THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
No one is listening until you fart.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of
free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail
to five other people, when I ran into a friend whose neighbor,
a young man, was home recovering from having been served a
rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is
predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual
chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government
made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, one day this guy
went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it
was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out
of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He
saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his
computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global
disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute
the $250 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of
Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass
e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a
free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the
e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911
from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave
the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense.
Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that
said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few
blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who
is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone
in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer
Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of
x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward
it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for
10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer
than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital,
but on the way he noticed another car driving without its
lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was
promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
which one
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g000.html
airport security
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g001.html
driving lessons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g002.html
somewhere in Texas
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g003.html
cleaning accident
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g004.html
the real story of Goldilocks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g005.html
candles
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g006.html
that's odd
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g007.html
how fights start
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g008.html
horny
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g009.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Wrinkled Ladies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9926.html
A Tour Of Detroit's Ghetto
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9927.html
polishing the bar
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9928.html
Tamara Lowe
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9929.html
pool jump
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9930.html
rice krispies-wav file
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9931.html
_______________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
prewar autos
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd234.html
quick shoot 2008
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd235.html
enjoy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd236.html
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and
appeared before Allah. He said, "Oh, Allah, I did
your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only
18 and spent all my time in terrorist training
school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of
72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually,
can I have 72 whores?" Allah regarded him for a
moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are
here in heaven because assholes like you murdered
them before they could experience the pleasure of
sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're
virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly,
you'll be on constant, exhausting duty." The bomber
responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How
hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all
eternity?" And Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"
___________
One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in
the blonde's new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulled in front
of them. The blonde then put her lips on the steering wheel.
The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask,
"What are you doing?!" The blonde calmly replied,
"I'm trying to blow the horn."
___________
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband
was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her
boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car
pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the
window. My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!'
she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain
is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and
jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the
pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into
the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running
along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried
to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small
group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity,
jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying
your clothes with you under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can
get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked,
'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope..just when it's raining.'
_____________
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter,
who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a
menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just
bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it
and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile
and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table
and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and
takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the
kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her
what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty
fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to
the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says,
"That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with
broccoli.
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks maybe the
blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the
next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The
blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him
coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this
fork around your crotch before I take it to the blind man." Mary
complies and hands her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and
waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I
already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and
says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here"
_____________
An astronomer went on an expedition to Africa to observe a
total eclipse of the sun. Unfortunately, cannibals captured
him the day before the eclipse was due. He hatched a plan out
of "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court:" he figured
he'd threaten to extinguish the sun unless he were released.
But of course the timing had to be just right.
So, in the few words of the cannibals' tongue that he knew,
he asked his guard what time they planned to kill him.
The guard answered, "Tradition has it that captives are killed
when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky so that they
may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal."
The astronomer thought, "Great," as the guard continued, "But
in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
_________________
Chinook Water
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1251.htm
Circus Monte Carlo
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12.htm
An Unusual Gun
http://www.buffaloschips.com/11.htm
_____________
FUN PAGES
Youda Sushi Chef
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41818&s=n
Super Mario Sunshine 64
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41596&s=n
Freestyle With Footballs
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38551&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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