive
defensively? You're the reason.

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

you're not going out
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d040.html

fortune cookies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d041.html

you want to test him
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d042.html

Beans Only
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000148.html

Beautiful Rose
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000149.html

Beaver
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000150.html

Musical square
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Musical_square.jpg

Moving picture (turn your head side to side)
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Optical_Illusion0018.jpg

Promises
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=promise.jpg

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Bed Chips
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THINGS NOT TO SAY IN BED WITH SOMEONE...

1. You know you want me to.
2. You suck it-like an ice cream cone.
3. You brought the condoms, right?
4. Let's have a flesh fest.
5. What's your last name?
6. I believe in only fivesomes.
7. Don't tell anybody, OK?
8. The condom is on inside out.
9. You don't believe in bestiality?
10. I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig.
11. Wait! I need my teddy bear.
12. Let me go wash my face real fast.
13. I've got pussy breath.
14. I'm gonna throw up.
15. But I wanted to bite it.
16. You broke my nail!
17. Have you ever seen Basic Instinct?
18. Are you a virgin?
19. Shooey! You're better than Mom.
20. Do you trust me, I mean, really trust me?
21. I wanna go muff diving.
22. My dad did it differently
23. Huh? I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
24. Who needs birth control?
25. The ceiling needs painting.
26. Swallowing is a lot neater.
27. Oh, baby, you're so good. (Said sarcastically.)
28. Do you mind if I draw blood?
29. Ever lick someone's anus?
30. My ex was much better.
31. How much do I owe you?
32. I can't find the key.
33. What do you mean, you can't find the key?
34. I'm hungry for some hair pie.
35. You don't mind if I film, do you?
36. Can I beat you with my love stick?
37. Where am I?
38. It's Mr. Pastyface!
39. Why don't you just bend over and smile.
40. I forgot to lock the door.
41. Leave the TV on.
42. That's £20 for the first hour, right?
43. I think a blindfold would make you feel better.
44. Do you always smell like that?
45. How about some fellatio?
46. Is it in yet?
47. When was the last time you did this?
48. Cullulite makes me horny.
49. What's your name again?
50. Meet my pet sheep, Stud.
51. Are you done yet?
52. Oh, I've got my period. I forgot. I'm sorry.
53. I thought you were your sister.
54. I thought you'd never climax.
55. Meet Russel the Love Muscle.
56. I'm really really drunk.
57. Your stretchmarks turn me on.
58. Did you have an orgasm?
59. My name is really Andy Dugger.
60. Glad we got that over with.
61. Your cushion lends me to some reagood pushin'.
62. If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.
63. If you loved me you would.
64. You mean you're only fourteen?--Yeah.
65. Mr. Head wants some.
66. Ooh, I love small penises.
67. I'm gonna suck your clit like a straw.

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From these experiences, he created dozens of recipes that enabled
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Little Johnny Chips
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In a second grade sex education class, Suzy asks "Teacher, can my
momma
get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"

Suzy says " Forty." T

he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."

Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"

Suzy answers "Nineteen."

The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get
pregnant."

Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old are you?"

Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."

The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."

Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had
nothing
to worry about."

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Random Chips
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Just when I thought I'd get a break from my day job as a prostitute
by
going to the dentist, I realized I was actually paying him to shove

his throbbing tool in my mouth.

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility,
and
to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied,
"If
you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?" The friend said,
"Not
too well. She hasn't been feeling herself lately. But it was a
damned
dirty habit anyway."

John had a blind date for the prom and, as the evening progressed,
he
found himself more and more attracted to her. After some really
passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, would you object to me
fucking your brains out?" "That is something I have never done
before," the date replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a
virgin?" John exclaimed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never
objected!"

BIRDERS do it in the bush

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static
electricity
to his college class. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and
a
wool cloth in the other, he told his students, "You can see that I

get a large charge from rubbing my rod ..." What was pretty much
the
end of learning for that day.

How do you know you've walked into a gay church service?
Only half the congregation are kneeling.

Stan Kegel

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For a limited time, you can claim 5 packs of award winning
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Life Chips
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How to Get a Life
It's never easy to overcome a serious Internet
addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but
here are some easy steps to recovery!

Difficulty Level: Hard
Time Required: Years

Here's How:

1) Let go of the mouse.

2) Turn off the computer.

3) Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.

4) Eat something other than taco chips.

5) Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

6) Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to
go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your buddy
list about it.

7) Open a window without turning your computer back on
(yes, it is possible).

8) Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly
bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun
blindness.

9) If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of
trying to make the modem connect sound.

10) Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years
because they don't have an email address.

11) Have ".com" officially removed from behind your
name.

12) Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a
chat room.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9 Dangerous Words Women Use

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given
five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing
usually end in Fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the
meaning of Nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a
women
can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and
hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just

say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several
times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

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Subscribers and Friends

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http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Holid/OfCountry.html

A PRAYER FOR CHILDREN
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Family Who Pray/Marlene
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML5/FamilyWhoPrays-LB.html

John w/ Freedom Is Not Free
http://heavens-gates.com/memorialday/

Judy w/ The American Solider
http://frommyheart2u.com/patriotic/theamericansoldier

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Surfin Surfari

Military Myths Quiz
http://encarta.msn.com/quiz_312/military_myths_quiz.html?GT1=27004

Rolling Thunder Washington DC Inc. Via Dianne
http://www.rollingthundermotorcyclerally.com/runinfo.html

http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/05/23/rolling-thunder-2009/

The Green Geek
http://www.greengeek.ca/

Humor With The Troops 3
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor3.html

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Ming Manual
http://www.php.net/ming

Free Anti-Virus From Panda
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Improve Your Typing Skills Via Wesley
http://play.typeracer.com/

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://members.tripod.com/~jenlynn/index-12.html

Kitty Korner
http://www.mr-lee-catcam.de/index.htm

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you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
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Movie Clips

Funny Hidden Camera Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddf.htm

Girl On Bike
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axsd.htm

Giving Change
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdsza.htm

Glade Plug Ups
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Go Browns
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkhj.htm

Amnesty Bills Worst Provision
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Funnel Prank
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Funniest Video Of The Year
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjuhj.htm

Funny
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gbvbn.htm

Funny Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gvdfr.htm

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Car Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car
pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I'll give you
a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.

"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.

"I said no way," replied the boy.

"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver.

"No, I'm not getting in the car," answered the boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver
offered.

"No!" replied the boy.

"What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver.

The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with
it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leak Ender 2000 - Fixes any leak we promise.

Leak Ender 2000 is a specially formulated liquid rubber compound
that completely fills any crack or separation as it hardens, sealing
it water tight.

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Toon Chips
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Adult Dog
http://www.buffaloschips.com/3f34r.htm

Scary Bathroom
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Pullet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9483ur.htm

Advertising
http://www.buffaloschips.com/oir3f3.htm

After Class Special
http://www.buffaloschips.com/i342uhr.htm

Lab After Hrs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8jr232.htm

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The fast, simple and affordable way to clean your car

Wash Wizard power washer has hundreds of soft-touch, microfiber
cleaning pads that spin inside the powerwash head, gently cleaning
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young girl from Uganda,
Renowned for her coolness and candor.
When, during abuse,
Someone said, "You goose!"
She quickly retorted, "Uganda!"
__________________________________

An astronomer slept in the sun,
Then woke with his fly quite undone.
He remarked, with a smile,
"Hoorah! A sundial!
And it's now a quarter past one."
_________________________________

A widow who lived in Rangoon
Hung a rather large wreath on her womb;
"It reminds me," she said
"Of my husband who's dead,
And how he got into his tomb."

Ross

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QuickLawn - Just Sow It and Grow It

Get beautiful green grass all year round. QuickLawn works in the
toughest terrain from sandy soils to high traffic areas. It costs as
little as 1 cent per square foot.

Keep your lawn's color and texture through every season.

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. They turn out
to be Siamese twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other.
He thinks the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her
what she'd like to do.

She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your
trombone."

So she plays it while he makes love to her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apartment
building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy."

The other girl says, "Gee... do you think he'll remember us?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Banjo Minnow - As Seen on TV Fishing System Get everything you need
to catch all fresh and saltwater species in virtually any water
condition. Designed to trigger the genetic response that makes fish
instinctively attack and eat their prey. Get the most lifelike lure
ever created. Order today

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Get the most lifelike lure ever created.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the Nihonjin guy who was working for this Hakujin
guy in Los Angeles who would constantly put him down?

All the Nihonjin guy would do when he was insulted, would be to bow
and
say, "This morning, every morning." Again, a put down, and again
"This
morning every morning."

This went on week after week and a Nisei guy who was watching, got
sick
and tired of it and went to the Nihonjin guy and berated him,
saying,
"That Hakujin guy is insulting you and all you do is bow and say
'This
morning, every morning.' Why don't you talk back?

The Nihonjin guy said, "I am talking back."

The Nisei asked incredulously, "You're talking back? Where do you
get
that?"

The Nihonjin said, "I'm talking American, but I'm thinking
Japanese."

The Nisei asks, "What do you mean by that?"

The Nihonjin says, "How do you say 'This morning' in Japanese?

The Nisei thought, and finally answered, "Kessa".

Then the Japanese asked, "How do you say 'Every morning' in
Japanese?"

The Nisei answered, "Mai assa".

The Japanese answered, "Well"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1604

El Scorcho

Tami: What happened?

Rudy: You and Katie crashed into the hay bales that were put there
as a barrier. How fast where you going?

Katie: Let's don't talk about that. Where are our bikes?

Rudy: Good news and bad news. Tami's bike is messed up. Katies is
okay. Use her bike.

Tami: Err, how?

Katie: You just lay down on it and put your front paws on the
pedals
and your back paws on the other pedals and go. Hurry and you can
go really fast using your feet and arms.

Tami: Okay, I am off.

Tami disappears around the curve.

Rudy: Katie?

Katie: Yes Rudy.

Rudy: Did you tell her how to use the brakes?

Katie: Opps, I knew I forgot something. Help me get her bike
fixed.

Rudy: We can't ride a human bike.

Katie: Drat! Let me borrow your bike and I will try and catch up
to her.

Rudy: Okay, just leave me behind. It is my lot in life. I will
phone
Sandi and have her pick me up in the van.

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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