Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Been some talk about old John Deere tractors lately on the
Scuttlebutt and other lists. They got a lot of miles out of the
old 2 cylinder horizontal engine from the 20's through the 50's.
They were by no means small engines, having a 7 inch bore
and stroke made them about a 3 liter engine. Low rpm's
but high on torque, they were easy to identify by the pucka-pucka
sound that you could hear from two miles away. At idle you
could count the cylinders firing. They had a low compression
motor that once it was running would run on about anything
that would burn from the gas station. We ran ours on a mixture
of gasoline and kerosene and as long as you switched back to the
small gasoline starting tank before you stopped the motor
by shorting out the magneto. If you forgot you would be out
there tugging on that big flywheel on the side for hours to
get good gas to the pistons. To help you with starting they had
petcocks on the cylinders that you opened that acted like a
compression release. When it started it had smoke coming
out of the sides and looked like a steam locomotive till you
closed them.
I learned how to drive a tractor on a 1928 John Deere GP that had
been modified to rubber tires somewhere in it's past. It had a three
speed transmission and a hand clutch and throttle. I could drive
that
because my legs weren't long enough to reach the pedals on the
other tractors. Brakes didn't matter because they had been lost
somewhere in its younger days but with a top speed of about 4
miles per hour you wouldn't be going very fast when you hit anything
anyhow and in low gear you could count the turtles passing you.
These were great tractors for the time though as they were cheap
to purchase and operate even at a time when we were going through
rationing for WWII and without having to worry about feeding horses
a man could dedicate more of his land to crops for food and raising
cattle and a farmer lived for a few more years from not having to
walk
behind a plow. In just a few decades we went from being able to
feed just are families to being able to feed the world. It is easy
to
think of the building of America by the accomplishments of men
fighting men but we forget the men who built this country by
fighting
the land. Although I never had the desire to be a farmer for life I
am
glad I got a chance to experience it in both the old and new
versions.
Enjoy the chips...buffalo
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First Chips
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I paid my $125 and she asked me to wash my hands.
I guess you can never be too safe in the '90s.
She led me into a quiet, comfortable enclave highlighted with a
myriad of mirrors and asked me to sit. It was my first time and she
knew it. I'll admit, I was nervous.
I got a little more on edge when she pulled out a white bottle and
poured its contents into a small container. I had been told by my
pals a lubricant of some sort was necessary. I guess she could see
in my eyes I didn't have a clue what was about to happen. So, to
calm my nerves, she went over everything first. She showed me, as
best she could, how I was to prepare myself before putting it in.
She even warned me that most first-timers fear they'll encounter
immediate discomfort and wind up pulling it out seconds later. None
of this made me feel any more confident. It was at that point I
sheepishly informed her I wasn't sure I'd be able to go through with
it. After all, it was on the insistence of my buddies that finally
I phoned her up and requested her services.
"It'll feel like the weight of the world is off your back after you
do it the first time," they said. "It's about time you became a
man," urged another, "it'll be the best day of your life." After a
few deep breaths and some uncomfortable chit-chat, I gave it the ol'
college try. With my left hand propping open my target and my right
index finger in the ready position, I took my first plunge.
Rejected. The young lady looked at me immediately and gave a few
words of encouragement so I wouldn't lose my enthusiasm. She was
obviously a professional.
Again and again, I tried to put it in but for some reason it
wouldn't go where I wanted it. Instead, it slipped out of my hands,
bent every which way or fell onto my leg. After an hour of trying,
not only had my pride taken a beating, but my eyes watered in
frustration. As I cleaned it one more time I told her this would be
my last hurrah. We both wanted everything to work out. That's when
it happened. A perfect entry. When I opened my eyes everything
became clearer.
Yes, putting in contact lenses isn't that hard after all.
All those years of suffering through life with blurred vision are
behind me. The gratification of seeing clearly through my right eye
was hard to put into words. I'd like to thank optometrist assistant
Laura Chipman for being patient with me and teaching me what it
takes to force a soft contact lens into an unwilling eye. I just
knew I could do it. Now, if I could only take the darn thing out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
gas meter
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an umbrella
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implants
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Suzie was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a
workbook, so she went to ask her father for it. She found him in
the bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement she forgot all
about the fifty cents and asked, "Daddy, What's that?"
Her dad said, "That's what I call 'a shame'." Next day at school,
when the teacher asked for the fifty cents, Little Suzie said,
"Daddy couldn't give me fifty cents because he wasn't wearing his
pants."
The teacher replied, "Doesn't your father have any shame at all?"
Little Suzie said, "Oh, yes, ma'am, he has one, but it's not as big
as the one the principal gave you last Thursday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So," jealous Judy asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail
my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, then to a
restaurant and then to a house." A big smile crossed Judy's face,"
Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating." Is there any doubt
what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty
clear that he was following you and taking pictures of you and this
other man having sex. By the way, nude pictures of you are all over
the Internet."
One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through
their daughter's purses. So, the brunette goes through her
daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so
ashamed! My Daughter smokes." So, the redhead goes through her
daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my
god I'm so ashamed!
My daughter drinks." So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she
finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My
daughter has a penis."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Vacation Chips
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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon. Billy Bob tells
Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."
He continues, "Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three
years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline
got pregnant."
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline
got pregnant again."
