Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
hi buff
we had a guy whose dad was a chief bosun and he knew all the tricks
like the bucket of steam, overhead buffer, and the mail buoy watch.
we were on a med cruise and someone came up with the monkey watch.
He told him that when we went through the straits of Gibraltar that
the monkeys in Africa wanted the olives in Spain and would jump on
board and run across the flight deck to get to Europe. i got a Billy
club from mardet and we got umpire gear and a net from s9 div(?). he
even wrote his girlfriend and bragged about what a natural killer we
thought he was. she hated his hunting in the states so he wanted to
brag about killing monkeys in Europe. i don't remember if it was s9
div it was the supply division were you could check out sports gear.
i was v1 div. on the Nimitz from May 81 to Dec. 84.
buffalo says We were sitting on the aft mess decks/ bomb assembly
area
when 4 Marines from Mardet came up and asked if we knew where the
Bowling Alley was. I showed them an open hatch and told them to go
down
seven decks and it was down there. They asked why it was all the way
down
there and I told them at the bottom of the ship on the centerline
there was
almost no movement from waves so it was always flat but up on the
flight
deck for example it would rock a lot. They agreed and disappeared
down
the hatch and we left because we knew it would take them five
minutes to
open hatches and get down there and realize that they had been had
by
us and their buddies and we didn't want to be there when they
climbed
all the way back up. The way people would help you carry out your
gags
was what made them work so well. BTW S-3 used to be the Ships
Service
on the Connie, stores, geedunk,, barber shop etc. I think they also
handled
welfare and recreation.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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More Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man who had a 12" penis and could not find
a woman who could handle all of it. He ended up getting pretty
frustrated, so he decided to go to a whorehouse. Once inside he told
the Madam, "I have an extremely large penis, and I need a girl who
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At this point she was screaming,
"MORE COCKY, MORE COCKY, MORE COCKY!!!!"
They got done and he went downstairs, looking frustrated.
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and more. I gave her all I had and she did not seem satisfied."
The Madam asked, "What gives you that impression?"
He said, "Well, she kept saying, MORE COCKY."
The Madam got a horrible look on her face and said,
"Oh, no! In her language that means "WRONG HOLE"!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Crane
http://www.buffalos
Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffalos
Coffee Break
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Babbling Brook
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Baby
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Baby Alarm
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman
asks
the manager of the designer boutique.
"Go ahead," the manager replies. "Maybe it'll attract business.
A fight broke out between a couple of redneck locals and a lone
biker
at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily laying out
the drunken hillbillies, the biker heard someone behind him! So he
swung around and landed a devastating kick to the groin, realizing
too late that it was only the barmaid picking up empty glasses.
When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman
alleging she was kicked in the altercation?
She answered, "I ain't never had no altercation! These is all my
'riginal parts."
We did sex education at school, and were shown various films on the
Subject. One I especially remember was called, "How to put on a
condom." So when the time came, and I was in the position to try out
what I had learned at school, I took the condom and followed the
instructions from the video. All was going well, until she said,
"So,
now what do we do with the banana?"
A woman's husband always lets her know when he's not getting enough.
The other night when their boys were being particularly
rambunctious,
and groping each other, she yelled at them "In this house, we don't
touch each other's privates." To which her husband replied, "No
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Canada Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Letterman's Top 10 Canadian Euphemisms For Sex:
10. Playing mountie
9. Fur trapping
8. Making Peg whinny
7. Entering parliament
6. Pulling the goalie
5. Doin' it, eh?
4. Putting the "man" in Manitoba
3. High sticking
2. Stuffing a beaver -- the beaver is our national animal
1. Oh, Oh, Oh Canada
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome to Buffalo-Lite, Humor some mature , some immature for
people
on the go.
«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the
16th
hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it slices into the
woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and
comes across this little guy with a huge lump on his head and the
golf
ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer. then
proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little
guy
says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun, and
I
will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can't take anything
from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks
away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself "Well,
he
was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do
something
for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll
give
him unlimited money (so he'll never have to go without a pint of
ale),
a great golf game and a great sex life."
A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's
walking to
the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the woods. He
walks
over, and sees the leprechaun again. He asks how his head is
feeling.
The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine. And might I ask how your golf
game
is?" The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been
amazing.
It seems I can't miss anymore!" "I did that for you," responds the
leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well,
now
that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull
out a
twenty dollar bill" he replied. The leprechaun smiles and says, "I
did
that for you, too. And might I ask how your love life is?" Now the
golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one else can hear and
says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay." "Just okay?" the
leprechaun
asks. "How often do you have sex?" "Oh, maybe once or twice a
week."
Floored, the leprechaun stammers, "Only once or twice a week?" The
golfer replies, "Well, that's really not bad for a Catholic priest
in a
small parish."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Homeless Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Homeless Guy Signs
"Father was killed my ninjas. Need money for karate lessons."
"16 wives, 7, hungry dogs, 3 thin cats, 25 kids and still
horny. Please help with loose change."
