Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A little Navy Story from the archives.
Second day of boot camp, amidst shots and haircuts we were issued a
sea bag and the first issue of uniforms. Like the other services
you had a summer and winter dress uniform and various working
uniforms.
The only difference today from 35 years ago is the Navy started
issuing coveralls without you having to beg for them. The initial
issue was supposed to last you for the first six months till you
started receiving a monthly uniform allowance. This was great in
theory because no one knew yet where you would be stationed or what
the uniform of the day would be once you reached your destination.
To make you capable of standing watch in any weather you also
received a sweater, watch cap, gloves, peacoat, working jacket, and
a raincoat. In reality when you got to the ship, if you were in
California you didn't need the foul weather gear but you needed many
more working uniforms and underwear to get you through the two week
laundry cycle, plus a dress working uniform to wear for inspection.
You had a locker built into your bunk that if you were careful you
could get your working gear into and two laundry bags which could
hang on your bunk, one for whites and one for darks. In addition
the Navy gave you a small locker about the size of a garment bag to
store dress uniforms in where you generally stored your civilian
clothes in instead.
After you got everything put away that you needed you had a half a
bag full of things you couldn't use but there would be hell to pay
if you got rid of it because the Navy was into holding sea bag
inspections yearly and whenever you were transferred to make sure
you had everything for your job. If it was missing you bought a new
one and things like pea coats were expensive. For the convenience
of the division we had a sea bag void. A void is a compartment that
can be plumbed to hold water, fuel, or ballast and some are left
with just air inside for buoyancy. We gave ours a nice coat of
paint and when the ship was inport during the days the cover would
be removed so that people could get extra clothes out to wear or
store stuff they had bought.
The hatch cover was in the TV lounge in front of the TV and at night
they would put some of the screws back in the cover to prevent
someone falling inside when they were drunk We always had a half
dozen people whose day job was to be compartment cleaners. They
swept down the berthing compartment, scrubbed the floors and
bathroom and carried the trash out daily.
They tended to assign people that were not useful in other areas to
this job. If you were on light duty, lazy, or not qualified to do
anything else you would get a compartment cleaner job. Even worse
was being the person assigned to keeping them on task because they
tended to wander off somewhere to take a nap.
One Friday night I had duty and was sitting watching TV waiting to
go on watch.
I heard the cover rattle and move a little bit and a faint " Help "
. A few seconds later it happened again so we grabbed the tool for
taking the screws out and opened the cover. Out pops one of the
compartment cleaners who had been taking a nap and someone had
closed the cover without checking. It was a good thing the hadn't
fastened it tightly or he may have been down there for awhile as the
cover was an inch thick and unless you had a hammer no one would
have heard you beating on the cover. I suspect he never slept down
there again.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
Seabag Contents
<http://www.networks
thing will probably be moot shortly as the Navy is issuing its own
digital camo working uniform which will replace all of the working
uniforms. Reasoning is that a blue, black, and grey print will hide
stains better. As someone who did a lot of painting in the Navy I
can relate to that but I think they should have added a little terra
cotta and zinc chromate to the color scheme. They will get there
anyhow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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T-shirt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Services notification.
US Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-shirts) which applies to US
Navy and USMC Serving Personnel.
Subject: U.S. Navy Directive 16134
To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
Ref: ComMidEastFor Inst 16134//24 K
All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by
any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:
"Eat Pork Or Die" [both English and Arabic versions]
"Shrine Busters" [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery
shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]
"Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy" [Both English and Arabic versions]
"Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more." [Both English and
Arabic versions]
"72 Virgins Dating Service"
"The road to Paradise begins with me." [Mostly Arabic versions but
some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs]
"Guns don't kill people. I kill people". [Both Arabic and English
versions]
"Pork. The other white meat." [Arabic version]
"Infidel" [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]
The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges/Navy
Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.
The following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:
"Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800
Daily."
"Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?"
