Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the
highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the
window. The driver of the car opens the window,
"Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
The biker drives on until he sees another car.
While passing it, he knocks on the window. The
driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
Then suddenly there is a curve, and the biker
sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a
ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky
biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever
driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
buffalo says Ok the story is a little hard to believe but back
in the mid-70's my little brother borrowed my pick-up to take
a load of stuff up to Long Beach and left me his VW Super
Beetle to drive for the weekend. I took a ride into downtown
San Diego to see some friends and when I got ready to drive
back home I started the car and the lights were on high beams.
Last thing you want to do in Calif. is drive down the freeway
with your brights on as someone will shoot you to voice their
displeasure if the police don't get you first. I searched the floor
several times looking for a dimmer switch and played with the
headlight switch and nothing worked so I started asking passer-bys
if they knew how to dim the lights. Before the Horton Plaza was
built if you were a block off Broadway you were in an area of
rundown
bars and hotels and this wasn't like doing the street shout out on
Cash Cab. Finally about the tenth wino that stopped was able
to tell me it was in the turn signal wand.
Anyhow enjoy your weekend.... buffalo
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Jumper Chips
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A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the
collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie
to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and
discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper
cables in his trunk.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a
fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He
goes back to the restaurant.
The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then
says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, ....
1. "just don't start anything."
2. "just don't do anything shocking"
3. "as long as you pay cash. We don't accept charges."
4. "I guess so. I checked your tab. And you're current."
5. "just don't try to jump any of the girls."
6. "just keep positive."
7. "No cable.... We have a satellite dish...."
8. "I'm not going to server you... obviously you're already
wired!"
9. "This is a rough crowd... be careful you don't get jumped!"
10. "You're late... the booster club meeting was yesterday!"
11. The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then
says, "What's that supposed to be?" Man replies, "This is a power
tie."
12. "Fine, just don't be forcibly jumping anybody tonight!"
13. "Fine, just don't be coupling in public, because if you arc,
other customers might find it to be an electrifying experience."
14. "I didn't mean to jump on you earlier."
15. The bounser looks him over and asks, "Why are you wearing that
cable" The man answers, "I don't want to talk about it. I'm
terminally ill."
16. "just don't start anything." If he did, could he be charged
with battery?
17. "just don't do anything shocking or revolting.
18. "as long as you pay cash. We don't accept charges." At least,
not at the current time.
19. "but are you facing any battery charges?"
20. And he said: "Are you positive I can enter?"
21. "Do you get Cable in here?"
22. "You're a reVOLTing fellow."
23. "Do you have an anti-acid I could take? I'm really drained."
24. "I'm surprised that they even let you in the door.. There is a
BIG sign just inside the doorway that reads: 'THIS IS A DRUG-FREE
EsTABLISHMENT' and you, sir, are obviously wired!"
25. "I'm wearing this because the last time I ordered Tequila here,
you served it with a salt and battery."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
there's a wife
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Tennis Chips
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A very sad day for tennis....
Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of
her breasts.
Halep, 17, is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after
winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the
junior French Open last year.
But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD
bust is holding her back.
"This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation," Halep said.
"The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."
"It's the weight that troubles me (and) my ability to react
quickly," she added.
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Cigar Chips
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A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of
rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get
this ... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire
stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a
single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated
that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal
fashion.
The man sued... and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge
stated that since the man held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and
also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire,
without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his
loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process,
the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid
the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance
company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of arson! With his
own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of
intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24
consecutive one-year terms!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bible Chips
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An out-of-towner becomes friendly with Thelma, the waitress in his
hotel coffee shop, and invites her up to his room.
She is indignant.
The guy says, "Don't get excited. This is all in the Bible."
Thelma is appeased, and after her shift they go out and have a few
drinks. Again the man invites her up to his room, and again she is
angry.
The man explains, "It's in the Bible."
An hour later they're in the guy's hotel room and he suggests they
undress and have some fun. He assures Thelma that it isn't sinful
since it's in the Bible.
"Where?" she says. "Where does it say that?"
Taking the Bible from the hotel nightstand, he opens it to the front
cover where someone has written, "Thelma the waitress is a great
lay."
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Short Chips
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Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island,
with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under
a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some
traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle
breeze caressing my tanned body.
I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom.
Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me
to keep teaching.
Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the
sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as
he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up,
walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I'm sick of sports, I'm sick of TV," she replied. "You haven't
touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"
"OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think
Brett Favre gets laid?"
