Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Dianne sent me a video that was really disturbing on Copier
Security. Didn't know that all copiers have a hard drive which
stores every document copied on it. Having worked in a small
company, the copier and the coffee pot were the most used
machines in the shop. They kept records of paychecks, injuries,
medical claims and even copies of your license, birth certificate,
and social security card when you applied for a job. All of this
info
goes with the copier after it comes off lease. The video's URL
is in LynnLynn today and you may want to read it.
The Slide Rule Chips Joke that was in Tuesday's chips was written
by Stan Kegel who in addition to being a published author sends
out all kinds of jokes, riddles, and quotes in addition to his first
love, the pun, every day. Thanks for sharing Stan.
Enjoy the chips and have a great day... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOP 13 SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG MAGICIAN
13 Saws a gummie bear in half, then puts it back together.
12 Insists that his magic won't work if he puts his clothes back on.
11 "The Amazing Kevorkian" is scaring the hell out of Grandma.
10 Makes a bird appear for the kids by simply raising his middle
finger.
9 Replaces pulling a rabbit out of his hat with the slightly racier
pulling the "big snake" out of his pants.
8 She closes her eyes, then claims to be invisible.
7 His first and only trick: The Amazing Disappearing Bottle of
Jagermeister.
6 During one trick, screams, "Pick a freakin' card already or I
swear
I'll blow the little birthday boy's head off!"
5 Begins by saying his first trick "relies on the magic of sweet,
sweet
love."
4 His biggest trick? Converting a sixer of Coors into "liquid gold"
--
eventually.
3 Smoke emanating from more than just the fingertips of The
Magnificent
Flatulo.
2 Before every trick, tells hostess, "For this one I'm going to need
to
borrow your bra."
1 Her "magic words" after sawing a volunteer in half?
"Ohshitohshitohshit
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
don't be afraid
http://www.thepostm
don't worry
http://www.thepostm
husbund revenge
http://www.thepostm
Make 7 Up Yours
http://sydesjokes.
Making Of T-Mobile Dance
http://sydesjokes.
Male Cheerleader
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hooter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slogans for Hooters Air
Where Flight Attendants Double as
Flotation Devices
When You Fly Hooters, You Fly the
Very Breast!
Low Fares, Convenient Scheduling and
Humongous Fake Breasts
(Not Necessarily in That Order)
38-24-747!
We Put the T&A in "Trans-Atlantic"
Where Every Seat Is a Cockpit
Scenic Mountain Views on Every Flight!
We Love to Fly in Chilly Cabins
and It Shows!
Full Upright Position? Count on It!
We Defy Gravity Every Day!
No, They're Not Natural...
but Neither Is Flying
Pray for Turbulence
Boeing! Boeing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fruit and Vegetable Emulsifier
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and
then
goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong
change!"
Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make
corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now.
That's the policy of this bank !"
Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me
twenty dollars too much. Bye. "
I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was
approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants
came
on
the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the
plane's restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to
apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she
finished
cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."
Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed
himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses,
offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the
like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his
crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should
be living in a whore house!"
Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be
cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to
pay for it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bible Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is brilliant! We need more Prof's with a sense of humor like
this one.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following
response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident,
which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End
of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem
is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can
help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian :)
Eandy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
a local university. The topic last week was mammals,
and she was preparing a Power Point slide show with
images of various animals to illustrate the huge
diversity of the mammals.
Of course the obvious place to look for images is on
the Internet, and she had great success with searches
for "armadillo photos" and "whale photos" and "monkey
photos."
Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
"beaver photos."
A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental
prostitute and asks? "Is it true Asian women have vaginas that run
sideways?"
"Why?" she asks, "Are you a harmonica player?"
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/One Of A Kind
http://silverandgol
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
http://summerhoosie
IN HIS HANDS
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Story Of LuLu
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Ten Life Tips
http://www.shangral
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Surfin Surfari
DANDELION RECIPES Via Wesley
http://www.prodigal
CENTIPEDE
http://www.triplets
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Hewlett-Packard buys Palm Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Copy Machines A Sedurity Risk Via Dianne
http://www.cbsnews.
Computer Drivers
http://www.computer
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Move Over Lassie!
http://video.
Kitty Korner
We've All Been There!
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Movie Links
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
http://www.buffalos
Finish Jackie
http://www.buffalos
Flirting Garbage men
http://www.buffalos
Football Season
http://www.buffalos
Geenautomeernodig
http://www.buffalos
Mouse Wont Work
http://www.buffalos
Movie TV Bed
http://www.buffalos
M Rip It Up
http://www.buffalos
The Flies In Florida Are Tough
http://www.buffalos
Dunk Shot
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woody Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Places Not To Get A " Woody"
10. With your wife, visiting her sister.
9. Golfing with the guys
8. With your wife, and accidently run into your ex-girlfriend.
7. Showering with the guys after a basketball game.
6. Visiting a friend in the slammer
5. While being pulled over for a traffic citation
4. Shaking hands with your pastor/priest after church
3. In front of your childs 3rd grade class, looking at the teacher,
for
show and tell
2. Standing on the subway with a bunch of nuns watching you.
and the number one time never to get a woody is:
1. Your best friend on a guys night out, asks you, ;Hey what do you
want
to do tonight?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
bite my ass
http://www.buffalos
bite the stick
http://www.buffalos
bitter
http://www.buffalos
bj
http://www.buffalos
bj 2
http://www.buffalos
bj point
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Learn More
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn't be seen.
____________
There was a young lady named Melanie,
Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
She replied, "No, siree.
I give it for free.
To sell it, dear sir, is a felony.
____________
I wooed a buxom young nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! She was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude --
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A banker married an attractive widow with two beautiful teenage
daughters. After several weeks, gossip established that the banker
was making it out well with his step-daughters. One day, a friend
cornered him and said, "Clyde, I don't mean to pry, but people are
saying you pay more attention to your step-daughters than your
wife." The banker replied, "Of course I do, why should I touch my
principle when I'm doing so well with my interest."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1776
Val Finds Her Voice
About two weeks after being with her new family... early in the
morning,
Diana hears... bark bark bark.
Diana: Oh no, Val has learned to speak.
Later that day,
Rudy: Val, we are glad you have learned to speak, but you have to
slow
it down.
Val: There is so much to talk about. I have so much to say, I did
not
have to words until today and I just have to get it off my chest.
Rudy: Go talk to Kate, she is a chatterbox to.
Later,,,
BJ: Diana, Katie and Val are driving me crazy, they are talking so
much.
Diana: They will get tired soon.
That night, Rudy, Sandi, Diana, and BJ are sitting in the living
room with
their headseats on while Katie and Val continue to chat.
To be continued.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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