THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
~ Winston Churchill
_________________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
It was a tough day yesterday here in beautiful
West Michigan. The weatherman was unkind to us:
and we suffered with temps over 90 degrees and
humidity that just would not quit. Needless to say
I did not accomplish a lot and Turk the dog, aka
Carlos the rat, was pouting because I did not take
him for an afternoon walk. He scolded me dutifully
and then took an extra long afternoon nap. I found
the window airconditioner worked just fine and decided
to follow Turk's example. One of the unfortunate
results of such a day is that it does mean "the Corner"
is a little less lengthy than normal. But then again,
maybe that is not such a tradgedy:)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
talking love doll
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h050.html
ahhhh....sorry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h051.html
you're absolutely right
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h052.html
there's a wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h053.html
its all over
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h054.html
I'll teach you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h055.html
an excuse
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h056.html
marriage penalty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h057.html
open range
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h058.html
flattery
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h059.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
You Bet Your Life with Marcia Brody
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9996.html
The World's Tiniest Horse
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9997.html
Shanana
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9998.html
tollbooth accident
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9999.html
Fast Lane - The Slide
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10000.html
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained
consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you
were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
"You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything,
but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't
find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've
got $9000 in insurance compensation coming, and we now have
the technology to build a new penis. They work great but
they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you
want. But this is something you should discuss with your wife.
If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she
might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you
decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be
disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping
you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes," says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."
_____________
Bob pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced,
"My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!"
"What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired.
"Last week," Bob explained, "I had to take a couple of sick
days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that
every time the milkman, the postman, the paperboy, the UPS man,
and several of the neighborhood guys came by, she'd run down the
driveway, waving her arms and hollering,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"
___________
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly
realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"
The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket
and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more
pair... try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal
and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank
the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my
aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue."
____________
Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a little stroll
in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine. As they walked,
they come across a sign that read, "Beauty contest for the most
beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White.
After half an hour, she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
"I won First Place !," said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see another sign. It says,
"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
"I won First Place, too," answers Superman.. "Did you ever have a doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a third sign that says, "Contest!
Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio quickly enters the contest. After half an hour, he
returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.
___________
At dawn, the telephone rings. "Hello, Señor Humphrey?
This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Sí, that's the one."
"That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work
pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....?!! But there's electricity at the house!!!!
What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and
I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger
Woods Nike Driver."
Silence...
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're fired!"
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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