Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Normally I post the text of the President's Memorial Day Address
as the intro on Memorial Day. I was unable to find a text copy
although there I a real good video of it on the White House site.
It is actually an excellent speech even though it does move away
from honoring our fallen heroes to the sacrifice of those fighting
overseas but anyhow judge for yourself.
Weekly Address: Sacrifice
On this Memorial Day weekend, President Obama calls on the American
people to join him in paying tribute to America's veterans,
servicemen and women - particularly those who have made the ultimate
sacrifice - and their families.
http://www.whitehou
Let me take you back to the first Memorial Day Proclamation on May
5th 1868, three years after the Civil War.
The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing
with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died
in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose
bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church-yard
in the land. In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed,
but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting
services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.
We are organized, comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the
purpose among other things, "of preserving and strengthening those
kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers,
sailors, and marines who united to suppress the late rebellion."
What can aid more to assure this result than cherishing tenderly the
memory of our heroic dead, who made their breasts a barricade
between our country and its foes? Their soldier lives were the
reveille of freedom to a race in chains, and their deaths the tattoo
of rebellious tyranny in arms. We should guard their graves with
sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the
nation can add to their adornment and security is but a fitting
tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let no wanton foot
tread rudely on such hallowed grounds. Let pleasant paths invite the
coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no
vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of time testify to the
present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a
people the cost of a free and undivided republic.
If other eyes grow dull, other hands slack, and other hearts cold in
the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and
warmth of life remain to us.
Let us, then, at the time appointed gather around their sacred
remains and garland the passionless mounds above them with the
choicest flowers of spring-time; let us raise above them the dear
old flag they saved from his honor; let us in this solemn presence
renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among
us a sacred charge upon a nation's gratitude, the soldier's and
sailor's widow and orphan.
It is the purpose of the Commander-in-
observance with the hope that it will be kept up from year to year,
while a survivor of the war remains to honor the memory of his
departed comrades. He earnestly desires the public press to lend its
friendly aid in bringing to the notice of comrades in all parts of
the country in time for simultaneous compliance therewith.
Department commanders will use efforts to make this order effective.
By order of
JOHN A. LOGAN,
Commander-in-
On this day please remember Freedom is not Free. It is bought and
paid for with the lives of our military. If you can't find time to
pause and
think about their sacrifices, then you probably should find a new
place
to live..
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Injury Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express
praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and
his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and
the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as
they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a
delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece
together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around
it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on
Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice,"thank the Lord, Tom is
out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something
to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom."
The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my
wife that the word is 'sternum.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What was Moby Dick's father's name?
A: Papa Boner.
Q: How is a blonde and a pitcher different?
A: A blonde doesn't mind when you charge the mound.
Q: What's better than seeing a woman wrestle?
A: Seeing her box.
Q: Have you heard about the new radio station in town?
A: It's called WPMS... every month they give you three weeks of the
blues and then one week of rag time.
Q: Did you hear about the new high school course?
A: Intercourse ... you go between periods and you are expected to
come.
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
A: You call them up and tell them you can't come.
Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Your wife.
Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: One set to bitch at you with, and the other to apologize with.
Q: How come you never see the Taco Bell Chihuahua dancing at a
party?
A: Because he has two left feet.
Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
A: They're always bitter.
Q: What should you do if an elephant comes in your window?
A: Learn to swim.
Q: What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
A: Having your dentist confirm it.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
Q: What did the girl say when she stuck her hand down Ronald
McDonald's
pants?
A: "Where's the beef?"
Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirt bag.
Q: What's the definition of a teenager?
A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Q: Have you heard the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
A: "They'll never see you coming."
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
A: The guy that gave it to him.
Q. What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A. Both need a hoe to stay in business.
Q: How do women get minks?
A: The same way minks get minks.
Q: What do you call a 1000 pound woman on a bar stool with a new
condom?
A: 1/2 ton pickup with good rubber.
Q: Did you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with 6
guys?
A: She came back with a red snapper.
Q: What do you call a female turtle?
A: A Clitortous.
Q: What's better than screwing two eighteen year old girls at once?
A: Not a *damn* thing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Plot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sweet girl of Seventeen is very eager to offer a small lovely
"TRIANGULAR PLOT" for sale. The plot is centrally located on the
slope of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till
date. For the last Seventeen years the plot being tenderly cared
and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can
bear best result even in the first planting. For the last four
years the plot is covered with shiny black curly grass which is very
tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the
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NB : ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
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Guy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GUYS SUCK......and let me tell you why.
FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and
disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your
leg?
JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch?
We don't want to see you scratch either.
PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys
getting what you can't.
By the way, it's not good for our skin.
PICK UP LINES - Not!
DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell
can't we?
HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing.
SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!
DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner
store. Buy it.
LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.
HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your
pants and get the other out of your ass.
You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.
Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any
thing on legs.
Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT
number one at it.
Why must you tell ALL of your friends about
everything you do with a girl? They all had the
same DREAM last night anyway.
Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You
should be glad we're not pregnant.
Try matching your maturity level to your age.
We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts
and ideas. We can even form words like "FUCK
YOU!!!"
There is more to life than playing cards and
video games - How old are you??
Why do we have to look good and you can look like
shit?
Can we eat like humans - utensils were made
especially for this purpose. Ever heard of
knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins?
(This does not include shirt sleeves.)
WAKE UP CALL! - Wasting a ton of money on tuition
every year to get drunk, get laid, and play
sports is fucking retarded. If you're interested,
become a professional athlete and at least GET
PAID for it.
