Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It's a great spring day outside. 60 degrees and the snow is all
gone. We got a little rain on Saturday and things are starting to
green up
a bit. The drive-in restaurants and Dairy Queen are doing a great
business because when the heat up hear gets above 50 they really do
put on t-shirts. The Tigers are playing against the Royals on TV
their season opener. I guess spring is here and I blame it on that
early short haircut this year. Winter is a necessary evil that
refills the Great Lakes and refills the water table. With light snow
this year that means
less tonnage on the Lakes and less water to send to the rest of the
country and less power to be generated. Most crops up here are
naturally irrigated so they will not produce as good as last year. I
guess what
happens rain-wise in the next month will be the deciding factor.
I am thinking about shortening the chips by several jokes and 3 or 4
ads. Hopefully this will cut out some of the overused jokes and ads
and won't be noticed. More later on that.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the
men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first
lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while
passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented.
She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little
gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only
a short distance.
She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"
One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas."
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Jetfighter Midair Collison
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Jingle Balls
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Jingle Bells Taxi Ride
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a new tie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Symphony Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beethoven's Ninth Symphony
Several years ago, the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra had
scheduled Beethoven's Ninth Symphony under the baton of Zubha Mehta
at the Dorothy Chandler Pavillon. At the last moment Mehta became
ill and it was necessary to find a substitute. They were able to
convince Professor Theodore (Thee) Bader, an authority on Beethoven
from the Music Department at U. C. L. A. to step in.
The Fourth Movement of Beethoven's Choral Symphony, as it is better
known, is unusual in several ways. First, it uses not only a chorus
but several soloists as instruments during the famous "Ode to Joy"
movement. Second, the bass players hate playing Beethoven's 9th.
There's a long segment in this movement where the bass viols don't
have a thing to do... not a single note for page after page!
It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass
players had played their parts in the opening of the fourth movement
that they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the
stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for
twenty minutes. Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested
that they have a few brews.
They had quickly downed the first couple beers when one said,
"Shouldn't we be getting back to our seats? It'd be awfully
embarrassing if we were late."
Another (presumably the one who suggested drinking in the first
place) replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time,
so I tied a string around the pages of the conductor's score. Bader
has had to slow the tempo way down, while he waves the baton with
one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."
So they had another round, and when they finally returned to their
chairs a little tipsy one look at their conductor's face told them
they were in serious trouble.
And if you thought things couldn't get worse, both first stand
players soon passed out right in their chairs!
Bader was furious and on the verge of completely losing it, as he
began making gestures at the musicians while trying to finish the
piece while flipping the pages.
After all, it was the last of the Ninth. Thee Bader was a
pinch-hitter. The score was tied. The basses were loaded. And two
men were out. (By Stan Kegel)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
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Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One
took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle
seat...
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat..
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and
was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to
get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it
for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab
said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the Marine
obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab
picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine
returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked
his Arab neighbors... "Why does it have to be this way? How long
must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred?
This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Peppers - Grow 5 Different Colored Peppers on 1 Plant
You can enjoy Rainbow Peppers at any stage and experience all the
incredible sweet tastes of all the individual flavors. Make colorful
and flavorful meals with black, violet, yellow, orange and red
peppers.
Why pay supermarket prices when you can grow delicious peppers on
your own. Each plant can produce up to 30 peppers.
Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our biggest disappointment with caller id was that many phone
calls were tagged "Out of Area" rather than giving a phone
number. In particular, banks of phones behind switchboards or in
a Centrex are marked that way, which covers most of those pesky
telemarketers that make our lives so miserable. We've found a way
to work around that, which others with Caller ID may also wish to
use.
When we get calls marked Out of Area, especially at the prime
telemarketer time (6-8 P.M.), we now answer the phone, "KDNA,
you're on the air!" Usually the telemarketer will be a bit
befuddled, and ask for one of us by name. We will repeat that we
are a radio station, that the caller is on the air and is, in
fact, the twenty-fifth caller.
Here's a dialog with one telemarketer who bit real hard:
Me (seeing Out of Area on Caller ID, using bouncy DJ voice):
KDNA, you're on the air!
Telemarketer: May I speak to Mad-uh-leen So...So...So-
Me: This is KDNA, and you are on the air! You've just won your
choice of a new Ford Explorer or $25,000 in cash!!!
Telemarketer: I have?
Me: You certainly have.
Telemarketer: Oh, my god!
Me: Happy? Which will it be, the Explorer or the money?
Telemarketer: I don't know! Let me get my supervisor!
Me: You don't need your supervisor, it's your prize. Are you
calling us from work?
Telemarketer: Yes I am.
(Background voices.)
Telemarketer: My boss says to take the money.
Me: The money! So you listen to KDNA while you're working?
Telemarketer: I didn't even know we were calling you!
Me: Well, where are you calling us from?
Telemarketer: (Some place thousands of miles from us.)
Me: My, my! I guess you can't pick us up all the way out there!
So what's your name?
Telemarketer: Sherry.
Me: Sherry, tell us here on KDNA what kind of music you like.
Sherry: I'm so nervous I can't even think! Nothing like this has
ever happened to me!
