Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Two O'clock this afternoon, watching the Tigers lose the 4th
game in a row and working on the newsletters and the power
went out. It took a minute to find my old phone that doesn't
need any power and I called the electric company. After
being asked a bunch of stupid questions and checking my
account to make sure they hadn't disconnected me for not
paying my bill, they finally got around to talking about the
loss of power. Even though I hadn't heard any transformers
exploding I knew the trouble wasn't in my house but I received
multiple warnings that if the problem was on my side of the
meter I was going to be charged for repairs. An hour later
the power finally came back on and wherever the problem was
it was no where near me. I hope that she got 2000 calls after
mine and none of them were as courteous as I was. We just
got sold out to a smaller utility and obviously the person didn't
even have the training to call the power house and see if they
were having problems anywhere on the grid.
At least I got another hour of sleep which is about normal for
a fried squirrel in the substation scenario and is out of my
range for hearing the bang.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Defining Chips
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Increase Your Vocabulary (Adult)
Anus: A Latin term for yearly.
Artificial Insemination: Correspondence course to become a priest,
Asphalt: Describes rectal problems.
Blow Job: Clown hired to make balloon animals at a child's birthday
party
C-Section: The area the average students sit in a classroom.
Climax: The farthest you can climb up a mountain before stopping to
rest.
Clitoris: A type of flower.
Coitus: A musical instrument.
Condom: A large apartment complex.
Diaphragm: A drawing in geometry.
Dildo: A variety of sweet pickle.
Douche: The French word for "twelve".
Erection: When Japanese people vote.
Fertilization: Spreading nutrients over a planted area.
Fetus: A character on Gunsmoke.
G-string: Part of a fiddle.
Genitals: People of non-Jewish origin.
Hymen: Males over 6 feet tall.
KOTEX: A radio station in Austin.
Lesbian: A person from the Middle East north of Israel.
Masturbator: Fisherman's assistant who readies the hooks for
casting.
Menstrual cycle: One with three wheels.
Orgasm: The making of animals by folding a piece of paper.
Prostate: Lying on your back.
Pubic Hair: A wild rabbit.
Rhythm Method: A way to teach dancing
Sadistic: Someone who is always unhappy.
Semen: A term for sailors.
Sex: What comes after five
Sodomy: A special land of fast growing grass.
Spread Eagle: An extinct bird.
Testicles: Found on an Octopus arms.
Umbilical Cord: Part of a parachute.
Vagina: A medical term used to describe heart pain.
Virgin: A resident from the state of Virginia
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
no no no
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g055.html
beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g056.html
haven't noticed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g057.html
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Fly Chips
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A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the end of it. She is so beautiful he
cannot take his mind off her, so he calls the
bartender over and says, "Take that woman a drink
on me."
The bartender says, "It won't work."
"What do you mean, it won't work?"
"That woman," says the barkeep, "is a
hard-hearted bitch. You won't get nowhere with
her - nobody does!"
"Okay," says the guy. "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?"
"Spanish fly? No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish Fly."
"So, what the hell is Jewish fly?"
"I don't know; I've never used it. You want to give it a try?"
"Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets,
on his way to the men's room, he reaches behind
her back and drops the stuff in the woman's drink.
Nothing happens for a long time, but then all of
a sudden he feels her body close against his, and
her voice is whispering hotly in his ear, and
she's saying "I can't stand it anymore! You
excite me so much...take me shopping!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Elected Chips
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The Elected Official Infidelity Quiz In the interest of providing
the public with a service it has needed for some time? especially
these past few days? we proudly present the first failproof quiz to
determine: IS YOUR ELECTED OFFICIAL HAVING AN AFFAIR?
Look closely at his or her (come on? who are we kidding?? his)
behavior, and mark "X" next to any of the following items that
apply.
Or even "XXX."
Has he left for a foreign country carrying only a Speedo and a
bottle of Jack Daniel's?
Did he sponsor or co-sponsor legislation titled "No love child left
behind"?
When he closed the door to his office, were there giggles audible
from the inside? Were these followed by "wait, let me tell those
darn senators I'm in a budget meeting" and then more giggles and the
popping of a cork?
The last time he denied to the press that he was having an affair,
did he keep one hand hidden behind his back?
