Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I keep getting complaints every month that I forgot a holiday on my
list of Bizzare Holidays so this month Jim sent me one that contains
both recognized and obscure holidays. All you have to do is provide
food and beverages and you have 31+ reasons to party.
1 Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month
1 Canada Day
1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day
1 International Joke Day
2 I Forgot Day
2 World UFO Day
3 Compliment Your Mirror Day
3 Disobedience Day
3 Stay out of the Sun Day
4 Independence Day (U.S.)
4 National Country Music Day
4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day- Hmmmm, I wonder why!?!
5 Work-a-holics Day - even though everyone is on holiday
6 National Fried Chicken Day
7 Chocolate Day
7 National Strawberry Sundae Day
8 Video Games Day
9 National Sugar Cookie Day
10 Teddy Bear Picnic Day
11 Cheer up the Lonely Day
11 World Population Day
12 Different Colored Eyes Day
12 Pecan Pie Day
13 Barbershop Music Appreciation Day
13 Embrace Your Geekness Day
13 Fool's Paradise Day
14 Bastille Day
14 Pandemonium Day
14 National Nude Day
15 Tapioca Pudding Day
15 Cow Appreciation Day- Go out and give a cow a hug
16 International Juggling Day
17 Peach Ice Cream Day
17 Yellow Pig Day
18 National Caviar Day- something's fishy here
19 National Raspberry Cake Day
20 Moon Day
20 National Ice Cream Day (third Sunday of the month)
20 Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing
21 National Junk Food Day
22 Hammock Day
22 Ratcatcher's Day
23 National Hot Dog Day
23 Vanilla Ice Cream Day
24 Cousins Day
24 Emilia Earhart Day
25 Culinarians Day
25 Threading the Needle Day
26 All or Nothing Day
26 Aunt and Uncle Day
27 Parent's Day - fourth Sunday in July
27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day
28 National Milk Chocolate Day
29 National Lasagna Day
30 National Cheesecake Day
30 Father-in-Law Day
31 Mutt's Day
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Married Chips
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Murray is a well-educated bachelor who feels ready to marry and
settle down. But he's shy and finds it difficult to meet women. So
he's developed a great love of classical music and spends much of
his spare time going to concerts.
Meanwhile, Murray's parents have been searching for a suitable
shiddach (arranged marriage partner) for him. Then one day, to
their great relief, two potential candidates come onto the scene at
the same time.
After talking to the two young ladies, his father has a word with
Murray.
"Murray, I think I may have found you a wife. I have been in touch
with two very acceptable, but quite different girls for you to
choose from and both say they are ready to marry. Let me show you
their photos."
The first photo is of a beautiful woman. "Rebecca," says his
father, "informs me that she has a talent for cooking great kosher
food _
her matzo_ball soup is supposed to be superb. She also keeps fit
with aerobics and Israeli dancing. But she left school at 15 and
admits to having no talent whatsoever for music."
He then shows Murray a photo of an ugly woman. She has what looks
like a moustache on her top lip, her neck is as thick as a
wrestler's neck, she has cross_eyes, her nose is crooked and her
lips are almost non_existent.
"Now Sadie," says his father, "might not be great looking but she
comes from a fine, noble family, has a first class degree from
Oxford University and has a wonderful operatic voice. She'll be
famous one day _ she showed me a Poster of a concert she's giving
soon at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden."
Murray studies the two photos. Although Rebecca is gorgeous, his
keen love of music wins him over and he chooses Sadie. Within
weeks, they marry.
On the first morning of their honeymoon, Murray awakes before Sadie.
He takes one look at that face staring up at him from their pillow,
shakes Sadie and cries out, "Sadie, for goodness sake, sing a little
something."
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the stork
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Get It Milked
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Get It Right
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Get Rid Of Ugly Wrinkles
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Short Chips
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A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife
had given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't going
to get any sex. They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be
able to hold out?" "Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of
the wrist."
The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood
received this inadvertently racy testimonial from a little old lady
who lived on a farm in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the
woman wrote, "I was too tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton.
But after only two bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become
the best cotton-picking hoer in the county!"
Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back
streets of Rome late one afternoon. As it turns dusk, the
increasing darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous.
She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come
this way before." The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones."
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blow job What
do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A Gladiator.
What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
So men can be open minded.
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Faux Chips
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In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated,
who made a large fortune by selling his design for a
bicycle chain. With this money he set about realizing
his childhood ambition to become a country squire.
He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish
border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to
live
in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.
Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a
well educated man who assisted his master in every way
he could to better himself. The master would often
ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social
situation, or to explain a new term.
One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves
in and asked, "Jeeves, what is this fox pass?"
"Sir," replied Jeeves, "that would be 'faux pas'.
I'll give you an example:
"Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady
Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you
remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom
pricked his finger on a rose?
"And do you further remember how later, at breakfast,
Lady Plushbottom asked her husband 'Is your prick
still throbbing dear?' and you said 'Christ!' and I
dropped the marmalade?
"That, Sir, was a faux pas."
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Short Chips
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A teacher asks an redneck girl to use "handsome" in a sentence. She
says, "When I'm suckin' dick and my jaw gets sore I use my handsome
time."
~
Wire Services Late Night Edition, San Francisco, California --
Police were called to the scene where Mr. Frank, an irrigation canal
repairman was found beaten to death in a back alley. Sam had been
dispatched to repair a leaking barrier which was supposed to be
keeping water out of a lower-than-sea-level apartment complex near
3-Com Candlestick park. Eyewitnesses described how he had
unknowingly entered a women's gay bar and asked the patrons where he
might find the crack in the dike.
