Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The apartment complex I managed had four buildings and covered about
half of a block with two buildings on Nimitz, one on Evergreen and
the one I lived in on Macaulay St. in a J shape with the laundry
room and parking areas in the center. We had just gotten back from
a birthday party for Buffy and one of her friends who's birthday was
close to Buffy's and lived in the Evergreen building. We had went
to Ferrell's Ice cream Parlor with the clowns and ice cream trough
and most of the kids had been picked up. It was Feb. and right
around dusk and I took an empty trash can and put four balloons
filled with oxy-acetylene in it and set it out in the middle of the
parking lot. It took three tosses to hit the can with a cigarette
and then KA-Boom. The whole complex lit up and you actually
expected to see a mushroom cloud with that big of a bang.
Everybody was laughing and I started to walk over to the porch where
everyone was sitting when four police officers walked out from
behind the laundry room and they weren't very happy looking. They
didn't have a clue who was responsible till Buffy said, " My daddy
made a big boom." and then I was up against a wall being read the
riot act.
An attempt to interject a little humor into the situation didn't
help much and I think if they had been able to decide what I was
guilty of they would have hauled me away right then. After telling
me they were going to be watching me very closely and if they caught
me making any more noise they were going to make me into a poster
child for police brutality they left and got back to what they had
been there for in the first place.
One of the tenants who lived in the Nimitz building had a son who
was schizophrenic and he liked to go off his meds and stand in the
middle of Nimitz Blvd and make cars swerve. There was six officers
and three cars out front attempting to arrest him when the balloons
went off.
That was the fastest police response I have ever seen.
A word of advice. Since 9-11 people have become a lot less tolerant
towards things that go boom in the night. If you tried the same
thing today you might find yourself at Gitmo being water boarded or
just shot.
Also if you try this trick inside a building you may knock the
windows and your eardrums out. This is much louder than throwing an
M-80 in a dormitory hallway, but that is a different story.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Tax Chips
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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that
her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not
sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy
it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said
that it didn't. The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there is no
reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that is what you
like, as long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was
mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The
doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think I. R.S. agents come
from?"
A guy walks into a bar and says, "All I. R.S. agents are assholes!"
A big, tall, burly man who was sitting at the bar, gets up and says,
"I took offense to what you just said." "Why?" the first guy says.
"Are you an I. R.S. agent?" "No," replies the tall guy, "I am an
asshole."
A young hotshot gets a job with the I. R.S. His first assignment is
to audit an old rabbi. He thinks he'll have a little fun with the
old rabbi, so he says, "Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings
from the candles?" The rabbi says, "We send them to the candle
factory, and every once in a while they send us a free candle." The
kid says, "And what do you do with the crumbs from your table?" The
rabbi says, "We send them to the matzoh ball factory, and every once
in a while they send us a free box of matzoh balls." The kid says,
"And what do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?
rabbi says, "We send them to the I. R.S., and every once in a while
they send us a little prick like you."
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly
started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised,
the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what are you doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see
that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just
can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever
heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the I. R.S. Do you see me
screwing the guy in front of me?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Bathroom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is driving along the interstate out of Maine. He's got two
hours to get to an important business conference in New Hampshire.
All of a sudden, he's really hungry. He pulls over to the nearest
fast food joint he sees. He orders a huge meal from the
drive-through, and continues on his way. After a little while,
nature calls. The man, not wanting to "go" in the forest, looks
around desperately for a building with a bathroom. He's really got
to take a crap. Suddenly, he sees this small, run-down old church.
He thinks "Great, they'll have a bathroom."
He pulls over, and runs into the lobby. It's deserted, and he can't
see a bathroom anywhere. He runs into the sanctuary. He sees a
praying woman.
"Where's the bathroom?" He asks.
"Shh! Down the hall, third right." So the man runs down the hall. In
his pain, however, he takes the third left, instead. He rips the
door open. It's a hole in the wall! He thinks, Oh well, it's better
than nothing.
In the basement below, a preacher is praying at his private alter.
"What will god give us today?" The preacher holds up his hand,
reaching up to heaven through his heaven-hole in the wall.
PLOP!!
"Oh. Well, if that's how he's feeling today, well, so be it. What
will god say to us today?" He stretches his ear up to heaven.
"Damn it, where's the toilet paper?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quote Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts for the day <suggestive>
1. "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy"- Tom Clancy
2. "You know that 'look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."