When questioned by reporters as to why he was leaving a Marriott at
3 in the morning on his wife's birthday, did he mumble, "You guys
ever hear of an Arbor Day planning session that finished on time?"
When asked to disclose his whereabouts after three or four days, did
his wife reply, "Why the heck are you asking me?"
When asked to disclose his whereabouts after three or four days, did
his chief of staff reply, "He's on the Appalachian Trail"?
Has he ever been spotted in a Victoria's Secret near the airport on
his way to a conference with the president of Gabon?
On the campaign trail, did he swear to be "a man you can thrust" and
then turn beet red?
Or did he swear that he represents "chains you can believe in" or
promise "four more rears"?
Does he ever come to the office wearing the name tag from
yesterday's donor reception?
Does he ever come to the office with lipstick on his flag pin?
Does he seem strangely enthusiastic about the waterborne intestinal
parasites convention he's about to attend with his new intern?
Has he ever claimed he is so pro-family he has two?
Has he spent the past four days in Argentina or a Motel 6?
When shaking hands with attractive constituents, does he wink and
say, "I have a pole I'd like you to take"?
When kissing babies, does he ask, "Is this one mine?"
Does the mother often reply with a slap?
SCORING (so to speak): If you checked off any of these items, your
elected official is a lot like a lot of other elected officials
since the beginning of time. And more, I'm sure, to come. (By
Lenore Skenazy)
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Promotion Chips
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Jane, Larry and Doug went into business for themselves.
Says Jay, "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the
president and chairman of the board."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said Larry, "so I'm
appointing
myself vice president, secretary, and treasurer."
"Well, I put up five percent," pointed out Doug. "What's that make
me?"
Jane said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said Doug, "but what does it mean?"
"It means what when I want your fucking advice, I'll whistle."
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Tiger Direct Exclusive Offers
These offers are only for special groups like the Herd.
There are special prices on computers, laptops. monitors
etc. If you don't see what you need today check it again
tomorrow or navigate to the item. Most of my gear came
from Tiger Direct and they are at the top of my list trust-wise.
http://buffaloschips.com/exoffers
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Osama Chips
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Subject(In the White House Situation Room...)
And so, in the horrific aftermath of the barbaric World Trade Center
bombing, begins the greatest, most extensive manhunt in the history
of the planet...
PRESIDENT: (resolute, drumming fingers) I don't care what it takes.
We've got to find this guy.
POWELL: Relax, Mr. President. We've got our best and brightest
working on it. There's nowhere he can hide.
And so, deep in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan...)
FIRST TERRORIST: (hand on bin Laden's knee) Relax, Osama. You have
covered your tracks expertly. There is no way the infidels will
find you.
BIN LADEN: (slapping the hand away) Yes, it is true. It is true...
(Cell phone begins ringing)
FIRST TERRORIST: (surprised) What in the name of... (he answers it)
Hello..? (hears a click, then voices, someone gets on the line)
What...? Who....? (astonished, hands phone to Bin Laden) It is for
you, Great One.
BIN LADEN: (confused) Hello...?
VOICE ON PHONE: Osama, how are you today, sir?
BIN LADEN: (angrily) Who in the name of the Evil One is this?
VOICE ON PHONE: (smoothly) Sir, I represent Sandusky Home
Improvement, Inc. Mr. Bin Laden, wouldn't you agree that your
bunker would look better and last longer in clean, durable, carefree
aluminum siding?
BIN LADEN: Aaaarrgghh! Go away!! (He slams the phone down) (Cell
phone rings again)
FIRST TERRORIST: (fearful) Do not answer it, Great One.
BIN LADEN: (grabs the phone angrily) Hello?!!
VOICE ON PHONE: Mr. Bin Laden?
BIN LADEN: (furious) Who in the name of Satan is this?
VOICE ON PHONE: Good evening, Sir. This is Bambi for Quest,
formerly US West. We're contacting our best customers to tell them
about our new, economical package of communications services,
including call forwarding, call waiting, caller ID, telemarketing
protection...
BIN LADEN: (He slams phone on the ground.) Spawn of a thousand demon
camels! (A second terrorist walks in, shuffling through a pile of
letters)
SECOND TERRORIST: (amazed) Look, Great One. Hundreds of VISA card
solicitations, many with extensive credit lines and low, low
introductory rates!
BIN LADEN: (astonished) Who on earth has delivered these?
