Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Thinking back on grade school today it was lucky that any
of us survived recess. I am not talking about the lead paint
on the playground equipment, that was the least of our worries.
Back then we had three actual recesses one in morning and afternoon
that were 20 minutes long and one with lunch for an
hour. You were encouraged to play outside in all but the foulest of
the weather and the teachers took turns out there with us but we
still managed to pull some dangerous stunts.
The favorite game at the swings once everyone found out that you
couldn't do a 360 around the pipe on the swing was to see who could
fly the farthest when they let go of their swing at the
end of the arc. There was some sand under the swings but once you
got away from that it was good old Michigan Glacial Soil, full of
clay and hard as bricks when dry. To make things more
interesting, there were rocks the size of softballs mixed in here
and there. You could spend all fall picking them up and the frost
would force up another batch.
No one ever got hurt on the swings, not so on the football field. We
played full contact football in junior high back then. No pads or
helmets, just stop the guy with the ball. At least that's how it
went till one of the guys got his leg broken. Then it was touch
football at least when there was a teacher around.
They hadn't invented the Frisbee yet when we were in grade school
but we had a substitute, the tops of the large cans that were in the
dumpster for the kitchen. Never mind the fact that they were razor
sharp and some came back at you like a boomerang at least no
one was dumb enough to catch one.
You resolved all your arguments with a fight, some with an audience
and some without but there was never a need for guns, knives, or
clubs, it was one on one and the winner won and the loser lost and
the worse consequences was a black eye or a bloody nose. If the
argument was in school, there was boxing gloves and a teacher to
referee which was to be avoided because the loser didn't want
his whole class to see it.
Last but not least was dodge ball. If you were luck you got nailed
quickly and went over and sat down before you had a bunch of people
trying to get you. They always threw some half empty volleyballs in
there too that you could grab onto and wing across the gym. They
left a welt when they hit you but nothing as bad as dodge ball in
the pool. Combination of bare skin and water made it sting all the
worse.
Oh well we all got through alive or at least I hope you did. Feel
free to share your memories of recess..
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
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Masturbation Chips
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If you're a girl
1) Get something small if it's your first time, like a lip gloss
container. Make sure it's got a rounded tip.
2) Put a little water on it.
3) Get yourself on the ground or your bed. Make sure you're
comfortable.
4) Put your feet up on something. Make sure they are higher than
your head. Spread your legs.
5) For the ultimate experience, relax first. Just lay there.
Think about nothing. And DON'T BE NERVOUS.
6) Slowly begin to touch your breasts.
Feel them (have your eyes closed or open but if they are open make
sure you're not focusing on anything)
7) Keep one hand on your breast and slowly move the other one down
to your thigh.
Move your hand up and down your thigh while massaging your breast.
8) With your breast hand, slowly take the lip gloss container or
your object of choice. Your clit might start to get a weird feeling
like you really want to touch it. DON'T.
9) Tease yourself with the object by gently rubbing the spot between
your poop hole and vagina. This will drive you nuts. Slowly begin
to touch and massage the part right above the hole. (I suggest you
know where it is before you start all this.)
10) Rub for a while. Gently, occasionally harder but not too hard
yet.
11) At this point you should be aching to rub harder and just get
going. Again, don't. If you do not feel this yet, continue the
teasing, very gently.
12) Slowly move your fingers to the hole, don't put them in, but
just finger it softly.
13) Take your object and place it near the hole and your other hand.
Take your free hand off the hole and start to massage your clit
harder. (That's the spot above the hole)
14) Slowly stick the object in. Gently, it shouldn't feel good yet.
It might hurt a small amount going in. That means you've bumped a
sensitive spot. That's not a bad thing, just angle it a little and
keep going.
15) Once it's in as far as it can be without losing it to your
pussy, begin slowly moving it in and out a little. Don't take it
all the way out, just a little. Get faster, and faster. Start
massaging your clit HARD. Go nuts. You might feel like your on the
brink of an orgasm. You might have one. This feels very good.
16) Then stick it in all the way and start pushing it back and forth
hitting the sides of your hole. Faster, faster. Massage clit
again.
