Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is the Traditional Memorial Day in the U.S. formerly
known as Decoration Day. Perhaps one of the good things
about having a federal holiday and a traditional remembrance
is that we are afforded two chances to look back on those
that have passed and the marks that they have made on our
lives and lifestyles. This is also perhaps a good time to pause
and reflect on a few of our friends who have left us over the
past ten years, after becoming a part of our daily lives on
these ezines.
Oldcat
Old Sailor
Susie From Nebraska
Susan from Ohio
Sir jay
Jim From Modesto
Jim McQuain
Great Granny Charlotte
Ann Lindholm
LynnLynn
Bill W.
Bettie Hall
Howard Lucas
Inkster
Supersied
Big Roger
There are so many more that have written and said how the chips
and the SB were the high point of their loved ones lives and that we
helped making their last days a little more cheerful. My thoughts
are with you all on this day of remembrance.
Turning ourselves back to the military view of today
JUST A COMMON SOLDIER
(A Soldier Died Today)
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were
great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were
young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.
It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?
He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.
C 1987 A. Lawrence Vaincourt
http://www.vaincour
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Navy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Navy Safety Message
P 011503Z NOVEMBER 03 PSN 740648J31
FM COMNAVSURFORCE SAN DIEGO CA//N001//
TO COMPHIBGRU
NAS KEY WEST FL//90//
NAS BRUNSWICK ME//60//
NAS KEFLAVIK IC//70//
NAS KEFLAVIK IC//50//
CINCLANTFLT NORFOLK VA//N11//
CINCPACFLT PEARL HARBOR HI//N1/N21/N11/
VAIRWARCENWPNDIV PT MUGU CA//311200E/
HEAD
MD//N2// NAVORDSAFSECACT ESSOLANT NORFOLK VA//N712A// NAMTRAGRU
PENSACOLA
FL//2206//
USSTRATCOM OFFUTT AFB NE//J416//
BT
UNCLAS
SUBJ/ SAFE WORK PRACTICES IN POTENTIALLY FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERES/
MSGID/GENADMIN/
1. A PETTY OFFICER WAS TREATED AT A MILITARY TREATMENT FACILITY
(MTF)
AFTER
COMPLAINING OF SHORTNESS OF BREATH AFTER WORKING IN AN ENCLOSED
WORKSPACE
WITH SEVERAL OTHER PERSONNEL. THE DINING FACILITY HAD SERVED A
MEXICAN
MEAL
FOR LUNCH,CAUSING SUSPECTED HIGH METHANE AND SULFITE LEVELS IN THE
ATMOSPHERE FROM THE CREW'S FLATULENCE.
2. MANY NAVY PERSONNEL WORK IN FACILITIES AND ON SHIPS WHERE
FLATULENCE
MAY
EXIST, AND,DUE TO MISSION URGENCY,ARE NOT ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY VACATE
THE
SPACE SHOULD THE AIR BECOME FOUL. THIS MISHAP SERVES AS A STRONG
REMINDER
THAT THE EXPRESSION OF FLATULENCE CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS IN
THESE
AREAS,
UNLESS THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY LISTED AS INTRINSICALLY SAFE. THE NAVY
HAS
DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING SAFE WORK PRACTICE TO ADDRESS THIS
PROBLEM: EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE PRACTICE OF EXPELLING
FLATULENCE,
COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "FARTING," "BREAKING WIND," OR "PASSING
GAS," IS
PROHIBITED ABOARD ALL NAVAL SHIPS, BOATS, VEHICLES, AIRCRAFT, AND
SHORE
INSTALLATIONS.
3. THIS REGULATION APPLIES NOT ONLY TO AUDIBLE FLATULENCE, OR
INCIDENTS
THAT
ARE CLAIMED BY THEIR PERPETRATOR, BUT ALSO TO COVERT EVENTS SUCH AS
"DEADLY
WHISPERS," "CHEEK SNEAKERS," "AIR DUSTINGS."
4. UNAUTHORIZED EXPULSION OF FLATULENCE IS TO BE PUNISHED UNDER THE
UCMJ.
"HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT" IS CONSIDERED SUFFICIENT BASIS FOR
PROSECUTION.
"I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO STINK" OR "I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS
NOT TO
BE
ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF.
5. COMMANDS ARE INSTRUCTED TO ENSURE KNOWN GAS PRODUCING FOODS ARE
AVOIDED
AT THE DINING FACILITIES. MEXICAN THEMED MEALS, NAVY OR BAKED BEANS,
CHILI,
CABBAGE, AND EGG SALAD ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED MENU ITEMS.
6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL
PROHIBITED./
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Gymnastic basketball
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H2O
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the overload on E-bay?
Everyone is trying to unload their Michael Jackson CDs.
Why do cavemen drag their women by the hair?
If they dragged them by their feet they'd fill up.
Women claim that they never pursue a man. Well, by the same token,
a mousetrap never pursues a mouse, but the end result is the same.
One elderly male called 911 and reported, "There's a woman over here
doing some yard work in one of those thong bikinis."
"Sir," said an exasperated dispatcher, "911 is an emergency number.
What
do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?"
"Nothing," the guy said, "But if she keeps bending over the way she
is,
I will be having a heart attack within the next 10 minutes, so I
just
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Why wasn't Lorena Bobbit convicted of dismembering her husband?
Because the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
The Sooner You Fall Behind
The More Time You Have To Catch Up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calling in sick to work makes me feel very uncomfortable. No matter
how
legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the
truth
was just too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.