All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon
receipt.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
whats a matter?
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yes mother
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neighbor
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Joulu Pukki
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Joy Of Pepsi
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Juggling With A Twist
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
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Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work.
For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset
gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him
parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a
good husband and family man and didn't want to cheat on his wife.
However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get
her out of his mind. After spending many sleepless nights, he went
to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving
him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his
wife. "What should I do?" asked Jake. The psychiatrist said: "Take
Melrose Avenue."
A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.
Another three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
pleasing to the ear. The Italian says, "Seniori, consider the
phrase, 'I love you.' In Italian, it is: 'Ti amo'. What a lovely
sound!" The French guy says, "True, mes amis, but en French it is:
'Je t'adore'. An even more beautiful sound!" "Ja, zo... Vat ist
wrong mit: 'Ick leiber dik," asks the German?
"My hubby & I have, what he calls "Olympic sex." "Wow, must be a
terrific sex life." "Not really. It only happens once every 4
years."
An elderly Jewish lady is leaving the garment district to go home
from work. Suddenly a man who has been walking towards her, stands
in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes
her. Unruffled she takes a look and remarks, "This you call a
lining?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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iPad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the eve of the marketing campaign for his new invention, Apple
president Steve Jobs was discussing it with his top associate. Steve
was just finishing up a rundown of the iPad's features when he
noticed a look of concern on the associate's face.
"What's wrong?" Steve asked.
"It's the name, iPad," the associate hesitantly said.
"What about the name?" Steve asked.
"It... well," the associate stammered out, "It kind of sounds like a
feminine hygiene product."
"What?" Steve wailed, "You think it sounds like a feminine hygiene
product? That's ridiculous! It does not sound like a feminine
hygiene product! The name starts with an 'i'! It sounds like a
computer! Don't be stupid!"
"I'm sorry," said the associate, shrinking back a little.
"Oh, OK, don't worry about it," Steve said. "Now, listen.
Marketing," he continued. "I've come to the conclusion that the
price tag of my iPad is out of many people's price range, so I've
decided to offer a smaller version for a cheaper price."
"That's good," said the associate. "So you'll have two versions - a
smaller one and a larger one. What will they be called?"
Steve replied, "The smaller version will be called the Mini iPad and
the larger version will be called the Maxi iPad."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: Well, Tawanda, as I understand the charges, your man, Tyrone
came home drunk the other night and violated you. And you want him
put away for a while.
Tawanda: Not exactly, your Honor. He did as you say, but then he'd
done that many times before. This time, when he was done violating
me, he went and grabbed little Annie with the glasses and violated
her!
Judge: Oh, I see. I guess that would be the last straw!
Tawanda: Oh, no your Honor. He'd done that twice before, also. The
last straw was when he put little Annie's glasses on his violator
and said, "Look around big boy and see if you missed anybody!"
The doctor at the local health clinic was admonishing the redneck
patient. "Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, you are
not to have no relations whatsoever!"
Pausing for a moment, the young patient replied, "Okay, but what
about friends 'n neighbors?"
"I have good news and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"What do you want first?"
The patient thought and said, "the bad news."
The doctor said solemnly, "you have three weeks to live."
"Oh, shit!" exclaimed the patient, "then what the hell's the good
news?"
The doctor smiled. "See that pretty blond nurse over there with the
long legs and the big tits - In about an hour or so, I will be
fucking her brains out!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birds Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a PTA Meeting it was explained to the parents how the sex
education classes would proceed and what the overall content would
be. The Principal advised the parents to closely follow-up with
their
children, especially to see if they had any questions.
That night, one parent decided to put it into action. He called his
older son into the study and requested that he instruct his younger
brother about the "birds and the bees" talk he gave to his son two
years ago; thinking to spare himself the ordeal all over again.
The boy agreed and rushed off to talk with his younger brother.
"Hey Herman," he said, "want to know something?"