"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get
pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's
different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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These offers are only for special groups like the Herd.
There are special prices on computers, laptops. monitors
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Party Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill spotted John across a crowded room at a convention in Las
Vegas. Easing up next to him, Jill asked John if he would like to
join her for a drink.
"I don't know," said John. "I've got a wife and two kids at
home..."
To which Jill replied, "I don't know you. You don't know me. They
don't know us, and we don't know them." John thought about it for a
second and then agreed.
A few drinks later, Jill invited John up to her room for a nightcap.
When John hesitated again, she said, "I don't know you. You don't
know me. They don't know us, and we don't know them." And John
agreed.
After a few more drinks in Jill's room, the two of them were
starting to get pretty friendly, and Jill asked if John would be
interested in a little party. John, bewildered, exclaimed, "If I
don't know you, you don't know me, they don't know us, and we don't
know them, then who the hell are we going to invite?!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/No Measure
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/NoMeasure.html
Carolyn with/ Born To Late
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/borntolate.html
The Bible
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Human Chameleon
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Surfin Surfari
WKRP Turkey Drop
http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoafYtDe.html
Welcome to The Museum of Science and Industry via Wesley
http://www.msichicago.org/
How To make A Duck Fart
http://www.chow.com/recipes/13717-duck-fart
Garbage Truck Camping
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/garbage.html
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Bruce's PLace
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Joker/index.html
Disco Sounds http://wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ram/DiscoSounds.html
Slingbox
http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/slingbox2.htm
Firefox Shortcuts
http://www.mouserunner.com/FF_Shortcuts1Printable.html
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Men's Locker room
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Magic Finger Find The G Spot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010908.htm
My new Philosophy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010909.htm
My SS Check
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010910.htm
NEVER MARRY A WOMAN BIGGER THAN YOU!
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010912.htm
It Looked Like A Parking Space
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Kind So Flunky
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7 Wonders Of The World
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ABC Banner
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Adidas DM
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someday I guess I'm just gonna get arrested, but I can't resist off
the wall humor when people least expect it. I went into this
department story and was greeted by a female salesgirl who said,
"Good afternoon sir, and what is it you desire?"
I replied, "What I desire is to whisk ya outta here, take you to my
secret hide-away, mix up a big pitcher of drinks, put on some soft
music, and then make mad passionate love to ya all afternoon.
However, what I need is some underwear and socks."
The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They
occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were
inseparable. One evening after dinner as they were returning to
their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was
pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and
quietly undressed. Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as
he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was
with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door -
"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!"
We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and
flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we
were doing to tease her. But she quickly dismissed the notion of a
budding romance.
"Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It
would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'"
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant in the middle
of a jungle?
A: Wipe it off & tell him you're sorry!
Q: What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A: Fucks funny
Q: What did the Nixon and Clinton administrations have in common?
A: A crooked Dick in the Oval Office
Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with a birth control pill?
A: A trip without the kids.
Q: Why are young Indian males called Braves?
A: Have you ever seen the women they have to marry?
buffalo says I disagree with the last one. The hottest cartoon babe
is Disney's Pocohontas, even better than Jessica Rabbit
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Toon Chips
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blame dog
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blanket repair
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blind
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blind 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksfnjsklf.htm
blind asshole
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blind date
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfmskfnh.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
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There once was a woman, Monique,
Who proclaimed an efficient technique:
"One fuck daily's just right."
She did seven one night,
And then found that it made her hole weak.
__________________________________
There once was a woman from Latch,
Who jacked herself off with a match.
She got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burnt all the hair off her snatch.
__________________________________
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Back in the days of Camelot, a young knight was traveling cross
country by horseback. He was tired, hungry and the hour was growing
late. He spotted a castle nearby and stopped and knocked on the
door. It was answered by the castle owner who was an older knight.
When the traveler asked if he could stay overnight, the castle owner
said," No problem." However, the castle had three bedrooms and the
older knight also had two daughters, they each had their own bedroom
and the traveler would have to choose who he would sleep with. One
daughter was extremely intelligent but was so ugly she made cats
bark. The other daughter was a breath-taking beauty who was smart as
a box of rocks. Who do you think the young knight chose to sleep
with? Obviously, he chose the older knight. After all, this is a
fairy tale.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1844
A New Home?
Tami is still thinking about her move to, of all places, Caldwell,
Kansas
when Rob bursts in the door.
Rob: I found us a house in Caldwell. I am thrilled. There are
only two
homes available and guess where they are located?
Tami: Let me guess on either side of the Cassady house?
Rob: Wow, how did you guess?
Tami: Oh, just a lucky guess and another guess is both families
moved
out soon after the Cassadys moved in?
Rob: Boy, you are smart. I am certain it was a coincidence.
Tami rolls her eyes: I am sure.
Rob: Well, I made a swell deal with KSRV Real Estate and...
Tami: Did you say KSR Real Estate?
Rob: No, I said KSRV Real Estate.
Tami: Whew, for a minute you had me. I thought it was KSR again.
Rob: Nope different company alltogether.
Tami: Okay then.
Later in Caldwell....
Tami sees the rep from KSRV and it is Val and Katie.
Tami: I thought you guys were KSR?
Katie: No we changed our name after we added Val to the company,
so we are KSRV for Katie, Sandi, Rudy and Val.
Tami: Arrrrgh!
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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