Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says back to the subject of cow tipping from the archives.
Sir, your recent "Cow Chips" article re tipping cows:
I'd just like to point out that it's quite possible to drop a
standing cow, by placing index finger in one nostril of the cow,
thumb in the other, and twisting. The cow (whose nose is quite
sensitive) will follow the twisting pressure, until it falls over.
No other force required. I also have to point out that I'm
referring to the dairy animals on our farm, which were relatively
quiet and used to being handled, not half-wild beef animals.
But aside from that, many thanks for the on-going enjoyment your
emails afford me.
Thanks again Graham P Carey.
Ok folks there is no cow tipping permitted on this part of the
range, or buffalo tipping for that matter. Cow tipping if possible
can be harmful to the animal. Once on their side the cow will start
to bloat and even if it is able to get up may be affected by
pneumonia. If left down they can die in a matter of hours. Thereby
a drunken prank can turn into a crime where you owe several thousand
dollars for an animal that was minding its own business. To top it
off using the above method your fingers are going to be covered with
cow snot and these animal never blow their noses. I mean they don't
even use Kleenex. The CSI guys will come in and find cow mucus
under your nails and your in the pen and I hear they don't take
kindly to cow tippers in the dairy belt penal system.
buffalo says all of this said I think there is a way to tip the cow.
You can't do it with 4 legs on the ground but perhaps with enough
people and only three legs on the ground you could do it. First you
will need six people and a cow, not a bull, because bulls can really
upset. Five people on one side of the cow and one person on the
other with a long stick. You want to rub the cows stomach just in
front of her back leg. When she gets annoyed she will pick up her
back leg and try to kick you and the stick into the next 40 acres
and that is when the other five people give
her a shove. This will probably only work once so get it right the
first time because what cows lack in brains they can make up for in
revenge.
If anybody has a lot of time on their hands and wants to build a cow
simulator, I will be happy to print your results.
Yo Buff,
Sorry to bust yer bubble, Dude, but I've been cow tippin' and so has
my son
along with a bunch of his buddies. It is not urban legend.
We lived on a ranch for several years and it is real and really
funny.
Very very difficult as they sleep very lightly and you have to be
absolutely
silent up to the very last second. I would give a bunch of drunken
frat boys little
or no chance of success. Also, we are talking about Beeves, not
Holsteins
or Herefords. The whole body weight to height distribution equation
is completely
different. Also, I do agree it is dangerous, not only for the cow
but for the tippers.
One of my son's buddies narrowly avoided being kicked in the head on
one outing.
MeatMan
buffalo says I am reminded of a friend called Big Rick. People used
to
describe him as strong back, weak mind. Rick said one time that the
cops really hated him because he had rolled someone's old station
wagon.
I asked him how he had done it, and he said, " I just grabbed it and
rolled it over on it's side." I think Rick could have probably
tipped a cow.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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1991."
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Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?
Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is your gay son the fruit of your loins?
Nadine: Were your parents upset when you got a divorce? Jill: Well,
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Why did God give women nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
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- - - - - - - - - -
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Parting Chips
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Bonus Chip
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1589
Tami and the Games
Tami: Katie you want me to do what?
Katie: Rudy and Sandi are going to have a boxing match. I thought
you wouldn't mind wearing a skimpy bathing suit and holding up the
number of the round between rounds.
Tami: I will do no such thing. It is beneath my dignity.
Katie: We will be on TV. We are going to have a large crowd.
Tami: I do not care.
Katie: I could pay you a lot.
Tami: How much?
Katie: Fifteen american dollars.
Tami: Hah!
Katie: Okay, fifty dollars for twenty minutes work.
Tami: Most fights last longer than that.
Katie: Rudy is going to take a dive in the third.
Tami: What?
Katie: We don't want him to get hurt with his jaw, his hip and
such.
One hundred dollars for twenty minutes work.
Tami: How much are you going to make Katie?
Katie looking at the sky...: Okay one thousand dollars for twenty
minutes and you do not have to wear a skimpy bathing suit. You just
need to wear a 'hot' evening gown.
Tami: Okay, I can do that, a strapless affair... one grand...
Katie flashes out a contract: Sign here...here.
here...
initial here...there.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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