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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his
sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some
jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke
out laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey,
did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain
Hook?"
Immediately, Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and
had heard Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright
Johnny! That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now.
Leave, please."
The following Saturday, Johnny again invited his friends over, this
time to play some video games. During a lull in the action, Johnny
said to everyone, "You know, there's a rumor going around that a
busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big
gold find up in Alaska, and they say..."
This time again, Johnny's mother was in the kitchen and came
stomping in after having heard him. She said demandingly as she
gathered his friends together and shuffled them towards the door,
"Okay kids, it's getting late. All of you will have to leave now."
Little Johnny was puzzled and yelled back at them, "Hey! Hold on,
hold on! There's still plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave
till morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
wait his turn
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hurry
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maternity
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Experience
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fake O
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Filling
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Irishmen - Paddy and Paddy -went out one day and each brought a
pig.
When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me
ol'mate,
how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"
Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin
Pig,and
ten we can tell them apart." "Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy. This
worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into
the
house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my
Fookin Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are
we
going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?"
"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig.
Ten
we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear". "Ah
tat'd
be grand" says Paddy. Again, this worked fine until a couple of
weeks
later, when Paddy again stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said,
"Your
fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!." Now, we
got
two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns
which fookin pig?"
"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll
do.
I'll cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs
with
no fookin ears and only one fookin tail." "Ah tat'd be grand" says
Paddy.
Another couple of weeks went by and.........
stormed into the house once more.
"PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN' PIG HAS CHEWED THE FOOKIN'
TAIL
OFF A MY FOOKIN' PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN' PIGS WITH NO
FOOKIN'
EARS AND NO FOOKIN' TAILS!!!!!!!
TELL
'EM APART!!!!!!!
"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's abouts you have the black one,and
I'll
have the white one"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
George said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten dollars that we could have
the
best sex that you have ever had without me touching you."
"You're nuts," she said, "Here is ten dollars that says you can't do
that!"
They put the money on the mantelpiece.
That night George and Mary proceeded to have sex. Reluctantly, Mary
had
to admit that it was the best sex that she could remember.
The next morning she exclaimed, "Well, it may have been the best sex
I've ever had... but you did nothing BUT touch me!"
George gave Mary the ten dollars and departed with these words, "So
I
lose."
A salesman, who is getting ready for his next trip, asks his wife to
include a condom in his suitcase. His wife instantly asks "Why?"
He replies, "Just a reminder if I want to try something different."
She grabs a bar of soap, drops it into one of his socks, swings it
in
the air, and WHAM!!! swings it up between his legs.....
After much pain, and gathering his composure, he asks.... "Why the
hell
did you do that?"
She replies, "Just a reminder if you want to try something
different."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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View Web Version
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo
bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and
offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for
100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can
you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not
worth it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was talking to his father about Suzy.
"She sure is pretty, I wish I knew how to get her to
pay attention to me," he said. "She never says
anything to me, I don't think she knows I'm alive."
"Well," his father responded, "the best way to get
her attention is to go up to her and pay her a
compliment. Try saying something nice about
her clothing, and she will remember you fondly.
Ask her where she got it, that is a sure bet to
start a conversation with a pretty girl."
The next day Little Johnny saw Suzy on the
playground. "Hey Suzy," he said, "That is
sure a pretty sweater you are wearing.
Where'd you get one with the knobs on it?"
Without blinking an eye she replied, "The
same place you got your pants with the
gear shift."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fifty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fifty Ways To Love Your Beaver
(sung to the tune of "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.")
I was a virgin not much older than 16
I was as horny as a young girl's ever been
My friend said, "Please yourself ... it's safe and not obscene!"
There
must be fifty ways to love your beaver.
Fifty ways to love your beaver.
Just finger the pie, Di
Diddle the clam, Pam
Why not masturbate, Kate
And listen to me
Touch yourself THERE, Claire
You'll feel better everywhere!
Go stroke where you pee, Lee
And set yourself FREE!
She said "You know it hurts me so to see you in such need.
But you know now you don't have to deal with men and messy seed." I
said
"I appreciate that ... and I'll follow your lead and use the fifty
ways."
