Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives There is a problem with trying to improve gas
mileage on vehicles in the Great White North and that is rust. When
you try to raise mileage more parts are replaced with plastics,
aluminum, and composites but to keep the car economical you still
have to use steel for some of the body panels and frame and drive
components.
The less steel a car has the sooner the body will lose its rigidity,
doors won't close, gear shifts will stick and the car becomes
impossible to drive.
The heavier a vehicle the longer the body will last and this holds
true in cars as well as pick-ups. You will see a variety of newer
foreign pick-ups from the 80'w and 90's running around with wood
flatbeds on them because it is easier to build a new bed than try to
patch together the old one. American vehicles seem to have made a
little more progress in the use of double galvanized metal and under
coatings but I was reminded today of my brother Ron's 73 Chevy
pick-up that had a severe case of cancer.
The box sides of the pickup had the supports gone out of them and
they flapped like a dogs ears in the breeze as he drove down the
road.
Finally he took an axe and chopped through the thin metal on the
sides and left only the floor there. It wasn't long though before
the floor was gone too though and the truck had no traction because
there was no weight on the back tires. Ron was out working in the
woods and he cut the floor out and chained a 36 in. log to the
frame rails and nailed the plate and taillights to the log so
technically he had a legal vehicle. Ron was well known by the State
Police as a Joker and he wasn't surprised when he got pulled over.
The policeman asked, "
What exactly do you call what you're driving today, Ron?" Ron told
him, "It's a log truck." Fortunately Ron found a newer vehicle
shortly after that and the log was consigned to a firewood pile.
Hope you enjoy the Chips...Buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its Like Grass Seed On Steroids:
The Patch Perfect growing secret is its powerful fertilizer
mulch cocoon, that surrounds each seed, soaking up and retaining
water.
It's like each seed has its own eco system, for faster, healthier
germination.
Addition Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschips.com/patper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever wonder what is the fastest thing on earth? An office manager
was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who
were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them
only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The
day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT.
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked The second man. "Hmm....let me see. A
blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the
interviewer. "The blink of an eye...
that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an
instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think
of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he
said.
Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question. The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous
answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can
explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants!" HE
GOT THE JOB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
going to the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g027.html
atta boy!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g028.html
at least 30 minutes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g029.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nancy kind of liked Bob, the bartender down at the shore and was
flirting with him for a couple of days. She ordered a drink and was
going to pay for it, and she said jokingly, "This money is all wet,
is it still good?"
Bob said, "I don't know, would you be good if you were wet?"
One evening I had to attend a business meeting, and so I left my two
sons with John.
He cooked dinner and later, while cleaning up, called out, "Does
your mom have any SOS?"
Apparently not hearing him clearly, my 16-year-old in the other room
said, "Yeah, once a month."
Ruthy: "Oh Jill. This new guy I'm dating is sooooo romantic.
Every time he speaks to me, he starts with, 'Fair Lady'."
Jill: "Romantic my ass! Don't you know he used to be a bus driver."
According to a new book called "The Hardness Factor," carrots,
bananas and cucumbers are just as effective as Viagra for men.
Actually, depending on the size of the carrot, banana or cucumber,
you might not even need the man. - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Salute the U.S.A. with an Ultimate Charm Bracelet!
Show your devotion to the Stars and Stripes!
Celebrate the U.S.A. this inaugural season with the ultimate
patriotic charm bracelet exclusively from The Bradford Exchange. 20
star-spangled charms, including 3 engraved charms, gleam with 24K
gold-plated accents, genuine Swarovski(R) crystals, and red, white
and blue enamel.
More about the Ultimate Patriotic Charm Bracelet:
- An exclusive fine jewelry design you won't find anywhere else
- Distinctive quality you can wear with pride
- Meticulously crafted for years of enjoyment
- Custom-designed jewelry packaging included
DON'T DELAY.
Intense demand is expected for this exquisite jewelry and quantities
are limited.
Click this link now!
http://buffaloschips.com/patbrac
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I applied for a job today the company has a woman CEO. They require
all men to take a test to see if they would fit in. Here it is..
How did you do?
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out
about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the
tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that
sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure
you really are a man.
If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're
still a little confused.
If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go
drinking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tiger Direct Exclusive Offers
These offers are only for special groups like the Herd.
There are special prices on computers, laptops. monitors
etc. If you don't see what you need today check it again
tomorrow or navigate to the item. Most of my gear came
from Tiger Direct and they are at the top of my list trust-wise.
http://buffaloschips.com/exoffers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nail Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of
her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her
father what she needs to do. He says to hammer a
nail with a large head on it into the wall where
she wants her picture to be located.
After searching endlessly for a "nail with a
large head on it" she gives up and goes out to
buy one.
When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty
looking man with his eyes popped out of his head
once she entered. Not knowing her way around a
hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.
"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"
He answers, "I have something with a large head
that would be happy to nail you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right to Bare Legs - Get smooth, sexy legs that look airbrushed to
perfection.
