Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was Eva's day. Buffy took her up to Project Playground
to play for a couple of hours and she made some new friends
and burnt off some of that excess energy she has been storing
up.
Then Buffy took her to the parade and she collected a bag of
assorted candy and a bag full of advertisements from the various
political candidates and businesses, she actually did better
than last Halloween. I went through the candy and ads when she
got home and most of the ads were from Democrats. She got to
keep the candy but I threw the Kool-aid away.
A couple of hours later we went to the local fireworks at the Locks.
I parked the Jimmy a couple of blocks away and we put the
tailgate down and watched the show from there. A little less
spectacular but no pieces of burnt powder falling on your head.
We watched the finale as we pulled out of the parking lot and
avoided the traffic jam that usually lasts for about an hour.
We got home and had pulled pork sandwiches, potato salad,
and real watermelon for a midnight snack. Those seedless
basketballs just don't have the same taste as a 20 lb. heritage
watermelon. This is the first time I have seen them on the shelves
for years.
A little later Eva ran in screaming, " Lady Gaga stole my boyfriend
and I want him back." No clue about that. Eva went to bed shortly
after without even being asked so she had a good day except for
the Gaga incident.
Hope you had a good day too ... buff
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Santa Chips
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Signs Santa is Sick of Christmas
Now relies on a quick Google image search to see if you've been
naughty.
Good, bad or on the fence - everyone gets an AOL CD in their
stocking this year.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Yadda, yadda,
yadda...."
Sticker on sleigh: "How's my flying? Call 1-800-eat-sugarplums"
Former "Naughty/Nice" databases merged into a single "Whatever"
database.
Turns Ms. Claus out to work the corner next to the Salvation Army
bell ringers.
At midnight on Christmas Eve, gift certificates to Amazon.com
magically appear in the email in boxes of good girls and boys.
New policy this year: Only strippers allowed on his lap.
Hey, kid - them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal!
On his personal Christmas list: A George Foreman Grill and "The
Ultimate Reindeer Cookbook."
He's assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the
odd ones this year and the even ones next year.
This year's #1 stocking stuffers: Elf heads and Rudolph jerky.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
bed n breakfast
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oh father
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scratch n sniff
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Moses Chips
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Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot
pursuit.
Moses calls a staff meeting.
"Well, how are we going to get across the sea?" asked Moses. "We
need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us."
"Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us
across," said the General Of The Armies, "but there's not enough
time - the Egyptians are too close."
"Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across,"
said the Admiral Of The Navy, "but time is too short."
"Does anyone have a solution?" asked Moses.
Just then, his Public Relations man raised his hand.
"You!" said Moses, "You have a solution?"
"No," said the PR man, "but I can promise you this: If you
can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three
full pages in the Old Testament..."
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Fireworks Chips
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Seventy-Five Fireworks You Don't Want To Be Messing With....
- Golden Showers
- No Fuse!
- MTV's Jackass Starter Set
- Run Kitty! (Banned In USA)
- Charlton Heston's Peacekeeper
- Florescent Bulb Blasters
- Spirit of Seventy Bics (Recording of Free Bird Included)
- Devil's Eyewash
- Simpering Widow
- Flying Digits
- Exhaust Pipe Lotus
- Lucky Bastard
- Stink Snakes
- Mob Family Reunion
- Dazzling Super Concussion Grenade
- Dixie Lawn Cross
- Yankee Doodle Debris
- Billie Holiday's "Cigarette Oxygen Tent" (heroin not Included)
- Don't Put This In Your Mouth - Wink Wink!
- Blistering Flesh Flowers
- Dante's Suppositories
- Asthma Aggravators
- Smoldering Monkey Fur
- Forearm-egeddon!
- Star Spangled Seizure
- Mr. Toad's Meth House
- Vehicular Flambé
- Slumlord Water Heater Fireball
- God's Will
- Flaming Cardboard From Heaven
- Look, Ma! No Thumbs!
- Magma Facial
- Pothole Poppers
- Rain Of Frightened Birds
- Baby Bottle Rockets
- Tony Robbins' Empowering Inferno
- Pepper Spray Spritzers
- Nuclear Winter Wonderland
- Fun Fire Tire
- Shrieking Hobo
- Mutually Assured Destruction (small and large)
- Orange Safety Cone Road Volcano
- Piccolo Pipe Bomb
- Flagtastic Tee-Pee Torch
- Wannabe Weekend Warrior
- Junior Terrorist
- sixty Eardrum Splitters
- seven hundred Gutter Busting Curb Cloggers
- six Philadelphia Blunts
- Uncle Sam's Inflamed Rectum
- Mustard Tears
- Pissed-Off Neighbor
- Magic Rotten Smell
- Rug Burners
- Shirtless Bystander Barrage
- Intergalactic Race Riot
- Ultimate Pyro Plum Thunder Hen Jamboree
- Spy Plane Apology
- White Trash Block Party
- Bedridden All Summer Long
- Capital Funishment
- Stack-O-Old-Newspapers
- Defective Stunt Squibs (banned in Hollywood)
- Doggie Bladder Tester
- Couch-On-Fire, Hidden Dragon
- thirty Knuckle Spreaders
- Musical Lawn Chairs
- Spyro-Gyra-Technics
- twenty Homeroom Raiders
- Sweatshop Fiasco
- Incontinent Panda Mystery Geyser
- Bacon Fat in a Coffee Can
- Big Noisy Ninja
- Apocalypse Now - Potato Salad Later
- fifty Oily Rags
- Garbage Man's Nightmare
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Honeymoon Chips
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Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't
afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also
couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with
their new hubbies.
The night of the honeymoon, the mother got up because she couldn't
sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard
screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard
laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she
couldn't hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest
daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?"
The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I
should scream."
"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you
laughing so much last night?"
The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled
you should laugh." "That's also true." Then the mother looked at her
youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"
The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never
talk with my mouth full."
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Viagra Chips
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A well respected San Francisco psychoanalyst raises the following
question in the hopes that Talmudic scholars might think more about
it: Is it okay for Jews to take Viagra on Shabbat?
One rabbi says that Jewish law forbids the ingestion of Viagra on
Shabbat, lest one violate the infraction of erecting a structure on
the Sabbath.
But another rabbi says that as a medication, which adds pleasure to
the Sabbath (not to mention the rest of the week), it is
permissible.
However, taking Viagra is taboo during Passover - as well as any
other agent that causes things to rise.
Which raises (you'll excuse the expression) yet another question:
What blessing does an observant Jew say before taking the Viagra
pill?
There is a choice of three blessings:
1. Boruch Atah HaShem zokeif k?fuffim -- Bless you Lord for
straightening those who are bent.
2. Boruch Atah HaShem yaaleh vyavo -- Bless you Lord for causing
things to arise and come.
3. Boruch Atah HaShem mechayel hameitim -- Bless you Lord for
raising the dead.
Amen.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Poets Heart
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc/A_Poets_Heart.html
John w/ Rock Around The Clock (1954) Bill Haley & The Comets
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What's Great About America
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
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Harvest The Wind
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Legends Of America
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Indian Teacher Explaining the Word *uck
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Instant Justice Mega Mix
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Islamic Stripper
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Gun Control Witness
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Gunslinger
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Hammer Guy
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Happy Penguin
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BP Chips
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By now you've heard what [President Obama] told NBC's Matt Lauer
[about the BP oil leak]. "I don't sit around just talking to experts
because this is a college seminar," Obama told Lauer. "We talk to
these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I
know
whose ass to kick, right?"
It's like a "Tonight Show" joke.
Leno: "The president is so dorky ..."
Audience: "How dorky is he?"
"He's so dorky, when he gets angry he convenes a panel of experts to
tell him whose ass to kick."
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Toon Chips
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Almost done
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Almost there
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Alone
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Men And Women
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New Medal
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American
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Limerick Chips
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In marriage there's often a glitch,
When you find out you married a bitch,
She once was quite nice,
All sugar and spice,
Now she's an evil old witch
__________________________
How bitter was Joseph's existence
When he found that his girl friend's insistence
Meant that he'd have to wed her
Before he could bed her.
She was simply a piece de resistance.
__________________________
It's easy to please young Miss Flattery,
She wants not a hat from the hattery,
Nor shoes alligator,
But for her vibrator,
She's thrilled with the gift of a battery.
<Snagged by>
Ross
PROUD father of am American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a little party last night with several other couples.
We started playing a game, answering trivia questions similar to
Trivial Pursuit — and of course I joined in.
I was doing quite well, (clever as I am) easily being able to answer
most the questions.
I lost out on winning the game by one point. :-(
The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"
Apparently it's Africa.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1832
The Pickup
BJ: Sandi I have to ask.. I noticed all the while in the pickup you
were
grinning. What is the deal?
Sandi: I don't know, but I really like riding in this vehicle. It
is better
than the car.
Katie: I prefer the car father.
BJ: Maybe Sandi is more of a country girl Katie.
Sandi: Maybe that is true, but I did not feel car sick like I
usually do
in the truck. I kind of would like to ride in the back Daddy.
BJ: Nope, too dangerous ole girl. Can't have you bouncing out of
the
truck. It probably would not happen, but if it did, I would never
forgive myself.
Katie: Give me a Ferrari any day. Father do they make Ferrari
pickups?
BJ: I seriously doubt that Katherine.
Sandi: Can I sleep in the bed of the pickup tonight Daddy?
BJ: Yes, it would be fine with me, except you would miss sleeping
in
the King-size bed with me.
Sandi: I suppose you would not consider sleeping in the bed of the
pickup?
BJ: No, too hot, too hard.
Sandi: Then, I will sleep with you.
Katie: Good grief.
The herd (well half of it)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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