"Will code html for food."
"Will eat for food."
"Need cash for alcohol research."
"Saving up for a hooker."
"Time traveler needs money for new flux capacitor."
"I'm like Obama, I want change."
"Sorry, I'm blind. Can I feel your tits?"
"My wife has been kidnapped. I'm short 99 cents for ransom."
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of
expensive
imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "You
wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping
on
a dead beaver."
I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets.
That's
how I lost my mind.
If I had the chance to change just one thing in my life I, think I'd
have to pick underpants.
Marriage is like taking a bath! Not so hot once you're used to it!"
Q. What's the difference between snow peas and chick peas?
A. A guy can write his name with snow peas but a chick peas sitting
down.
Groooaaannn.
Two thousand pounds of human hair fell off a passing truck on the
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Mother On My Mind
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carolyn w/ Art Linkletter on The Jack Benny Program ~Funny Video
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Create Graffiti Style Writings
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Movie Clips
Voting Ad
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Argument Settled
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Been Married To long
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Beer Diet
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Beer
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Bowling Bloopers
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Boy & Labrador
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Brass Pole
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Bud Light Wheel
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Brownie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Survive Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I WILL SURVIVE
To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head, If
I'd
known for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen on the
floor.
Your butt's a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace, But I'd
rather look at that, than at your fuckin' ugly face..!
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave. I
only
know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer Coz when I
looked
at you last night, you looked just like Richard Gere!
I can't believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged. I'm
fucking off right now, I'm jumping on the flippin' train and I'm not
stopping till I'm home and washed your greeblies down the drain.
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly little prick I
should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely
flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you, you
twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going to have no stupid fun,
Coz
waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
one more time
http://www.thepostm
be careful what you wish for
http://www.thepostm
don't be silly
http://www.thepostm
Crane
http://www.buffalos
Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffalos
Coffee Break
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Macgruder,
Who had a fair lass and he woo'ed her.
She thought it lewd,
To be woo'ed in the nude,
But Macgruder was shrewder and screwed her.
Her thighs were all covered with cream,
Her breasts with sweet honey a-gleam...
But too good to be true
This sex cordon bleu,
He awoke with two spurts from his dream.
They say that the way to mens hearts
Is good food from soup to tarts
A chocolate eclair
Will stiffen him there
But too much will give him the farts
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest is looking out the window at the front of the
church and notices a young boy hanging around aimlessly throwing
rocks
into the street. The priest decides to go outside and talk to the
young
boy about his behavior, hoping to inspire him to find more
meaningful
things to do with this life.
He approaches the boy and says, "Don't you have better
things to do than to stand around here and throw rocks?"
The boy looked at the priest and said, "Fuck you!"
The priest then begins to tell the boy about his own life.
He tells him how he grew up in a poor neighborhood
filled with street gangs and how he started going to
church on Sundays and found direction in his life. Then
he told the boy how he went on to graduate from high
school with a 4.0 average, how he got accepted into
Notre Dame, graduated from college in only two years,
went on to graduate school and got his doctorate by
the time he was only 21 years old!
"So," said the priest looking right at the boy, "fuck YOU!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son often leaves yellow sticky messages for me on my computer
monitor, things like "I need pencils" or "PTA wants money" All
manner
of semi-important things I generally need reminding of get posted
this
way. It works. I usually take care of the message right away, or by
days end if at all possible. One day I went to the computer and
found
a yellow Post-it with the following note; "My Dixie wrecked." I read
it a few times but whatever it meant refused to sink in. I tried
putting it out of my mind but it kept coming back. My Dixie wrecked,
my dixie wrecked... Wierd how that puzzling note refused to leave my
awareness...
over
and over but never would it leave. I'd bring it to the front of my
attention and review it closely; My Dixie wrecked. Hmmm. I got up
for
coffee and muttered to myself; "My Dixie wrecked" I wonder what that
means? I even said it out loud a few times; "My Dixie wrecked!
What's
the meaning of that? I even asked my Mom; I said to her; "My Dixie
wrecked. What does that mean? I'd change the accents; my-dixie-
Wrecked. My-dixie-wrecked. My-Dixie-wrecked. It was driving me nuts.
My son finally got home from school and I blurted out... "My Dicks
Erect! What the hell does that mean?" My son is such a creep.
Sometimes I think he's even better than me.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1590
Paper Airplanes
BJ: What are the dogs doing Diana?
Diana: They watched you making paper airplanes yesterday and today
they are having contests. Who can make one go the farthest, etc.,
BJ: Oh, I guess I will watch for a while.
Rudy: Watch it Pops!
Just then a dive bombing paper plane comes within a foot of BJ...
Katie comes running around the house wearing an old leather flying
cap.
Katie: Boy that was a good one huh father?
Just then a shadow covers them ....
Rudy: Duck! It is Sandi's paper plane bomber!!
BJ: What can a paper plane bomber do?
SPLAT!!!
Katie: Water balloons that's what.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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