The right to bare legs allows your own skin tone to glow through for
a perfect blend and natural look for your legs. It goes on smoothly,
evenly, and quickly with a sponge applicator. It's also waterproof,
sweat proof, and wont rub off on your clothes.
Right To Bare Legs moisturizer! Effectively conceal spider veins,
sunspots, birthmarks, bruises and even tattoos!
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/bare
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhh Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The
eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor,
and the youngest got the bottom floor.
A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over
his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard
the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the
noise they'd heard last night was.
He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his
girlfriend the next night.
During that night, the two other brothers heard the following
sounds:
Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last
night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran
across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over
his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the
following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his
room was.
So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the
room.
Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FREE Sample Offers for Summer--Weekly!
Sign up for our newsletters and receive FREE sample offers in your
inbox weekly.
Get Sample Offers Now ->
Copy and paste the link below into your browser's address bar:
http://buffaloschips.com/sumamp
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Unchanging Glory
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/B/Un.html
From Kathryn/The Ol' Fishin' Hole
http://adreamandasmile.com/Summer/Fishin_Hole.html
Carolyn with/ And I Love You So ~Elvis~
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/andiloveyouso.html
Carol w/TBF
http://www.carolspoetry.com/tbf.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Low vitamin D levels 'linked to Parkinson's disease'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/10601091.stm
Take Me Back To The Sixties Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/3cj8n8
Spiders, Ticks, Biting Mites
http://www.ent.orst.edu/urban/Spiders.html
CrazyCiminals.com - Dumb Crimes
http://www.crazycriminals.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Wi-fi
http://www.usbwifi.orconhosting.net.nz/rvwifi.jpg
Graphics
http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/graphics-sitemap2.html
Sound Effects
http://www.wavsource.com/sfx/sfx.htm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
http://www.andreas.com/catman.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschips.com/restore
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Benny Hill Wishing Well
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9201.htm
Be Quiet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9202.htm
Best Casino Ad Ever
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9203.htm
Best First Dance At A Wedding
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9204.htm
Best Video Of The Year
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9206.htm
CCR Lorraine
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1236.htm
Cell Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1237.htm
Chick Em
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1238.htm
Child Proof Drawer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1239.htm
Children Fire Alarms
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12310.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I
warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the
owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost
us.
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A
warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw
the damage that was done:glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man
reclining on the couch asked, "A re you the people that broke the
window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
you. You see, I am a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle
for a thousand years." "Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to
grant three wishes.
I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the
last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He wondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it; it's the least I can
do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world."
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary, and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "What's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with
a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with
your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, Honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the
same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO SHIT... Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in
genies?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ride a Fat Boy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42513.htm
Bum Fuck Egypt
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42514.htm
Good Spanking
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42515.htm
No screwing in public restrooms
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42516.htm
Work For head
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42517.htm
Wicked Picture
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42518.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Encore Dental
-Plans for individuals and families
-Different levels of benefits tailored to fit your needs
-Major and basic services covered
-No claim forms to fill out
-Not a discount plan
-No waiting for reimbursement
Keep your own dentist too!
Protect their smiles and your wallet!
Encore Dental
Limited time, Internet offer.
http://buffaloschips.com/encore
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man named Ron Rice
Whose privates were ravaged by lice
He scrubbed and he scratched,
But still more were hatched
If you've had it, you know it ain't nice.
There was a man from Cuba
Who stuck his dick in a tuba
His newly wed bride
Blew on the other side
And his dick flew off to Aruba
There once was a young girl named Charlotte
Who made extra cash as a harlot
She screwed a producer
Who tried to seduce her
And now she's a Hollywood Starlet!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pasta Boat - Microwave Cooking Pasta Noodles Fast & Easy
Pasta Boat is the fast and easy way to cook, drain and serve perfect
pasta dishes in one microwaveable pot without the hassle!
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/boat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of
whiskey.
He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses.
The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: "Can your dog perform
other tricks?"
"But of course", the man answers, "he can even gratify a woman".
Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a
little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation
she lies down on the bed.
The dog looks at her and does nothing.
"It's always the same thing with you!" the man then shouts to the
dog, "I'll show you how to do it one last time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iRenew - New energy for life
Experience instant results the moment you begin using the iRenew
Energy Balance System products. You will get more energy, better
sleep, increase in strength, greater flexibility, enhanced balance
and healthier blood.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/rebs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1838
Who Are We?
The dogs are in the backyard in Caldwell and...
Sandi: So what are we...Caldwellites?
Rudy: Maybe we are Caldwellians?
Katie: I have this tune in my head 'The Caldwell Caldies'
Val: None of those sound good...eck!
Sandi: Let's have a vote. We need to have a name for us.
Rudy: Hear hear.
Katie: Where?
Val: How about people or dogs of Caldwell. It sounds simple.
Sandi: Remember we had to do that in Guthrie. We were not
Guthrieites, or Guthrians, just people/dogs of Guthrie.
Rudy: Yeah that's it. We will be simply dogs of Caldwell.
Katie: Case closed.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment