THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
The secret to staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly and lie about your age.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Are You Happy?
By Jane Powell
"Why delay your happiness?"
It's not unusual for us to postpone our pleasures and
happiness, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Do you place demands on your happiness like, "I'll be
happy when I lose 10 pounds," "I'll be happy when I
get a new job or new car," "I'll be happy when I find
the love of my life?"Why put off your happiness until
Friday night or Sunday morning or this summer or next
winter? The real fun in life is the journey – and
enjoying the present moment.If you find yourself
placing demands on your happiness, stop! You have a
right to enjoy life, right here, right now! As you do,
you'll be amazed by the joy of daily life.
Yesterday we asked the question of what do the f keys
do? Well after looking over all the answers, I think Gramps,
aka George, came up with the best answer when I asked
what the f keys are. He provided us with a very consise
answer with
http://www.compukiss.com/basics/function-keys-2.html
I actually learned a couple things myself. You might wanna
take a look at it.
My friend ginnie I think provided the cutest answer..
"the keys are there to make people crazy"
Thx Ginnie, that was a good one.
My thanks to all who wrote in to offer an answer to
the question!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
the new car
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f070.html
3 apples
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f071.html
can't have it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f072.html
a fifth grader
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f073.html
art class
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f074.html
pay attention
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f075.html
I have sinned
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f076.html
a morning after pill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f077.html
4.7 minutes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f078.html
candy is dandy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f079.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Swedish Chef - Meatballs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9949.html
a hot chick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9950.html
what about your bra
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9951.html
a million uses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9952.html
changing tires
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9953.html
a close shave
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9954.html
________________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
partners
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd246.html
skin at the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd247.html
Enjoy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd248.html
Really old photographs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd249.html
Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so
excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to
bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture on his
cell phone showed his wife sitting in one of the front seats.
Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jeff,
"It's fully loaded." Jim squinted at the picture. Having
never seen Steve's wife before, he asked, "Who's that?"
"Oh," said Steve with a grin, "my passenger-side wind bag!"
______________
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets
as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
- 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time
and you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting
you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.. You juss
ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced
and worldly, which he hopes will impress her..
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently
(and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back,
- 'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda
girls... Numbaa 69.'
More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually,
in a puzzled tone he asks her.....
- 'You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow pea?
_______________
An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked, 'What are you talking about? We're
both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'
He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world
makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'
____________
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher
was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch,
and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years.
Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100
of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this
newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too.
I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the
50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I
run him off, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far
you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of".
I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young
and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when a huge truck
pulled up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL
IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had
ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the
ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some
time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice,
anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of
if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM.
I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and
find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick.
Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making
sure he knows I'm a BULL!
______________
A fifth grade teacher was questioning her students use of
the word "like." She explained that, contrary to their
common use of it, "like" was not an adjective but a
comparison word. She then challenged them to think
up some similes to exemplify the lesson. This done,
she moved on to ask about other figures of speech.
"Class, what others can you think of?"
No one in the class could come up with anything, so
she prompted them with a couple of her own.
"How about metaphors and personification?" she asked.
"Aren't they examples?" Little Johnny raised his hand,
and when called upon said, "I know what a metaphor
is, but not personification." The teacher replied,
"What's the word to describe what I'm saying when
I point to that old willow tree and say 'He's saluting
us with his branches.' Or what if I asked the sun to
send us some sunshine? Or if I said 'That field of
tall grass is waving at us?' What word best describes
what I'm doing when I speak like that?"
Little Johnny thought a moment, then said,
"Hallucinating?"
______________
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting
drunk.A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you
sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk? The farmer
says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what
happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer
then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know,
today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got
the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it
over." "That's not so bad,what's the big deal?" The farmer
says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened?"
the man asked again. The farmer relenting, continued, "I took
her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope.
Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the
bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over."
"Again?" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked, intrigued. "I
took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right.
I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I
got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over
the bucket with her tail." "Wow, you must have been pretty
upset!" but that's no reason to just sit here getting all
depressed." The farmer says, "Some things you just can't
explain." "So then what else did you do?" the man asked again.
"Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and
tied her tail to the rafter. That's when my pants fell down
and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain !!!
BUFFALO BILL
Concert
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90912.htm
Hospital
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90913.htm
Plane Ride
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90914.htm
___________
FUN PAGES
Fishdom
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41716&s=n
Varmint Hunting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41507&s=n
Dead Love
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41408&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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