SECOND TERRORIST: A man in blue shorts and a white shirt...
driving a small red, white and blue truck.
FIRST TERRORIST: (horrified) Ayeeeeeeee!
BIN LADEN: The U.S. Postal Service?? We must HIDE!!!!!!! (They
flee)
(Meanwhile, back in the White House Situation Room...)
PRESIDENT: How's our "budget friendly" phase of "Enduring Freedom"
going?
POWELL: Everything's proceeding according to plan. The harpies have
his number and are in the process of harrying him to death.
BUSH: What shall we sign him up for next?
POWELL: We've just sent $10.00 donations in to the Sierra Club and
Habitat for Humanity. Next we're going to sic Publisher's Clearing
House on him, and then sign him up for a subscription to Watchtower.
PRESIDENT: (slapping his thigh) Good! Good! Before long, he'll be
begging for mercy....now, where did I put the "add your friends"
number for Miss Cleo's Psychic Line?
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Tears of Innocence
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/T_I.html
Prayer http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/prayer1.htm
John w/ A Sunday kind Of Love
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/sundaykindoflove/
Love Is
http://www.poetrybyken.us/lpoems44/Love%20Is.html
Overseer
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/overseer.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Looking For Service Records
http://www.archives.gov/veterans/evetrecs/index.html
Money Wallet
http://www.moneywallet.org/
Air & Space Mag.
http://www.airspacemag.com/
Take a Virtual Tour of the Deepest Cave in the USA ! Via Wesley
http://xrl.in/2pi0
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Track A Stolen Smart Phone
http://preyproject.com/
PHP: Ming functions for Flash - Manual
http://us2.php.net/ming
JavaScript Snippets
http://www.outfront.net/tutorials_02/adv_tech/js_snippets.htm
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
http://www.cathouse-fcc.org/
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Movie Links
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhsdjsk.htm
Finish Jackie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abshjsk.htm
Flirting Garbage men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abdhjdsk.htm
Football Season
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghju.htm
Geenautomeernodig
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010901.htm
Mouse Wont Work
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsksowl.htm
Movie TV Bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjkeoel.htm
M Rip It Up
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnzxjzkaka.htm
The Flies In Florida Are Tough
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskks.htm
Dunk Shot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsasjs.htm
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Bra Chips
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If a horny young bastard has decided to skip the Church social and
head right to the Devil's Playground, your daughter will be safe and
secure with this bra. Attempting to remove it without keying in the
secret combination results in a "slight correction" to the horny
young bastard.
Voltage levels are set in ten ascending doses including: "Don't Go
There, Boyfriend", "Freddy'll Lose His Fingers", "Rushin' Hands,
Electrocuted Fingers", "Char Your Fingers To The Bone", and, the
ultimate level, "Any Last Words Before We Throw The Switch?"
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Toon Chips
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bite my ass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbvfhju.htm
bite the stick
http://www.buffaloschips.com/tyyuioopp.htm
bitter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bhuteews.htm
bj
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nmjyrwqx.htm
bj 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bhjjkkhj.htm
bj point
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkllooo.htm
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Poetry Chips
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A disgusting young man named McGill,
Made his neighbors exceedingly ill,
Because of his habits,
Involving white rabbits,
And a bird with a flexible bill
MISS WADE
I love Miss Wade
Who teaches third grade
At P.S. 541.
I'd gladly trade
My frog for Miss Wade
'Cause Miss Wade looks like much more fun.
Miss Wade doesn't hop,
Miss Wade doesn't croak,
And flies you won't see her catch,
But I'd rather swap
My frog for a poke
Into Miss Wade's lascivious snatch.
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Parting Chips
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Memo:
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact
that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and
government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these
increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.
But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal
state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees
instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are
family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found
sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have
decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a
more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, I
gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1842
Miss Tami
Tami to herself: I hate to admit it but I am going to miss those
rowdy neighbors. I already miss the doggies. Oh well, I will get
some sleep and do not have to worry about tricks being played on me.
Rob bursts into the house
Rob: Great news! Our company has just transfered us.
Tami: Oh where to? Did they approve that transfer to New York,
Chicago, San Francisco or Denver?
Rob: No, better than that. We can slow our lives down. We are
going to Caldwell, Kansas. We can be neighbors to the Cassadys
again.
Thud!
Rob: Where are those smelling salts?
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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