I am not putting myself through school to carry
your sorry, lazy ass through life.
BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your
cock to the exact millimeter, then you can
remember our birthday.
Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia.
They were not made that small. Why measure it
anyway? There will always be someone bigger and
believe me, we can find him.
Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing
and then rolling over and going to sleep.
The one thing you are good for, you are not good
at!
Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm
scene'? Sound familiar?
When we say we're lost without you, we're
probably high.
When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if
it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be
nice.
WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to
make it so obvious.
GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!"
we're not referring to your breathing pattern.
To the FEW nice guys who don't apply to these
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here's a note of hope.....WE'
LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nun is talking with her Mother Superior. "I used some horrible
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"When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother superior.
"Well, I was playing golf and hit an incredible drive that looked
like
it was going to go over 280 metres, but it struck a phone line that
is
hanging over the fairway and fell straight to the ground after going
only about 100 metres."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out
of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to
run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother superior again. "Well,
no."
says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle zoomed
down out of the sky, grabbed he squirrel in his talons and began to
fly
away!"
"IS THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Mother Superior.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws,
it
flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the
sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six
inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then the Mother
Superior sighed and said, "You missed the fucking putt,
didn't you?"
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Head Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 10 Clever Things to Say to Convince Your Lover to Go Down on
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"At work today Brad Johnson said *his* wife could out-blow *my*
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Can you imagine?!?"
"Look, do you want that raise or not?"
"The Taliban has outlawed it -- it's your patriotic duty, dammit!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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Melva/Peaceful Memories http://silverandgol
Melva/Forgotten Heros
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Melva/Freedom Is Not Free
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Rick w/ In Memory (Memorial Day)
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Daily With The Troops 2
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Lest We Forget
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Sleeping With the Troops
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Movie Clips
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chior Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little
boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene
of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I
direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit
the candle', you come on stage and light all the
candles."
"I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the
one picked.
Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big
night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the
stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of
unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment
when the cute littlest angel made his entrance.
The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra
began to play, and the choir swept into the
introductory lines, ending with an expectant
"...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone
looked stage right for the entrance.
No little boy.
The director gave the downbeat again, and
gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave
him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and
again, all eyes looked stage right.
No little boy.
The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with
great, sweeping gestures. The choir thundered
into the line. The curtains belled slightly from
the sound -
"...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!"
And into the silence, which followed, came a
clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from
stage right,
"...and the cat peed on the matches!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a woman, Monique,
Who proclaimed an efficient technique:
"One fuck daily's just right."
She did seven one night,
And then found that it made her hole weak.
(Kirk Miller)
There once was a man from Calcutta,
who liked to beat off in the gutter,
the heat of the street
melted his meat
and turned his cream into butter.
There once was a girl from Hoboken,
Who said that her hymen was broken,
From riding a bike?
On a cobblestone pike,
But it was really broken from pokin'.
A Certain Sweet Girl From Key West
Was Uncommonly Large In The Chest
Any Man's Close Attention
To Her Outside Dimension
Brought His Own Measurement To Its Best
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is it about the navy and submarines that women love so much?
A. Is it the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen
or is it the concept of going down for three months at a time?
Woman: "Are you good in bed?"
Man: "Of course I am."
Woman: " How do you know?"
Man: "Because I'm always satisfied...
My husband and I were sitting at a restaurant having lunch before
going to a meeting. We had our then 2yr old son with us who happened
to be wearing a big fake plastic wristwatch. Concerned about the
getting to our meeting on time, my husband asked a man at the next
table what the time was. As he glanced at his watch, our son jumped
up, holding out his wrist as well and at the top of his lungs
announced, "LOOK!!! I HAVE A COCK TOO." The entire packed restaurant
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One day a woman was holding her 6 month old nephew and the baby kept
grabbing her nose.
Her husband, thinking he was being clever, said, "Well you know Hun,
babies grab the biggest thing they see."
She replied, "If that's true, you could be sitting there naked and
he
would STILL be grabbing your nose!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before
she
was about to have a heart transplant.
The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the
surgeon
who was going to perform the operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried
about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely
good
health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied "She's been working since she was 18
years
old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and
hasn't
rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1606
El Scorcho
Rudy: I can see the finish line.
Sandi: If you hadn't missed the cycling part, you would be in first
place.
Katie: I am slowing down to wait for Miss Tami. How is she doing?
Sandi: She is in second place behind you Katie.
Katie: Really?
Sandi: Yes, we need to let her win.
Katie: Of course Miss Tami should win.
Tami peddles and approaches the finish line with Katie right
beside her.
Tami: The past two years you have won Katie, are you letting me
win?
Katie: Of course Tami. The past two years, I was jogging ahead of
you but didn't realize I was in the race. So this year, I want you
to
win.
Tami: Okay, let's get this over. Ten yards to go, five... done!!!
Later at the podium..
Announcer: First place for the running event goes to Katie Kassity,
First place for the cycling event goes to Katie Kassity,
First place for the canoeing event goes to Tami. So the person with
the most points is Katie Kassity!
Tami: What, but I finished the line first! I was robbed!
Sandi: Tami, it says in this brochure that this is three races. So
I
guess Katie won two and you won one.
Rudy: We did not know Tami or we would have thrown the other
two races.
Tami: Waaaah!!!!
The crowd lifts Katie on their shoulders and carries her off.
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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