She said, "Why don't you just take home this vibrator tonight And I
believe that when you try it you'll begin to see the light." And
when I
felt it buzz, I realized she probably was right! There must be fifty
ways to love your beaver. Fifty ways to love your beaver.
Just finger the pie, Di
Diddle the clam, Pam
Why not masturbate, Kate
And listen to me
Touch yourself THERE, Claire
You'll feel better everywhere!
Go stroke where you pee, Lee
And set yourself FREE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/You Can't Go Home Again
http://www.silveran
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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Carol w/Today She Cried
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Hand Painting Art
http://www.shangral
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Wrecked Exotics Via Wesley
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U.S. Navy - Battleships: List of Battleships
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Help for Single Parents
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100 Best Lost Moments
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
"SHARE & COMPARE"
EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES OF IMAGERY
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Photo Share Via Wesley
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PHP Manual
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Tech Dictionary
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Clips
Aaaaahhhhh!
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Advise for the Dimocraps
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Airline Pilot of the year
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Alarm Orgasmique
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Brownie
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Swimming
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szambr
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Telissa
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Texan Gun Control Witness
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Why AARP Sell Insurance
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Wrong Ball
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her
recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor. After a quick
examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you
been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough
exercise, and having your meals 3 times a day, as I advised on your
last isit?"
Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure
been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you
said three males a day!
A father was entertaining a boy his daughter had brought home from
college. "I realize it's only a formality," the young man said, "but
I want to ask for your daughter's hand." "
And where did you get the idea that this is just a formality?" the
father asked.
The boyfriend replied, "From our Lamaze instructor."
As husbands and wives will, from time to time, my wife and I were
having
the discussion about what would happen in the eventuality that one
of us
would predecease the other like...tomorrow night. The usual "would
you
remarry?" questions were asked and answered. I asked my wife, "If
there
was a nuclear war tomorrow, and you were the last woman alive on the
face of the Earth, would you help procreate the species? Assume
there
were 10 men that were a mixture of reasonably attractive, and
totally
repugnant." My wife asked, "Are you alive or dead?" "Where I was
standing at the moment the war broke out is now a smoking hole," I
informed her. A few moments of consideration. "Yes, reluctantly, if
I
were the last woman on the face of the Earth, and the survival of
the
species depended on it, I'd have to do what was necessary." I was
wandering into the kitchen to refill my drink when I heard this,
muttered under her breath: "...bet your ass, I'd set myself up as
Queen,
though.".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came first
http://www.buffalos
Fuckin A
http://www.buffalos
Hammer
http://www.buffalos
Aussie Weakest Link
http://www.sydesjok
Australian Idols
http://www.sydesjok
Australian Map
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Car Insurance Reduction!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man from Duluth
Whose dick was shot off in his youth.
So he fucked with his nose
And his fingers and toes
And came through a hole in his tooth.
There was a young man from Wales
Who lived on snot, shit and snails.
When he couldn't get these
He lived off the cheese
That he scraped from his dick with his nails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CNN released this breaking News story.
Kermit the frog has died from the Swine Flu.
His last words were:
"That darn pig said she was CLEAN!"
Patricia Barfield
Every day Little Johnny went to the park and sat on the park bench
to
watch the squirrels climb the tree. One day while Little Johnny was
sitting on the park bench, Susie walked by and unzipped Little
Johnny's fly.
He went home and told his mother about it and she said, "Tell the
little girl not to do that again because you have a mouse in your
pants."
The following day Little Johnny was sitting there and Susie did the
same thing again. As his mother told him, Little Johnny exclaimed
"Don't do that because I have a mouse in my pants."
At that remark, Susie lifted her skirt and said, "Go get 'em Pussy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life
is deteriorating rapidly.
The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce
excitement, guilt and so on into the process.
He ponders this for a few days and hatches
a plan.
"Well," he says to the doctor a week ago, "I did
everything you suggested. The boss let me leave
work an hour early. I sped home and I skidded
all the way up the driveway. I slammed open the
door, charged into the house and found Sheila in
the living room.
I stripped her naked and we went to it on the
coffee table."
"And did you enjoy it?" asked the doctor
enthusiastically.
"Well," says the guy slowly and thoughtfully,
"Somewhat, but the Bible group thought it was
really neat."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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