Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was not one of my favorite days but I sort of anticipated
that. I have had blood in my urine for the past four years. I have
been through every test known to man to try to find the problem
several years back and they narrowed it down to either kidney
stones or the side effects of the rat poison I take each day for
blood clots. I have been x-rayed, scanned by cats, had my blood
dyed and my urine dyed and several ultrasounds. ( Have you
ever heard what a drop of urine sounds like when it falls into your
bladder amplified like a 1000 times?) I have even had a Pap Smear
run on my Urine to rule out cancer and I didn't know they could do
that. I got a report back saying my Pap Smear was negative and you
bet I was on the phone telling them they had the wrong buffalo
at which time they increased my knowledge of all things medical.
All of these procedures are relatively painless with the exception
of the bladder camera. I didn't enjoy having my bladder scoped
the first time and all this one did was refresh my memory. On the
good side though I am as healthy as a buffalo and no signs of even
stones.
As a side story, the doctor's office is in the old base hospital at
Kincheloe Air Force base which now houses an Urgent Care Clinic,
a Behavioral Health Clinic, a Rehab Clinic and the Veteran's
Doctor offices. It is actually quite large and there are probably
herd
members that had been there during the sixties when it was a major
SAC base. It has been completely renovated but it still has
a military feel to it. The old base also has 5 prisons and the
County
International Airport and an Industrial Park. It is good to see
our tax dollars being recycled instead of bulldozing it all down and
starting over again like some of the military bases.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Secret Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Men SHOULDN'T Say Out Loud In Victoria's Secret:
9) No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
8) I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7) Mom will love this.
6) Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
5) No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
4) Will you model this for me???
3) The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
2) Forty Five bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out
loud in Victoria's Secret:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Automatic Pilot
http://www.buffalos
Waste Of Money
http://www.buffalos
Beer Babe
http://www.buffalos
Abuse the force
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Accident
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Ace
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are
demanding to make less money!
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are
the other 364 days of the year." - Mark Twain
Q. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's
Angel Biker? A. Someone who comes to your door on Sunday and tells
*YOU* to fuck off!
Q: How do you recognize a gay Pakistani?
A: He has a red dot on the back of the head.
Q. If a movie with lesbians is named 'Fire', what would a movie with
gay's be named. A. Backfire
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink
and drive?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?
Ending a relationship is just like adjusting your underwear: You
feel
better when the creep is gone.
Q: Why do blondes cut the strings off their tampons?
A: So the crabs don't start bungee jumping.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets
the message across like a good mooning.
"Why does a woman work ten years to change
a man's habits and then complain that he's not
the man she married?"
---Barbara Streisand
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not at
all true. I have the heart of a young boy. ...In a jar.... On my
desk. - - - Steven King
I sometimes get balls caught in my throat. My box smells. I can have
a little pussy. What am I?
A Cat
"Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and
Saddam Hussein said 'You can do that?'" -Jay Leno
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I never set out to be weird. It was always the other peoplewho
called
me weird.; --Frank Zappa
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pirate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Pickup lines used on:
"International Talk Like a Pirate Day"
http://talklikeapir
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your
porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin', I'm 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on
International Talk Like a Pirate Day is .
1. Prepare to be boarded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John had a new dog, but he didn't want to deal with puppies
so he got her fixed. However, some how the gal still got pregnant,
and
even had identical twins! The media loved it and soon she was a
celebrity. John wrote a book about her entitled, "Two Dachshunds in
One:
A Spayed Oddity".
Q: What did the grandfather do when the truck got old?
A: He retired it.
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs,
and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever
heard
of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs."
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in
Las
Vegas. The week flew by, and they all had a great time. After they
returned home, and the men went back to work, they sat around at
break
and discussed their vacation. The first guy says, "I don't think
I'll
ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her
arms
and hollers, "7 come 11" all night, so I haven't had a wink of
sleep!"
The second guy says, "I know what you mean...My old lady played
blackjack the whole time we were there. She slaps the bed all night
and
hollers, "Hit me light" or "Hit me hard." So, I haven't had a wink
of
sleep either!" The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad!
...My old lady played the slot machines the whole time we were
there.
So, I wake up each morning with a sore dick and a butt full of
quarters."
Confucius Says fly who sit on toilet seat, get pissed off.
