Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Finally some baseball after the All-Star Game. I have been so bored,
I fixed a couple of computers and got some other jobs done. It
happens
every year I just get interested and they take four days off and you
get to see maybe two people from your team actually play an inning.
I know it helps to give them a break to catch their second wind so
to
speak but that does a lot of good when you have a make-up game to
play so they end up playing four games in 3 days. That's like if the
boss down at the factory came up to you and said, You look tired,
take a three-day weekend, but I want you to work a double shift on
Monday. Been there, done that, too many times. Even more popular
was you work a double and we'll give you comp time. No way Jose,
You'll give me time and a half for the first four and double time
for the
second four, even if I only work three days. That's the good side of
being non-union, you can negotiate your own contract.
Have great weekend and go to the beach for me. Everytime I go
somebody calls Greenpeace and National Geographic and tells
them a white whale has beached itself on the Great Lakes. I can
take a joke as well as the next Guy but the Coast Guard towed me
out past Whitefish Point three times last year and that's a long
swim back. Free Willy my butt.
buffalo
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Little Johnny Chips
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A school teacher asks her class, "What vegetable makes your eyes
water?"
Little Johnny replies, "A turnip, miss."
"No Johnny," says the teacher, "I believe you are thinking of an
onion, aren't you?"
"No miss," says Little Johnny, "Have you never been hit in the balls
with a turnip?"
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed
the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.
"Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.
"Nope."
"You didn't steal it did you?"
"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other
night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid
of me."
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous
of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.
That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the
unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily,
"What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
"Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a morning after pill
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4.7 minutes
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candy is dandy
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Married Chips
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A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and
told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk,
"exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this
the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more
appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for
those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps
ivory or sky blue would be nice?'' "Well," replied the customer, a
little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a
white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite
all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You
see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as
we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into
such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that
we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each
other again."
''What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four
years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it
was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
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Pregnant Chips
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Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me.
Why? A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering
from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to
feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
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Short Chips
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"Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new
body parts, like new breasts and new hands.
It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as
women grow another breast, men will want another hand."
"The Food and Drug Administration is investigating new claims that
taking Viagra can make a person go blind. Apparently, if you take
too much Viagra, you could poke your own eye out." - Conan O'Brien
One day a certain housewife became extremely horny while going about
the routine business of cleaning the house. Unfortunately her
husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her
clothes and masturbating furiously in the middle of the living room
floor.
She got pretty worked up, and was writhing and moaning when her
husband walked in.
"Honey," he asked, looking up from the day's mail, "when you've
finished vacuuming, could you get started on dinner?"
Because they have to pay for their own uniforms the nurses in Sweden
are threatening to come to work naked.
Somehow I think that's going to be a long strike.
A boy walks up to his dad and ask him "Dad what is that thing
between a girls legs that has hair on it?"
His dad said, "Well son that is called a vagina."
His son thought about that for a minute and then asked, "OK then,
what is that little thing that looks like a really small penis in a
woman's vagina?"
"Well they call that a clitoris son," said the father.
"OK dad, just one more question... What is that really smooth piece
of skin that is below a woman's vagina?"
The boy's dad thinks about this for a minute and says, "Well son, I
don't know the medical term for it but I just call it a chin rest."
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Short Chips
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On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived
at London's Gatwick Airport. Tania headed for the British-passport
control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners'line.
When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my
visit. "Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon." The officer
looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very
interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my passport. "Most men
bring their wives with them."
-----------------------------
When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car
into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri.
When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able
to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an
officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver
because "you can't ticket a guy for being stupid..."
-----------------------------
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man
said, "I died of cancer." The second man said, "I died of
Tuberculosis." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two
men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean
SEENUS. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/ Meet Me
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/A/Meet.html
Rick w/It Is Finished (Loved One Saying Goodbye)
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/rick/It_Is_Finished.html
Loving Touch
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/lovingtouch.htm
Life's Little Oops 5!
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Surfin Surfari
elephant water-skis ( Hudson river ) Vi Wesley
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How The Average U.S. Consumer Spends Their Paycheck Via Wesley
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The Largest Crystals on Earth Via Wesley
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Ford's First RV!
