Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
You have probably seen this floating all over the net
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...
This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began,
with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his
upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust..' He would have
continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was
listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill
little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
Eva at three years came up with "Butt Cheese" when she was asked
what she had been doing in the bathroom. I decided not to pursue
that any further but found out later she was referring to brushing
her
teeth. The only problem was she was using which ever brush she could
reach and who knows what else she brushed besides her teeth as
I think she was trying to teach oral hygiene and grooming to the
cat.
I hid my toothbrush at the top of the medicine cabinet. I wish her
English had stayed the same because Buffy taught her a few words
she shouldn't know.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Water Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RING!
Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...
"Is this the water department?"
Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...
"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the
water"
I'll try and help...
"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"
You're not really serious...
"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white
coating on them!"
Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...
"Not only that, they're getting warped!"
I see...
"They used to be soft, pink and round!"
I'm sure they were...
"Now they really look disgusting!"
I'm sure they do...
"So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"
I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with
your personal physician?
"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was
from the water!"
I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing
this?
"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that"
Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?
"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"
Now I understand..
"Are you going to buy me new ones?"
Why would we do that?
"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.
He's been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to
really suck..."
May I ask how old your baby is?
"He's six, going on seven"
Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old
for the bottle...
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"
I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?
"Since he was born"
Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in
the water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they
are hard and warped because of being boiled and bitten for six
years...
"So! You are refusing to pay!
Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggest
they might just be plain worn out.
"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"
There is really nothing more I can do for you...
"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"
Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you can
file an insurance claim...
"What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"
They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle or
not...
"Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to pay
more attention than you have?"
Just show them your nipples!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This old couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the
bed, but the old woman lies on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a
change."
~~
Secrets To Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a generous woman who makes a high
income.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have wild sex.
4. It is very, very important that these three women never meet!
``
The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their
new billboard. It showed a handsome-husband-
a large plate of steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant. A
pretty, buxom young waitress was standing over him, handing him a
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But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too
suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads: "He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man and a young woman are stuck in an elevator and the
building is on fire. The young woman asks: "Sir I am interested
what would you do if you thought you only had twenty minutes to
live?" "Well, I think I would screw anything that moved. Why what
would you do?" "Well, under the circumstances, I think I would
remain perfectly still."
~~
Dad, was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a
few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax"
~~
That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you
wore me I'd be cumming on you too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best of Ed Rendell, the governor of Pennsylvania.
On why he would never consider being a U.S. senator: "It's an
incredibly easy job. They don't do shit."
On his address to the Democratic National Convention in the 1980s:
"Thirty seconds into my speech, it dawned on me that I could have
been
reading the best parts of Lady Chatterley's Lover and it wouldn't
have
mattered. ... No one was listening."
On his job description as mayor: "A good portion of my job is spent
on
my knees, sucking people off to keep them happy."
On his refusal to deny a quote attributed to him in a Philadelphia
magazine in which he said that the publication "sucks the big wong":
"Anybody who knows me knows that it has the ring of truth, so I'm
cooked. If I had said, 'Your magazine eats shit,' I could have
denied it."
On caving in to people's demands as governor: "If I was a woman, I'd
be pregnant all the time."
To union leaders threatening a massive strike during a pivotal
contract negotiation: "I don't want to be a shit, and I don't want
to be anti-labor, but I can't grow hair, and I can't grow money."
After eight murders one weekend summer night, as he passed an
impoverished stretch of Philadelphia and concluded there was only
one
hope of reduced violence: "What we need in this town is on every
fucking weekend between now and September for it to rain."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Romantic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs That You're Not Romantic
You ask the waiter for a seat near the kitchen so it minimizes
the time it takes for your food to arrive.
She doesn't like the "I'm The Property of Jason" t-shirt you
got her for your anniversary.
You take your date out for dinner that consists of a coupon
for free nachos and half price on drinks.
Her candlelight dinners really irritate you 'cause it's so hard
to read the sports-page while eating.
You apologize with a dozen dandelions.
After a romantic dinner, you offer to do the dishes by letting
the dog lick the plates.
You consider pig Latin the "language of love".
Some say it with flowers, you say it with spark-plugs.
When your boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed, you
said, "Shhh!... talk to me during the commercial."
"I thought cubic zirconium looked prettier than real diamonds."
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Old Farm House
http://silverandgol
Rick w/ God, Jesus and Me
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Legend Of Pussy Willows
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Flying Without Wings
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Financial Stewardship
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Civil War Soldiers Monument, Battle Hill, Green-Wood Cemetery
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A Brief History of the Falls Via Wesley
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Dirty Car Art
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World's Largest Things
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Domain Info
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Windows Annoyances
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Fox-It PDF Reader
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Concert
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Hospital
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Plane Ride
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Romantic Dinner
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Amnesty Bills
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Beer Fridge
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Big Screen TV
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Bike Meets Post
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Billiards
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Black Diamond Cheese
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Book Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Mated With A Clown; 1884
2. Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995
3. The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619
4. My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971
5. Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950
6. The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982
7. Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil
Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903
8. Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment;
1887
9. 1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.
10. Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to
http://www.buffalos
In Heaven
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Raise
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Today's Winner
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Fuck The Farmers
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Death By Viagra
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a husky young Viking
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
Every time he got hot
He would scour the twat
Of some girl that might be to his liking.
____________
There once was a fellow named Ben,
Who was roused by the sheep in the pen,
Though he knew it's forbidden,
He was parasite-ridden,
For trying it every now and then.
____________
There once was a chick named Nicole
Who loved to ingest a stiff pole
It was always well-known
She'd stuff steel, wood or bone
Or maybe a tuba in that hole.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave sold strawberries off his truck out in the suburbs. He knocked
on the door of a house. "Wanna buy some strawberries?
"Come around the back," answered the pretty young blonde. Dave
walked
to the rear, rang the bell, and the woman opened the door.
To Dave's shock, she stood there stark naked. Not a stitch of
clothes
on. Dave started to cry.
"What's the matter?" asked the blonde.
"Today, my wife ran away with my best friend," explained Dave, "I
lost three thousand dollars on the stock market, and now you're
gonna
screw me out of my strawberries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1773
Days of Heaven
Sunday Rudy had a Heavenly experience.
After we were done I caught him on his cell phone with his cousin.
Rudy: Hey cuz, you will never guess what my ma and pa did for
Sandi, Katie, Val and me today? They took us to a place called a
dog park. Yeah that's right a dog park. It is a place where there
are more of us quadra-peds than bi-peds and we get to run with
no leashes. Yes, thats right no leashes. The cool thing is if we
poop, dad has to clean it up... (roaring with laughter). They have
water bowls everywhere..
took us to the far end where they have this awesome water area.
For real dude, we went swimming...All of us except for Val, she is
still fearful of new things. I met a lot of new friends there,
Sandi
got into a fist fight when someone got too close to dad she actually
drew blood. Katie had to be put on a leash because she snapped
at too many other dogs. She is just a big fraidy cat. When it
came
time to leave we left because we were tired and exhausted...
for Val. She would not leave. Mom had to go back and get here.
On the leash, Val just sat down and Mom had to drag here out of
the dog run.
It gets better..
On the way home, we were tired, wet. Dad stops a Braums and
gets us each a hamburger, oh my, what a great Daddy! No I am
tired and full and ready for my bed. He takes us home and puts us
in the dog run. He says we are all too wet to go in the house.
Thats okay we each have a dog house with a blanket.
Well gotta go cuz, I hope your day was as good as mine. Bye!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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