How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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Affair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One
wet and rainy day, she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her
horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. She
looked
out the window and yelled to her lover, "Quick jump out the window.
My
husband's home early!!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath
the
sheets, "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the
least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out
the
window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he
quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's
annual
marathon. So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of
them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
blend in
as best he could.
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been
studying
him with some curiosity, jogged closer, "Do you always run in the
nude?"
one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully
free."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your
clothes
with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get
dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do
you
always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope ... just when it's raining."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Gay Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Bar In Town?
A. It's Called `Boys'r'us.'
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Burglar?
A. He Couldn't Blow The Safe, So He Went Down On The Elevator.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Catholic?
A. He Couldn't Decide If The Pope Was Faaaaaabulous
Or Simply Divine.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Dolls?
A. They Come With A.I.D.S. And A Death Certificate.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Guy Who Went To The
Electric Chair And Wanted To Blow The Fuse?
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Irishman?
A. He Preferred Women Over Whiskey.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Lesbian?
A. She Loved Men.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Magician Who Vanished
With A Poof?
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Who Flew To London?
A. He Was Heartbroken When He Found Out Big Ben Was
A Clock.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Who Got Kicked Off The
Golf Course?
A. He Was Playing With Too Many Strokes.
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Who Joined The NFL?
A. Started Off A Tight End, But Ended Up A Wide Receiver!
Q. Did You Hear About The Gay Who Placed A Condom On
Each Ear?
A. He Didn't Want To Get Hearing AIDS.
Q. Did You Hear About The Man With The Worst Luck In The World? A.
His
Parents Arranged A Bride For Him. On His Wedding Day,
He discovered She Was The Most Hideous Looking Woman
In The World. He Went Out And Got A Sex Change Operation
So He Wouldn't Have To F*** Her -- Then He Discovered She
Was Gay!
Q. Did You Hear About The Rumor That An FBI Agent Who Was
Given Task Of Shadowing A Gay Liberation Leader Has Been
Summarily Dismissed Because He Blew His Assignment?
Q. Did You Hear That David Koresh Was A Closeted Gay?
A. He Was Flaming, But He Didn't Come Out.
Q. How Do You Make A Gay Baby Cry?
A. Take The Pacifier Out Of His Butt.
Q. How Do You Tell A Straight Person From A Gay Person?
A. A Straight Person Likes To Eat Out. A Fag Likes To Brown Bag It.
Q. How Do You Tell If A Bank Robber Is Gay?
A. When He Ties Up The Safe And Blows The Guard.
Q. How Do You Tell If A Man Is Gay?
A1. He Has Crabs In His Eyebrows.
A2. If You Ask Him If He Wants Something To Drink He Gets
Down On His Knees.
Q. How Do You Tell If A Track Star Is Gay?
A. He's Always Trying To Lap The Other Runners!
Q. How Do You Tell If You Walk Into A Gay Church?
A. Only Half The Congregation Is Kneeling.
Q. How Do You Tell Most Theatrical Agents Are Gay?
A. They Like To Get Behind Their Young Talent And Push!
Q. How Do You Tell The Gay Arabs?
A. They're Dancing Sheik To Sheik.
Q. How Do You Tell Which House The Gay Lives In?
A. On The Doormat It Says, `Wipe Your Knees.'
Q. How Does A Gay Spell Relief?
A. No AIDS!
Q. How Does A Midget Reveal To Everyone That He's Gay?
A. He Comes Out Of The Cupboard.
Q. What Christmas Song Lyrics Do Transvestites Sing While Getting
Ready
For A Holiday Party? A. Don We Now Our Gay Apparel.
Q. What Did One Gay Frog Say To The Other Gay Frog???
A. Oh You Really Do Taste Like Chicken.
Q. What Did One Gay Say To The Other As They Walked Past
the Funeral Home?
A. `Wanna Stop In And Suck Down A Couple Of Cold Ones?'
Q. What Did One Gay Sperm Say To Another?
A. How Do We Find An Egg In All Of This Shit?
Q. What Did The Gay Paramedic Give His Lover?
A. First AIDS.
Q. What Do Gay Kids Get For Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Living Rose
http://www.silveran
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL AND GOD BLESS ALL OUR TROOPS
http://summerhoosie
God's Paint Brush Via Juanita
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John w/ Those Unforgettable Fabulous 50s
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Surfin Surfari
Best and Worst Films of the 2000's
http://www.imdb.
