Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
16 miles south of us is the town of Kinross and the remains
of Kincheloe Air Force Base which closed about 25 years ago.
The property houses an airport, hospital, many small businesses
and 5 prisons collectively known as Kinross Correctional Facility.
Last week there was an attempted prison break by three convicts.
They overpowered a prison industries semi driver and stole his
truck and tried to crash through the fence. Although they damaged
the fence the truck was entangled and they left the truck where
one was shot and killed as he ran towards the hospital and the
other two hit the ground and were recaptured.
These were not nice people. The man who was killed was doing life
without parole for murdering five members of his family and another
had two murders and was also in there till the day he dies. The
third
would have been eligible for parole in fifteen years but he can
forget
that now.
My congratulations to KCF for a job well done. It helps me sleep
better at night knowing that they do their jobs well.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Poop Chips
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HOW TO POOPIE AT WORK We've all been there but don't like to admit
it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt
something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince
ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide
for taking a dump at work:
CROP DUSTING - When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesn't know where it came from Be careful when you do this. Do not
stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet
to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen If you are standing next to the farter in
the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.
It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing
makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK - When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.
If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until
everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of
what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing
the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with
farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER - A colleague who poops at work and is
proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter
the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm.
Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper
before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) - A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The
Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR - Someone who does not realize that you are in the
stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at
work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar
leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH - A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective
when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON - A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
tye're perfect
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false alarm
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been away?
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Alien Chips
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Greetings Earthling .....
I am a silicon based life form from a galaxy far, far away, visiting
your P.C. I have transformed myself into this email. As you are
reading it, I am having sex with your eyeballs.
Oh god that feels good!
I especially enjoy it when you scroll down on me.
That's it . ... . keep scrolling.
Don't stop!
Click it baby, click it!
Faster Faster more ooohh yeah. . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . harder give it to me , just like I like it Faster F A S T E R
!
That was amazing!
You are the best I've had yet. And I know you enjoyed it too
because you are smiling. Do you know how I know that you're
smiling? 'cos I can see you. Now please pass me on to someone else
because I'm really horny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
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Short Chips
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The divorce court was attentive as the wife complained to the Judge
that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished,
the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, "Your
Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging
documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."
One day Little Johnny got curious and asked his mother, "Where do
white babies come from?"
His mother answered "The stork."
Little Johnny then asked, "Where do black babies come from?
"His mother replied, "Ravens."
Then Little Johnny asked, "Where do no babies come from?"
And his mother said, "Swallows."
My last boyfriend liked to talk a lot during sex.
He said it was because it turned him on, but I think he had ulterior
motives because he always said the same thing: "Wake up, wake up,
wake up!"
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details
and highlights of theirs?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fire Chips
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A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her
$200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her
sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He
quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching
the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside
looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks,
"Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200
in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mink Chips
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The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with
a girlfriend. She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously
wealthy lover, who, at the end of the week gave her a beautiful
$10,000 mink coat.
Obviously, she couldn't bring it home and so she devised a plan.
She pawned the mink coat. She later casually mentioned to her
husband she had found a pawn ticket.
"Honey, on your lunch break today can you stop at the pawn shop and
see what this is?" she asked, handing the pawn ticket to her
husband.
Her husband returned that evening and told his wife it was nothing
but a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000
mink coat.
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Tiger Direct Exclusive Offers
These offers are only for special groups like the Herd.
There are special prices on computers, laptops. monitors
etc. If you don't see what you need today check it again
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from Tiger Direct and they are at the top of my list trust-wise.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Blue Moon
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Bl.html
John w/ Remembering Jo Stafford
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/dream/
The Lesson of the Years
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Texas Rules Of Ettiquette
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Surfin Surfari
Buy And Sell Handmade
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Snickers Caramel Cheesecake Cookies
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Awesome Bikes!
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Proud Of Our Troops 3
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Reverse Graffiti
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Directory Printer v5.3.1
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Science News
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Dog Logic
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Kitty Korner
Mexican Lion
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Belgian Draft Horses Via Dianne
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Movie Links
Get Flashed
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Little Brother
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Mohammed Brand Condoms
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Man In Line
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He Is Alive
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Incident Action
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Italian Police Motorcycle Drill Team
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PD Budget
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Great tequila Commercials
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FRACTURED NURSERY RHYMES FOR BIG KIDS
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo
and a sports car.
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Toon Chips
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bj sand art
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bj bar
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bj discount
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burger king
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black daddy
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blame
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Limerick Chips
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In her youth, exhibitionist Annie
Was fequently spanked by her nannie.
That is why, to this day,
Some psychiatrists say
She is fond of exposing her fanny.
________________________________
I wouldn't think that was so bad
As the sweet little thing that I had
In gay old Paris --
What she gave to me
Has turned my poor gonads to plaid
________________________________
I met this fine gal on the Cape
Who had a wee bit too much grape
And thought sex might be fine
Til she measured all o' mine
And was left with her mouth all agape
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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An old man had a dog he just loved but the dog had the bad habit of
attacking anything that moved including people. His friends told
him that if he had the dog fixed he would lose his aggressions and
quit this behavior.
So the old man had his dog fixed and a few days later was in his
front room when the mailman came up the steps. The dog jumped up
and went right thru the screen door and attacked the mailman. The
old man ran out and pulled his dog off and began apologizing to the
mailman.
He said, "I am so sorry, I don't know what to do or say. My friends
told me he would quit attacking people if I had him fixed. I just
don't know what to do."
The mailman picked himself up and said, "You should have had his
teeth pulled, I knew when he came out the door he wasn't going to
screw me."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1843
What The???
Tami: I still do not understand how we wound up in Caldwell when
the
only options we checked were Chicago, New York, Frisco and LA.
Rob: Maybe those were taken and they picked one that was closest
to our home... who knows?
Katie knows....
A few days earlier.....
Rudy, Val and Sandi are huddled around Katie who is clicking away on
her keyboard.
Katie: There I am in Tami and Rob's home company's system.
I am changing their request for transfer... blotting out LA and
putting in
Caldwell, blotting out Chicago and inserting Caldwell, blotting out
New
York and putting in Caldwell and last blotting out San Fran and
inserting
Caldwell.. There all done! They will get transferred and it will be
to Caldwell.
Val: Yes!
Rudy: Yahoo!
Sandi: We can have more fun!
Katie: Oh the tricks we can play...
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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