THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Violence can only be concealed by a lie,
and the lie can only be maintained by violence.
- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
++++++++++++++++++
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each
morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved
perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After
many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled
sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description
of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just
been presented with a new puppy.
Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is
arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.
'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice;
I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the
parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful
for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day
and all the happy memories I've stored away.. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank
account of memories!
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank.
I am still depositing.
'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
________________
THE COMICS
apparently she was a little frustrated
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h060.html
natural talent
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h061.html
identity theft
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h062.html
a honeymoon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h063.html
a whoopie cushion
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h064.html
keep playing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h065.html
I.T. department
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h066.html
size does matter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h067.html
happiness
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h068.html
what is hell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/h069.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
why people eat birds
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10001.html
scotch brite
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10002.html
Little red riding hood
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10003.html
Armstrong
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10004.html
old barnes and people
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10005.html
Nature Scenes =)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies10006.html
_______________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
The Darvaza well
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd269.html
Meilleures photos 2005
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd270.html
mirror in the water
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd271.html
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother
Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed
till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth
your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to
pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal,
eggs, bacon, etc.., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes,
ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but
tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys
that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you
until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city
boys can't walk much. We go on 'route marches,' which the
platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.. If he
thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route
march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the
city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The
Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just
ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep
getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye
is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't
shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to
do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even
load your own cartridges They come in boxes..
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.
You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real
careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with
that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this
except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only
beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6'
and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter.
Alice
________________
Young Tim has just finished high school and, not being too bright,
he wants to get a job at a local mechanic's workshop in Christchurch.
Tim spies this advert for a job in a Motor Spares Shop and hurries
over. Unfortunately, when he steps in there are already 2 guys
there before him. Tim with tears in his eyes explains to the
manager that he really needs the job. Manager looks at him and
says, "You know what Tim - I'd really like to give you this job
but see these two guys are here before you .. you're going to
have be really something special to get this job you know!"
Tim thinks now, mmmm, and then he says, "well boss, there is one
thing - if you take a spark plug and stick it into my arse - I can
tell you what type of spark plug it is."
The manager goes "Wow .. that's something - lets test you out!"
So Tim turns around and drops his pants. The boss takes a Bosch
spark plug and shoves it into Tim's arse.
Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeee ..... Bosch!!".
The boss, goes .. "Wow, that's really something - but lets test you out again!"
He takes a NGK spark plug and shoves it into Tim's arse.
Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeee ..... NGK !!".
The boss, goes .. "Wow, you're really good .. but, one more time -
I need to be sure. "
Boss thinks now, lets catch this guy out! He unzips his pants,
takes out his penis and sticks it into Tim's arse.
Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeeee .... Champion!!!"
__________________
THE CLASS REUNION
Every five years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.
I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.
It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.
The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.
The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.
No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.
The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least' now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.
They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least..
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.
They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.
At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.
It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.
By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.
And now I can't wait; they've set the date; Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.
Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.
I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.
_____________
Try and Guess Who I am
I was born in one country, raised in another.
My father was born in another country. I was not his only child.
He fathered several children with numerous women.
I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest
in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.
Later in life, questions arose over my real name. My birth records
were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable
birth certificate. I grew up practicing one faith but converted to
Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced
non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow Christianity, except in the
public eye under scrutiny. I worked and lived among lower-class
people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really
cared about them. That was before I decided it was time to get serious
about my life and I embarked on a new career.
I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those
who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father
abandoned me as a child. I became active in local politics in my 30's
then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a
candidate for national office in my 40's. They said I had a golden tongue
and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.
I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no
experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful
speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and
they were small roofing tacks. I drew incredibly large crowds during
my public appearances. This bolstered my ego. At first, my political
campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was very critical
of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.
But what launched my rise to national prominence
was my views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really
good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed
& housed for free. I knew which group was responsible for getting us
into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided
to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others
who did well, the plan was clinched tight.
I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded good to all people.
I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional
path of politics & was able to gain widespread popular support.
I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could
change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches
sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to
include "persecuted minorities" like the Jews. My true views were not
widely known and I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became
my nation's leader. I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could
have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my
writings and examined those people I associated with.
I'm glad they didn't.. Then I became the most powerful man in the world.
And the world learned the truth.
* Who am I? *
I am ADOLF HITLER!!!
WHO WERE YOU THINKING OF? ...... Scary isn't it?
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Pub Drive
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azsdsw.htm
RC Cooler
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axdse.htm
Rubber band
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswqqw.htm
__________
FUN PAGES
Lion Seul
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20493&s=n
Duck Hunting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41976&s=n
Lion Eat Lion
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41380&s=n
Illegal Swim
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41426&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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