A couple go to the courthouse to get a marriage license and the
clerk asks the girl her name and she says Mayree.
He says you mean Mary don't you.
She says no, all my folks call me Mayree. The clerk says whats his
name and she says Arnie.
He says you mean Ernie.
She says no we all call him Arnie. The clerk told her that she sure
was a big husky girl and big enough to play with the Green Bay
Packers.
She said I don't play with anybody's packer but Arnies.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Before Autumn
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc2/BeforeA.html
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
You are The ONLY YOU God Has
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html
Elephants
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/Elephants2.htm
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Surfin Surfari
Payscale
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Do Not Mail
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Here's Your Frog
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New Office Policy
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Dizzy Dots
http://www.wormworks.org/tags/dots/index.php
Photo Montage
http://www.wormworks.org/tags/photo/index.php
LingoLinda.com
http://www.lingolinda.com/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.chewydog.com/
Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Pub Drive
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RC Cooler
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Rubber band
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Satin Sheets
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Saying Goodbye
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Capoeira Fighter
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Cell Phone Popcorn
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Chinook Water
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Cincy Choir
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012116.htm
Does This Happen To You In The Morning
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Little Johnny Chips
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One day Little Johnny went walking
around to check out his surroundings
and found a farmer selling chickens.
Little Johnny went over to the farmer
to see how much he was selling them for.
The farmer asked him if he wanted a
male or a female. Little Johnny asked
for both. So the farmer said, "Here you
go, one cock and one pullet."
Little Johnny got confused, and asked
him what he meant. The farmer said,
"A cock is a male chicken and a pullet
is a female chicken."
Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on
his way with two chickens one under
each arm. A bit further down the road
he saw a donkey for sale.
He went to the man who was selling it
to find out how much it was. The
man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."
Little Johnny replied, "No, I want
the donkey out side in your yard."
The man just said, "That's an ass."
Little Johnny, new to these terms,
just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.
As he was leaving the man yelled out,
"Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about
going over hills, so you have to scratch
him behind the ears to get him going
again."
So Little Johnny is going back home
and the donkey stops dead in its
tracks and he can't get it to move.
He can't scratch its ear because he
would have to drop one of the chickens
and it would run away.
So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell
at the donkey. While he is doing this a
beautiful woman walks up and asks him
if he needs help.
(Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try
to impress this beautiful woman by using
my new terms that I learned today.)
So Little Johnny turns to the woman and
says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and
pullet while I scratch my ass?"
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Toon Chips
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blood pressure
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blove
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blow 2
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blow kenny
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blow drying
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Limerick Chips
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The once was a girl named Straight
Whose pussy smelled like bait!
Whenever Jeff pounds her
The room reeks of flounder
Her twat, she needs to refrigerate.
~~~~~
There once was a lady from Wooster
Who dreamt that a man had seduced her
She awoke with a scream
To find was a dream
And a bump in the mattress had goosed her.
~~~~
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle
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Tiger Direct Exclusive Offers
These offers are only for special groups like the Herd.
There are special prices on computers, laptops. monitors
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tomorrow or navigate to the item. Most of my gear came
from Tiger Direct and they are at the top of my list trust-wise.
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Parting Chips
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A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life
is deteriorating rapidly.
The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce
excitement, guilt and so on into the process.
He ponders this for a few days and hatches
a plan.
"Well," he says to the doctor a week ago, "I did
everything you suggested. The boss let me leave
work an hour early. I sped home and I skidded
all the way up the driveway. I slammed open the
door, charged into the house and found Sheila in
the living room.
I stripped her naked and we went to it on the
coffee table."
"And did you enjoy it?" asked the doctor
enthusiastically.
"Well," says the guy slowly and thoughtfully,
"Somewhat, but the Bible group thought it was
really neat."
Randy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1847
Once a Knights Enough
Rudy: Whoa! Don't eat me Tami!
Sandi: Yawn... What are you talking about Rudy.
Katie: Woke me up from a nice dream Rudy, I was in my Rolls Royce.
Val: What's the deal Rudy?
Rudy: I was, you were, we were... oh it was complicated.
Sandi: You must have had a nightmare Rudy.
Rudy: I'll say.
Just then Tami leans over the fence and has flames coming our of her
barbque pit. Anyone want to share some of my extra food?
Sandi: Sure thing!
Katie: Be right over!
Val: I am on the way!
Rudy: I will pass.
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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