How to Open A Coconut
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Visible Body Via Wesley
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Free On-Line Garden Planner Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Animated Water Reflection Freeware
http://www.xiberpix
Wine - Free implementation of Windows on Unix Via Wesley
http://www.winehq.
openSUSE Via Wesley
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Eric O Shea
http://www.buffalos
Escuta Essa
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Examendeprostata
http://www.buffalos
Fairy Tale Ending
http://www.buffalos
Farting In a Womens Toilet
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Fastest Gun Ever
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Fed Ex
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Fests
http://www.buffalos
FFs
http://www.buffalos
Hot Dog Chase
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advances in implant technology have made it increasingly difficult
to
tell real from false. Modern implants are soft and pliant as the
real
thing. In the old days, this was less true: implants were easily
detected with a mere touch. Only one medical school in the country
still teaches and advocates the use of these old-style implants.
It's
called "the school of hard knockers."
"Daddy," the little girl said. "I didn't know Mommy is a magician."
"What do you mean, Honey?" asked the daddy. "Well," replied the
girl.
"I heard her on the phone saying she was going to turn a couple of
tricks tonight."
Prostitutes say they don't sell sex, they sell condoms with free
demonstrations.
One day a co-worker told my friend, Dan, that she was going home
early because she didn't feel well. Since Dan was just getting over
something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't
something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope
not. She has morning sickness."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bathroom Microphone Sponge
http://www.sydesjok
Bathroom Rules For Men
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Battleship
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produce up to 4 pints of juicy blueberries daily- 16,000 blueberries
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older,
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
Your job this week hasn't borne fruit?
Use this modern technique to earn loot:
Pick a rich guy who's famous,
Allege something heinous,
And file a ten-million-
An elderly man was depressed
His sex life was over, he guessed
Then two girls in their teens
Made him cream in his jeans
As he fondled each tender young breast
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
10% of women had sex within the first hour of their first date. 20%
of
men had sex in a non-traditional place. 36% of women favour nudity.
45%
of women prefer dark men with blue eyes. 46% of women experienced
anal
sex 70% of women prefer sex in the morning 80% of men have never
experienced homosexual relations 90% of women would like to have sex
in
the forest 99% of women have never experienced sex in the office.
CONCLUSION: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of
having
anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to
have
sex in the office at the end of the day.
MORAL: Do not stay late at the office, nothing good can come of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man asked the local priest to hear his confession.
"Father,
during World War II a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked
me to
hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic."The priest
replied,
"That was a wonderful thing you did, my son, and you have no need to
confess." "It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must
repay me
with sexual favors," said the elderly man. "You were both in great
danger," replied the priest. "You would have suffered terribly if
the
Germans had found her. Heaven, in its wisdom and mercy, will balance
the
good and evil, and judge you kindly. You are forgiven." "Thank you,
Father," said the elderly man, relieved. "That's a great load off my
mind. But I have one more question." "And what is that?" inquired
the
priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?" said the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Kolumn
Vol 1602
El Scorcho
Tami: Rudy why is there two of you?
Sandi: Emergency, Emergency, we need to get her sobered up fast.
I will make some high-powered expresso and have it ready in a few
minutes. I need for you Rudy to come and get it and have her
drink it, okay?
Rudy: Roger, Sandi.
Katie: Stay with me Tami. You just put one foot in front of the
other.
Tami: Put your little foot, put your little foot, put your little
foot right
there...giggle, giggle.
Katie: Hurry with the expresso Rudy, she acts like she wants to
take
her top off.
Tami: Whee! It is so hot out here, I think we should run topless.
Rudy: Huff puff, here Tami drink this.
Tami: Okay, but I like that other drink you gave me, it makes me
feel
all nice inside.
Sandi: Is it working Katie?
Katie: I think so, but now she needs to go to the bathroom again.
Sandi: I gave her something in the drink to expunge her system, she
needs to do so to clear out what was in there.
Katie: We are losing in the standings.
Sandi: Never fear, she is a fast runner and can catch up. We have
the
cycling, the boating yet.
Katie: What place are we in?
Sandi: Well we are in ... ahem 100th from last.
Tami: Wow! I feel much better, let's go guys.
Tami starts to run like the blazes, she soon is in the middle of the
pack.
Rudy: Look up ahead, it is the cycling part.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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