Me: Sherry, if you like the kind of music that we play here on
KDNA, we'll play one just for you!
Sherry: But I wouldn't be able to hear it. Where's your radio
station, anyway?
Me: We're broadcasting out of Silicon Valley, California, at
106.6 FM.
(Obviously, telemarketer isn't smart enough to know FM stations
don't end in even decimals.)
Sherry: This is just so great!
Me: Sherry, how old are you?
Sherry: I'm 20.
Me: And what do you do?
Sherry: I'm a business student at (some college).
Me: What will you do with the money, Sherry? Start a business?
Sherry: Oh, I just don't know!
Me: I thought you said you were at work, Sherry.
Sherry: I am. This is to help pay for college.
Me: What's your job?
Sherry: I'm a telemarketer.
Me: You're a what?
Sherry: I'm a telemarketer ... I call people up and ask them if
they want to buy (product/service/
Me: Oh, that's too bad.
Sherry: Why?
Me: Because we here at KDNA think telemarketers are the lowest
scum on earth, and I don't think we can give this prize to a
telemarketer. You folks are always interrupting people during
dinner and I think that's rotten. So I don't think you should
win.
Sherry: But that's not fair!
Me: Of course not! But hey, it's my radio show, I get to make the
rules.
Sherry: But you can't do that!
Me: I sure can, I'm giving this prize to the next caller.
Meanwhile, I suggest you quit your job. Today.
Click.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cum Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I Cum, and
one
named No Cum. No Cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No Cum Tu.
For velly oblious reason No Cum and No Cum Tu not have any childlen.
One day, No Cum went out of town on business and I Cum came over and
spent
the night with No Cum Tu. That night I Cum came and No Cum Tu came,
too.
This make both velly happy.
However, about 7 or 8 months later, No Cum see he about to become
father
but he not know how come, so when baby come he named it How Cum U
Cum.
Of course, I Cum and No Cum Tu know How Cum U Cum came, but to this
day No
Cum not know how How Cum U Cum came!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist
trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.
"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"
~~~~
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the
couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How
devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet.
Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know
her well enough."
~~~~~
"Mom, I'm pregnant," announced a teen.
"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?" asked her mom.
"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and
went with the biggest."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Dreamin'
http://silverandgol
Friendship Gardens
http://www.carolspo
One Sweet Smile
http://www.reflecti
Life's Little Oops 4
http://www.shangral
Easter Joy
http://www.Shangral
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
KRE house - 9 Car Garage/House Via Wesley
http://www.abitare.
HAVA NAGILA TEXAS STYLE Via Heather
http://www.youtube.
Coney Island Via Wesley
http://www.coneyisl
Hare Pie Day
http://www.practica
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Sketch A Face
http://www.magixl.
Tweak Ubuntu ! Via Wesley
http://ubuntu-
Free Spell Check App for Windows Via Wesley
http://tinyspell.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://tahilla.
Kitty Korner
http://www.youtube.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
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4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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Movie Links
Foul Ball
http://www.buffalos
Fox Hat
http://www.buffalos
Fragrance
http://www.buffalos
French Anti Tank
http://www.buffalos
Friendly Dolphin
http://www.buffalos
For The Lazy Sports Fanatic
http://www.buffalos
Fox Thief
http://www.buffalos
Freak out. No Whopper
http://www.buffalos
Fred Astaire & Eleanor Powell
http://www.buffalos
Friends Come and Go
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Women's Stupid Questions.
...But
Never Will
1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn't make you look fat; it's all that fucking ice
cream
and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You've got no chance of my calling you.
4. No, I won't be gentle.
5. Of course, you have to swallow.
6. Well, yes, actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking
to
you after tonight.
9. I'd rather watch a porno.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
come together
http://www.buffalos
commercial
http://www.buffalos
cumming
http://www.buffalos
community picnic1
http://www.buffalos
complain1
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man of Adair
Who thought he would diddle a mare.
He climbed up a ladder
And jolly well had her,
With his backside a-wave in the air.
____________
There was a young man named Macgruder,
Who had a fair lass and he woo'ed her.
She thought it lewd,
To be woo'ed in the nude,
But Macgruder was shrewder and screwed her.
____________
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke early one morning, The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling, Brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently lowered the window And crushed his fucking head.
I'm not a morning person
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and
playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a
tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground.
"That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me
and run to the nearest tree."
"Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb
a tree when you were in love?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1563
Memories --- School
Diana: I am glad you are taking Katie to Dog Obedience School, she
really needs it.
BJ: Yeah, well we will see you later.
They are gone for hours and at the class the 'expert' is marveled at
how well Katie learns to: sit, stay, lay down, and follow all the
commands perfectly. Katie graduates at the top of the class.
Later at home...
BJ: Diana watch this. Katie, sit.
Diana: Why is she walking away?
BJ: Katie, lay down. Don't ignore me...come back...
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Bi-peds need to understand that we are a family. We must work
together. The days of slavery are long gone. No more commands.
My union card says I have to do certain functions like protect the
land
and that is about it. I don't tell father to sit or stay and he
should not
tell me to do so. Hrumpt!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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