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Make Your Own Wanted Poster
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Free Fonts Directory
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Ricochet The Surf Dog!
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Whale Rescue
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Movie Links
Voting Ad
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Argument Settled
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Been Married To long
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Beer Diet
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Beer
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Bowling Bloopers
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Boy & Labrador
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Brass Pole
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Bud Light Wheel
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Brownie
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Navy Chips
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Three servicemen, Air Force, Marine, and a Sailor, were all on a
flight to go home on leave after spending time in Afghanistan. When
they landed a man approached them and said, "Boys to show my thanks
for serving our country I'm gonna give you my truck to drive home so
you don't have to pay for a cab." The guys thankfully agreed and
drove off.
Halfway there the truck broke down and they were stuck out on a
lonely stretch of road. Off in the distance they saw a farm house
and
went to ask to use the phone. When the man at the door answered and
saw the men in uniform he invited them in. He said, "Boys for
serving
our country I'll cook you a steak dinner and you can shack up with
my
three daughters, you'll have to discuss amongst yourselves who
sleeps
with each girl, there's plenty of beer in the fridge."
The men ate and the first girl comes down the stairs, a very pretty
girl. The fly boy jumped up and said "she's mine" and goes upstairs.
The second girl comes down, prettier than the first, the jar head
snatches her up and goes upstairs. The sailor is waiting for the
last
girl thinking he's getting the heifer of the group. To his delight
she
comes down, the finest of them all.
The next morning the farmer is cooking breakfast. The fly boy comes
down first, uniform neatly pressed, fresh looking. The farmer asked
if he wanted breakfast but the fly boy says, "No thank you sir,
you've done enough already," and left.
The jarhead came down next, uniform not as neat as the fly boys but
still acceptable. The farmer offers him food but he only drinks
coffee, thanks the farmer and leaves.
The sailor comes down next, still a little drunk, neckerchief messed
up and missing a shoe. The farmer offers him breakfast and the
sailor
ate everything and took off without even a 'thank you.' After they
all were gone the farmer calls his girls down. Rubbing his hands
together greedily he says "OK girls, how did we do?"
The girl with the airman says, "He fondled me a little, drank a
beer,
fell asleep and he gave me $200!"
The girl with the marine says, "He made love to me one time, had a
couple beers and gave me $150."
The poor girl with the sailor appears all tired and worn out, "he
made love to me all night, drank the rest of the beer, and I'll be
damned if he didn't borrow $50 from me till next payday!"
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Toon Chips
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Just Once
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42051.htm
IRS
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42603.htm
It Fits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32157.htm
Crane
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32158.htm
Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32159.htm
Coffee Break
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32160.htm
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Limerick Chips
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Have you heard about the four McCoy brothers?
The first worked in a factory as a sock tucker
The second worked in a factory as a cork soaker
The third worked in a factory as a coke sacker
And the fourth brother-he was the real McCoy.
(Richard Lederer)
A salvation Lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."
A man from the Washington Post
Once had it off with a ghost;
At the height of orgasm
The pale ectoplasm
Shrieked: "Coming! I'm coming...almost!"
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Parting Chips
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TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG KID TO MOW YOUR LAWN
10. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag
9. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes
of 13 cats
8. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher
7. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades
with his head
6. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher
5. He's fascinated by the details of you home security system
4. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings
3. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus
2. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks
1. No toes
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1840
Friday Night!
Sandi: So daddy is coming here tonight and we have to show him we
missed him.
Katie: We have missed him.
Rudy: What is the plan?
Sandi: Okay, I will bake a dog biscuit cake, Val you fix an Alpo
casserole, Katie you fix some of your famous Sun Tea, Rudy you find
a good movie for us to watch later.
Rudy: How about Old Red?
Sandi: That is a good choice, Daddy like that Irish Setter movie.
When Daddy gets here we will love him up and get him to sit on the
bed so we call all mush him up.. okay?
Val/Rudy/Katie: Yeah!
Later that night about eight pm....
Rudy: He's here with the pickup.
Val: Darn it, they have to unload first.
Sandi: To the backyard, we have to be good. The sooner they
unload,
the sooner we get dad.
Zoom (times four)
To be continued
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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