Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Do you need a reason to party during the month of May. Take
May 5th for example, that's Nancy, the Nerdy Buffalo's birthday and
also National Hoagie Day, so everybody should grab a case of beer
and a few subs from Subway or your favorite Hoagie Shop and
celebrate along with her. Multiple reasons for a hangover. Tomorrow
is Lumpy Rug Day or as it is known in this house, " Has anyone seen
the daughter's hamster day?" Good time to go out and have an Irish
Wake for the poor little beastie.
Bizarre Holidays in May
May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day
May 2 is Fire Day
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day
May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day
May 5 is National Hoagie Day, Cinqo de Mayo
May 6 is Beverage Day
May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast
Leg Of Lamb Day
May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day
May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day
May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day
May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day
May 12 is Limerick Day
May 13 is Leprechaun Day
May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day
May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day
May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day
May 17 is Pack Rat Day
May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day
May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day
May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day
May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day
May 22 is Buy-A-Musical Instrument Day
May 23 is Penny Day
May 24 is National Escargot Day
May 25 is National Tap Dance Day
May 26 is Grey Day
May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival
May 28 is National Hamburger Day
May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
May 31 is National Macaroon Day
buffalo says A friend stopped by with her daughter in tow today and
a Dell Laptop. Computer would not boot up completely and was
restarting over and over again. I brought it up in Safe Mode using
Last known good configuration and it took a half hour to finish
booting up. Daughter had been using computer for four years with no
anti-virus or spyware
protection. I put Avast and Malware Bytes on the computer using a
pen drive and ran a quick scan with MBAM. There was 280 infected
files on the computer with a variety of Trojans and spyware, and
that was without running the AV scan. People think that Malware
happens to the other
guy but it is attacking all of us everytime we are online and if we
are
lucky we have the programs to block it, if not it can turn your
computer into a very expensive paperweight or make surfing so
miserable you
won't want to bother.
Stay Safe and enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny paints a sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME."
He tells his buddy Roy to get his wagon and both
sit under a shade tree in Johnny's front yard,
waiting for business.
Kathy, across the street is not to be outdone,
so she paints a bigger sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL."
She tells her friend Nellie to get her wagon,
and they both sit in Kathy's yard.
Johnny's pissed ... how dare that GIRL? Then, a flash
and Johnny hauls Roy across the street ...
"Let's get some laughs" ...
"Say, Kathy, you move ANYTHING?"
"Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you."
"Roy, give me your nickel!" Johnny takes it
and hands it to Kathy.
"What you want moved, boy?"
"Move my BOWELS!" Johnny said and starts laughing.
So Kathy kicked the shit out of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
H1N1
http://www.thepostm
wish I was a 2 year old again
http://www.thepostm
hot summer outfit
http://www.thepostm
Dear Lord
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Yee-Haw
http://www.buffalos
Fire
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playboy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playboy Specialty Issues That Never Made It
- Girls With Gingivitis
- The "Women" of The Crying Game
- The Women of Home Depot
- 1960's Playmates Grown Old and Wrinkled
- The Girls of Rehab
- Constantly Angry Women
- Girls You Wouldn't Date if You Were the
Only Man Alive
- The Women of Circus Sideshows
- Drab, Unsexy Lingerie
- Old Women in Parkas
- Playmates Receiving Oscars
(Special April Fool's Issue)
- Invisible Women
- Girls Who Fell and Can't Get Up
- Women of Wal-Mart
- Women Racked With Self Doubt,
Feelings of Abandonment,
PMS and Inner Torment
- Chain Smoking Ladies
- Girls Gone Psycho
- "Does This Look Infected?" feature issue
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Animal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quickie Animal Jokes
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
Rhesus Pieces.
If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the
outside? K9P.
What is brown and sits in the forest?
Winnie's poo.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards
simultaneously? A receding hareline.
What does an elephant use for a Tampon?
A sheep!
How many canaries can you get under a Scotsman's kilt?
Depends how long the perch is.
A fly sees a cute little female fly land on a pile of crap. He
buzzes down and says, "Excuse me, miss, is this stool taken?"
How do you know if elephants have been making love in your back
yard? The trash can liner bags are missing.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
You either get an onion with long floppy ears, or you get a piece of
ass that brings tears to your eyes!
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Did you hear about the nearsighted skunk?
He tried to rape a fart.
Why do mice have small balls?
Not that many know how to dance.
What sound does a Horny Toad make?
RUB IT, RUB IT..
What do you call a dog with metal balls and no hind legs? Sparky.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deaf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The School for the Deaf had just graduated it's newest class of 21
year-olds. As a celebration, they all went out to a bar for drinks.
They all sat down at the bar and began to sign their orders to the
bartender, who was looking at them puzzled. He looked at the
teacher and said, "I don't know sign language! What are they askin'
for?"
The teacher replied, "Just give em what you think is good. Don't
give em too much, because this is the first time they've ever been
drinking. Just use your judgement." The teacher got a drink and
went downstairs with the other teacher, leaving the students at the
bar.
An hour later, the teachers come upstairs, running to the screams of
the bartender. He was backed against the wall pointing at the
students and screaming. The students were moaning loudly and waving
their arms all over the place. "What the hell are they doing
now???" the bartender asked.
The teacher observed for a moment. "Ach! I told you not to give
them too much to drink!! You got them drunk, and now they're
fucking singing!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tree Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring
lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman who
tells him all about the job, pay and housing for all the
lumberjacks.
Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go to work at once.