"What?" the younger lad asked.
"You know how a man and a woman get together when they want to have
kids?"
"Yeah?"
"Well.. Father wants me to tell you that birds and bees do the same
thing."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Symbol of Friendship
http://silverandgol
John w/ Do You Remember These
http://heavens-
I'll Never Fall
http://www.Shangral
Hero
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
TLC Cooking "Types of Vinegar" Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.
Hypoglycemia
http://en.wikipedia
Play Horror Movie Trivia
http://www.kwanzoo.
Learn Magic Tricks Via Wesley
http://www.blifaloo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Slashdot iPad Review
http://tinyurl.
PC Support
http://pcsupport.
Start Up CPL
http://www.mlin.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.flickr.
Kitty Korner
http://www.youtube.
Platypus Via Dianne
http://australian-
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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Movie Links
Fin Potato Whore
http://www.buffalos
Fire hose Rodeo
http://www.buffalos
Fly
http://www.buffalos
Football As It Should Be
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For Men
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Finalized MTG Minutes
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First Day At The Rifle Range
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First IT Consultant
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Fishing Boat
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Fitness
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Ads You, at the cafeteria dessert bar slipping a couple
creme caramels into your brassiere; me, at the buffet table,
nonchalantly tossing a few croutons in the air and catching them in
my mouth just to get your attention, followed by grapes, Swedish
meatballs, and a leg of lamb.
When I came to, you were gone. Call me. I think there was
something special there. Box 9867.
SWMSTOSOG - Single White Male Siamese Twins, One Straight One Gay -
desperately seeking SWFSTOSOWTUGR - Single White Female Siamese
Twins, One Straight One Willing To Undergo Gender Reallocation.
Straight one must be on my right, her left -- or willing to stand on
head. Must be Baptist. Box 3755.
SWMWH - Single White Male With Hump - also huge hairy warts,
mismatched legs, crab-like walk, oozing sores and speech
impimbimimnt, Republican, looking for SWS - Single White Supermodel
- must be staunch NRA supporter. Object -- just maybe parent future
president of U.S. of A.
Leave partics along with recent photo at foot of bell tower. No
freaks
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cold nose
http://www.buffalos
college
http://www.buffalos
combo
http://www.buffalos
come in
http://www.buffalos
come to bed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
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Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and slouch.
You can't take your women
Canoein' or swimmin',
But a lot can be done on a couch.
____________
Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess
It always delights me at Hank's
To walk up the old river banks.
One time in the grass
I stepped on an ass,
And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."
____________
There was a young idler named Blood,
Made a fortune performing at stud,
With a fifteen-inch peter,
A double-beat metre,
And a load like the Biblical Flood.
____________
There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
Ross
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman takes her 4 year old son in for his
yearly well child visit to The doctor. The doctor
asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?"
He tells her, "Yes my name is Timmy."
"And Timmy, do you know your mom's name?"
"Yes her name is Mommy," said Timmy.
"And what is Mommy's real name?"
And little Timmy says, "it's Tammy."
"That is great," the doctor told Timmy. Then the
doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"
Timmy said, "it is daddy."
Finally the doctor asked, "And what does mommy call him?"
Timmy looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1564
Memories -- Katie
BJ and Diana arrive home after going to a movie to see...
Diana: The trash...is scattered throughout the house. That dog
of yours is in deep trouble!!!
BJ: I will help you clean the mess up.
Diana: Ack! The trash downstairs has been gotten into also!
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Raising bi-peds is very difficult. When they fill their trash cans,
one
would think they would remove the trash and take the trash outside.
No, they leave the trash in the trash can. This makes no sense
whatsoever. So it falls upon me to teach them a lesson. A heavy
burden it is indeed. I must try to open the trash cans and pull out
these heavy leaden trash bags and disperse their contents just to
teach them a lesson. Oh, I gain nothing from this experience. It
pains me to do this.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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