~
The penis-enlarging pills my boyfriend bought online must be
working. At this point, he's a bigger dick than he was a few months
ago.
~
The 16 year old girl is going on her first date, and her mother
warns her not to let the boy put his hands up her dress. The girl
agrees, and the mother is reassured that her daughter will not let
the boy put his hands up her dress. The boy and girl go out, and
after a movie and a nosh they are parked in lover's lane. He makes a
move and tries to put his hands up her dress. She stops him once,
twice and three times. He's all disappointed. Then she tells him
why, "I promised my mother that I wouldn't let you put your hands up
my dress. But, you can put your hands down the back of my dress, and
it's the second hole you come to!"
~
As the turd said to the arsehole, "I don't ever want to go through
that again!"
~
A handsome advertising executive attended a party given by a female
colleague and left with an extremely attractive guest. In the office
the next morning, he thanked the hostess and explained that he
really liked her friend. "Oh, she's not really a friend of mine,"
the girl responded. "Just an acquaintance." "Well, in that case,"
the man chuckled, "I'm happy to have made your acquaintance."
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Alaska Chips
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Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says,
"Leena did you know there is 117,000 musk-ox in
Alaska?".
Lena says, "No, I didn't, Gee, you¹re smart".
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are
482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you¹re smart.
Ole says, "and Lena did you know there is over
2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska?"
"No", says Lena, "how did you get so smart?"
Sort of wondering how this conversation came
about in the middle of their sex play.
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out
of toilet paper and we had to use the pages out
of magazines?"
"Yes, I remember", says Lena.
Ole says, "Well you still have page 63 of the
National Geographic stuck to your ass."
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Price of Freedom
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Holiday2/OurFreedom.html
Someday I'll Go Home
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems57/Someday.html
Carolyn with/ Call On Jesus
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A Woman's Dream
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Your Real Age
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Classic Chevy Collection!
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Save The Words
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
2010 Bloggies Via Dianne
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Tulip Gifs
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How To: Pop Up Papers
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Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
Backpack Cat!
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Movie Links
6664
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AA.WMVPV
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Achmed Jingle Bombs
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AH L'Amour
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Bad To The Bone
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Max Porta Potty
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McDogo
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McElway Basketball
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Men Can't Multitask
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Men Invented Everything
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Short Chips
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Since Cameron was a flaming homosexual, all of his friends and
relatives were stunned when he got married, and even more when his
wife became pregnant. One day a group of them spotted Cameron on the
beach and they came right over. "So, Cameron, how'd it happen?"
asked one of them, with a wink at the woman's ballooning belly.
Cameron blushed and pointed to a good-looking hunk standing next to
his wife. "I have that marvelous young man to thank," he explained.
"Ah, so he's your wife's lover?" pursued the friend. "Not entirely,"
replied Cameron with a giggle and a grin. "He's our go-between."
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the
instruction, "Finish off on her face, " didn't mean what I thought
it did.
Sarah the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her she had
a husband for her. "I'm ashamed to bring this up," she said, "but
the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he
says, a sample." The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a
virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He
must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman. " The matchmaker, trying
to earn a fee, said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the
market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal, a sample."
The woman thought for a minute and then replied, "He's a business
man? So tell him I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him
50 or 60 references."
Stan Kegel
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Toon Chips
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baboons
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bed
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beer goggles
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before sex
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bitchin head
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bite my ass
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a man name Homer
Who had a kidney stone stuck in his boner.
He did scream and shout
When they yanked that sucker out.
And his piss shot all the way to Tacoma!
There once was a boy named Mark
Who liked to have sexual fun in the dark
One day his dad walked through the door
And Mark's vibrator fell to the floor
So now Mark vibrates his ass in the park.
There once was a man named Bob,
Who wanted an ass for his knob.
He bought an old whore,
Entered the backdoor.
He wishes she wiped, that slob.
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Parting Chips
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The other night my wife and I were making love when I heard her
yelling,... 'Climax! Climax!'
I asked her, "what's the big hurry?"
She replied, "I didn't say that. I thought it was you."
Then we both heard it again from the next apartment, 'Climax...So
nu
CLIMAX ! '
Later we found out the little old Jewish lady who lives next door
was
teaching her parakeet Max to go up a ladder.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1828
Caldwell
Katie: So this is our house huh? It doesn't look like much.
Diana: Everyone inside please.
The dogs zoom around inside the house checking all the rooms.
Rudy: Hey there are no couches or chairs. No beds to speak of.
Where
am I supposed to sleep?
BJ: On the floor until I move furniture here. I will be moving
one load
a week. It will take time but it will get done.
Sandi: Daddy brought the small bed and a fouton this trip Rudy.
Rudy: Frumpt! I am used to the king-sized bed and his recliner.
Katie: Look at the size of that doggie bed!!!
Val: Wow it is the hugest one I have ever seen.
Diana: We have two fouton mattresses and we thought you guys
would like one for a doggie bed.
Rudy... thud!
BJ: I think he likes it.
Sandi: Hey come check out the back yard!
The dogs rush to the back yard.
Katie: Smallish.
Sandi: It will do.
Rudy: Toots was right, only two steps in this house. I will like
that.
Sandi: I can not hunt and kill here like I could in Guthrie.
BJ: We have to make sacrifices girl.
Sandi: Show me your man-cave Daddy.
To be continued
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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