17) Repeat steps 15 and 16 as much as you want. If you take it out
for longer than 30 seconds, I suggest you excite yourself again with
the teasing. Since you have already done it, you're going to want
it worse.
18) I would stop with the lip gloss for now, don't go on to
something bigger. Save that for another night. You could be sore
after this but you shouldn't be unless you used something large.
If you're a boy
1)Read this.
2)Rub penis.
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Short Chips
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A little girl asks her Johnny, "Where do little girls come from?"
Johnny says, "They come from a hard-on."
The little girl then asks her Johnny, "Where does a hard-on come
from?"
Johnny says, "Girls!"
An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two
teenage boys in line behind him.
They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After
five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them
politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem.
With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?"
The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your
mother, she gave me a cookie."
(Supposedly true story). Rita Garcia has fessed up after bragging
to friends about how she got even with her ex.
Garcia broke into her estranged husband's apartment and located
unused condoms in a drawer. She carefully opened a condom and put
peppered chili powder in one, resealed it and waited for the
results.
After a moment of passion with his 19-year-old girlfriend, Pedro was
rushed to the hospital with his manhood on fire.
Rita, upon her being charged with second degree assault said, "He
wanted hot sex with that 19-year-old and he's now had it."
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Nun Chips
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Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet
pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly
appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man!
Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the
offensive.
"How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself?
How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink. if you still believe afterwards that
it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit
outside this public house drinking?" "I'll get the barman to put it
in a teacup for you, them no one will know" The Nun reluctantly
agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and
a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to
the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no!
It's not that drunken lush Nun again is it?"
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Shrimp Chips
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A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimp,
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After he had gobbled a few of them down a woman opposite him said,
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He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the
window and eating the shrimp. Finally he finished the bag and
settled back for a little sleep.
The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear
while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her
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After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you
stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"
"It's got nothing to do with you," replies the woman, "I've paid my
fare and I'll do what I want on this train."
At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of
the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train
alarm cord.
The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined $200
for that!"
To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years after the
police smell your fingers."
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were
going to try something different to help everyone get to know each
other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of
your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he
was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first." Marcy replied, "My
father is a banker.
B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny
new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go
next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and
if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said,
"My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..." Before he
could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and
told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When
he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try
again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be
acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to
go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie.
B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds
Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
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Toon Chips
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I'll Have the Brown Crap
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Limerick Chips
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A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.
There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood
The question's not woody but could he?
There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.
Ross
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Parting Chips
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One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go
around the world, granting people their fondest wishes.
First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking
Englishman.
He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and
I will grant it to you."
The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion
you ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair!
I'm just as good as he is!
Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well, I want
you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."
The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically.
The Englishman was delighted.
Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The
genie asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said,
"My cousin Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I
don't have a wife at all. It's not fair!
Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I want you to give
me a wife even more beautiful than Pierre's."
The genie snapped his fingers, and a beautiful woman appeared. The
Frenchman was delighted.
Next, the genie went to Chicago, where he saw a sad-eyed American.
The genie asked him what he wanted most in life. The American
answered, "My cousin Marty has the most beautiful sports car you
ever saw, but I don't have a car at all.
It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such
a beautiful car and not me?
I want you to give me a sports car even nicer than Marty's."
The genie snapped his fingers, and a deluxe Maserati appeared. The
American was delighted.
Next, the genie went to Tokyo, where he saw a sad-looking Japanese
man.
He asked the man what he wanted most. The Japanese man said, "My
cousin Kenji has a high-
paying job with the biggest corporation in Japan, and I can't find a
job at all.
It's not fair! I'm as good as he is. Why should HE have such a
great job and not me? I want you to give me a job even better than
Kenji's."
The genie snapped his fingers, and it was done.
Finally, the genie went to the Middle East, where he saw a
sad-looking Arab.
He asked the Arab what he wanted most in life. The Arab answerd,
"My cousin Abdul has the most beautiful flock of goats you ever saw,
while I don't have any goats at all.
It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is. Why should HE have such
beautiful goats and not me?"
The genie smiled and said, "So, you want a beautiful flock of your
own?"
The Arab snarled, "Of course not, you idiot! I want you to kill all
of Abdul's goats!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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