Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yep it's Monday all right. I went to the Credit Union today to get
money out to pay a few bills. As usual I picked the wrong lane to be
in at the drive through. All three lines were full so I chose the
one on the right that had only one car. Whatever transaction they
had to do I waited as all of the other cars pulled forward in the
other two lanes and then drove off with their banking done and there
I am still waiting.
Finally I backed up and started to back up so as to be able to go
to Lane one instead. Unfortunately I didn't back up far enough and.
I was at an angle when I tried to pull forward into the machine. The
island with the tube for lane two is protected by a brick pillar and
I managed to miss that but the back tire caught the curb
around the island just when I thought I could make it so I decided
to back up again and try from a different angle and smashed the
passenger side mirror on the Suburban. It is one of those spring
loaded mirrors but it don't bend in that direction.
Hope I can find one of those in a junkyard because I bet they are
expensive through the dealer.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's
Grandfather slipped her a $500 bill which she concealed in her
glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money". By tradition,
the couple spent their first night together in the historic house.
Later the bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs.
"Where are you goin?". "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa,
and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters!!" the
Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab
it with your bare hands like I did your Grandfather's!!
A cowboy walks into the dentist's office and after an examination
the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you
a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The cowboy
grabs the doc's arm and says. "No way. I hate needles. I'm not
having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The
cowboy replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple
of days. I'm not having gas." So the dentist steps out and comes
back with a glass of water, "Here, "he says. "Take this pill." The
cowboy asks, "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra." The cowboy looks surprised and asks,
"Will that kill the pain?" "No," replies the dentist, "but it will
give you something to hold on to while I pull the tooth."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Recycled Chips
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A Southerner is having his breakfast (coffee, grits, biscuits, and
jam) when a Northerner chewing obnoxiously on gum sits down next to
him. The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.
Northerner: "When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the
whole slice?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. Up North, we
only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the
South."
The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in
silence.
The Northerner persists: "Do you eat jam with biscuits?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (cracking and smacking his gum between his teeth and
chuckling). "We don't. Up North after we eat fruit for breakfast, we
put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them,
transform them into jam, and then send it down South.
Then the Southerner asks: "Y'all have sex up North?"
Northerner: "Why of course we do", the Northerner says, as he pops
another big bubble.
Southerner: "And what do y'all do with the condoms once ya use 'em?"
Northerner: "We throw them away, of course."
Southerner: We don't. Down South we put 'em in a jar, recycle'em,
melt 'em down into bubble gum and sell 'em to Yankees."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wife Chips
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An Australian family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is
unmarried. So they call a marriage broker and ask her to find their
son a good wife.
The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking
many questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a
wife/daughter-in-law. They give her a long shopping list of
requirements.
The marriage broker takes a long time looking and finally asks to
visit the family again. She tells them of a wonderful woman she has
found. She says she's just the right age for the son... she keeps a
perfectly clean home... is of sober habits, and regularly attends
church every Sunday... she is a wonderful cook... she loves children
and wants a large family and, to top it all off, she's drop dead
gorgeous.
After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to
get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.
At this point, the son gets up the courage to ask, "Is she also good
in bed?"
And the marriage broker answers,
"That I'm not sure of.... Some say yes... some say no and some says
just so, so."
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Short Chips
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My son asked me the other day, "Daddy, why were you and Mommy
wrestling in bed last night?"
I said, "Because Mommy likes to wrestle with Daddy. She thinks
she's good at it, but she always ends up getting pinned."
" I want to wrestle with Mommy too!" he announced.
"I'm sorry, son," I said. "You're not old enough and we're not in
Arkansas."
A guy from New York married a hillbilly girl. On the honeymoon, the
New Yorker asked his new bride if there was any difference in the
lovemaking of city guys and hillbillies.
She paused for a moment and said calmly, well you city guys walk up
and stick it in, but the hillbilly guys stick it in and then walk
up.
Needless to say that was the end of the conversation.
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her
to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of
him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head
this way and that, studying the whole business.
After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved
voice, "Well, what the hell are you doing?"
She said, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no
money.... just looking."
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Date Chips
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My friend set me up on a blind date after my first divorce.
Well, he was a friend at the time.
Anyway, I called her up and said, "I can't take you anywhere really
expensive because I'm paying lawyers for a divorce right now."
She was cool. She said, "We can eat at Hardees, eight pieces of
chicken and four biscuits for $6.99." She was a husky girl (you
know, Sears catalog).
When we got to Hardees, she was moving! I only got two wings out of
everything! She wouldn't even butter her biscuits, she would pop a
biscuit and then do a butter chaser! I couldn't watch her eat the
chicken. She kept getting crumbs in her moustache. She would have
gotten it all if her teeth were in!
Don't get me wrong... I still did her!
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A New Recipe
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John w/ Ain't No Wheels On This Ship
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If I Had Another Day
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Surfin Surfari
Baking and Baking Science - Willie Prejean Via Dianne
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Symptom Checker
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Roller Coasters
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Movie Links
Beer By the Pool
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How To Put On a Bra
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Knife Guy
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Ladder
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Never Trust a Woman
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Vacation Chips
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God decides it is time he has a vacation. Therefore, he asks St.
Peter for his assistance. St. Peter says, "Why don't you go to
Mercury?"
"Oh no!" says God, "I went there 25,000 years ago and got the worst
sunburn of my life."
St. Peter says, "How about Pluto?"
"Oh no!" says God, "I went there 10,000 years ago, broke my leg
skiing."
St. Peter says, " How about earth?"
"Oh no!" says God. "I went there 2,000 years ago, knocked up some
local Jewish chick and I have been hearing about it ever since!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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American Beauty
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First Time
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See you in Hell
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Cant Tell
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young woman named Maud
Who found herself now and then floored
--Or bedded, or chaired,
Or top of the staired--
Oh, well, it's the life of a broad.
___________________________________
There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie".
You claim you're a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.
___________________________________
There was a young whore from Kilkenny,
Who charged two fucks for a penny,
For half of that sum,
You could bugger her bum,
An economy practised by many
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon
discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left
every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get
on Fred's nerves so he asks him, "What the heck is wrong
with you?"The reply is, "I got this in the war."
Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches
in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him,
and even kicks Fred a few times.
So Fred asks him, "What the heck is wrong with you?"
Again the answer is, "I got this in the war."
Fred moves.
The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing
his left hand. Fred says, "Let me guess, you got that in the war."
His reply was, "No, I got it out of my nose. I can't get it
off of my hand
Gordon
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1836
The Weekend Reunion
BJ: Katie, Sandi, this is the first weekend you will get to
re-visit your
siblings so what do you think?
Sandi: I am looking forward to it.
Katie: You know me, I am a loner. I miss mother though.
BJ pulls into the Caldwell driveway and lets the dogs out and they
enter
the house... the results...
Katie goes crazy...the dogs are in the backyard running circles
around
each other with Katie acting the most excited. Soon all are
exhausted
and are in the house guzzling down water.
BJ: So Katie I thought this would be no big deal?
Katie: I was wrong. I did not realize how much I missed my family.
Sandi: I missed Mommy and my sibs.
BJ: We are all family and it hurts when we are apart.
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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