By
then, I could think up a crazy way to explain the bandage on my
crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes
to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no
problem,
but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my
wife, Lisa, call out to me from the kitchen. "Chuck! The garbage
disposal is dead. Please come reset it for me. "
"You know where the button is. " I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter)
"I am scared! " She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second. "
So grudgingly out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to
make a
clear statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without
consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to
find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. No,
it
wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It
was
our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked
me
as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was
most
vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I had so unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of
a
kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing
straight
up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact
knocked
me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having no
doubt
been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried
to
conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
kept
silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the
matter,
cat got your tongue? "
If they had only known!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lesbian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
Why are lesbians so lazy?
Because they don't do dick and they always eat out!
How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two widows were visiting in the lounge of the Senors' Center.
"Well," one said, "Mary has just cremated her third husband."
"Yeah, that's the way it goes," replied the other widow. "Some of us
can't find a husband, and others have husbands to burn!"
Of the 10 deadliest varieties of snake, 7 are in Australia.
The other three are in politics...
"Life isn't like a box of chocolates..
jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow."
How do you say "69" in Chinese?
Tu-can-chu
A man was screwing his girlfriend in a park by the side of the
road when a cop car pulled up. "Just what do you think your
doing?" asked the cop.
The man looked up at the cop and replied, "I'm shagging my
girlfriend!"
"Great!" says the cop. "I'm next then!"
"Sounds good to me." says the guy. "I've never shagged a cop
before!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A medical student just finished her last semester and was heading
out to
apply to a hospital. The director of the hospital thought the woman
was
very bright and had a lot of potential. But the doctor wanted to ask
her
a few questions just to quiz her.
"Well." said the doctor, "you seem very qualified. But a few
questions
before we make anything definite, ok?" "Of course," said the
woman"Ok,
what do we call the operation of removing your tonsils?" asked the
director "That's easy," the woman said, "A Tonsillectomy.
"Very good. ok, What is the removal of your appendix called?"the
director continued. "I belive that is an Appendectomy,
said
confidentilly
"Good job. One more. What do we call a sex change operation?" the
director asked. Now the woman was very intelligent and she learned
every
medical term known to man, but for some reason she could not
remember
what a sex change operation was called. She sat staring ai the wall
for
some time before the director began to get anxious.
"Do you know?" he asked repeatidly.
Regaining her composure she finally smiled and said, "of
course,Addadictomy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
~ No Greater Love ~
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Movie Clips
Lazy River Pee Prank
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Leno Needs Body Guard
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Let the Beast Go
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Levis
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Lip Balm Commercial
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Hoppalas Turnen
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In God We Trust
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Interessant Eierschlange
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You Know That Has To Hurt
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Javelin Live Fire VS T72
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walmart Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a Wal-Mart and the Greeter said,
"Automotive, aisle 15."
The man asked, "How did you know I was here to get oil?"
The Greeter replied, "That's my job."
Another man walked in and the Greeter said,
"Sporting goods, aisle 28."
The man asked, "How did you know I wanted fishing supplies?
The Greeter replied, "That's my job."
A woman walked in and the Greeter said, "Tampons, aisle 5."
The woman said, "No, I'm here for hemorrhoid medicine."
The Greeter said, "Damn, I missed it by an inch!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
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Anger Management
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Angry Residents
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Good Lickin
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Anna Show
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow called Shit
A name he disliked quite a bit;
So he changed it to Shite -
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.
~ Victor Gray ~
____________
Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His Measure for Measure
Incurs our displeasure;
We don't do such things at Balmoral."
~ Frank Richards ~
____________
I'm in love with a girl from Uttoxeter,
An exquisite and passionate cock-sitter;
With her prehensile hole,
She envelopes my pole,
And then squirms up and down as my rocks hit her.
~ Gerard Benson ~
____________
Prince Charles in his Welsh principality
Formed a violent left-wing solidarity;
When asked why this was
He replied, "It's because
I am sick of the family mentality."
~ Bernard Levin ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might be a college student if...
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying
Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over
and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account
isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even
though it tastes terrible.
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place
from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without
washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fireman Bob rushed into a burning building and
rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only
in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He
carried her in his arms down three flights of
stairs and saved her from her sure demise.
As they arrived safely a wash of gratitude rushed
over her. She looked at him with great fondness
and admiration, then said, "Oh, you are wonderful!
It must have taken great strength and courage to
rescue me the way you did."
"Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to
fight off three other firemen who were trying to
get to you first!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1608
KSR Airlines
Katie: Tickets please!
Tami: Here you go.
Katie: May I see some Identification please?
Tami: You know good and well who I am Katie.
Katie: Regulations and the such ma'am. Sorry.
Tami gets out her passport, driver's license.
Katie: Thank you ma'am.
Rob: Do you need my passport Katie?
Katie: No, that's fine, just move right along Rob. Rudy will
assist you with your luggage.
Tami: Who will assist me with mine?
Katie: Tut tut, you can handle your own. We are short-handed here.
Later on the plane...
Rob: Tami, you have to admit this is a nicer plane than the old
Ford Tri-motor.
Tami: Hrumpt! I am still getting the old run-around.
Rob: It might help if you change your attitude.
Sandi walks by with her leather helmet on. Rudy has his overalls on
with a wrench in one paw and a bible in the other.
Katie is bringing drinks: Rob would you care for a drink?
Rob: Yes, what are my choices?
Katie: Wine, Red or White.
Rob: Red please.
Katie pours Rob a glass.
Tami: I will have a glass.
Katie: Are you over 21?
Tami: Of course.
Katie: I need to see some ID.
Tami: My ID is with the luggage.
Katie: How about some water then.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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