But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren't any
women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what
everyone does for sex. The foreman laughs and brings him over to
this
bog tree that has a hole in it. "This is the fucking tree," says the
foreman, "whenever you get horny, come over and put your dick in the
hole and fuck away. Trust me, it does the trick every time."
The man thinks it's kind of odd, but takes the job anyway. The days
go by and soon the man gets horny. He thinks about taking it out on
the tree, but it still seems weird to him, so he goes to his room
and
jacks off.
A week passes and the guy gets hornier and hornier and jacking off
isn't enough for him. So finally he figures, 'what the hell,' and
sneaks over to the fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips
out
his dick and puts it in the hole. to his surprise, it feels great.
Soon enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great
session he goes back to bed with a big smile.
the next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to the
tree and it's even better this time. Again he pounds away at the
tree. He can't believe how amazing the tree is and wonders what kind
of magic tree they have. Things just couldn't get better for him.
The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly takes
out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree. The tree
gets better and better everyday. He goes at it again and afterwards
he can hardly walk.
The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking
tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way of
the
fucking tree. Finally the day is done and he takes off for the
fucking tree. He pulls out his dick, grabs hold of his dick and
shoves it in. Nothing.
The man is shocked. He tries again, but still nothing. Feeling very
frustrated, the man storms off to the foreman. "What's wrong with
the
fucking tree?" the guy asks. "I've been there three times already
and
it's been better each time, but today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick
in and nothing happened. What the hell happened?"
The foreman thought for a second and then said, "oh yeah, didn't
they
tell you? Today's your day in the tree."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, partygoers and
unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered
a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called "beer"
is being used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug
is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost
anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to
persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few
units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached
sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several
"beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on
horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be
attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy
memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often
with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other
times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings
in a familiar scam known as "a relationship.
that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to
entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude
and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much
more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex
is offered by the predatory female. Please! Forward this warning to
every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious
"beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male
support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the
details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with
similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest
you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Ever Changing Love
http://silverandgol
Would You Care
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Calvary
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The Dollar Stretcher Via Wesley
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Gourmet Tea Via Wesley
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mothers day cards
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UFO Mystic
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Online Backups
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Easy Screencast Recording & Sharing Via Wesley
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Twittastic Free Download Via Wesley
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Movie Clips
Kangaroo
http://www.buffalos
Pancakes
http://www.buffalos
Paris speaks out
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Peeping Tom
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Peyton
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Parking 2
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Parking3
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Peeling
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Pigeon
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Ping Pong
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher puts a photograph of a Tomcat on the blackboard,
and proceeds to ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is
attached to the cat?
Little Mary has the first attempt and answers "By fur Miss?"
The teacher replies "Not quite right Mary, but a good try."
Meanwhile all during the lesson Little Johnny is sitting down the
back raising his hand in the air saying "Me, Miss! Me, Miss!"
The next student the teacher picks is Peter, and he answers
"Is it attached by skin Miss?"
The teacher replies..."Not quite right either, Peter...
anybody else want to try?"
Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She
said to Johnny "What do you think the tail is attached by?"
Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd
say it would have to be bolted on!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old
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See You In Hell
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Hmm
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was an odious brute
Who made love in his Sunday-best suit.
The result, as you'd guess,
Was a wet, sticky mess,
And a very chaifed maiden to boot.
There was a young stud from Missouri
Who fucked with astonishing fury--
'Til taken to court
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly-hung jury.
We have done it many ways
From the bed to a roll in the hay
But none have been sweeter
Than her sucking my peter
In the back of a new Chevrolet.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the distant past a wise man was asked if there would ever be a
Black President of the United States . After pondering the query
the sage responed . . . "When Pigs FLY!".
BEHOLD! 100 days into Obamas administration Swine Flu!
Ted
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genuine 911 Call
Woman: I just had a baby and the doctor told me to do those Kegel
exercises - you know to tighten up things down there [giggle]
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am, I understand. Are you in pain?
Woman: No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do
those exercises I have an orgasm.
Dispatcher: I'm sorry, did you say "orgasm"?
Woman: Yes. Am I doing them right?
Dispatcher: Sounds like it to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1298
The Garage Door Opener
Diana puts Katie, Sandi and Rudy out in the dog run early in the am
as
usual and goes about doing her chores.
In the afternoon, Diana hears a noise in the garage...crash!
Diana: Burglars? Mice? Diana tip-toes downstairs and opens the
door from the house to the garage and sees......Katie!
Diana: What are you doing in the garage and how did you get in the
garage?
Katie: I opened the door from the dog run and entered it. I found
the hibachi, charcoal, lighter fluid, but I need some matches. I got
some pork chops from the freezer.
Diana: Katherine Lillian Cassady, you need to get back to the dog
run
right this minute young lady.
Katie: Or I could go back to the dog run...zoom!
Diana closes the door to the dog run and pushes a large heavy box
against it.
Diana: I guess that should do it.
A few minutes later. Thud! Boom!
Diana heads back to the garage and sees Katie pushing against the
door. The boxes are giving an inch at a time.
Diana: Katie!
Katie: I left my watch in there. Would you hand it to me please?
Diana: Here!
Katie: Hmmm thank you.
Diana moves more boxes and creates a massive blockade of the door.
Diana: Huff puff, I think this should hold her.
Diana walks back in the house, goes upstairs and finds Katie
watching
TV.
Diana: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
The Herd in Guthrie
(Katie did manage to get in the garage, Sandi and Rudy stayed in the
dog run)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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