- Steve Martin
3. "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless
experiences go, it's pretty damned good." - Drew Carey
4. "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen
5. "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." -
Rodney Dangerfield
6. "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night."- Woody Allen
7. "I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." -
George Burns
8. "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting
married." - Matt Barry
9. "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." -
George Burns
10. "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other
eight are unimportant.
11. "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362
admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't
love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavner
12. "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the
Mercedes-Benz 300SL convertible.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gay Man's Motto:
"My body is a temple ... With ample parking in the rear."
Q:What did the angry toilet say to the other toilet?
A:I'm pissed!
Q:What did the tired toilet say back?
A:Well, i'm pooped!
Q. Why is sex with your wife like eating at McDonald's?
A. It's always the same thing and afterwards, you swear you'll never
do it again.
Q. How long does it take to fill the red sea?
A. A very long period.
Definition Of The Perfect Husband:
A guy who makes his wife's panties wet...
He does the laundry every week.
Q. What do you call female Viagra?
A. Jewelry
If I were a dairy cow, I don't know
which I'd prefer -- the leisurely life
of nonstop grazing or the daily sessions
with a machine massaging my TiTs.
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in."
Be sure your words are short and sweet.
You never know which you will have to eat.
I am involved in a big dispute with the IRS. I say my car should be
100% deductible, the IRS says 50%. I use the front seat for business
and the back seat for entertainment.
Don't let your affection give you an infection.
Put some protection on that erection.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
What's the definition of a computer nerd?
A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, but doesn't know any girls.
Re-create the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own
home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of
bleach, and then urinating into it, before jumping in.
You can pick your friends and
you can pick your nose . . .
But you can't wipe your
friends on the couch.
A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location
in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed
through a guardrail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over,
and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the only man in America whose
bologna really did have a first name? <ROFLMAO>
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Wedding Chips
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A buddy called me and told me that his daughter is getting married.
I asked him to whom and he said, "I dunno. He's some kinda doctor."
"That's all you know that your daughter's getting married to 'some
kinda doctor'?" "Yeah, what?" he said wondering if he should know
more. "Well personally I'd want to know what kind of quack my
daughter was marrying," I said. "I mean, what if he's a
gynecologist? Those guys are freaky. Can you imagine what kind of
guy you'd have to be to spend your days sitting on a short kiddy
stool between chick's legs, staring at their clams...?" "Hey man!"
he shouted. "Shut the hell up. That's my daughter you're talking
about!" "Relax. I wasn't talking about your daughter. All women
spread them and say 'aahh'. Even your wife." "Hey man!" "Relax,
buddy. Look on the bright side, he's probably checked her out, and
you can bet he wouldn't marry her unless she had a good one...I mean
she was healthy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Turn To Jesus
http://silverandgol
~~All About Sarah~~
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From A Dream And A Smile/Too Precious
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F-16 F-22 F-35
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morning.....
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Blind Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer
team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the
kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a
nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining
to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.
"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep
track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it.
They're pretty good at it too."
"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.
Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out
the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids
from the bus?"
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being
refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window,
"but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell
out of my best milk cow!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Almost done
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Almost there
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
while he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.
He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,
He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.
Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.
His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.
One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of shit.
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
There was a young lady whose joys
Were achieved with incomparable poise.
She could have an orgasm
With never a spasm---
She could fart without making a noise.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young virgin marries a Greek man and before the wedding her father
tells her that, being Greek, her husband may ask her to turn the
other way in bed one day, but that she doesn't have to do it if she
doesn't want to. Sure enough, after a couple of months, her husband
asks her to turn over and she says
"No, my father said I don't have to do this."
Her husband says "OK, that's fine by me, but I thought you wanted
children."
A group of bats is hanging around, upside down, as usual, mostly
sleeping. Suddenly one notices that Charlie is on the floor,
standing upright and looking around.
"Hey, Charlie," he calls out. "What are you doing down there?"
Charlie looks up and says, "Yoga!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1574
89'er Day and the Float
BJ arrives home and goes into the house.
BJ: What is with the hammering outside?
Diana: I think the dogs are making something.
BJ: I wonder what it is?
Diana: Sandi asked if they could borrow the trailer for a while.
BJ: Let's go see what is going on.
Diana: Okay..
Outside...Rudy is hammering, Sandi is sawing and Katie is directing.
BJ: What are you guys doing?
Sandi takes of her hardhat: We are working on a float for the 89'er
day
Daddy.
Rudy: Yeah, we want to win the 1,000 first place prize.
Katie: Tut tut back to work, we have much to do here.
Diana: What is the theme?
Katie: Sorry Ma'am, it is a secret.
To be continued
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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